Pamela; or, Virtue Rewarded

Samuel Richardson

Edited by Jack Lynch

This text — cobbled together from a few public-domain E-texts scattered around the Web — isn’t a critical edition, but it should do the trick for teaching purposes. The notes are my own.


Pamela;
or, Virtue Rewarded

In a series of familiar letters from a Beautiful Young damsel, To her parents. Now first Published In order to cultivate the Principles of virtue and religion in the Minds of the youth of both sexes.

A Narrative which has its Foundation in Truth and Nature; and at the same time that it agreeably entertains, by a Variety of curious and affecting incidents, is intirely divested of all those Images, which, in too many Pieces calculated for Amusement only, tend to inflame the Minds they should instruct.

In Two volumes.

The third edition. To which are prefixed, extracts from several curious letters written to the Editor on the Subject.

VOL. I.

LONDON: Printed for C. RIVINGTON, in St. Paul’s Church-Yard; and J. OSBORN, in Pater-noster Row.

M DCC XLI.


Preface by the Editor

If to Divert and Entertain, and at the same time to Instruct, and Improve the Minds of the YOUTH of both Sexes:

divert = amuse
Literature should “instruct and delight” (Horace)

If to inculcate Religion and Morality in so easy and agreeable a manner, as shall render them equally delightful and profitable to the younger Class of Readers, as well as worthy of the Attention of Persons of maturer Years and Understandings:

If to set forth in the most exemplary Lights, the Parental, the Filial, and the Social Duties, and that from low to high Life:

filial = related to being a son or daughter

If to paint VICE in its proper Colours, to make it deservedly Odious; and to set VIRTUE in its own amiable Light, to make it truly Lovely:

odious = hateful, offensive

If to draw Characters justly, and to support them equally:

If to raise a Distress from natural Causes, and to excite Compassion from proper Motives:

If to teach the Man of Fortune how to use it; the Man of Passion how to subdue it; and the Man of Intrigue, how, gracefully, and with Honour to himself, to reclaim:

If to give practical Examples, worthy to be followed in the most critical and affecting Cases, by the modest Virgin, the chaste Bride, and the obliging Wife:

If to effect all these good Ends, in so probable, so natural, so lively a manner, as shall engage the Passions of every sensible Reader, and strongly interest them in the edifying Story:

And all without raising a single Idea throughout the Whole, that shall shock the exactest Purity, even in those tender Instances where the exactest Purity would be most apprehensive:

apprehensive = anxious

If these, (embellished with a great Variety of entertaining Incidents) be laudable or worthy Recommendations of any Work, the Editor of the following Letters, which have their Foundation in Truth and Nature, ventures to assert, that all these desirable Ends are obtained in these Sheets: And as he is therefore confident of the favourable Reception which he boldly bespeaks for this little Work; he thinks any further Preface or Apology for it, unnecessary: And the rather for two Reasons, 1st. Because he can Appeal from his own Passions, (which have been uncommonly moved in perusing these engaging Scenes) to the Passions of Every one who shall read them with the least Attention: And, in the next place, because an Editor may reasonably be supposed to judge with an Impartiality which is rarely to be met with in an Author towards his own Works.

Richardson, actually the author, pretends to be the “editor”
sheets = pages
apology = justification

The Editor.

To the Editor of the Piece intitled,
Pamela; or, Virtue Rewarded

Dear Sir,

I have had inexpressible Pleasure in the Perusal of your Pamela. It intirely answers the Character you give of it in your Preface; nor have you said one Word too much in Commendation of a Piece that has Advantages and Excellencies peculiar to itself. For, besides the beautiful Simplicity of the Style, and a happy Propriety and Clearness of Expression (the Letters being written under the immediate Impression of every Circumstance which occasioned them, and that to those who had a Right to know the fair Writer’s most secret Thoughts) the several Passions of the Mind must, of course, be more affectingly described, and Nature may be traced in her undisguised Inclinations with much more Propriety and Exactness, than can possibly be found in a Detail of Actions long past, which are never recollected with the same Affections, Hopes, and Dreads, with which they were felt when they occurred.

answers = corresponds to

This little Book will infallibly be looked upon as the hitherto much-wanted Standard or Pattern for this Kind of Writing. For it abounds with lively Images and Pictures; with Incidents natural, surprising, and perfectly adapted to the Story; with Circumstances interesting to Persons in common Life, as well as to those in exalted Stations. The greatest Regard is every where paid in it to Decency, and to every Duty of Life: There is a constant Fitness of the Style to the Persons and Characters described; Pleasure and Instruction here always go hand in hand: Vice and Virtue are set in constant Opposition, and Religion every-where inculcated in its native Beauty and chearful Amiableness; not dressed up in stiff, melancholy, or gloomy Forms, on one hand, nor yet, on the other, debased below its due Dignity and noble Requisites, in Compliment to a too fashionable but depraved Taste. And this I will boldly say, that if its numerous Beauties are added to its excellent Tendency, it will be found worthy a Place, not only in all Families (especially such as have in them young Persons of either Sex) but in the Collections of the most curious and polite Readers. For, as it borrows none of its Excellencies from the romantic Flights of unnatural Fancy, its being founded in Truth and Nature, and built upon Experience, will be a lasting Recommendation to the Discerning and Judicious; while the agreeable Variety of Occurrences and Characters, in which it abounds, will not fail to engage the Attention of the gay and more sprightly Readers.

hitherto = before
exalted stations = upper classes

The moral Reflections and Uses to be drawn from the several Parts of this admirable History, are so happily deduced from a Croud of different Events and Characters, in the Conclusion of the Work, that I shall say the less on that Head. But I think, the Hints you have given me, should also prefatorily be given to the Publick; viz. That it will appear from several Things mentioned in the Letters, that the Story must have happened within these Thirty Years past: That you have been obliged to vary some of the Names of Persons, Places, &c. and to disguise a few of the Circumstances, in order to avoid giving Offence to some Persons, who would not chuse to be pointed out too plainly in it; tho’ they would be glad it may do the Good so laudably intended by the Publication. And as you have in Confidence submitted to my Opinion some of those Variations, I am much pleased that you have so managed the Matter, as to make no Alteration in the Facts; and, at the same time, have avoided the digressive Prolixity too frequently used on such Occasions.

viz. = namely
&c. = et cetera
prolixity = wordiness

Little Book, charming Pamela! face the World, and never doubt of finding Friends and Admirers, not only in thine own Country, but far from Home; where thou mayst give an Example of Purity to the Writers of a neighbouring Nation; which now shall have an Opportunity to receive English Bullion in Exchange for its own Dross, which has so long passed current among us in Pieces abounding with all the Levities of its volatile Inhabitants. The reigning Depravity of the Times has yet left Virtue many Votaries. Of their Protection you need not despair. May every head-strong Libertine whose Hands you reach, be reclaimed; and every tempted Virgin who reads you, imitate the Virtue, and meet the Reward of the high-meriting, tho’ low-descended, Pamela. I am, Sir,

Your most Obedient, and Faithful Servant, J. B. D. F.

dross = impurities left after melting ore
passed current = circulated like money
low-descended = not nobly born

To my worthy Friend, the Editor of Pamela

Sir,

I return the Manuscript of Pamela by the Bearer, which I have read with a great deal of Pleasure. It is written with that Spirit of Truth and agreeable Simplicity, which, tho’ much wanted, is seldom found in those Pieces which are calculated for the Entertainment and Instruction of the Publick. It carries Conviction in every Part of it; and the Incidents are so natural and interesting, that I have gone hand-in-hand, and sympathiz’d with the pretty Heroine in all her Sufferings, and been extremely anxious for her Safety, under the Apprehensions of the bad Consequences which I expected, every Page, would ensue from the laudable Resistance she made. I have interested myself in all her Schemes of Escape; been alternately pleas’d and angry with her in her Restraint; pleas’d with the little Machinations and Contrivances she set on foot for her Release, and angry for suffering her Fears to defeat them; always lamenting, with a most sensible Concern, the Miscarriages of her Hopes and Projects. In short, the whole is so affecting, that there is no reading it without uncommon Concern and Emotion. Thus far only as to the Entertainment it gives.

apprehensions = fears
contrivances = plots
suffering = allowing

As to Instruction and Morality, the Piece is full of both. It shews Virtue in the strongest Light, and renders the Practice of it amiable and lovely. The beautiful Sufferer keeps it ever in her View, without the least Ostentation, or Pride; she has it so strongly implanted in her, that thro’ the whole Course of her Sufferings, she does not so much as hesitate once, whether she shall sacrifice it to Liberty and Ambition, or not; but, as if there were no other way to free and save herself, carries on a determin’d Purpose to persevere in her Innocence, and wade with it throughout all Difficulties and Temptations, or perish under them. It is an astonishing Matter, and well worth our most serious Consideration, that a young beautiful Girl, in the low Scene of Life and Circumstance in which Fortune placed her, without the Advantage of a Friend capable to relieve and protect her, or any other Education than what occurr’d to her from her own Observation and little Reading, in the Course of her Attendance on her excellent Mistress and Benefactress, could, after having a Taste of Ease and Plenty in a higher Sphere of Life than what she was born and first brought up in, resolve to return to her primitive Poverty, rather than give up her Innocence, I say, it is surprising, that a young Person, so circumstanced, could, in Contempt of proffer’d Grandeur on the one side, and in Defiance of Penury on the other, so happily and prudently conduct herself thro’ such a Series of Perplexities and Troubles, and withstand the alluring Baits, and almost irresistible Offers of a fine Gentleman, so universally admired and esteemed, for the Agreeableness of his Person and good Qualities, among all his Acquaintance; defeat all his Measures with so much Address, and oblige him, at last, to give over his vain Pursuit, and sacrifice his Pride and Ambition to Virtue, and become the Protector of that Innocence which he so long and so indefatigably labour’d to supplant: And all this without ever having entertain’d the least previous Design or Thought for that Purpose: No Art used to inflame him, no Coquetry practised to tempt or intice him, and no Prudery or Affectation to tamper with his Passions; but, on the contrary, artless and unpractised in the Wiles of the World, all her Endeavours, and even all her Wishes, tended only to render herself as un-amiable as she could in his Eyes: Tho’ at the same time she is so far from having any Aversion to his Person, that she seems rather prepossess’d in his Favour, and admires his Excellencies, whilst she condemns his Passion for her. A glorious Instance of Self-denial! Thus her very Repulses became Attractions: The more she resisted, the more she charm’d; and the very Means she used to guard her Virtue, the more endanger’d it, by inflaming his Passions: Till, at last, by Perseverance, and a brave and resolute Defence, the Besieged not only obtain’d a glorious Victory over the Besieger, but took him Prisoner too.

shews = shows
design = plan
artless = sincere

I am charmed with the beautiful Reflections she makes in the Course of her Distresses; her Soliloquies and little Reasonings with herself, are exceeding pretty and entertaining: She pours out all her Soul in them before her Parents without Disguise; so that one may judge of, nay, almost see, the inmost Recesses of her Mind. A pure clear Fountain of Truth and Innocence; a Magazine of Virtue and unblemish’d Thoughts!

I can’t conceive why you should hesitate a Moment as to the Publication of this very natural and uncommon Piece. I could wish to see it out in its own native Simplicity, which will affect and please the Reader beyond all the Strokes of Oratory in the World; for those will but spoil it: and, should you permit such a murdering Hand to be laid upon it, to gloss and tinge it over with superfluous and needless Decorations, which, like too much Drapery in Sculpture and Statuary, will but encumber it; it may disguise the Facts, mar the Reflections, and unnaturalize the Incidents, so as to be lost in a Multiplicity of fine idle Words and Phrases, and reduce our Sterling Substance into an empty Shadow, or rather frenchify our English Solidity into Froth and Whip-syllabub. No; let us have Pamela as Pamela wrote it; in her own Words, without Amputation, or Addition. Produce her to us in her neat Country Apparel, such as she appear’d in, on her intended Departure to her Parents; for such best becomes her Innocence, and beautiful Simplicity. Such a Dress will best edify and entertain. The flowing Robes of Oratory may indeed amuse and amaze, but will never strike the Mind with solid Attention.

syllabub = a frothy, whipped drink

In short, Sir, a Piece of this Kind is much wanted in the World, which is but too much, as well as too early, debauched by pernicious Novels. I know nothing Entertaining of that Kind that one might venture to recommend to the Perusal (much less the Imitation) of the Youth of either Sex: All that I have hitherto read, tends only to corrupt their Principles, mislead their Judgments, and initiate them into Gallantry, and loose Pleasures.

hitherto = before
gallantry = romantic intrigue

Publish then, this good, this edifying and instructive little Piece for their sakes. The Honour of Pamela’s Sex demands Pamela at your Hands, to shew the World an Heroine, almost beyond Example, in an unusual Scene of Life, whom no Temptations, or Sufferings, could subdue. It is a fine, and glorious Original, for the Fair to copy out and imitate. Our own Sex, too, require it of you, to free us, in some measure, from the Imputation of being incapable of the Impressions of Virtue and Honour; and to shew the Ladies, that we are not inflexible while they are so.

shew = show

In short, the Cause of Virtue calls for the Publication of such a Piece as this. Oblige then, Sir, the concurrent Voices of both Sexes, and give us Pamela for the Benefit of Mankind: And as I believe its Excellencies cannot be long unknown to the World, and that there will not be a Family without it; so I make no Doubt but every Family that has it, will be much improv’d and better’d by it. ’Twill form the tender Minds of Youth for the Reception and Practice of Virtue and Honour; confirm and establish those of maturer Years on good and steady Principles; reclaim the Vicious, and mend the Age in general; insomuch that as I doubt not Pamela will become the bright Example and Imitation of all the fashionable young Ladies of Great Britain; so the truly generous Benefactor and Rewarder of her exemplary Virtue, will be no less admired and imitated among the Beau Monde of our own Sex. I am

Your affectionate Friend, &c.

Introduction to the Second Edition

The kind Reception which this Piece has met with from the Publick, (a large Impression having been carried off in less than Three Months) deserves not only Acknowledgment, but that some Notice should be taken of the Objections that have hitherto come to hand against a few Passages in it, that so the Work may be rendered as unexceptionable as possible, and, of consequence, the fitter to answer the general Design of it; which is to promote Virtue, and cultivate the Minds of the Youth of both Sexes.

hitherto = before

But Difficulties having arisen from the different Opinions of Gentlemen, some of whom applauded the very Things that others found Fault with, it was thought proper to submit the Whole to the Judgment of a Gentleman of the most distinguish’d Taste and Abilities; the Result of which will be seen in the subsequent Pages.

We begin with the following Letter, at the Desire of several Gentlemen, to whom, on a very particular Occasion, it was communicated, and who wish’d to see it prefixed to the New Edition, It was directed,

To the Editor of Pamela

Dear Sir,

You have agreeably deceiv’d me into a Surprize, which it will be as hard to express, as the Beauties of Pamela. Though I open’d this powerful little Piece with more Expectation than from common Designs, of like Promise, because it came from your Hands, for my Daughters, yet, who could have dreamt, he should find, under the modest Disguise of a Novel, all the Soul of Religion, Good-breeding, Discretion, Good-nature, Wit, Fancy, Fine Thought, and Morality? — I have done nothing but read it to others, and hear others again read it, to me, ever since it came into my Hands; and I find I am likely to do nothing else, for I know not how long yet to come: because, if I lay the Book down, it comes after me. — When it has dwelt all Day long upon the Ear, It takes Possession, all Night, of the Fancy. — It has Witchcraft in every Page of it: but it is the Witchcraft of Passion and Meaning. Who is there that will not despise the false, empty Pomp of the Poets, when he observes in this little, unpretending, mild Triumph of Nature, the whole Force of Invention and Genius, creating new Powers of Emotion, and transplanting Ideas of Pleasure into that unweeded low Garden the Heart, from the dry and sharp Summit of Reason?

Yet, I confess, there is One, in the World, of whom I think with still greater Respect, than of Pamela: and That is, of the wonderful Author of Pamela. — Pray, Who is he, Dear Sir? and where, and how, has he been able to hide, hitherto, such an encircling and all-mastering Spirit? He possesses every Quality that Art could have charm’d by: yet, has lent it to, and conceal’d it in. Nature. — The Comprehensiveness of his Imagination must be truly prodigious! — It has stretch’d out this diminutive mere Grain of Mustard-seed, (a poor Girl’s little, innocent, Story) into a Resemblance of That Heaven, which the Best of Good Books has compar’d it to. — All. the Passions are His, in their most close and abstracted Recesses: and by selecting the most delicate, and yet, at the same time, most powerful, of their Springs, thereby to act, wind, and manage, the Heart, He moves us, every where, with the Force of a Tragedy.

hitherto = before

What is there, throughout the Whole, that I do not sincerely admire! — I admire, in it, the strong distinguish’d Variety, and picturesque glowing Likeness to Life, of the Characters. I know, hear, see, and live among ’em All: and, if I cou’d paint, cou’d return you their Faces. I admire, in it, the noble Simplicity, Force, Aptness, and Truth, of so many modest, oeconomical, moral, prudential, religious, satirical, and cautionary, Lessons; which are introduc’d with such seasonable Dexterity, and with so polish’d and exquisite a Delicacy, of Expression and Sentiment, that I am only apprehensive, for the Interests of Virtue, lest some of the finest, and most touching, of those elegant Strokes of Good-breeding, Generosity, and Reflection, shou’d be lost, under the too gross Discernment of an unfeeling Majority of Readers; for whose Coarseness, however, they were kindly design’d, as the most useful and charitable Correctives.

apprehensive = anxious

One of the best-judg’d Peculiars, of the Plan, is, that These Instructions being convey’d, as in a Kind of Dramatical Representation, by those beautiful Scenes, Her own Letters and Journals, who acts the most moving and suffering Part, we feel the Force in a threefold Effect, — from the Motive, the Act, and the Consequence.

But what, above All, I am charm’d with, is the amiable Good-nature of the Author, who, I am convinc’d, has one of the best, and most generous Hearts, of Mankind: because, mis-measuring other Minds, by His Own, he can draw Every thing, to Perfection, but Wickedness. — I became inextricably in Love with this delightful Defect of his Malice; — for, I found it owing to an Excess in his Honesty. Only observe, Sir, with what virtuous Reluctance he complies with the Demands of his Story, when he stands in need of some blameable Characters. Tho’ his Judgment compels him to mark ’em with disagreeable Colourings, so that they make an odious Appearance at first, He can’t forbear, by an unexpected and gradual Decline from Themselves, to soften and transmute all the Horror conceiv’d for their Baseness, till we are arriv’d, through insensible Stages, at an Inclination to forgive it intirely.

forbear = resist
odious = hateful

I must venture to add, without mincing the matter, what I really believe, of this Book. — It will live on, through Posterity, with such unbounded Extent of Good Consequences, that Twenty Ages to come may be the Better and Wiser, for its Influence. It will steal first, imperceptibly, into the Hearts of the Young and the Tender: where It will afterwards guide and moderate their Reflections and Resolves, when grown Older. And, so, a gradual moral Sunshine, of un-austere and compassionate Virtue, shall break out upon the World, from this trifle (for such, I dare answer for the Author, His Modesty misguides him to think it). — No Applause therefore can be too high, for such Merit. And, let me abominate the contemptible Reserves of mean-spirited Men, who while they but hesitate their Esteem, with Restraint, can be fluent and uncheck’d in their Envy. — In an Age so deficient in Goodness, Every such Virtue, as That of this Author, is a salutary Angel, in Sodom. And One who cou’d stoop to conceal, a Delight he receives from the Worthy, wou’d be equally capable of submitting to an Approbation of the Praise of the Wicked.

mincing = minimizing

I was thinking, just now, as I return’d from a Walk in the Snow, on that Old Roman Policy, of Exemptions in Favour of Men, who had given a few, bodily, Children to the Republick. — What superior Distinction ought our Country to find (but that Policy and We are at Variance) for Reward of this Father, of Millions of Minds, which are to owe new Formation to the future Effect of his Influence!

Upon the whole, as I never met with so pleasing, so honest, and so truly deserving a Book, I shou’d never have done, if I explain’d All my Reasons for admiring its Author. — If it is not a Secret, oblige me so far as to tell me his Name: for since I feel him the Friend of my Soul, it would be a Kind of Violation to retain him a Stranger. — I am not able to thank you enough, for this highly acceptable Present. And, as for my Daughters, They have taken into their Own Hands the Acknowledgment due from their Gratitude. I am,

Dear Sir,
Your, &c.

Dec. 17, 1740.

Abstract of a Second Letter from the Same Gentleman

‘— No Sentiments which I have here, or in my last, express’d, of the sweet Pamela, being more than the bare Truth, which every Man must feel, who lends his Ear to the inchanting Prattler, why does the Author’s Modesty mislead his Judgment, to suspect the Style wants Polishing? — No, Sir, there is an Ease, a natural Air, a dignify’d Simplicity, and measured Fullness, in it, that, resembling Life, outglows it! He has reconciled the Pleasing to the Proper. The Thought is every-where exactly cloath’d by the Expression: And becomes its Dress as roundly, and as close, as Pamela her Country-habit. Remember, tho’ she put it on with humble Prospect, of descending to the Level of her Purpose, it adorn’d her, with such unpresum’d Increase of Loveliness; sat with such neat Propriety of Elegant Neglect about her, that it threw out All her Charms, with tenfold, and resistless Influence. — And so, dear Sir, it will be always found. — When modest Beauty seeks to hide itself by casting off the Pride of Ornament, it but displays itself without a Covering: And so, becoming more distinguished, by its Want of Drapery, grows stronger, from its purpos’d Weakness.’

want = lack
prattle = pointless chatter

There were formed by an anonymous Gentleman, the following Objections to some Passages in the Work.

1. That the Style ought to be a little raised, at least so soon as Pamela knows the Gentleman’s Love is honourable, and when his Diffidence is changed to Ease: And from about the fourth Day after Marriage, it should be equal to the Rank she is rais’d to, and charged to fill becomingly.

2. That to avoid the Idea apt to be join’d with the Word ’Squire, the Gentleman should be styled Sir James, or Sir John, &c. and Lady Davers in a new Edition might procure for him the Title of a Baronet.

styled = called

3. That if the sacred Name were seldomer repeated, it would be better; for that the Wise Man’s Advice is, Be not righteous over-much.

4. That the Penance which Pamela suffers from Lady Davers might be shorten’d: That she is too timorous after owning her Marriage to that Lady, and ought to have a little more Spirit, and get away sooner out at the Window, or call her own Servants to protect, and carry her to her Husband’s Appointment.

owning = admitting

5. That Females are too apt to be struck with Images of Beauty; and that the Passage where the Gentleman is said to span the Waist of Pamela with his Hand, is enough to ruin a Nation of Women by Tight-lacing.

6. That the Word naughty had better be changed to some other, as Bad, Faulty, Wicked, Vile, Abominable, Scandalous: Which in most Places would give an Emphasis, for which recourse must otherwise be had to the innocent Simplicity of the Writer; an Idea not necessary to the Moral of the Story, nor of Advantage to the Character of the Heroine.

7. That the Words, p. 305. Foolish Thing that I am, had better be Foolish that I am. The same Gentleman observes by way of Postscript, that Jokes are often more severe, and do more Mischief, than more solid Objections; and would have one or two Passages alter’d, to avoid giving Occasion for the Supposition of a double Entendre, particularly in two Places which he mentions, viz. p. 175. and 181.

He is pleased to take notice of several other Things of less Moment, some of which are merely typographical; and very kindly expresses, on the Whole, a high Opinion of the Performance, and thinks it may do a great deal of Good: For all which, as well as for his Objections, the Editor gives him very sincere Thanks.

Others are of Opinion, That the Scenes in many Places, in the Beginning especially, are too low; and that the Passions of Lady Davers, in particular, are carried too high, and above Nature.

And others have intimated, That Pamela ought, for Example sake, to have discharg’d Mrs. Jewkes from her Service.

These are the most material Objections that have come to hand, all which are considered in the following Extracts from some of the most beautiful Letters that have been written in any Language:

‘The Gentleman’s Advice, not to alter Pamela at all, was both friendly, and solidly just. I run in, with full Sail, to his Anchorage, that the low Scenes are no more out of Nature, than the high Passions of proud Lady Davers. Out of Nature, do they say? ’Tis my Astonishment how Men of Letters can read with such absent Attention! They are so far from Out of Nature, They are absolute Nature herself! or, if they must be confess’d her Resemblance; they are such a Resemblance, at least, as our true Face gives our Face in the Looking-glass.

‘I wonder indeed, what it is, that the Gentlemen, who talk of Low Scenes, wou’d desire should be understood by the Epithet? — Nothing, properly speaking, is low, that suits well with the Place it is rais’d to. — The Passions of Nature are the same, in the Lord, and his Coach-man. All, that makes them seem different consists in the Degrees, in the Means, and the Air, whereto or wherewith they indulge ’em. If, in painting Distinctions like these, (which arise but from the Forms of Men’s Manners, drawn from Birth, Education, and Custom) a Writer falls short of his Characters, there his Scene is a low one, indeed, whatever high Fortune it flatter’d. But, to imagine that Persons of Rank are above a Concern for what is thought, felt, or acted, by others, of their Species, between whom and themselves is no Difference, except such as was owing to Accident, is to reduce Human Nature to a Lowness, — too low for the Truth of her Frailty. —

‘In Pamela, in particular, we owe All to her Lowness. It is to the docile Effects of this Lowness of that amiable Girl, in her Birth, her Condition, her Hopes, and her Vanities, in every thing, in short, but her Virtue, — that her Readers are indebted, for the moral Reward, of that Virtue. And if we are to look for the Low among the Rest of the Servants, less lovely tho’ they are, than a Pamela, there is something however, so glowingly painted, in the Lines whereby the Author has mark’d their Distinctions — Something, so movingly forceful, in the Grief at their Parting, and Joy at the happy Return, — Something so finely, at once, and so strongly and feelingly, varied, even in the smallest and least promising, little Family Incidents! that I need only appeal from the Heads, to the Hearts of the Objectors themselves, whether these are low Scenes to be censur’d?

condition = social rank

‘And as for the opposite Extreme they wou’d quarrel with, the high-passion’d, and un-tam’d Lady Davers, — I cou’d direct ’em to a Dozen or two of Quality Originals, from whom (with Exception perhaps of her Wit) one wou’d swear the Author had taken her Copy. — What a Sum might these Objectors ensure, to be paid, by the Husbands and Sons, of such termagant, hermaphrodite Minds, upon their making due Proof, that they were no longer to be found, in the Kingdom!

‘I know, you are too just to imagine me capable of giving any other Opinion than my best-weigh’d and true one. But, because it is fit you should have Reasons, in Support of a Judgment that can neither deserve nor expect an implicit Reception, I will run over the Anonymous Letter I herewith return you; and note with what Lightness even Men of good-natur’d Intention fall into Mistakes, by Neglect in too hasty Perusals, which their Benevolence wou’d take Pleasure in blushing at, when they discover their Weakness, in a cooler Revisal.

discover = reveal

‘The Writer of this Letter is for having the Style rais’d, after Pamela’s Advance in her Fortune. But surely, This was hasty Advice: because, as the Letters are writ to her Parents, it wou’d have look’d like forgetting, and, in some sort, insulting, the Lowliness of their inferior Condition, to have assum’d a new Air in her Language, in Place of retaining a steady Humility. But, here, it must not be pass’d unobserv’d, that in her Reports of Conversations that follow’d her Marriage, she does, aptly and beautifully, heighten her Style, and her Phrases: still returning however to her decent Simplicity, in her Addresses to her Father and Mother.

condition = social rank

‘I am against giving a Gentleman (who has ennobled himself, by reforming his Vices, and rewarding the Worth of the Friendless) the unnecessary new Toy of a Title. It is all strong in Nature, as it stands in the Letters: and I don’t see how Greatness, from Titles, can add Likeness or Power, to the Passions. So complete a Resemblance of Truth stands in need of no borrow’d Pretensions.

‘The Only of this Writer’s Objections, which, I think, carries Weight, is That, which advises some little Contraction of the Prayers, and Appeals to the Deity. I say little Contraction: for they are nobly and sincerely pathetic. And I say it only in Fear, lest, if fansied too long, by the fashionably Averse to the Subject, Minds, which most want the purpos’d Impression, might hazard the Loss of its Benefit, by passing over those pious Reflections, which, if shorter, would catch their Attention.

pathetic = arousing the emotions

‘Certainly, the Gentleman’s Objection against the Persecution that Pamela suffers from Lady Davers, in respect to the Relation this Mad-woman bears to the Brother, is the rashest of All his Advices! And when he thinks she ought rather to have assum’d the Protection of her Servants, he seems unaware of the probable Consequence; where there was a Puppy, of Quality, in the Case, who had, even without Provocation, drawn his Sword on the poor passive Pamela. Far from bearing a Thought of exciting an abler Resentment, to the Danger of a Quarrel with so worthless a Coxcomb, how charmingly natural, apprehensive, and generous, is her Silence (during the Recital she makes of her Sufferings) with regard to this masculine Part of the Insult! as also her Prevention of Mrs. Jewkes’s less delicate Bluntness, when she was beginning to complain of the whelp Lord’s Impertinence!

apprehensive = perceptive

‘If I were not afraid of a Pun, I shou’d tell the anonymous Letter-writer, that he made a too tight-laced Objection, where he quarrels with the spann’d Waist of Pamela. What, in the Name of Unshapeliness! cou’d he find, to complain of, in a beautiful Girl of Sixteen, who was born out of Germany, and had not, yet, reach’d ungraspable Roundness! — These are wonderful Sinkings from Purpose, where a Man is considering such mental, and passionate Beauties, as this Gentleman profess’d to be touch’d by!

‘But, when he goes on, to object against the Word naughty, (as apply’d in the Phrase naughty Master) I grow mortified, in Fear for our human Sufficiency, compar’d with our Aptness to blunder! For, here, ’tis plain, this Director of Another’s Discernment is quite blind, Himself, to an Elegance, one wou’d have thought it impossible not to be struck by? — Faulty, wicked, abominable, scandalous, (which are the angry Adjectives, he prefers to that sweet one) wou’d have carried Marks of her Rage, not Affliction — whereas naughty contains, in One single significant Petulance, twenty thousand inexpressible Delicacies! — It insinuates, at once, all the beautiful Struggle, between her Contempt of his Purpose, and tender Regard for his Person; her Gratitude to Himself and his Family; her Recollection of his superior Condition. — There is in the elegant Choice of this half-kind, half-peevish, Word, a never-enough to be prais’d speaking Picture of the Conflict betwixt her Disdain, and her Reverence! See, Sir, the Reason I had, for apprehending some Danger that the refin’d Generosity in many of the most charming of the Sentiments wou’d be lost, upon the too coarse Conception of some, for whose Use the Author intended them.

condition = social rank
apprehending = being anxious about

‘It is the same Case again, in foolish Thing that I am! which this nice, un-nice, Gentleman wou’d advise you to change, into foolish that I am! He does not seem to have tasted the pretty Contempt of Herself, the submissive Diminutive, so distant from Vanity, yet allay’d by the gentle Reluctance in Self-condemnation; — and the other fine Touches of Nature: which wou’d All have been lost, in the grave, sober Sound of his Dutch Emendation.

‘As to his Paragraph in Postscript, I shall say the less of it, because the Gentleman’s own good Sense seems to confess, by the Place he has chosen to rank it in, that it ought to be turn’d out of Doors, as too dirty for the rest of his Letter. — In the Occasions he is pleas’d to discover for Jokes, I either find not, that he has any Signification at all, or such vulgar, coarse-tasted Allusions to loose low-life Idioms, that not to understand what he means, is both the cleanliest, and prudentest Way of confuting him.

‘And now, Sir, you will easily gather how far I am from thinking it needful to change any thing in Pamela. I would not scratch such a beautiful Face, for the Indies!

‘You can hardly imagine how it charms me to hear of a Second Edition already! but the News of still new upon new ones, will be found no Subject of Wonder. As ’tis sure, that no Family is without Sisters, or Brothers, or Daughters, or Sons, who can read; or wants Fathers, or Mothers, or Friends, who can think; so equally certain it is, that the Train to a Parcel of Powder does not run on with more natural Tendency, till it sets the whole Heap in a Blaze, than that Pamela, inchanting from Family to Family, will overspread all the Hearts of the Kingdom.

‘As to the Objection of those warm Friends to Honesty, who are for having Pamela dismiss Mrs. Jewkes; there is not One, among All these benevolent Complainers, who wou’d not discern himself to have been, laudably, in the wrong, were he only to be ask’d this plain Question — Whether a Step, both ill-judg’d, and undutiful, had not been the Reverse of a Pamela’s Character? — Two or three times over, Mr. B — had inform’d her, that Mrs. Jewkes and Himself having been equally involv’d in One Guilt, she must forgive, or condemn, Both together. After this, it grew manifest Duty not to treat her with Marks of Resentment. — And, as here was a visible Necessity to appear not desirous of turning her away, so, in point of mere Moral Regard to the bad Woman Herself, it was nobler, to retain her, with a Prospect of correcting, in Time, her loose Habit of thinking, than, by casting her off, to the licentious Results of her Temper, abandon her to Temptations and Danger, which a Virtue like Pamela’s cou’d not wish her expos’d to.’

The Manner in which this admirable Gentleman gives his Opinion of the Piece, and runs thro’ the principal Characters, is so masterly, that the Readers of Pamela will be charm’d by it, tho’ they should suppose, that his inimitable Benevolence has overvalu’d the Piece itself.

‘Inspir’d, without doubt, by some Skill, more than human, and comprehending in an humble, and seemingly artless, Narration, a Force that can tear up the Heart-strings, this Author has prepar’d an enamouring Philtre for the Mind, which will excite such a Passion for Virtue, as scarce to leave it in the Power of the Will to neglect her.

artless = sincere
philtre = potion

Longinus, I remember, distinguishing by what Marks we may know the Sublime, says, it is chiefly from an Effect that will follow the Reading it: a delightfully-adhering Idea, that clings fast to the Memory; and from which it is difficult for a Man to disengage his Attention. — If this is a Proof of the Sublime, there was never Sublimity so lastingly felt, as in Pamela!

Longinus, ancient writer on the overwhelming sense called the “sublime”

‘Not the Charmer’s own prattling Idea stuck so close to the Heart of her Master, as the Incidents of her Story to the Thoughts of a Reader. — The Author transports, and transforms, with a Power more extensive than Horace requires, in his Poet! —

prattling = pointless

‘Mr. B—, and the Turns of his Passions — and the Softness, yet Strength, of their amiable Object — after having given us the most masterly Image of Nature, that ever was painted! take Possession of, and dwell in, the Memory.’

‘And there, too, broods the kind and the credulous Parson Williams’s Dove, (without serpentine Mixture) hatching Pity and Affection, for an Honesty so sincere, and so silly!

‘There too, take their Places All the lower ’Supports of this beautiful Fabrick. —

‘I am sometimes transform’d into plain Goodman Andrews, and sometimes the good Woman, his Wife.

‘As for old Mr. Longman, and Jonathan, the Butler, they are sure of me both, in their Turns.

‘Now and-then, I am Colbrand the Swiss: but, as broad as I stride, in that Character, I can never escape Mrs. Jewkes: who often keeps me awake in the Night —

‘Till the Ghost of Lady Davers, drawing open the Curtains, scares the Scarer, of me, and of Pamela! —

‘And, then, I take Shelter with poor penitent John, and the rest of the Men and the Maids, of all whom I may say, with compassionate Marcia,

‘— The Youths divide their Reader.

And this fine Writer adds:

‘I am glad I made War, in my last, upon the Notion of altering the Style: for, having read it twice over since then, (and to Audiences, where the Tears were applausively eloquent) I could hardly, here and there, find a Place, where one Word can be chang’d for a better. There are some indeed, where ’twere possible to leave out, a few, without making a Breach in the Building. But, in short, the Author has put so bewitching a Mixture together, of the Rais’d with the Natural, and the Soft with the Strong and the Eloquent — that never Sentiments were finer, and fuller of Life! never any were utter’d so sweetly! — Even in what relates to the pious and frequent Addresses to God, I now retract (on these two last Revisals) the Consent I half gave, on a former, to the anonymous Writer’s Proposal, who advis’d the Author to shorten those Beauties. — Whoever considers his Pamela with a View to find Matter for Censure, is in the Condition of a passionate Lover, who breaks in upon his Mistress, without Fear or Wit, with Intent to accuse her, and quarrel — He came to her with Pique in his Purpose; but his Heart is too hard for his Malice — and he goes away more enslav’d, for complaining.’

The following delightful Story, so admirably related, will give great Pleasure to the Reader; and we take the Liberty of inserting it, for that very Reason.

‘What a never-to-be satisfied Length has this Subject always the Power of attracting me into! And yet, before I have done, I must by your means tell the Author a Story, which a Judge not so skilful in Nature as he is, might be in Danger perhaps of mistaking, for a trifling and silly one. I expect it shou’d give him the clearest Conviction, in a Case he is subject to question.

‘We have a lively little Boy in the Family, about seven Years old — but, alas for him, poor Child! quite unfriended; and born to no Prospect. He is the Son of an honest, poor Soldier, by a Wife, grave, unmeaning, and innocent. Yet the Boy, (see the Power of connubial Simplicity) is so pretty, so genteel, and gay-spirited, that we have made him, and design’d him, our own, ever since he could totter, and waddle. The wanton Rogue is half Air: and every Motion he acts by has a Spring, like Pamela’s when she threw down the Card-table. All this Quickness, however, is temper’d by a good-natur’d Modesty: so that the wildest of his Flights are thought rather diverting than troublesome. He is an hourly Foundation for Laughter, from the Top of the House to the Parlours: and, to borrow an Attribute from the Reverend Mr. Peters, (tho’ without any Note of his Musick) plays a very good fiddle in the Family. I have told you the History of this Tom-tit of a Prater, because, ever since my first reading of Pamela, he puts in for a Right to be one of her Hearers; and, having got half her Sayings by heart, talks in no other Language but hers: and, what really surprises, and has charm’d me into a certain Fore-taste of her Influence, he is, at once, become fond of his Book; which (before) he cou’d never be brought to attend to — that he may read Pamela, he says, without stopping. The first Discovery we made of this Power over so unripe and unfix’d an Attention, was, one Evening, when I was reading her Reflections at the Pond to some Company. The little rampant Intruder, being kept out by the Extent of the Circle, had crept under my Chair, and was sitting before me, on the Carpet, with his Head almost touching the Book, and his Face bowing down toward the Fire. — He had sat for some time in this Posture, with a Stillness, that made us conclude him asleep: when, on a sudden, we heard a Succession of heart-heaving Sobs; which while he strove to conceal from our Notice, his little Sides swell’d, as if they wou’d burst, with the throbbing Restraint of his Sorrow. I turn’d his innocent Face, to look toward me; but his Eyes were quite lost, in his Tears: which running down from his Cheeks in free Currents, had form’d two sincere little Fountains, on that Part of the Carpet he hung over. All the Ladies in Company were ready to devour him with Kisses: and he has, since, become doubly a Favourite — and is perhaps the youngest of Pamela’s Converts.

connubial = related to marriage
design’d = intended
prater = speaker of nonsense
diverting = entertaining

The same incomparable Writer has favour’d us with an Objection, that is more material than any we have mention’d; which cannot be better stated nor answer’d, than in his own beautiful Words; viz.

‘An Objection is come into my Thoughts, which I should be glad the Author would think proper to obviate in the Front of the Second Edition.

‘There are Mothers, or Grandmothers, in all Families of affluent Fortune, who, tho’ they may have none of Lady Davers’s Insolence, will be apt to feel one of her Fears, — that the Example of a Gentleman so amiable as Mr. B — may be follow’d, by the Jackies, their Sons, with too blind and unreflecting a Readiness. Nor does the Answer of that Gentleman to his Sister’s Reproach come quite up to the Point they will rest on. For, tho’ indeed it is true, all the World wou’d acquit the best Gentleman in it, if he married such a Waiting-maid as Pamela, yet, there is an ill-discerning Partiality, in Passion, that will overthrow all the Force of that Argument: because every belov’d Maid will be Pamela, in a Judgment obscur’d by her Influence.

‘And, since the Ground of this Fear will seem solid, I don’t know how to be easy, till it is shewn (nor ought it to be left to the Author’s Modesty) that they who consider his Design in that Light will be found but short-sighted Observers.

shews = shown

‘Request it of him then to suffer it to be told them, that not a limited, but general, Excitement to Virtue was the first and great End to his Story: And that this Excitement must have been deficient, and very imperfectly offer’d, if he had not look’d quite as low as he cou’d for his Example: because if there had been any Degree or Condition, more remote from the Prospect than that which he had chosen to work on, that Degree might have seem’d out of Reach of the Hope, which it was his generous Purpose to encourage. — And, so, he was under an evident Necessity to find such a Jewel in a Cottage: and expos’d, too, as she was, to the severest Distresses of Fortune, with Parents unable to support their own Lives, but from the daily hard Product of Labour.

suffer = allow
condition = social rank

‘Nor wou’d it have been sufficient to have plac’d her thus low and distressful, if he had not also suppos’d her a Servant: and that too in some elegant Family; for if she had always remain’d a Fellow-cottager with her Father, it must have carried an Air of Romantick Improbability to account for her polite Education.

‘If she had wanted those Improvements, which she found means to acquire in her Service, it wou’d have been very unlikely, that she shou’d have succeeded so well; and had destroy’d one great Use of the Story, to have allow’d such uncommon Felicity to the Effect of mere personal Beauty. — And it had not been judicious to have represented her as educated in a superior Condition of Life with the proper Accomplishments, before she became reduc’d by Misfortunes, and so not a Servant, but rather an Orphan under hopeless Distresses — because Opportunities which had made it no Wonder how she came to be so winningly qualified, wou’d have lessen’d her Merit in being so. And besides, where had then been the purpos’d Excitement of Persons in Pamela’s Condition of Life, by an Emulation of her Sweetness, Humility, Modesty, Patience, and Industry, to attain some faint Hope of arriving, in time, within View of her Happiness? — And what a delightful Reformation shou’d we see, in all Families, where the Vanity of their Maids took no Turn toward Ambition to please, but by such innocent Measures, as Pamela’s!

condition = social rank

‘As it is clear, then, the Author was under a Necessity to suppose her a Servant, he is not to be accountable for mistaken Impressions, which the Charms he has given her may happen to make, on wrong Heads, or weak Hearts, tho’ in Favour of Maids the Reverse of her Likeness.

‘What is it then (they may say) that the Lowness, and Distance of Pamela’s Condition from the Gentleman’s who married her, proposes to teach the Gay World, and the Fortunate? — It is this — By Comparison with that infinite Remoteness of her Condition from the Reward which her Virtue procur’d her, one great Proof is deriv’d, (which is Part of the Moral of Pamela) that Advantages from Birth, and Distinction of Fortune, have no Power at all, when consider’d against those from Behaviour, and Temper of Mind: because where the Last are not added, all the First will be boasted in vain. Whereas she who possesses the Last finds no Want of the First, in her Influence.

condition = social rank

‘In that Light alone let the Ladies of Rank look at Pamela. — Such an alarming Reflection as that will, at the same time that it raises the Hope and Ambition of the Humble, correct and mortify the Disdain of the Proud. For it will compel them to observe, and acknowledge, that ’tis the Turn of their Mind, not the Claims of their Quality, by which (and which only) Womens Charms can be lasting: And that, while the haughty Expectations, inseparable from an elevated Rank, serve but to multiply its Complaints and Afflictions, the Condescensions of accomplish’d Humility, attracting Pity, Affection, and Reverence, secure an hourly Increase of Felicity. — So that the moral Meaning of Pamela’s Good-fortune, far from tempting young Gentlemen to marry such Maids as are found in their Families, is, by teaching Maids to deserve to be Mistresses, to stir up Mistresses to support their Distinction.’

quality = social rank

We shall only add, That it was intended to prefix two neat Frontispieces to this Edition, (and to present them to the Purchasers of the first) and one was actually finished for that Purpose; but there not being Time for the other, from the Demand for the new Impression; and the Engraving Part of that which was done (tho’ no Expence was spared) having fallen very short of the Spirit of the Passages they were intended to represent, the Proprietors were advised to lay them aside. And were the rather induced to do so, from the following Observation of a most ingenious Gentleman, in a Letter to the Editor. ‘I am so jealous, says he, in Behalf of our inward Idea of Pamela’s Person, that I dread any figur’d Pretence to Resemblance. For it will be pity to look at an Air, and imagine it Hers, that does not carry some such elegant Perfection of Amiableness, as will be sure to find place in the Fancy.’

Verses, Sent to the Bookseller,
for the Unknown Author of the Beautiful New Piece
Call’d Pamela

Blest be thy pow’rful Pen, whoe’er thou art,
Thou skill’d, great Moulder of the master’d Heart!
Where hast thou lain conceal’d! — or why thought fit,
At this dire Period, to unveil thy Wit?
O! late befriended Isle! had this broad Blaze,
With earlier Beamings, bless’d our Fathers Days,
The Pilot Radiance, pointing out the Source,
Whence public Health derives its vital Course,
Each timely Draught some healing Pow’r had shown,
Ere gen’ral Gangrene blacken’d, to the Bone.
But, fest’ring now, beyond all Sense of Pain,
’Tis hopeless: and the Helper’s Hand is vain.
Sweet Pamela! forever-blooming Maid!
Thou dear, unliving, yet immortal, Shade!
Why are thy Virtues scatter’d to the Wind?
Why are thy Beauties flash’d upon the Blind?
What, tho’ thy flutt’ring Sex might learn, from thee,
That Merit forms a Rank, above Degree?
That Pride, too conscious, falls, from ev’ry Claim,
While humble Sweetness climbs, beyond its Aim?
What, tho’ Religion, smiling from thy Eyes,
Shews her plain Power, and charms without Disguise?
What, tho’ thy warmly-pleasing moral Scheme
Gives livelier Rapture, than the Loose can dream?
What, tho’ thou build’st, by thy persuasive Life,
Maid, Child, Friend, Mistress, Mother, Neighbour, Wife?
Tho’ Taste like thine each Void of Time, can fill,
Unsunk by Spleen, unquicken’d by Quadrille!
What, tho’ ’tis thine to bless the lengthen’d Hour!
Give Permanence to Joy, and Use to Pow’r?
Lend late-felt Blushes to the Vain and Smart?
And squeeze cramp’d Pity from the Miser’s Heart?
What, tho’ ’tis thine to hush the Marriage Breeze,
Teach Liberty to tire, and Chains to please?
Thine tho’, from Stiffness to divest Restraint,
And, to the Charmer, reconcile the Saint?
Tho’ Smiles and Tears obey thy moving Skill,
And Passion’s ruffled Empire waits thy Will?
Tho’ thine the fansy’d Fields of flow’ry Wit,
Thine, Art’s whole Pow’r, in Nature’s Language writ!
Thine, to convey strong Thought, with modest Ease,
And, copying Converse, teach its Style to please?
Tho’ thine each Virtue, that a God cou’d lend?
Thine, ev’ry Help, that ev’ry Heart, can mend?
’Tis Thine in vain! — Thou wak’st a dying Land:
And lift’st departed Hope, with fruitless Hand:
Death has NO CURE. Thou hast mis-tim’d thy Aim;
Rome had her GOTHS: and all, beyond, was Shame.

Pamela; or, Virtue Rewarded.
In a Series of Familiar Letters, &c.

Letter I

Dear Father and Mother,

I Have great Trouble and some Comfort, to acquaint you with. The Trouble is, that my good Lady died of the Illness I mention’d to you, and left us all much grieved for her Loss; for she was a dear good Lady, and kind to all us her Servants. Much I fear’d, that as I was taken by her Ladyship to wait upon her Person, I should be quite destitute again, and forc’d to return to you and my poor Mother, who have enough to do to maintain yourselves; and, as my Lady’s Goodness had put me to write and cast Accompts, and made me a little expert at my Needle, and other Qualifications above my Degree, it would have been no easy Matter to find a Place that your poor Pamela was fit for: But God, whose Graciousness to us we have so often experienc’d at a Pinch, put it into my good Lady’s Heart, on her Death-bed, just an Hour before she expir’d, to recommend to my young Master all her Servants, one by one; and when it came to my Turn to be recommended, (for I was sobbing and crying at her Pillow) she could only say, My dear Son! — and so broke off a little; and then recovering — Remember my poor Pamela! — And these were some of her last Words! O how my Eyes run! — Don’t wonder to see the Paper so blotted!

degree = social rank

Well, but God’s Will must be done! — and so comes the Comfort, that I shall not be oblig’d to return back to be a Clog upon my dear Parents! For my Master said, I will take care of you all, my Lasses; and for you, Pamela, (and took me by the Hand; yes, he took my Hand before them all) for my dear Mother’s sake, I will be a Friend to you, and you shall take care of my Linen. God bless him! and pray with me, my dear Father and Mother, for a Blessing upon him: For he has given Mourning and a Year’s Wages to all my Lady’s Servants; and I having no Wages as yet, my Lady having said she would do for me as I deserv’d, order’d the House-keeper to give me Mourning with the rest, and gave me with his own Hand Four golden Guineas, and some Silver, which were, in my old Lady’s Pocket when she dy’d; and said, If I was a good Girl, and faithful and diligent, he would be a Friend to me, for his Mother’s sake. And so I send you these four Guineas for your Comfort; for Providence will not let me want: And so you may pay some old Debt with Part; and keep the other Part to comfort you both. If I get more, I am sure it is my Duty, and it shall be my Care, to love and cherish you both; for you have lov’d and cherish’d me, when I could do nothing for myself: And so you have for us all, or what must have become of us! I send it by John our Footman, who goes your way; but he does not know what he carries; because I seal it up in one of the little Pill boxes which my Lady had, wrapt close in Paper, that it mayn’t chink; and be sure don’t open it before him.

mourning = mourning clothes
guineas = gold coins

I know, dear Father and Mother, I must give you both Grief and Pleasure; and so I will only say, Pray for your Pamela; who will ever be

Your most dutiful Daughter.

I have been scared out of my Senses; for just now, as I was folding this Letter, in my late Lady’s Dressing-room, in comes my young Master! Good Sirs! how was I frightened! I went to hide the Letter in my Bosom, and he seeing me tremble, said, smiling, Who have you been writing to, Pamela? — I said, in my Confusion, Pray your Honour forgive me! — Only to my Father and Mother. He said, Well then, Let me see how you are come on in your Writing! O how asham’d I was! — He, in my Fright, took it, without saying more, and read it quite thro’, and then gave it me again; — and I said, Pray your Honour forgive me! — Yet I know not for what: For he was always dutiful to his Parents; and why should he be angry, that I was so to mine! And indeed he was not angry: for he took me by the Hand, and said, You are a good Girl, Pamela, to be kind to your aged Father and Mother. I am not angry with you. Be faithful and diligent; and do as you should do, and I like you the better for this. And then he said, Why, Pamela, you write a very pretty Hand, and spell tolerably too. I see my good Mother’s Care in your Learning has not been thrown away upon you. She used to say, you lov’d reading; you may look into any of her Books to improve yourself, so you take care of them. To be sure I did nothing but curtesy and cry, and was all in Confusion, at his Goodness. Indeed he is the best of Gentlemen, I think! But I am making another long Letter. So will only say further, that I shall ever be

Your dutiful Daughter,
Pamela Andrews.

Letter II. In Answer to the preceding

Dear Pamela,

Your Letter was indeed a great Trouble, and some Comfort to me and your poor Mother. We are troubled, to be sure, for your good Lady’s Death, who took such Care of you, and gave you Learning, and for Three or Four Years past has always been giving you Cloaths and Linen, and every thing that a Gentlewoman need not be asham’d to appear in. But our chief Trouble is, and indeed a very great one, for fear you should be brought to any thing dishonest or wicked, by being set so above yourself. Every body talks how you have come on, and what a genteel Girl you are, and some say, you are very pretty; and indeed, Six Months since, when I saw you last, I should have thought so too, if you was not our Child. But what avails all this, if you are to be ruin’d and undone! — Indeed, my dear Child, we begin to be in great Fear for you; for what signify all the Riches in the World, with a bad Conscience, and to be dishonest? We are, ’tis true, very poor, and find it hard enough to live; tho’ once, as you know, it was better with us. But we would sooner live upon the Water and Clay of the Ditches I am forced to dig, than to live better at the Price of our dear Child’s Ruin.

I hope the good ’Squire has no Design; but when he has given you so much Money, and speaks so kindly to you, and praises your coming on; and Oh! that fatal Word, that he would be kind to you, if you would do as you should do, almost kills us with Fears.

I have spoken to good old Widow Mumford about it, who, you know, has formerly lived in good Families, and she puts us in some Comfort; for she says, it is not unusual, when a Lady dies, to give what she has about her Person to her Waiting-maid, and to such as sit up with her in her Illness. But then, why should he smile so kindly upon you? Why should he take such a poor Girl as you by the Hand, as your Letter says he has done twice? Why should he stoop to read your Letter to us; and commend your Writing and Spelling? And, why should he give you Leave to read his Mother’s Books! — Indeed, indeed, my dearest Child, our Hearts ake for you; and then you seem so full of Joy at his Goodness, so taken with his kind Expressions, which, truly, are very great Favours, if he means well, that we fear — Yes, my dear Child, we fear — you should be too grateful, — and reward him with that Jewel, your Virtue which no Riches, nor Favour, nor any thing in this Life, can make up to you.

leave = permission

I, too, have written a long Letter; but will say one Thing more; and that is, That in the Midst of our Poverty and Misfortunes, we have trusted in God’s Goodness, and been honest, and doubt not to be happy hereafter, if we continue to be good, tho’ our Lot is hard here; but the Loss of our dear Child’s Virtue, would be a Grief that we could not bear, and would bring our grey Hairs to the Grave at once.

lot = fate

If, then, you love us, if you value God’s Blessing, and your own future Happiness, we both charge you to stand upon your Guard; and, if you find the least Attempt made upon your Virtue, be sure you leave every thing behind you, and come away to us; for we had rather see you all cover’d with Rags, and even follow you to the Church-yard, than have it said, a Child of ours preferr’d any worldly Conveniencies to her Virtue.

We accept kindly of your dutiful Present; but ’till we are out of our Pain, cannot make use of it, for fear we should partake of the Price of our poor Daughter’s Shame: So have laid it up in a Rag among the Thatch, over the Window, for a while, lest we should be robb’d. With our Blessings and our hearty Prayers for you, we remain,

Your careful, but loving Father and Mother,
John and Elizabeth Andrews.

Letter III

Dear Father,

I Must needs say, your Letter has fill’d me with much Trouble. For it has made my Heart, which was overflowing with Gratitude for my Master’s Goodness, suspicious and fearful; and yet, I hope I shall never find him to act unworthy of his Character; for what could he get by ruining such a poor young Creature as me? But that which gives me most Trouble is, that you seem to mistrust the Honesty of your Child. No, my dear Father and Mother, be assur’d, that, by God’s Grace, I never will do any thing that shall bring your grey Hairs with Sorrow to the Grave. I will die a thousand Deaths, rather than be dishonest any way. Of that be assur’d, and set your Hearts at Rest; for altho’ I have liv’d above myself for some Time past, yet I can be content with Rags and Poverty, and Bread and Water, and will embrace them, rather than forfeit my good Name, let who will be the Tempter. And of this rest satisfy’d, and think better of

Your dutiful Daughter till Death.

My Master continues to be very affable to me. As yet I see no Cause to fear any thing. Mrs. Jervis the House-keeper too is very civil to me, and I have the Love of every body. Sure they can’t all have Designs against me because they are civil! I hope I shall always behave so as to be respected by every one; and that nobody would do me more Hurt, than I am sure I would do them. Our John so often goes your way, that I will always get him to call, that you may hear from me, either by Writing, (for it brings my Hand in) or by Word of Mouth.

Letter IV

Dear Mother,

For the last Letter was to my Father, in Answer to his Letter; and so I will now write to you; tho’ I have nothing to say but what will make me look more like a vain Hussy, than any thing else: Yet I hope I shan’t be so proud as to forget myself. Yet there is a secret Pleasure one has to hear one’s self prais’d. You must know then, that my Lady Davers, who, I need not tell you, is my Master’s Sister, has been a Month at our House, and has taken great Notice of me, and given me good Advice to keep myself to myself; she told me I was a very pretty Wench; and that every body gave me a very good Character, and lov’d me; and bid me take care to keep the Fellows at a Distance; and said, that I might do, and be more valu’d for it, even by themselves.

hussy = slut

But what pleas’d me much, was what I am going to tell you; for at Table, as Mrs. Jervis says, my Master and her Ladyship talking of me, she told him, she thought me the prettiest Wench she ever saw in her Life; and that I was too pretty to live in a Batchelor’s House; since no Lady he might marry, would care to continue me with her. He said, I was vastly improv’d, and had a good Share of Prudence, and Sense above my Years; and it would be Pity, that what was my Merit, should be my Misfortune. — No, says my good Lady, Pamela shall come and live with me, I think. He said, Withall his Heart; he should be glad to have me so well provided for. Well, said she, I’ll consult my Lord about it. She ask’d, How old I was; and Mrs. Jervis said, I was Fifteen last February. O! says she, if the Wench (for so she calls all us Maiden Servants) takes care of herself, she’ll improve yet more and more, as well in her Person as Mind.

Now, my dear Father and Mother, tho’ this may look too vain to be repeated by me, yet are you not rejoic’d as well as I, to see my Master so willing to part with me? — This shews that he has nothing bad in his Heart. But John is just going away, and so I have only to say, that I am, and will always be,

Your honest as well as dutiful Daughter.

shews = shows

Pray make use of the Money. You may now do it safely.

Letter V

My dear Father and Mother,

John being to go your way, I am willing to write, because he is so willing to carry any thing for me. He says it does him good at his Heart to see you both, and to hear you talk. He says you are both so sensible, and so honest, that he always learns something from you to the Purpose. It is a thousand Pities, he says, that such worthy Hearts should not have better Luck in the World! and wonders, that you, my Father, who are so well able to teach, and write so good a Hand, succeeded no better in the School you attempted to set up; but was forced to go to such hard Labour. But this is more Pride to me, that I am come of such honest Parents, than if I had been born a Lady.

I hear nothing yet of going to Lady Davers. And I am very easy at present here. For Mrs. Jervis uses me as if I were her own Daughter, and is a very good Woman, and makes my Master’s Interest her own. She is always giving me good Counsel, and I love her, next to you two, I think best of any body. She keeps so good Rule and Order, she is mightily respected by us all; and takes Delight to hear me read to her: and all she loves to hear read, is good Books, which we read whenever we are alone; so that I think I am at home with you. She heard one of our Men, Harry, who is no better than he should be, speak freely to me; I think he called me his pretty Pamela, and took hold of me, as if he would have kissed me; for which, you may be sure, I was very angry; and she took him to Task, and was as angry at him as could be, and told me she was very well pleased to see my Prudence and Modesty, and that I kept all the Fellows at a Distance. And indeed I am sure I am not proud, and carry it civilly to every body; but yet, methinks I cannot bear to be look’d upon by these Men-servants; for they seem as if they would look one thro’; and, as I genereally breakfast, dine, and sup with Mrs. Jervis, so good she is to me, I am very easy that I have so little to say to them. Not but they are very civil to me in the main, for Mrs. Jervis’s sake, who they see loves me; and they stand in Awe of her, knowing her to be a Gentlewoman born, tho’ she has had Misfortunes.

I am going on again with a long Letter; for I love Writing, and shall tire you. But when I began, I only intended to say, that I am quite fearless of any Danger now: And indeed can but wonder at myself, (tho’ your Caution to me was your watchful Love) that I should be so foolish as to be so uneasy as I have been: For I am sure my Master would not demean himself so, as to think upon such a poor Girl as I, for my Harm. For such a thing would ruin his Credit as well as mine, you know: Who, to be sure, may expect one of the best Ladies in the Land. So no more at present; but that I am

Your ever-dutiful Daughter.

Letter VI

Dear Father and Mother,

My Master has been very kind since my last; for he has given me a Suit of my late Lady’s Cloaths, and half a Dozen of her Shifts, and Six fine Handkerchiefs, and Three of her Cambrick Aprons, and Four Holland ones. The Cloaths are fine Silk, and too rich and too good for me, to be sure. I wish it was no Affront to him to make Money of them, and send it to you; it would do me more good.

shifts = undergarments
cambrick = fine white linen or cotton Holland = fine linen cloth

You will be full of Fears, I warrant now, of some Design upon me, till I tell you, that he was with Mrs. Jervis when he gave them me; and he gave her a Mort of good Things at the same Time, and bid her wear them in Remembrance of her good Friend, my Lady, his Mother. And when he gave me these fine Things, he said, These, Pamela, are for you; have them made fit for you, when your Mourning is laid by, and wear them for your good Mistress’s sake. Mrs. Jervis gives you a very good Word; and I would have you continue to behave as prudently as you have done hitherto, and every body will be your Friend.

I warrant = I’m sure
mort of = many

I was so surpris’d at his Goodness, that I could not tell what to say. I curtesy’d to him, and to Mrs. Jervis for her good Word; and said, I wish’d I might be deserving of his Favour: And nothing should be wanting in me, to the best of my Knowledge.

wanting = lacking

O how amiable a Thing is doing Good! — It is all I envy great Folks for!

I always thought my young Master a fine Gentleman, as every body says he is: But he gave these good Things to us both with such a Graciousness, as I thought he look’d like an Angel.

Mrs. Jervis says, he ask’d her, If I kept the Men at a Distance; for he said, I was very pretty, and to be drawn in to have any of them, might be my Ruin, and make me poor and miserable betimes. She never is wanting to give me a good Word, and took Occasion to launch out in my Praise, she says. But I hope she said no more than I shall try to deserve, tho’ I mayn’t at present. I am sure I will always love her next to you and my dear Mother. So I rest

Your ever-dutiful Daughter.

betimes = early
never is wanting = never fails

Letter VII

Dear Father,

Since my last, my Master gave me more fine Things. He call’d me up to my late Lady’s Closer, and pulling out her Drawers, he gave me Two Suits of fine Flanders lac’d Headcloaths, Three Pair of fine Silk Shoes, two hardly the worse, and just fit for me, and the other with rich Silver Buckles in them (for my Lady had a very little Foot); and several Ribbands and Topknots of all Colours; Four Pair of fine white Cotton Stockens, and Three Pair of fine Silk ones; and two Pair of rich Stays. I was quite astonished, and unable to speak for a while; but yet I was inwardly ashamed to take the Stockens; for Mrs. Jervis was not there: If she had, it would have been nothing. I believe I receiv’d them very awkwardly; for he smil’d at my Awkwardness, and said, Don’t blush, Pamela: Dost think I don’t know pretty Maids wear Shoes and Stockens?

I was so confounded at these Words, you might have beat me down with a Feather. For, you must think, there was no Answer to be made to this: So, like a Fool, I was ready to cry; and went away curtesying and blushing, I am sure, up to the Ears; for, tho’ there was no Harm in what he said, yet I did not know how to take it. But I went and told all to Mrs. Jervis, who said, God put it into his Heart to be good to me; and I must double my Diligence. It looked to her, she said, as if he would fit me in Dress for a Waiting-maid’s Place on Lady Davers’s own Person.

But still your kind fatherly Cautions came into my Head, and made all these Gifts nothing near to me what they would have been. But yet, I hope, there is no Reason; for what Good could it do to him to harm such a simple Maiden as me? Besides, to be sure, no Lady would look upon him, if he should so disgrace, himself. So I will make myself easy; and indeed, I should never have been otherwise, if you had not put it into my Head; for my Good, I know very well. But, may-be, without these Uneasinesses to mingle with these Benefits, I might be too much puff’d up: So I will conclude. All that happens is for our Good; and so, God bless you, my dear Father and Mother; and I know you constantly pray for a Blessing upon me; who am, and shall always be,

Your dutiful Daughter.

Letter VIII

Dear Pamela,

I Cannot but renew my Cautions to you on your Master’s Kindness to you, and his free Expression to you about the Stockens. Yet there may not be, and I hope there is not, any thing in it. But when I reflect, that there possibly may, and that if there should, no less depends upon it than my Child’s everlasting Happiness in this World and the next; it is enough to make one fearful for you. Arm yourself, my dear Child, for the worst; and resolve to lose your Life sooner than your Virtue. What tho’ the Doubts I fill’d you with, lessen the Pleasure you would have had in your Master’s Kindness, yet what signify the Delights that arise from a few paltry fine Cloaths, in Comparison with a good Conscience?

These are indeed very great Favours that he heaps upon you, but so much the more to be suspected; and when you say he look’d so amiably, and like an Angel, how afraid I am, that they should make too great an Impression upon you; For, tho’ you are blessed with Sense and Prudence above your Years, yet I tremble to think what a sad Hazard a poor Maiden of little more than Fifteen Years of Age stands against the Temptations of this World, and a designing young Gentleman, if he should prove so; who has so much Power to oblige, and has a kind of Authority to command as your Master.

I charge you, my dear Child, on both our Blessings, poor as we are, to be on your Guard; there can be no Harm in that: and since Mrs. Jervis is so good a Gentlewoman, and so kind to you, I am the easier a great deal, and so is your Mother, and we hope you will hide nothing from her, and take her Counsel in every thing. So, with our Blessings and assured Prayers for you, more than for ourselves, we remain

Your loving Father and Mother.

Be sure don’t let People’s telling you you are pretty, puff you up: for you did not make yourself, and so can have no Praise due to you for it. It is Virtue and Goodness only, that make the true Beauty. Remember that, Pamela.

Letter IX

Dear Father and Mother,

I Am sorry to write you Word, that the Hopes I had of going to wait on Lady Davers are quite over. My Lady would have had me; but my Master, as I heard by-the-bye, would not consent to it. He said, her Nephew might be taken with me, and I might draw him in, or be drawn in by him; and he thought, as his Mother loved me, and committed me to his Care, he ought to continue me with him; and Mrs. Jervis would be a Mother to me. Mrs. Jervis tells me, the Lady shook her Head, and said, Ah! Brother! and that was all. And as you have made me fearful by your Cautions, my Heart at times misgives me. But I say nothing yet of your Caution, or my own Uneasiness, to Mrs Jervis; not that I mistrust her, but for fear she should think me presumptuous, and vain, and conceited, to have any Fears about the matter, from the great Distance between so great a Man, and so poor a Girl. But yet Mrs. Jervis seemed to build something upon Lady Davers’ shaking her Head, and saying, Ah! Brother, and no more! God, I hope, will give me his Grace; and so I will not, if I can help it, make myself too uneasy; for I hope there is no Occasion But every little matter that happens, I will acquaint you with, that you shall continue to me your good Advice, and pray for

Your sad-hearted Pamela.

Letter X

Dear Mother,

You and my good Father may wonder you have not had a Letter from me in so many Weeks; but a sad, sad Scene has been the Occasion of it. For, to be sure, now it is too plain, that all your Cautions were well-grounded. O my dear Mother! I am miserable, truly miserable! — But yet, don’t be frighted, I am honest; — God, of his Goodness, keep me so!

O this Angel of a Master! this fine Gentleman! this gracious Benefactor to your poor Pamela! who was to take care of me at the Prayer of his good dying Mother; who was so careful of me, lest I should be drawn in by Lord Davers’s Nephew, that he would not let me go to Lady Davers’s: This very Gentleman (yes, I must call him Gentleman, tho’ he has fallen from the Merit of that Title) has degraded himself to offer Freedoms to his poor Servant! He has now shewed himself in his true Colours, and to me, nothing appears so black and so frightful.

shewed = shown

I have not been idle; but have writ from time to time, how he, by sly mean Degrees, exposed his wicked Views: But somebody stole my Letter, and I know not what has become of it. It was a very long one. I fear that he who was mean enough to do bad things, in one respect, did not stick at this; but be it as it will, all the Use he can make of it will be, that he may be ashamed of his Part; I not of mine. For he will see I was resolved to be virtuous, and glory’d in the Honesty of my poor Parents.

I will tell you all, the next Opportunity; for I am watch’d very narrowly; and he says to Mrs. Jervis, This Girl is always scribbling; I think she may be better employ’d. And yet I work all Hours with my Needle, upon his Linen, and the fine Linen of the Family; and am besides about flowering him a Waistcoat. — But, Oh! my Heart’s broke almost; for what am I likely to have for my Reward, but Shame and Disgrace, or else ill Words, and hard Treatment! I’ll tell you all soon, and hope I shall find my long Letter.

Your most afflicted Daughter.

I must he and him him now; for he has lost his Dignity with me.

Letter XI

Dear Mother,

Well, I can’t find my Letter, and so I’ll tell you all, as briefly as I can. All went well enough in the main for some time after my last Letter but one. At last, I saw some Reason to suspect; for he would look upon me, whenever he saw me, in such a manner, as shew’d not well; and at last he came to me, as I was in the Summer-house in the little Garden, at work with my Needle, and Mrs. Jervis was just gone from he; and I would have gone out; but he said, No, don’t go, Pamela; I have something to say to you; and you always fly me, when I come near you, as if you were afraid of me.

shew’d = shown

I was much out of Countenance, you may well think: but said at last, It does not become your poor Servant to stay in your Presence, Sir, without your Business requir’d it; and I hope I shall always know my Place.

out of countenance = upset, disturbed

Well, says he, my Business does require it some times, and I have a Mind you should stay to hear what I have to say to you.

I stood all confounded, and began to tremble, and the more when he took me by the Hand; for now no Soul was near us.

My Sister Davers, said he (and seem’d, I thought, to-be as much at a Loss for Words as I) would have had you live with her; but she would not do for you what I am resolved to do, if you continue faithful and obliging. What say’st thou, my Girl? said he, with some Eagerness; hadst thou not rather stay with me, than go to my Sister Davers? He look’d so, as fill’d me with Affrightment; I don’t know how; wildly, I thought.

sister = sister-in-law

I said, when I could speak, Your Honour will forgive me; but as you have no Lady for me to wait upon, and my good Lady has been now dead this Twelvemonth, I had rather, if it would not displease you, wait upon Lady Davers, because —

I was proceeding, and he said a little hastily — Because you are a little Fool, and know not what’s good for yourself. I tell you, I will make a Gentlewoman of you, if you be obliging, and don’t stand in your own Light, and so saying, he put his Arm about me, and kiss’d me!

Now you will say, all his Wickedness appear’d plainly. I struggled, and trembled, and was so benumb’d with Terror, that I sunk down, not in a Fit, and yet not myself; and I found myself in his Arms, quite void of Strength; and he kissed me two or three times, with frightful Eagerness. — At last I burst from him, and was getting out of the Summer-house; but he held me back, and shut the Door.

I would have given my Life for a Farthing. And he said, I’ll do you no Harm, Pamela; don’t be afraid of me, I said, I won’t stay. You won’t, Hussy! said he: Do you know whom you speak to? I lost all Fear, and all Respect, and said, Yes, I do, Sir, too well! — Well may I forget that I am your Servant, when you forget what belongs to a Master.

hussy = slut

I sobb’d and cry’d most sadly. What a foolish Hussy you are! said he; have I done you any Harm? — Yes, Sir, said I, the greatest Harm in the World: You have taught me to forget myself, and what belongs to me, and have lessen’d the Distance that Fortune has made between us, by demeaning yourself, to be so free to a poor Servant. Yet, Sir, I will be bold to say, I am honest, tho’ poor: And if you was a Prince, I would not be otherwise.

He was angry, and said, Who would have you otherwise, you foolish Slut! Cease your Blubbering. I own I have demean’d myself; but it was only to try you: If you can keep this Matter secret, you’ll give me the better Opinion of your Prudence; and here’s something, said he, putting some Gold in my Hand, to make you Amends for the Fright I put you in. Go, take a Walk in the Garden, and don’t go in till your Blubbering is over: And I charge you say nothing of what has past, and all shall be well, and I’ll forgive you.

own = admit

I won’t take the Money, indeed, Sir, said I; poor as I am: I won’t take it. For, to say Truth, I thought it look’d like taking Earnest; and so I put it upon the Bench; and as he seemed vex’d and confus’d at what he had done, I took the Opportunity to open the Door, and went out of the Summer-house.

vex’d = disturbed

He called to me, and said, Be secret, I charge you, Pamela; and don’t go in yet, as I told you.

O how poor and mean must those Actions be, and how little must they make the best of Gentlemen look, when they offer such things as are unworthy of themselves, and put it into the Power of their Inferiors to be greater than they!

I took a Turn or two in the Garden, but in Sight of the House for fear of the worst; and breathed upon my Hand to dry my Eyes, because I would not be too disobedient. My next shall tell you more.

Pray for me, my dear Father and Mother; and don’t be angry. I have not yet run away from this House, so late my Comfort and Delight, but now my Terror and Anguish. I am forc’d to break off hastily,

Your dutiful and honest Daughter.

Letter XII

Dear Mother,

Well, I will now proceed with my sad Story. And so, after I had dry’d my Eyes, I went in, and began to ruminate with myself what I had best to do. Sometimes I thought I would leave the House, and go to the next Town, and wait an Opportunity to get to you; but then I was at a Loss to resolve whether to take away the Things he had given me or no, and how to take them away: Sometimes I thought to leave them behind me, and only go with the Cloaths on my Back; but then I had two Miles and a half, and a By-way to the Town; and being pretty well dress’d, I might come to some Harm, almost as bad as what I would run away from; and then may-be, thought I, it will be reported, I have stolen something, and so was forc’d to run away; and to carry a bad Name back with me to my dear Parents, would be a sad thing indeed! — O how I wish’d for my grey Russet again, and my poor honest Dress, with which you fitted me out, (and hard enough too you had to do it!) for going to this Place, when I was not twelve Years old, in my good Lady’s Days! Sometimes I thought of telling Mrs. Jervis, and taking her Advice, and only feared his Command to be secret; for, thought I, he may be ashamed of his Actions, and never attempt the like again: And as poor Mrs. Jervis depended upon him, thro’ Misfortunes that had attended her, I thought it would be a sad thing to bring his Displeasure upon her for my sake.

In this Quandary, now considering, now crying, and not knowing what to do, I pass’d the Time in my Chamber till Evening; when desiring to be excused going to Supper, Mrs. Jervis came up to me; and said, Why must I sup without you, Pamela? Come, I see you are troubled at something; tell me what is the Matter.

I begg’d I might be permitted to lie with her on Nights; for I was afraid of Spirits, and they would not hurt such a good Person as she. That was a silly Excuse, she said; for why was you not afraid of Spirits before? — (Indeed I did not think of that). But you shall be my Bed-fellow with all my Heart, added she, let your Reason be what it will; only come down to Supper. I begg’d to be excus’d; for, said I, I have been crying so, that it will be taken Notice of by my Fellow-servants; and I will hide nothing from you, Mrs. Jervis, when we are a-bed.

She was so good to indulge me, and went down to Supper; but made more Haste to come up to-bed; and told the Servants, that I should lie with her, because she could not rest well, and she would get me to read her to sleep; for she knew I lov’d reading, as she said.

When we were alone, I told her all that had passed; for I thought, though he had bid me not, yet if he should come to know I had told, it would be no worse; for to keep a Secret of such a Nature, would be, as I apprehended, to deprive myself of the good Advice which I never wanted more; and might encourage him to think I did not resent it as I ought, and would keep worse Secrets, and so make him do worse by me. Was I right, my dear Mother?

apprehended = was anxious about

Mrs. Jervis could not help mingling Tears with my Tears; for I cry’d all the Time I told her the Story, and begg’d her to advise me what to do; and I shew’d her my dear Father’s two Letters, and she praised the Honesty and Inditing of them, and said pleasing Things to me of you both. But she begg’d I would not think of leaving my Service; for, says she, in all Likelihood, you behav’d so virtuously, that he will be asham’d of what he has done, and never offer the like to you again: Though, my dear Pamela, said she, I fear more for your Prettiness than for any thing else; because the best Man in the Land might love you; so she was pleased to say. She said she wish’d it was in her Power to live independent; that then she would take a little private House, and I should live with her like her Daughter.

shew’d = showed

And so, as you order’d me to take her Advice, I resolved to tarry to see how Things went, without he was to turn me away; altho’, in your first Letter, you order’d me to come away the Moment I had any Reason to be apprehensive. So, dear Father and Mother, it is not Disobedience, I hope, that I stay; for I could not expect a Blessing, or the good Fruits of your Prayers for me, if I was disobedient.

apprehensive = anxious

All the next Day I was very sad, and began to write my long Letter. He saw me writing, and said (as I mention’d) to Mrs. Jervis, That Girl is always scribbling; methinks she might find something else to do; or to that purpose. And when I had finish’d my Letter, I put it under the Toilet, in my late Lady’s Dressing-room, whither nobody comes but myself and Mrs. Jervis, besides my Master; but when I came up again to seal it up, to my great Concern, it was gone; and Mrs. Jervis knew nothing of it; and nobody knew of my Master’s having been near the Place in the Time; so I have been sadly troubled about it: But Mrs. Jervis, as well as I, thinks he has it, some how or other; and he appears cross and angry, and seems to shun me, as much as he said I did him. It had better be so than worse!

whither = to where

But he has order’d Mrs. Jervis to bid me not pass so much Time in writing; which is a poor Matter for such a Gentleman as he to take Notice of, as I am not idle other-ways, if he did not resent what he thought I wrote upon. And this has no very good Look.

But I am a good deal easier since I lie with Mrs. Jervis; tho’ after all, the Fears I live in on one Side, and his Frowning and Displeasure at what I do on the other, make me more miserable than enough.

O that I had never left my Rags and my Poverty, to be thus expos’d to Temptations on one hand, or Disgusts on the other! How happy was I a while ago! How contrary now! — Pity and pray for

Your afflicted Pamela.

Letter XIII

My Dearest Child,

Our Hearts bleed for your Distress, and the Temptations you are tried with. You have our hourly Prayers; and we would have you flee this evil Great House and Man, if you find he renews his Attempts. You ought to have done it at first, had you nor had Mrs. Jervis to advise with. We can find no Fault in your Conduct hitherto: But it makes our Hearts ake for fear of the worst. O my Child! Temptations are sore Things; but yet, without them, we know not ourselves, nor what we are able to do.

Your Temptations are very great; for you have Riches, Youth, and a fine Gentleman, as the World reckons him, to withstand; but how great will be your Honour to withstand them! And when we consider your past Conduct, and your virtuous Education, and that you have been bred to be more asham’d of Dishonesty than Poverty, we trust in God, that He will enable you to overcome. Yet, as we can’t see but your Life must be a Burden to you, through the great Apprehensions always upon you; and that it may be presumptious to trust: too much to your own Strength; and that you are but very young; and the Devil may put into his Head to use some Stratagem, of which great Men are full, to decoy you; I think you had better come home to share our Poverty with Safety, than to live with so much Discontent in a Plenty, that itself may be dangerous. God direct you for the best! While you have Mrs. Jervis for an Adviser, and Bedsellow, (and, O my dear Child, that was prudently done of you!) we are easier than we should be; and so committing you to the Divine Protection, remain

Your truly loving, but careful, Father and Mother.

apprehensions = anxieties

Letter XIV

Dear Father and Mother,

Mrs. Jervis and I have liv’d very comfortably together for this Fortnight past; for my Master was all that time at his Lincolnshire Estate, and at his Sister’s the Lady Davers. But he came home Yesterday. He had some Talk with Mrs. Jervis soon after he came home; and mostly about me. He said to her, it seems, Well, Mrs. Jervis, I know Pamela has your good Word; but do you think her of any Use in the Family? She told me, she was surpris’d at the Question; but said, That I was one of the most virtuous and industrious young Creatures that ever she knew. Why that Word virtuous, said he, I pray you? Was there any Reason to suppose her otherwise? Or has any body taken it into their Heads to try her? — I wonder, Sir, says she, you ask such a Question! Who dare offer any thing to her in such an orderly and well-govern’d House as yours, and under a Master of so good a Character for Virtue and Honour? Your Servant, Mrs. Jervis, says he, for your good Opinion; but pray, if any body did, do you think Pamela would let you know it? Why, Sir, said she, she is a poor innocent young Creature, and I believe has so much Confidence in me, that she would take my Advice as soon as she would her Mother’s. Innocent! again; and virtuous, I warrant! Well, Mrs. Jervis, you abound with your Epithets; but I take her to be an artful young Baggage; and had I a young handsome Butler or Steward, she’d soon make her Market of one of them, if she thought it worth while to snap at him for a Husband. Alack-a-day, Sir, said she, ’tis early Days with Pamela; and she does not yet think of a Husband, I dare say: And your Steward and Butler are both Men in Years, and think nothing of the Matter No, said he, if they were younger, they’d have more Wit than to think of such a Girl. I’ll tell you my Mind of her, Mrs. Jervis: I don’t think this same Favourite of yours so very artless a Girl, as you imagine. I am not to dispute with your Honour, said Mrs. Jervis; but I dare say, if the Men will let her alone, she’ll never trouble herself about them. Why, Mrs. Jervis, said he, are there any Men that will not let her alone, that you know of? No, indeed, Sir, said she; she keeps herself so much to herself, and yet behaves so prudently, that they all esteem her, and shew her as great Respect, as if she was a Gentlewoman born.

industrious = hard-working
artful = conniving, deceitful
baggage = hussy, slut
artless = honest, sincere
shew = show

Ay, says he, that’s her Art, that I was speaking of: But let me tell you, the Girl has Vanity and Conceit, and Pride too, or I am mistaken; and, perhaps, I could give you an Instance of it. Sir, said she, you can see further than such a poor silly Woman as I; but I never saw any thing but Innocence in her. — And Virtue too, I’ll warrant ye! said he. But suppose I could give you an Instance, where she has talk’d a little too freely of the Kindnesses that have been shew’d her from a certain Quarter; and has had the Vanity to impute a few kind Words, utter’d in mere Compassion to her Youth and Circumstances, into a Design upon her, and even dar’d to make free with Names that she ought never to mention but with Reverence and Gratitude; what would you say to that? — Say, Sir! said she, I cannot tell what to say. But I hope Pamela incapable of such Ingratitude.

shew’d = shown

Well, no more of this silly Girl, says he; you may only advise her, as you are her Friend, not to give herself too much Licence upon the Favours she meets with; and if she stays here, that she will not write the Affairs of my Family purely for an Exercise to her Pen and her Invention. I tell you, she is a subtle artful Gypsey, and Time will shew it you.

licence = freedom
artful = conniving, deceitful
shew = show

Was ever the like heard, my dear Father and Mother? It is plain he did not expect to meet with such a Repulse, and mistrusts that I have told Mrs. Jervis, and has my long Letter too, that I intended for you; and so is vex’d to the Heart. But I can’t help it. I had better be thought artful and subtle, than be so, in his Sense; and as light as he makes of the Words Virtue and Innocence in me, he would have made a less angry Construction, had I less deserved that he should do so; for then, may-be, my Crime would have been my Virtue with him; naughty Gentleman as he is is! —

vex’d = disturbed

I will soon write again; but must now end with saying, That I am, and shall always be,

Your honest Daughter.

Letter XV

Dear Mother,

I Broke off abruptly my last Letter; for I fear’d he was coming; and so it happen’d. I put the Letter into my Bosom, and took up my Work, which lay by me; but I had so little of the Artful, as he called it, that I look’d as confused, as if I had been doing some great Harm.

artful = conniving, deceitful

Sit still, Pamela, said he, and mind your Work, for all me. — You don’t tell me I am welcome home after my Journey to Lincolnshire. It would be hard, Sir, said I, if you was not always welcome to your Honour’s own House.

I would have gone; but he said, Don’t run away, I tell you. I have a Word or two to say to you. Good Sirs, how my Heart went pit-a-pat! When I was a little kind to you, said he, in the Summer-house, and you carry’d yourself so foolishly upon it, as if I had intended to do you great Harm, did I not tell you, you should take no Notice of what pass’d, to any Creature? And yet you have made a common Talk of the Matter, not considering either my Reputation, or your own. — I made a common Talk of it, Sir! said I: I have nobody to talk to, hardly.

He interrupted me, and said. Hardly! you little Equivocator! what do you mean by hardly? Let me ask you, Have you not told Mrs. Jervis for one? Pray your Honour, said I, all in Agitation, let me go down; for ’tis not for me to hold an Argument with your Honour. Equivocator, again! said he, and took my Hand, what do you talk of an Argument? Is it holding an Argument with me, to answer a plain Question? Answer me what I ask’d. O good Sir, said I, let me beg you will not urge me further, for fear I forget myself again, and be saucy.

saucy = disrespectful

Answer me then, I bid you, says he, Have you not told Mrs. Jervis? It will be saucy in you, if you don’t answer me directly to what I ask. Sir, said I, and fain would have pulled my Hand away, perhaps I should be for answering you by another Question, and that would not become me. What is it you would say? replies be, speak out.

Then, Sir, said I, why should your Honour be so angry I should tell Mrs. Jervis, or any body else, what passed, if you intended no Harm?

Well said, pretty Innocent and Artless! as Mrs. Jervis calls you, said he; and is it thus you taunt and retort upon me, insolent as you are! But still I will be answered directly to my Question? Why then, Sir, said I, I will not tell a Lie for the World: I did tell Mrs. Jervis; for my Heart was almost broken; but I open’d not my Mouth to any other. Very well, Bold-face, said he, and Equivocator again! You did not open your Mouth to any other; but did you not write to some other? Why now, and please your Honour, said I, (for I was quite courageous just then) you could not have asked me this Question if you had not taken from me my Letter to my Father and Mother, in which I own I had broken my Mind freely to them, and asked their Advice, and poured forth my Griefs!

artless = honest
own = admit

And so I am to be exposed, am I, said he, in my House, and out of my House, to the whole World, by such a Saucebox as you? No, good, Sir, said I, and I hope your Honour won’t be angry with me; it is not I that expose you, if I say nothing but the Truth. So, taunting again! Assurance as you are! said he: I will not be thus talk’d to!

Pray, Sir, said I, whom can a poor Girl take Advice of, if it must not be of her Father and Mother, and such a good Woman as Mrs. Jervis, who, for her Sex-sake, should give it me when asked! Insolence! said he, and stamp’d with his Foot, Am I to be question’d thus by such an one as you? I fell down on my Knees, and said, For Heaven’s sake, your Honour, pity a poor Creature, that knows nothing of her Duty, but how to cherish her Virtue and good Name: I have nothing else to trust to: and tho’ poor and friendless here, yet I have always been taught to value Honesty above my Life. Here’s ado with your Honesty, said he, foolish Girl! Is it not one Part of Honesty, to be dutiful and grateful to your Master, do you think? Indeed, Sir, said I, it is impossible I should be ingrateful to your Honour, or disobedient, or deserve the Names of Bold-face and Insolent, which you call me, but when your Commands are contrary to that first Duty, which shall ever be the Principle of my Life!

He seem’d to be moved, and rose up, and walk’d into the great Chamber two or three Turns, leaving me on my Knees; and I threw my Apron over my Face, and laid my Head on a Chair, and cry’d as if my Heart would break, having no Power to stir.

At last he came in again, but, alas! with Mischief in his Heart! and raising me up, he said, Rise, Pamela, rise; you are your own Enemy. Your perverse Folly will be your Ruin: I tell you this, that I am very much displeased with the Freedoms you have taken with my Name to my House-keeper, as also to your Father and Mother; and you may as well have real Cause to take these Freedoms with me, as to make my Name suffer for imaginary ones. And saying so, he offer’d to take me on his Knee, with some Force. O how I was terrify’d! I said, like as I had read in a Book a Night or two before, Angels, and Saints, and all the Host of Heaven, defend me! And may I never survive one Moment, that fatal one in which I shall forfeit my Innocence. Pretty Fool! said he, how will you forfeit your Innocence, if you are oblig’d to yield to a Force you cannot withstand? Be easy, said he; for let the worst happen that can, you’ll have the Merit, and I the Blame; and it will be a good Subject for Letters to your Father and Mother, and a Tale into the Bargain for Mrs. Jervis.

He by Force kissed my Neck and Lips; and said, Who ever blamed Lucretia, but the Ravisher only? And I am content to take all the Blame upon me; as I have already borne too great a Share for what I have deserv’d. May I, said I, Lucretia like, justify myself with my Death, if I am used barbarously? O my good Girl! said he, tauntingly, you are well read, I see; and we shall make out between us, before we have done, a pretty Story in Romance, I warrant ye.

He then put his Hand in my Bosom, and the Indignation gave me double Strength, and I got loose from him by a sudden Spring, and ran out of the Room; and the next Chamber being open, I made shift to get into it, and threw-to the Door, and the Key being on the Inside, it locked; but he follow’d me so close, he got hold of my Gown, and tore a Piece off, which hung without the Door.

I just remember I got into the Room; for I knew nothing further of the Matter till afterwards; for I fell into a Fit with my Fright and Terror, and there I lay, till he, as I suppose, looking through the Key-hole, spy’d me lying all along upon the Floor, stretch’d out at my Length; and then he call’d Mrs. Jervis to me, who, by his Assistance, bursting open the Door, he went away, seeing me coming to myself; and bid her say nothing of the Matter, if she was wise.

Poor Mrs. Jervis thought it was worse, and cry’d over me like as if she was my Mother; and I was two Hours before I came to myself; and just as I got a little up on my Feet, he coming in, I went away again with the Terror; and so he withdrew: But he staid in the next Room to let nobody come near us, that his foul Proceedings might not be known.

Mrs. Jervis gave me her Smelling-bottle, and had cut my Laces, and far me in a great Chair, and he call’d her to him: How is the Girl? said he: I never saw such a Fool in my Life. I did nothing at all to her. Mrs. Jervis could not speak for crying. So he said, She has told you, it seems, that I was kind to her in the Summer-house, tho’ I’ll assure you, I was quite innocent then as well as now, and I desire you to keep this Matter to yourself, and let me not be nam’d in it.

O, Sir, said she, for your Honour’s sake, and for Christ’s sake — But he would not hear her, and said — For your own sake, I tell you, Mrs. Jervis, say not a Word more. I have done her no Harm. And I won’t have her stay in my House; prating, perverse Fool, as she is! But since she is so apt to fall into Fits, or at least pretend to do so, prepare her to see me To-morrow after Dinner, in my Mother’s Closet, and do you be with her, and you shall hear what passes between us.

closet = private room

And so he went out in a Pet, and order’d his Chariot and Four to be got ready, and went a Visiting somewhere.

pet = bad mood
chariot and four = carriage drawn by four horses

Mrs. Jervis then came to me, and I told her all that had happen’d, and said I was resolv’d not to stay in the House: And she saying, He seem’d to threaten as much; I said, I am glad of that; then I shall be easy. So she told me all be had said to her, as I have mention’d above.

Mrs. Jervis is very loth I should go; and yet, poor Woman! she begins to be afraid for herself; but would not have me ruin’d for the World. She says, To be sure he means no Good; but may-be, now he sees me so resolute, he will give over all Attempts: And that I shall better know what to do after To-morrow, when I am to appear before a very bad Judge, I doubt.

loth = unwilling

O how I dread this To-morrow’s Appearance! But be assured, my dear Parents, of the Honesty of your poor Child: As I am sure I am of your Prayers for

Your dutiful Daughter.

O this frightful To-morrow! how I dread it!

Letter XVI

My dear Parents,

I Know you longed to hear from me soon. I send as soon as I could.

Well, you may believe how uneasily I passed the Time, till his appointed Hour came. Every Minute, as it grew nearer, my Terrors increased; and sometimes I had great Courage, and sometimes none at all; and I thought I should faint when it came to the Time my Master had dined. I could neither eat nor drink for my part; and do what I could, my Eyes were swell’d with crying.

At last he went up to the Closet, which was my good Lady’s Dressing-room; a Room I once lov’d, but then as much hated.

Don’t your Heart ake for me? — I am sure mine flutter’d about like a new-caught Bird in a Cage. O Pamela, said I to myself, why art thou so foolish and fearful! Thou hast done no Harm! What, if thou fearest an unjust Judge, when thou art innocent, wouldst thou do before a just one, if thou wert guilty? Have Courage, Pamela, thou knowest the worst! And how easy a Choice Poverty and Honesty is, rather than Plenty and Wickedness?

So I chear’d myself; but yet my poor Heart sunk, and my Spirits were quite broken. Every thing that stirred, I thought was to call me to my Account. I dreaded it, and yet I wished it to come.

Well, at last he rung the Bell; O, thought I, that it was my Passing-bell! Mrs. Jervis went up, with a full Heart enough, poor good Woman! He said, Where’s Pamela? Let her come up, and do you come with her. She came to me: I was ready to come with my Feet, but my Heart was with my dear Father and Mother, wishing to share your Poverty and Happiness. But I went.

passing-bell = church bell rung to mark a death

O how can wicked Men seem so steady and untouch’d, with such black Hearts, while poor Innocents look like Malefactors before them!

He look’d so stern, that my Heart failed me, and I wish’d myself any-where but there, tho’ I had before been summoning up all my Courage. Good Heaven, said I to myself, give me Courage to stand before this naughty Master! O soften him, or harden me!

Come in, Fool, said he, angrily, as soon as he saw me (and snatch’d my Hand with a Pull); you may well be ashamed to see me, after your Noise and Nonsense, and exposing me as you have done. I asham’d to see you! thought I: Very pretty indeed! — But I said nothing.

Mrs. Jervis, said he, here you are both together, Do you sit down; but let her stand if she will: Ay thought I, if I can; for my Knees beat one against another. Did you not think, when you saw the Girl in the Way you found her in, that I had given her the greatest Occasion that could possibly be given any Woman? And that I had actually ruined her, as she calls it? Tell me, could you think any thing less? Indeed, say’d she, I fear’d so at first. Has she told you what I did to her, and all I did to her, to occasion all this Folly, by which my Reputation might have suffer’d in your Opinion, and in that of all the Family? — Inform me, what has she told you?

She was a little too much frighted, as she owned afterwards, at his Sternness, and said. Indeed she told me you only pulled her on your Knee, and kissed her.

owned = admitted

Then I plucked up my Spirit a little. Only! Mrs. Jervis, said I; and was not that enough to shew me what I had to fear? When a Master of his Honour’s Degree demeans himself to be so free as that to such a poor Servant as me, what is the next to be expected? — But your Honour went further, so you did; and threaten’d me what you would do, and talk’d of Lucretia, and her hard Fate. — Your Honour knows you went too far for a Master to a Servant, or even to his Equal; and I cannot bear it. So I fell a crying most sadly.

degree = social rank

Mrs. Jervis began to excuse me, and to beg he would pity a poor Maiden, that had such a Value for her Reputation. He said, I speak it to her Face, I think her very pretty, and I thought her humble, and one that would not grow upon my Favours, or the Notice I took of her, but I abhor the Thought of forcing her to any thing. I know myself better, said he, and what, belongs to me: And to be sure I have enough demean’d myself to take Notice of such a one as she; but I was bewitch’d by her, I think, to be freer than became me; tho’ I had no Intention to carry the Jest farther.

What poor Stuff was all this, my dear Mother, from a Man of his Sense! But see how a bad Cause and bad Actions confound the greatest Wits! — It gave me a little more Courage then; for Innocence, I find, in a weak mind, has many Advantages over Guilt, with all its Riches and Wisdom.

stuff = nonsense

So I said, Your Honour may call this Jest or Sport, or what you please; but indeed, Sir, it is not a Jest that becomes the Distance between a Master and a Servant. Do you hear, Mrs. Jervis? said he: Do you hear the Pertness of the Creature? I had a good deal of this Sort before in the Summer-house, and Yesterday too, which made me rougher with her than perhaps I had otherwise been.

pertness = insolence

Says Mrs. Jervis, Pamela, don’t be pert to his Honour? You should know your Distance; you see his Honour was only in Jest. — O dear Mrs. Jervis, said I, don’t you blame me too. It is very difficult to keep one’s Distance to the greatest of Men, when they won’t keep it themselves to their meanest Servants.

See again, said he; could you believe this of the young Baggage, if you had not heard it? Good your Honour, said the well-meaning Gentlewoman, pity and forgive the poor Girl; she is but a Girl, and her Virtue is very dear to her; and I will pawn my Life for her, she will never be pert to your Honour, if you’ll be so good as to molest her no more, nor frighten her again. Said she, You see how, by her Fit, she was in Terror; she could not help it; and tho’ your Honour intended her no Harm, yet the Apprehension was almost Death to her: And I had much ado to bring her to herself again. O the little Hypocrite! said he; she has all the Arts of her Sex; they are born with her; and I told you a-while ago, you did not know her. But, said he, this was not the Reason principally of my calling you before me both together: I find I am likely to suffer in my Reputation by the Perverseness and Folly of this Girl. She has told you all, and perhaps more than all; nay, I make no Doubt of it; and she has written Letters (for I find she is a mighty Letter-writer!) to her Father and Mother, and others, as far as I know; in which she makes herself an Angel of Light, and me, her kind Master and Benefactor, a Devil incarnate. — (O how People will sometimes, thought I, call themselves by their right Names! — ) And all this I won’t bear; and so I am resolv’d she shall return to the Distresses and Poverty she was taken from; and let her take care how she uses my Name with Freedom, when she is gone from me.

apprehension = anxiety
baggage = hussy, slut

I was brighten’d up at once with these welcome Words: And I threw myself upon my Knees at his Feet, with a most sincere, glad Heart, and I said, May your Honour be for ever blessed for your Resolution! Now I shall be happy. And permit me, on my bended Knees, to thank you for all the Benefits and Favours you have heap’d upon me; for the Opportunities I have had of Improvement and Learning, thro’ my good Lady’s Means, and yours. I will now forget all your Honour has offer’d to me: And I promise you, that I will never take your Name in my Lips, but with Reverence and Gratitude: And so God Almighty bless your Honour, for ever and ever, Amen!

Then rising from my Knees, I went away with another-guise sort of Heart than I came into his Presence with: And so I fell to writing this Letter. And thus all is happily over.

And now, my dearest Father and Mother, expect to see soon your poor Daughter, with an humble and dutiful Mind return’d to you: And don’t fear but I know how to be happy with you as ever: For I will lie in the Loft, as I used to do; and pray let the little Bed be got ready; and I have a little Money, which will buy me a Suit of Cloaths, fitter for my Condition than what I have; and I will get Mrs. Mumford to help me to some Needle-work; and fear not that I shall be a Burden to you, if my Health continues; and I know I shall be blessed, if not for my own sake, for both your sakes, who have, in all your Trials and Misfortunes, preserved so much Integrity, as makes every body speak well of you both. But I hope he will let good Mrs. Jervis give me a Character, for fear it should be thought I was turn’d away for Dishonesty.

condition = social rank

And so, my dear Parents, may you be blest for me, and I for you! And I will always pray for my Master and Mrs. Jervis. So good Night; for it is late, and I shall be soon called to-bed.

I hope Mrs. Jervis is not angry with me, because she has not called me to Supper with her; tho’ I could eat nothing if she had. But I make no Doubt I shall sleep purely To-night, and dream that I am with you, in my dear, dear, happy Loft once more.

So good Night again, my dear Father and Mother, says

Your honest poor Daughter.

May-hap I mayn’t come this Week, because I must get up the Linen, and leave in Order every thing belonging to my Place. So send me a Line if you can, to let me know if I shall be welcome, by John, who’ll call for it as he returns. But say nothing of my coming away to him, as yet: For it will be said I blab every thing.

Letter XVII

My dearest Daughter,

Welcome, welcome, ten times welcome, shall you be to us; for you come to us innocent, and happy, and honest; and you are the Staff of our old Age, and our Comfort too. And tho’ we cannot do for you as we would, yet we doubt not we shall live comfortably together, and what with my diligent Labour, and your poor Mother’s Spinning, and your Needle-work, I make no Doubt we shall live better and better. Only your poor Mother’s Eyes begin to fail her; tho’ I bless God, I am as strong, and able, and willing to labour as ever; and O my dear Child, your Virtue has made me, I think, stronger and better than I was before. What blessed Things are Trials and Temptations to us, when they be overcome!

But I am thinking about those same four Guineas: I think you should give them back again to your Master; and yet I have broke them. Alas! I have only three left; but I will borrow it, if I can, Part upon my Wages, and Part of Mrs. Mumford, and send it to you, that you may return it, against John comes next, if he comes again, before you.

guineas = gold coins

I want to know how you come. I fancy honest John will be glad to bear you Company Part of the Way, if your Master is not so cross as to forbid him. And if I know time enough, your Mother will go one five Miles, and I will go ten on the Way, or till I meet you, as far as one Holiday will go; for that I can get Leave for: And we shall receive you with more Pleasure than we had at your Birth, when all the worst was over; or than we ever had in our Lives.

And so God bless you, till the happy Time comes! say both your Mother and I; which is all at present, from

Your truly loving Parents.

Letter XVIII

Dear Father and Mother,

I Thank you a thousand times for your Goodness to me, express’d in your last Letter. I now long to get my Business done, and come to my new-old Lot, again, as I may call it. I have been quite another thing since my Master has turned me off; and as I shall come to you an honest Daughter, what Pleasure it is to what I should have had, if I could not have seen you but as a guilty one! Well, my writing Time will soon be over, and so I will make use of it now, and tell you all that has happened since my last Letter.

lot = fate

I wonder’d Mrs. Jervis did not call me to sup with her, and fear’d she was angry; and when I had finish’d my Letter, I long’d for her coming to Bed. At last she came up, but seem’d shy and reserv’d; and I said, O my dear Mrs. Jervis, I am glad to see you: You are not angry with me, I hope. She said she was sorry Things had gone so far; and that she had a great deal of Talk with my Master after I was gone; that he seem’d mov’d at what I said, and at my falling on my Knees to him, and my Prayer for him, at my going away. He said, I was a strange Girl; he knew not what to make of me: And is she gone? said he: I intended to say something else to her, but she behav’d so oddly, that I had not Power to stop her. She ask’d, If she should call me again? He said, Yes; and then, No, let her go; it is best for her and me too, that she shall go now I have given her Warning. But where she had it, I can’t tell; but I never met with the Fellow of her in my Life, at any Age. She said, he had order’d her not to tell me all: But she believ’d he never would offer any thing to me again, and I might stay, she fansy’d, if I would beg it as a Favour; tho’ she was not sure neither.

fansy’d = imagined

I stay! dear Mrs. Jervis, said I; why ’tis the best News that could have come to me, that he will let me go. I do nothing but long to go back again to my Poverty and Distress, as he said I should; for, tho’ I am sure of the Poverty, I shall not have half the Distress I have had for some Months past, I’ll assure you.

Mrs. Jervis, dear good Soul! wept over me, and said, Well, well, Pamela, I did not think I had shew’d so little Love to you, as that you should express so much Joy to leave me. I am sure I never had a Child half so dear to me as you.

shew’d = shown

I wept to hear her so good to me, as indeed she has always been; and said, What would you have me to do, dear Mrs. Jervis? I love you next to my own Father and Mother, and to leave you is the chief Concern I have at quitting this Place; but I am sure it is certain Ruin if I stay. After such Offers, and such Threatenings, and his comparing himself to a wicked Ravisher, in the very Time of his last Offer; and making a Jest of me, that we should make a pretty Story in Romance; can I stay, and be safe? Has he not demean’d himself twice? And it behoves me to beware of the third time, for fear he should lay his Snares surer; for may-hap he did not expect a poor Servant would resist her Master so much. And must it not be look’d upon as a sort of Warrant for such Actions, if I stay after this? For I think, when one of our Sex finds she is attempted, it is an Encouragement to a Person to proceed, if one puts one’s self in the Way of it, when one can help it; and it shews one can forgive what in short, ought not to be forgiven: Which is no small Countenance to foul Actions, I’ll assure you.

warrant = approval
snares = traps

She hugg’d me to her, and said, I’ll assure you! Pretty-face, where gottest thou all thy Knowledge, and thy good Notions, at these Years? Thou art a Miracle for thy Age, and I shall always love thee. — But, do you resolve to leave us, Pamela?

Yes, my dear Mrs. Jervis, said I; for, as Matters stand, how can I do otherwise? — But I’ll do all the Duties of my Place first, if I may. And hope you’ll give me a Character as to my Honesty, that it may not be thought I was turn’d away for any Harm. Ay, that I will, said she; I will give thee such a Character as never Girl at thy Years deserv’d. And, I am sure, said I, I will always love and honour you, as my third best Friend, where-ever I go, or whatever becomes of me.

And so we went to Bed, and I never wak’d ’till ’twas Time to rise; which I did, as blythe as a Bird, and went about my Business with great Pleasure.

But I believe my Master is fearfully angry with me; for he pass’d by me two or three times, and would not speak to me; and towards Evening he met me in the Passage, going into the Garden, and said such a Word to me as I never heard in my Life from him, to Man, Woman or Child; for he first said, This Creature’s always in my way, I think. I said, standing up as close as I could (and the Entry was wide enough for a Coach too) I hope I shan’t be long in your Honour’s Way. D—n you! said he (that was the hard Word) for a little Witch; I have no Patience with you.

I profess, I trembled to hear him say so; but I saw he was vex’d; and as I am going away, I minded it the less. But I see, my dear Parents, that when a Person will do wicked Things, it is no Wonder he will speak wicked Words. And so I rest

Your dutiful Daughter.

vex’d = disturbed

Letter XIX

Dear Father and Mother,

Our John having no Opportunity to go your Way, I write again, and send both Letters at once. I can’t say, yet, when I shall get away, nor how I shall come; because Mrs. Jervis shew’d my Master the Waistcoat I am flowering for him, and he said. It looks well enough: I think the Creature had best stay till she has finish’d it.

shew’d = showed

There is some private Talk carry’d on betwixt him and Mrs. Jervis, that she don’t tell me of; but yet she is very kind to me, and I don’t mistrust her at all. I should be very base if I did. But, to be sure, she must oblige him, and keep all his lawful Commands; and other, I dare say, she won’t keep: She is too good, and loves me too well; but she must stay when I am gone, and so must get no Ill-will.

She has been at me again to ask to stay, and humble myself, as she calls it. But what have I done, Mrs. Jervis? said I: If I have been a Sauce-box, and a Bold-face, and Pert, and a Creature, as he calls me, have I not had Reason? Do you think I should ever have forgot myself, if he had not forgot to act as my Master? Tell me, from your own Heart, dear Mrs. Jervis, said I, if you think I could stay and be safe: What would you think, or how would you act, in my Case?

My dear Pamela, said she, and kiss’d me, I don’t know how I should act, or what I should think. I hope I should act as you do. But I know nobody else that would. My Master is a fine Gentleman; he has a great deal of Wit and Sense, and is admir’d, as I know, by half a dozen Ladies, who would think themselvs happy in his Addresses. He has a noble Estate; and yet I believe he loves my good Maiden, tho’ his Servant, better than all the Ladies in the Land; and he has try’d to overcome it, because he knows you are so much his Inferior; and ’tis my Opinion he finds he can’t; and that vexes his proud Heart, and makes him resolve you shan’t stay; and so he speaks so to cross you, when he sees you by Accident.

vexes = upsets

Well, but, Mrs. Jervis, said I, let me ask you, if he can stoop to like such a poor Girl as I, as perhaps he may (for I have read of Things almost as strange, from great Men to poor Damsels) What can it be for? — He may condescend, may-hap, to think I may be good enough for his Harlot; and those Things don’t disgrace Men, that ruin poor Women, as the World goes. And so, if I was wicked enough, he would keep me till I was undone, and ’till his Mind changed; for even wicked Men, I have read, soon grow weary of Wickedness of one Sort, and love Variety. Well then, poor Pamela must be turn’d off, and look’d upon as a vile abandon’d Creature, and every body would despise her; ay, and justly too, Mrs. Jervis; for she that can’t keep her Virtue, ought to live in Disgrace.

harlot = whore

But, Mrs. Jervis, continued I, let me tell you, that I hope, if I was sure he would always be kind to me, and never turn me off at all, that I shall have so much Grace, as to hate and withstand his Temptations, were he not only my Master, but my King; and that for the Sin’s sake. This my poor dear Parents have always taught me; and I should be a sad wicked Creature indeed, if, for the sake of Riches or Favour, I should forfeit my good Name: yea, and worse than any other young body of my Sex; because I can so contentedly return to my Poverty again, and think it less Disgrace to be oblig’d to wear Rags, and live upon Rye-bread and Water, as I used to do, than to be a Harlot to the greatest Man in the World.

Mrs. Jervis lifted up her Hands, and had her Eyes full of Tears. God bless you, my dear Love! said she; you are my Admiration and Delight. — How shall I do to part with you!

Well, good Mrs. Jervis, said I, let me ask you now: — You and he have had some Talk, and you mayn’t be suffer’d to tell me all. But, do you think, if I was to ask to stay, that he is sorry for what he has done? ay, and asham’d of it too? for I am sure he ought, considering his high Degree, and my low Degree, and how I have nothing in the World to trust to but my Honesty: Do you think in your own Conscience now (pray answer me truly) that he would never offer any thing to me again, and that I could be safe?

degree = social rank

Alas! my dear Child, said she, don’t put thy home Questions to me, with that pretty becoming Earnestness in thy Look. I know this, that he is vex’d at what he has done; he was vex’d the first time, more vex’d the second time.

vex’d = disturbed

Yes, said I, and so he will be vex’d, I suppose, the third, and the fourth time too, ’till he has quite ruin’d your poor Maiden; and who will have Cause to be vex’d then?

Nay, Pamela, said she, don’t imagine that I would be accessary to your Ruin for the World. I only can say, that he has, yet, done you no Hurt; and ’tis no Wonder he should love you, you are so pretty; tho’ so much beneath him: But I dare swear for him, he never will offer you any Force.

You say, said I, that he was sorry for his first Offer in the Summer-house; well, and how long did his Sorrow last? — Only ’till he found me by myself; and then he was worse than before: and so became sorry again. And if he has deign’d to love me, and you say can’t help it, why he can’t help it neither, if he should have an Opportunity, a third time to distresse me. And I have read, that many a Man has been asham’d of his Wickedness at a Repulse, that never would, had he succeeded. Besides, Mrs. Jervis, if he really intends to offer no Force, What does that mean? — While you say he can’t help liking me, for Love it cannot be — Does it not imply, that he hopes to ruin me by my own Consent? I think, said I, (and I hope I should have Grace to do so) that I should not give way to his Temptations on any Account; but it would be very presumptuous in me to rely upon my own Strength, against a Gentleman of his Qualifications and Estate, and who is my Master; and thinks himself intitled to call me Bold-face, and what not? only for standing on my necessary Defence: And that where the Good of my Soul and Body, and my Duty to God, and my Parents, are all concern’d. How then, Mrs. Jervis, said I, can I ask or wish to stay?

Well, well, says she, as he seems very desirous you should not stay, I hope it is from a good Motive; for fear he should be tempted to disgrace himself as well as you. No, no, Mrs. Jervis, said I; I have thought of that too; for I would be glad to think of him with that Duty that becomes me: But then he would have let me gone to Lady Davers, and not have hinder’d my Preferment. And he would not have said, I should return to my Poverty and Distress, when, by his Mother’s Goodness, I had been lifted out of it; but that he intended to fright me, and punish me, as he thought, for not complying with his Wickedness: and this shews me enough what I have to expect from his future Goodness, except I will deserve it at his own dear, dear Price.

She was silent, and I said, Well, there’s no more to be said; I must go, that’s certain: All my Concern will be how to part with you: And indeed, next to you, with every body; for all my Fellow-servants have loved me, and you and they will cost me a Sigh, and a Tear, too, now-and-then, I am sure. And so I fell a-crying: I could not help it. For it is a pleasant Thing to one to be in a House among a great many Fellow-servants, and be belov’d by them all.

Nay, I should have told you before now, how kind and civil Mr. Longman our Steward is; vastly courteous, indeed, on all Occasions! And he said once to Mrs. Jervis, he wish’d he was a young Man for my sake; I should be his Wife, and he would settle all he had upon me on Marriage; and, you must know, he is reckon’d worth a Power of Money.

I take no Pride in this; but bless God, and your good Example, my dear Parents, that I have been enabled so to carry myself, as to have every body’s good Word. Not but that our Cook one Day, who is a little snappish and cross sometimes, said once to me, Why this Pamela of ours goes as fine as a Lady. See what it is to have a fine Face! — I wonder what the Girl will come to at last!

She was hot with her Work; and I sneak’d away; for I seldom go down into the Kitchen; and I heard the Butler say, Why, Jane, nobody has your good Word: What has Mrs. Pamela done to you? I am sure she offends nobody. And what, said the peevish Wench, have I said to her, Foolatum; but that she was pretty? They quarrell’d afterwards, I heard: I was sorry for it, but troubled myself no more about it. Forgive this silly Prattle, from

Your dutiful Daughter.

prattle = pointless chatter

O! I forgot to say, that I would stay to finish the Waistcoat; I never did a prettier Piece of Work; and I am up early and late to gee it done; for I long to come to you.

Letter XX

My dear Father and Mother,

I Did not send my last Letters so soon as I hop’d, because John (whether my Master mistrusts or no, I can’t say) had been sent to Lady Davers’s, instead of Isaac, who used to go; and I could not be so free with, nor so well trust Isaac; tho’ he is very civil to me too. So I was forced to stay ’till John return’d.

As I may not have Opportunity to send again soon, and yet as I know you keep my Letters, and read them over and over, (so John told me) when you have done Work, (so much does your Kindness make you love all that comes from your poor Daughter) and as it may be some little Pleasure to me, may-hap, to read them myself, when I am come to you, to remind me what I have gone thro’, and how great God’s Goodness has been to me (which, I hope, will further strengthen my good Resolutions, that I may not hereafter, from my bad Conduct, have Reason to condemn myself from my own Hand as it were): For all these Reasons, I say, I will write as I have Time, and as Matters happen, and send the Scribble to you as I have Opportunity; and if I don’t every time, in Form, subscribe as I ought, I am sure you will always believe, that it is not for want of Duty. So I will begin where I left off about the Talk between Mrs. Jervis and me, for me to ask to stay.

want = lack

Unknown to Mrs. Jervis, I put a Project, as I may call it, in Practice. I thought with myself some Days ago, Here I shall go home to my poor Father and Mother, and have nothing on my Back, that will be fit for my Condition; for how should your poor Daughter look with a Silk Night-gown, Silken Petticoats, Cambrick Head-cloaths, fine Holland Linen, lac’d Shoes, that were my Lady’s, and fine Stockens! And how in a little while must they have look’d, like old Cast-offs indeed, and I look’d so for wearing them! And People would have said, (for poor Folks are envious, as well as rich) See there Goody Andrews’s Daughter, turn’d home from her fine Place! What a tawdry Figure she makes! And how well that Garb becomes her poor Parents Circumstances! — And how would they look upon me, thought I to myself, when they come to be thread-bare and worn out? And how should I look, even if I could get homespun Cloaths, to dwindle into them one by one, as I could get them? — May-be, an old Silk Gown, and a Linsey-woolsey Petticoat, and the like. So, thought I, I had better get myself at once ’quipt in the Dress that will become my Condition; and tho’ it may look but poor to what I have been us’d to wear of late Days, yet it will serve me, when I am with you, for a good Holiday and Sunday Suit, and what, by a Blessing on my Industry, I may, perhaps, make shift to keep up to.

condition = social rank
cambrick = fine white linen or cotton
Holland = fine linen cloth

So, as I was saying, unknown to any body, I bought of Farmer Nichols’s Wife and Daughters, a good sad-colour’d Stuff, of their own Spinning, enough to make me a Gown and two Petticoats; and I made Robings and Facings of a pretty Bit of printed Calico, I had by me.

I had a pretty good Camblet quilted Coat, that I thought might do tolerably well; and I bought two Flanel Under-coats; not so good as my Swan-skin and fine Linen ones, but what will keep me warm, if any Neighbour should get me to go out to help ’em to milk, now-and-then, as sometimes I us’d to do formerly; for I am resolv’d to do all your good Neighbours what Kindness I can; and hope to make myself as much belov’d about you, as I am here.

I got some pretty good Scots Cloth, and made me, at Mornings and Nights, when nobody saw me, two Shifts; and I have enough left for two Shirts, and two Shifts, for you, my dear Father and Mother. When I come home, I’ll make ’em for you, and desire your Acceptance as my first Present.

Then I bought of a Pedlar, two pretty enough round-ear’d Caps, a little Straw-hat, and a Pair of knit Mittens, turn’d up with white Calico; and two Pair of ordinary blue Worsted Hose, that make a smartish Appearance, with white Clocks, I’ll assure you; and two Yards of black Ribband for my Shift Sleeves, and to serve as a Necklace; and when I had ’em all come home, I went and look’d upon them once in two Hours, for two Days together: For, you must know, tho’ I lie with Mrs. Jervis, I keep my own little Apartment still for my Cloaths; and nobody goes thither but myself. You’ll say, I was no bad Housewife to have sav’d so much Money; but my dear good Lady was always giving me something.

worsted = woolen
thither, to there

I believ’d myself the more oblig’d to do this, because, as I was turn’d away for what my good Master thought Want of Duty; and, as he expected other Returns for his Presents, than I intended to make him; so I thought it was but just to leave his Presents behind me when I went away; for, you know, if I would not earn his Wages, why should I have them?

want = lack

Don’t trouble yourself, now I think of it, about the Four Guineas, nor borrow to make them up; for they were given me, with some Silver, as I told you, as a Perquisite, being what my Lady had about her when she dy’d; and, as I hope for no other Wages, I am so vain as to think I have deserv’d them in the fourteen Months, since my Lady’s Death: For she, good Soul! overpaid me before, in Learning and other Kindnesses. — Had she liv’d, none of these Things might have happen’d! — But I ought to be thankful ’tis no worse. Every thing will turn about for the best; that’s my Confidence.

guineas = gold coins

So, as I was saying, I have provided a new and more suitable Dress, and I long to appear in it, more than ever I did in any new Cloaths in my Life; for then I shall be soon after with you, and at Ease in my Mind. — But, mum — I am, &c.

Letter XXI

My dear Father and Mother,

I was forc’d to break off; for I fear’d my Master was coming; but it prov’d to be only Mrs. Jervis. She came to me, and said, I can’t endure you should be so much by yourself, Pamela. And I, said I, dread nothing so much as Company; for my Heart was up at my Mouth now, for fear my Master was coming. But I always rejoice to see my dear Mrs. Jervis.

Said she, I have had a World of Talk with my Master about you. I am sorry for it, said I, that I am made of so much Consequence as to be talk’d of by him. O, said she, I must not tell you all; but you are of more Consequence to him, than you think for —

Or wish for, said I; for the Fruits of being of Consequence to him, would make me of none to myself, or any body else.

Said she, Thou art as witty as any Lady in the Land: I wonder where thou gottest it. But they must be poor Ladies, with such great Opportunities, I am sure, if they have no more than I. — But let that pass.

I suppose, said I, that I am of so much Consequence, however, as to vex him, if it be but to think, he can’t make a Fool of such a one as I; and that is nothing at all, but a Rebuke to the Pride of his high Condition, which he did not expect, and knows not how to put up with.

vex = upset
condition = social rank

There is something in that, may-be, said she; but indeed, Pamela, he is very angry at you too; and calls you twenty perverse Things; wonders at his own Folly, to have shewn you so much Favour, as he calls it; which he was first inclin’d to, he says, for his Mother’s sake, and would have persisted to shew you for your own, if you was not your own Enemy.

Nay, now I shan’t love you, Mrs. Jervis, said I; you are going to persuade me to ask to stay, tho’ you know the Hazards I run. — No, said she, he says you shall go; for he thinks it won’t be for his Reputation to keep you: But he wish’d (don’t speak of it for the World, Pamela) that he knew a Lady of Birth, just such another as yourself, in Person and Mind, and he would marry her Tomorrow.

I colour’d up to the Ears at this Word; but said, Yet if I was the Lady of Birth, and he would offer to be rude first, as he has twice done to poor me, I don’t know whether I would have him: For she that can bear an Insult of that kind, I should think not worthy to be any Gentleman’s Wife; any more than he would be a Gentleman that would offer it.

Nay, now, Pamela, said she, thou carriest thy Notions a great way. Well, dear Mrs. Jervis, said I, very seriously, for I could not help it, I am more full of Fears than ever. I have only to beg of you, as one of the best Friends I have in the World, to say nothing of my asking to stay. To say my Master likes me, when I know what End he aims at, is Abomination to my Ears; and I shan’t think myself safe till I am at my poor Father’s and Mother’s.

She was a little angry at me, ’till I assured her, that I had not the least Uneasiness on her Account, but thought myself safe under her Protection and Friendship. And so we dropt the Discourse for that Time.

I hope to have finish’d this ugly Waistcoat in two Days; after which, I have only some Linen to get up, and do something to, and shall then let you know how I shall contrive as to my Passage; for the heavy Rains will make it sad travelling on Foot: But maybe I may get a Place to ——, which is ten Miles of the Way, in Farmer Nichols’s close Cart; for I can’t sit a Horse well at all. And may-be nobody will be suffer’d to see me on upon the Way. But I hope to let you know more,

contrive = plan
suffer’d = allowed

From, &c.

Letter XXII

My dear Father and Mother,

ALL my Fellow-servants have now some Notion, that I am to go away; but can’t imagine for what. Mrs. Jervis tells them, that my Father and Mother, growing in Years, cannot live without me; and so I go to them, to help to comfort their old Age; but they seem not to believe it.

What they found it out by, was, the Butler heard him say to me, as I pass’d by him, in the Entry leading to the Hall, Who’s that’s? Pamela, Sir, said I. Pamela! said he, How long are you to stay here? — Only, please your Honour, said I, till I have done the Waistcoat; and it is almost done. — You might, says he, (very roughly indeed) have finished that long enough ago, I should have thought. Indeed, and please your Honour, said I, I have work’d early and late upon it; there is a great deal of Work in it. — Work in it! said he; yes, you mind your Pen more than your Needle; I don’t want such idle Sluts to stay in my House.

He seem’d startled, when he saw the Butler. As he enter’d the Hall, where Mr. Jonathan stood, What do you here? said he. — The Butler was as much confounded as I; for I, never having been tax’d so roughly, could not help crying sadly; and got out of both their ways to Mrs. Jervis, and told my Complaint. This Love, said she, is the D———l! in how many strange Shapes does it make People shew themselves? And in some the farthest from their Hearts.

So one, and then another, has been since whispering, Pray, Mrs. Jervis, are we to lose Mrs. Pamela? as they always call me — What has she done? And then she tells them as above, about going home to you.

She said afterwards to me, Well, Pamela, you have made our Master, from the sweetest-temper’d Gentleman in the World, one of the most peevish. But you have it in your Power to make him as sweet-temper’d as ever; tho’ I hope you’ll never do it on his Terms.

This was very good in Mrs. Jervis; but it intimated, that she thought as ill of his Designs as I; and as she knew his Mind more than I, it convinced me, that I ought to get away as fast as I could.

My Master came in, just now, to speak to Mrs. Jervis about Houshold Matters, having some Company to dine with him To-morrow; and I stood up, and having, been crying, at his Roughness in the Entry, I turn’d away my Face.

You may well, said he, turn away your cursed Face; I wish I had never seen it! — Mrs. Jervis, how long is she to be about this Waistcoat?

Sir, said I, if your Honour had pleased, I would have taken it with me; and tho’ it would be now finish’d in a few Hours, I will do so still; and remove this hated poor Pamela out of your House and Sight for ever.

Mrs. Jervis said he, not speaking to me, I believe this little Slut has the Power of Witchcraft, if ever there was a Witch; for she inchants all that come near her. She makes even you, who should know better what the World is, think her an Angel of Light.

I offer’d to go away; for I believ’d he wanted me to ask to stay in my Place, for all this his great Wrath; and he said, Stay here! stay here, when I bid you! and snatch’d my Hand. I trembled, and said, I will! I will! for he hurt my Fingers, he grasped me so hard.

He seem’d to have a mind to say something to me; but broke off abruptly, and said, Begone! And away I tripp’d, as fast as I could; and he and Mrs. Jervis had a deal of Talk, as she told me; and among the rest, he expressed himself vex’d to have spoken in Mr. Jonathan’s Hearing.

vex’d = disturbed

Now you must know, that Mr. Jonathan, our Butler, is a very grave good sort of old Man, with his Hair as white as Silver! and an honest worthy Man he is. I was hurrying out with a Flea in my Ear, as the Saying is, and going down Stairs into the Parlour, met him. He took hold of my Hand, (in a gentler manner tho’ than my Master) with both his; and he said, Ah! sweet, sweet Mrs. Pamela! what is it I heard just now! — I am sorry at my Heart; but I am sure I will sooner believe any body in Fault than you. Thank you, Mr. Jonathan, said I; but as you value your Place, don’t be seen speaking to such a one as me. I cry’d too; and slipt away as fast as I could from him, for his own sake, lest he should be seen to pity me.

And now I will give you an Instance how much I am in Mr. Longman’s Esteem also.

I had lost my Pen some-how; and my Paper being written out, I stepp’d to Mr. Longman’s our Steward’s Office, to beg him to give me a Pen or two, and a Sheet or two of Paper. He said, Ay, that I will, my sweet Maiden! And gave me three Pens, some Wafers, a Stick of Wax, and twelve Sheets of Paper; and coming from his Desk, where be was writing, he said, Let me have a Word or two with you, my sweet little Mistress (for so these two good old Gentlemen often call me; for I believe they love me dearly): I hear bad News; that we are going to lose you: I hope it is not true? Yes, it is, Sir, said I; but I was in Hopes it would not be known till I went away.

What a D—l, said he, ails our Master of late! I never saw such an Alteration in any Man in my Life! He is pleas’d with nobody, as I see; And by what Mr. Jonathan tells me just now, he was quite out of the way with you. What could you have done to him, tro’? Only Mrs. Jervis is a very good Woman; or I should have fear’d she had been your Enemy.

What a D—l = what the devil

No, said I, nothing like it. Mrs. Jervis is a just good Woman, and, next to my Father and Mother, the best Friend I have in the World. — Well then, said he, it must be worse. Shall I guess? You are too pretty, my sweet Mistress, and, may-be, too virtuous. Ah! have I not hit it? No, good Mr. Longman, said I, don’t think any thing amiss of my Master; he is cross and angry with me indeed, that’s true; but I may have given Occasion for it, may-be; and because I am obliged to go to my Father and Mother, rather than stay here, may-hap, he may think me ungrateful. But, you know, Sir, said I, that a Father and Mother’s Comfort is the dearest thing to a good Child that can be. Sweet Excellence! said he, this becomes you; but I know the World and Mankind too well; tho’ I must hear, and see, and say nothing! And a Blessing attend my little Sweeting, said he, where-ever you go! And away went I, with a Curt’sy and Thanks.

Now this pleases one, my dear Father and Mother, to be so belov’d. — How much better, by good Fame and Integrity, is it to get every one’s good Word but one, than by pleasing that one, to make every one else one’s Enemy, and be an execrable Creature besides! I am, &c.

Letter XXIII

My dear Father and Mother,

WE had a great many neighbouring Gentlemen, and their Ladies, this Day at Dinner; and my Master made a fine Entertainment for them. And Isaac, and Mr. Jonathan, and Benjamin, waited at Table. And Isaac tells Mrs. Jervis, that the Ladies will by-and-by come to see the House, and have the Curiosity to see me; for it seems, they said to my Master, when the Jokes flew about, Well, Mr. B—, we understand, you have a Servant-maid, who is the greatest Beauty in the County; and we promise ourselves to see her before we go.

The Wench is well enough, said he; but no such Beauty as you talk of, I’ll assure ye. She was my Mother’s Waiting-maid, who, on her Death-bed, engag’d me to be kind to her, She is young, and every thing is pretty that is young.

Ay, ay, said one of the Ladies, that’s true; but if your Mother had not recommended her so strongly, there is so much Merit in Beauty, that I make no doubt such a fine Gentleman would have wanted no such strong Inducement to be kind.

They all laugh’d at my Master: And he, it seems, laugh’d for Company; but said, I don’t know how it is, but I see with different Eyes from other People; for I have heard much more Talk of her Prettiness, than I think it deserves: She is well enough, as I said; but I think her greatest Excellence is, that she is humble, and courteous, and faithful, and makes all her Fellow-servants love her: My House-keeper, in particular, doats upon her; and you know, Ladies, she is a Woman of Discernment: And, as for Mr. Longman, and Jonathan, here, if they thought themselves young enough, I am told, they would fight for her. Is it not true, Jonathan? Troth, Sir, said he, an’t please your Honour, I never knew her Peer, and all your Honour’s Family are of the same Mind. Do you hear now? said my Master — Well, said the Ladies, we will make a Visit to Mrs. Jervis by-and-by, and hope to see this Paragon.

I believe they are coming; and will tell you more by-and-by. I wish they had come, and were gone. Why can’t they make their Game without me?

Well, these fine Ladies have been here, and gone back again. I would have been absent if I could, and did step into the Closet; so they saw me not when they came in.

There were four of them, Lady Arthur at the great white House on the Hill, Lady Brookes, Lady Towers, and the other, it seems, a Countess, of some hard Name, I forget what.

So, Mrs. Jervis, says one of the Ladies, how do you do? We are all come to inquire after your Health. I am much oblig’d to your Ladyships, said Mrs. Jervis: Will your Ladyships please to sit down? But, said the Countess, we are not only come to ask after Mrs. Jervis’s Health neither; but we are come to see a Rarity besides. Ay, says Lady Arthur, I have not seen your Pamela these two Years, and they tell me she is grown wond’rous pretty in that Time.

Then I wish’d I had not been in the Closet; for when I came out, they must needs know I heard them: but I have often found, that bashful Bodies owe themselves a Spite, and frequently confound themselves more, by endeavouring to avoid Confusion.

Why, yes, says Mrs. Jervis, Pamela is very pretty indeed; she’s but in the Closet there: — Pamela, pray step hither. I came out, all cover’d with Blushes; and they smil’d at one another.

hither = to here

The Countess took me by the Hand: Why, indeed, she was pleased to say, Report has not been too lavish, I’ll assure you. Don’t be asham’d, Child (and star’d full in my Face); I wish I had just such a Face to be asham’d of. O how like a Fool I look’d!

Lady Arthur said, Ay, my good Pamela, I say as her Ladyship says: Don’t be so confus’d; tho’ indeed it becomes you too. I think your good Lady departed made a sweet Choice of such a pretty Attendant. She would have been mighty proud of you, as she always was praising you, had she liv’d till now.

Ah! Madam, said Lady Brookes, do you think, that so dutiful a Son as our Neighbour, who always admir’d what his Mother lov’d, does not pride himself, for all what he said at Table, in such a pretty Maiden?

She look’d with such a malicious sneering Countenance, I cannot abide her.

countenance = appearance

Lady Towers said, with a free Air, (for it seems she is call’d a Wit) Well, Mrs. Pamela, I can’t say I like you so well as these Ladies do; for I should never care, if you were my Servant, to have you and your Master in the same House together. Then they all set up a great Laugh.

I know what I could have said, if I durst. But they are Ladies — and Ladies may say any thing.

durst = dared

Says Lady Towers, Can the pretty Image speak, Mrs. Jervis? I vow she has speaking Eyes! O you little Rogue, said she, and tapt me on the Cheek, you seem born to undo, or to be undone!

God forbid, and please your Ladyship, said I, it should be either! — I beg, said I, to withdraw; for the Sense I have of my Unworthiness, renders me unfit for such a Presence.

I then went away, with one of my best Curt’sies; and Lady Towers said, as I went out, Prettily said, I vow! — And Lady Brookes said, See that Shape! I never saw such a Face and Shape in my Life; why she must be better descended than you have told me!

And so, belike, their Clacks ran for half an Hour in my Praises; and glad was I, when I got out of the Hearing of them.

But, it seems, they went down with such a Story to my Master, and so full of me, that he had much ado to stand it; but as it was very little to my Reputation, I am sure I could take no Pride in it; and I fear’d it would make no better for me. This gives me another Cause for wishing myself out of this House.

This is Thursday Morning, and next Thursday I hope to set out; for I have finish’d my Task, and my Master is horrid cross! And I am vex’d his Crossness affects me so. If ever he had any Kindness towards me, I believe he now hates me heartily.

vex’d = disturbed

Is it not strange, that Love borders so much upon Hate? But this wicked Love is not like the true virtuous Love, to be sure: That and Hatred must be as far off, as Light and Darkness. And how must this Hate have been increased, if he had met with a base Compliance, after his wicked Will had been gratify’d?

Well, one may see by a little, what a great deal means: For if Innocence cannot attract common Civility, what must Guilt expect, when Novelty had ceas’d to have its Charms, and Changeableness had taken place of it? Thus we read in Holy Writ, that wicked Amnon, when he had ruin’d poor Tamar, hated her more than ever he lov’d her, and would have turn’d her out of Door!

How happy am I, to be turn’d out of Door, with that sweet Companion my Innocence! — O may that be always my Companion! And while I presume not upon my own Strength, and am willing to avoid the Tempter, I hope the Divine Grace will assist me.

Forgive me, that I repeat in my Letter Part of my hourly Prayer. I owe every thing, next to God’s Goodness, to your Piety and good Examples, my dear Parents; my dear poor Parents, I will say, because your Poverty is my Pride, as your Integrity shall be my Imitation.

As soon as I have din’d, I will put on my new Cloaths. I long to have them on. I know I shall surprise Mrs. Jervis with them; for she shan’t see me till I am full-dress’d. — John is come back, and I’ll soon send you some of what I have written. — I find he is going early in the Morning; and so I’ll close here, that I am

Your most dutiful Daughter.

Don’t lose your Time in meeting me; because I am so uncertain. It is hard, if some-how or other, I can’t get a Passage to you. But may-be my Master won’t refuse to let John bring me. I can ride behind him, I believe, well enough; for he is very careful, and very honest; and you know John as well as I; for he loves you both. Besides, may-be, Mrs. Jervis can put me in some way.

Letter XXIV

Dear Father and Mother,

I Shall write on, as long as I stay, tho’ I should have nothing but Sillinesses to write; for I know you divert yourselves on Nights with what I write, because it is mine. John tells me how much you long for my coming; but he says, he told you, he hop’d something would happen to hinder it.

divert = entertain

I am glad you did not tell him the Occasion of my coming away; for if they should guess, it were better so, than to have it from you or me: Besides, I really am concern’d, that my poor Master should cast such a Thought upon such a Creature as me; for besides the Disgrace, it has quite turn’d his Temper; and I begin to think he likes me, and can’t help it; and yet strives to conquer it, and so finds no way but to be cross to me.

Don’t think me presumptuous and conceited; for it is more my Concern than my Pride, to see such a Gentleman so demean himself, and lessen the Regard he used to have in the Eyes of all his Servants, on my Account. — But I am to tell you of my new Dress today.

And so, when I had din’d, up Stairs I went, and lock’d myself into my little Room. There I trick’d myself up as well as I could in my new Garb, and put on my round-ear’d ordinary Cap; but with a green Knot however, and my home-spun Gown and Petticoat, and plain-leather Shoes; but yet they are what they call Spanish Leather, and my ordinary Hose, ordinary I mean to what I have been lately used to; tho’ I shall think good Yarn may do very well for every Day, when I come home. A plain Muslin Tucker I put on, and my black Silk Necklace, instead of the French Necklace my Lady gave me; and put the Earrings out of my Ears; and when I was quite ’quipp’d, I took my Straw Hat in my Hand, with its two blue Strings, and look’d about me in the Glass, as proud as any thing. — To say Truth, I never lik’d myself so well in my Life.

O the Pleasure of descending with Ease, Innocence and Resignation! — Indeed there is nothing like it! An humble Mind, I plainly see, cannot meet with any very shocking Disappointment, let Fortune’s Wheel turn round as it will.

So I went down to look for Mrs. Jervis, to see how she lik’d me.

I met, as I was upon the Stairs, our Rachel, who is the House-maid; and she made me a low Curt’sy, and I found did not know me. So I smil’d, and went to the House-keeper’s Parlour: And there sat good Mrs. Jervis at Work, making a Shift: And, would you believe it? she did not know me at first; but rose up, and pull’d off her Spectacles; and said, Do you want me, forsooth? I could not help laughing, and said. Hey-day! Mrs. Jervis, what! don’t you know me? — She stood all in Amaze, and look’d at me from Top to Toe; Why, you surprise me, said she; what! Pamela! thus metamorphos’d! How came this about?

As it happen’d, in stept my Master; and my Back being to him, he thought it was a Stranger speaking to Mrs. Jervis, and withdrew again; and did not hear her ask, If his Honour had any Commands with her? — She turn’d me about and about, and I shew’d her all my Dress, to my Under-petticoat; and she said, sitting down, Why, I am all in Amaze: I must sit down. What can all this mean. I told her, I had no Cloaths suitable to my Condition when I return’d to my Father’s; and so it was better to begin here, as I was soon to go away, that all my Fellow-servants might see I knew how to suit myself to the State I was returning to.

shew’d = showed
condition = social rank

Well, said she, I never knew the like of thee. But this sad Preparation for going away (for now I see you are quite in Earnest) is what I know not how to get over. O my dear Pamela, how can I part with you!

My Master rung in the Back-parlour, and so I withdrew, and Mrs. Jervis went to attend him. It seems he said to her, I was coming in to let you know that I shall go to Lincolnshire, and may-be to my Sister Davers’s, and be absent some Weeks. But, pray, what pretty neat Damsel was with you? She says, she smiled, and ask’d, If his Honour did not know who it was? No, said he, I never saw her before. Farmer Nichols, or Farmer Brady, have neither of them such a tight prim Lass for a Daughter; have they? — Tho’ I did not see her Face neither, said he. If your Honour won’t be angry, said she, I will introduce her into your Presence; for, I think, says she, she out-does our Pamela.

sister = sister-in-law

Now I did not thank her for this, as I told her afterwards (for it brought a great deal of Trouble upon me, as well as Crossness, as you shall hear). That can’t be, he was pleased to say. But if you can find an Excuse for it, let her come in.

At that she stept to me, and told me, I must go in with her to my Master; but, said she, for Goodness sake, let him find you out; for he don’t know you. O fie, Mrs. Jervis, said I, how could you serve me so? Besides, it looks too free both in me, and to him. I tell you, said she, you shall come in; and pray don’t reveal yourself till he finds you out.

So I went in, foolish as I was; tho’ I must have been seen by him another time, if I had not then. And she would make me take my Straw-hat in my Hand.

I dropt a low Curt’sy, but said never a Word. I dare say, he knew me as soon as he saw my Face; but was as cunning as Lucifer. He came up to me, and took me by the Hand, and said, Whose pretty Maiden are you? — I dare say you are Pamela’s Sister, you are so like her. So neat, so clean, so pretty! Why, Child, you far surpass your Sister Pamela!

I was all Confusion, and would have spoken; but he took me about the Neck; Why, said he, you are very pretty, Child; I would not be so free with your Sister, you may believe; but I must kiss you.

O Sir, said I, I am Pamela, indeed I am: Indeed I am Pamela, her own self!

He kissed me for all I could do; and said, Impossible! you are a lovelier Girl by half than Pamela; and sure I may be innocently free with you, tho’ I would not do her so much Favour.

This was a sad Bite upon me indeed, and what I could not expect; and Mrs. Jervis look’d like a Fool as much as I, for her Officiousness — At last I got away, and ran out of the Parlour, most sadly vex’d, as you may well think.

vex’d = disturbed

He talk’d a good deal to Mrs. Jervis, and at last order’d me to come in to him. Come in, said he, you little Villain! for so he call’d me; good Sirs! what a Name was there! Who is it you put your Tricks upon? I was resolved never to honour your Unworthines, said he, with so much Notice again; and so you must disguise yourself, to attract me, and yet pretend, like an Hypocrite as you are —

I was out of Patience, then; Hold, good Sir, said I; don’t impure Disguise and Hypocrisy to me, above all things; for hate them both, mean as I am I have put on no Disguise. — What, a-plague, said he, for that was his Word, do you mean then by this Dress? — Why, and please your Honour, said I, I mean one of the honestest things in the World. I have been in Disguise indeed ever since my good Lady your Mother took me from my poor Parents. I came to her Ladyship so poor and mean, that these Cloaths I have on, are a princely-Suit, to those I had then. And her Goodness heap’d upon me rich Cloaths, and other Bounties: And as I am now returning to my poor Parents again so soon, I cannot wear those good things without being whooted at; and so have bought what will be more suitable to my Degree, and be a good Holiday Suit too, when I get home.

degree = social rank

He then took me in his Arms, and presently push’d me from him. Mrs. Jervis, said he, take the little Witch from me; I can neither bear, nor forbear her! (Strange Words these!) — But stay; you shan’t go! — Yet begone! — No, come back again.

forbear = resist

I thought he was mad, for my Share; for he knew not what he would have. But I was going however, and he stept after me, and took hold of my Arm, and brought me in again: I am sure he made my Arm black and blue; for the Marks are upon it still. Sir, Sir, said I, pray have Mercy; I will, I will come in!

He sat down, and look’d at me, and, as I thought afterwards, as sillily as such a poor Girl as I. At last, he said. Well, Mrs. Jervis, as I was telling you, you may permit her to stay a little longer, till I see if my Sister Davers will have her; if, mean time, she humble herself, and ask this as a Favour, and is sorry for her Pertness, and the Liberty she has taken with my Character, out of the House and in the House. Your Honour indeed told me so, said Mrs. Jervis; but I never found her inclinable to think herself in a Fault. Pride and Perverseness, said he, with a Vengeance! Yet this is your Doating-piece! — Well, for once I’ll submit myself, to tell you, Hussy, said he to me, you may stay a Fortnight longer, till I see my Sister Davers: Do you hear what I say to you, Statue! Can you neither speak, nor be thankful? — Your Honour frights me so, said I, that I can hardly speak: But I will venture to say, that I have only to beg, as a Favour, that I may go to my Father and Mother. — Why, Fool, said he, won’t you like to go to wait on my Sister Davers? Sir, said I, I was once fond of that Honour; but you were pleased to say, I might be in Danger from her Ladyship’s Nephew, or he from me. — D—d Impertinence! said he; do you hear, Mrs. Jervis, do you hear, how she retorts upon me? Was ever such matchless Assurance! —

doating piece = object of affection
hussy = slut

I then fell a weeping; for Mrs. Jervis said, Fie, Pamela, fie! — And I said, My Lot is very hard indeed! I am sure I would hurt nobody; and I have been, it seems, guilty of Indiscretions, which have cost me my Place, and my Master’s Favour, and so have been turn’d away. And when the Time is come, that I should return to my poor Parents, I am not suffered to go quietly. Good your Honour, what have I done, that I must be used worse than if I had robb’d you! — Robb’d me! said he, why so you have, Hussy; you have robb’d me. Who! I, Sir! said I; have I robb’d you? Why then you are a Justice of Peace, and may send me to Gaol, if you please, and bring me to a Tryal for my Life! If you can prove that I have robb’d you, I am sure I ought to die.

lot = fate
suffered = allowed

Now I was quite ignorant of his Meaning; tho’ I did not like it, when it was afterwards explain’d, neither; and, well, thought I, what will this come to at last, if poor Pamela is esteem’d a Thief! Then I thought, in an Instant, how I should shew my Face to my honest poor Parents, if I was but suspected.

But, Sir, said I, let me ask you but one Question, and pray don’t let me be called Names for it; for I don’t mean disrespectfully; Why, if I have done amiss, am I not left to be discharged by your Housekeeper, as the other Maids have been? And if Jane, or Rachel, or Hannah, were to offend, would your Honour stoop to take Notice of them? And why should you so demean yourself to take Notice of me? Pray, Sir, if I have not been worse than others, why should I suffer more than others? and why should I not be turn’d away, and there’s an End of it? For indeed I am not of Consequence enough for my Master to concern himself and be angry about such a Creature as me.

Do you hear, Mrs. Jervis, cry’d he again, how pertly I am interrrogated by this saucy Slut? Why, Sauce-box, says he, did not my good Mother desire me to take care of you? And have you not been always distinguish’d by me, above a common Servant? And does your Ingratitude upbraid me for this?

saucy = disrespectful

I said something mutteringly, and he vow’d he would hear it. I begg’d Excuse; but he insisted upon it. Why then, said I, if your Honour must know, I said, That my good Lady did not desire your Care to extend to the Summer-house and her Dressing-room.

Well, this was a little saucy, you’ll say! — And he flew into such a Passion, that I was forced to run sor it; and Mrs. Jervis said, It was happy I got out of his Way.

saucy = disrespectful

Why what makes him provoke one so, then? — I’m almost sorry for it; but I would be glad to get away at any rate. For I begin to be more fearful now.

Just now Mr. Jonathan sent me these Lines — (Bless me! what shall I do?)

“Dear Mrs. Pamela, Take care of yourself; for Rachel heard my Master say to Mrs. Jervis, who, she believes, was pleading for you, Say no more, Mrs Jervis; for by G— I will have her. Burn this instantly.”

Mrs. need not refer to married women

O pray for your poor Daughter. I am called to go to-bed by Mrs. Jervis, for it is past Eleven; and I am sure she shall hear of it; for all this is owing to her, tho’ she did not mean any Harm. But I have been, and am, in a strange Fluster; and I suppose too, she’ll say, I have been full pert.

O my dear Father and Mother, Power and Riches never want Advocates! But, poor Gentlewoman, she cannot live without him: And he has been very good to her.

So Good-night. May-be I shall send this in the Morning; but may-be not; so won’t conclude: tho’ yet I must say, I am (with great Apprehensions)

Your most dutiful Daughter.

apprehensions = anxieties

Letter XXV

My dear Parents,

O Let me take up my Complaint, and say, Never was poor Creature so unhappy, and so barbarously used, as poor Pamela! O my dear Father and Mother, my Heart’s just broke! I can neither write as I should do, nor let it alone; for to whom but you can I vent my Griefs, and keep my poor Heart from bursting! Wicked, wicked Man! — I have no Patience left me! — But yet, don’t be frighted — for — I hope — I hope, I am honest! — But if my Head and my Heart will let me, you shall hear all. — Is there no Constable nor Headborough, tho’, to take me out of his House? for I am sure I can safely swear the Peace against him: But, alas! he is greater than any Constable, and is a Justice himself; such a Justice, deliver me from! — But God Almighty, I hope, in time, will right me! — For he knows the Innocence of my Heart!

John went your way in the Morning; but I have been too much distracted to send by him; and have seen nobody but Mrs. Jervis, and Rachel, and one I hate to see: And indeed I hate now to see any body. Strange things I have to tell you, that happen’d since last Night, that good Mr. Jonathan’s Letter, and my Master’s Harshness, put me into such a Fluster. But I will no more preambulate.

I went to Mrs. Jervis’s Chamber; and, O my dear Father and Mother, my wicked Master had hid himself, base Gentleman as he is! in her Closet, where she has a few Books, and Chest of Drawers, and such-like. I little suspected it; tho’ I used, till this sad Night, always to look into that Closet, and another in the Room, and under the Bed, ever since the Summer-house Trick, but never found any thing; and so I did not do it then, being fully resolved to be angry with Mrs. Jervis for what had happened in the Day, and so thought of nothing else.

I sat myself down on one Side of the Bed, and she on the other, and we began to undress ourselves; but she on that Side next the wicked Closet, that held the worst Heart in the World. So, said Mrs. Jervis, you won’t speak to me, Pamela! I find you are angry with me. Why, Mrs. Jervis, said I, so I am, a little; ’tis a Folly to deny it. You see what I have suffer’d by your forcing me in to my Master: And a Gentlewoman of your Years and Experience must needs know, that it was not fit for me to pretend to be any body else for my own sake, nor with regard to my Master.

But, said she, who would have thought it would have turn’d out so? Ay, said I, little thinking who heard me, Lucifer always is ready to promote his own Work and Workmen. You see, presently, what Use he made of it, pretending not to know me, on purpose to be free with me: And when he took upon himself to know me, to quarrel with me, and use me hardly; And you too, said I, to cry, Fie, fie, Pamela! cut me to the Heart: For that encouraged him.

use = treat

Do you think, my Dear, said she, that I would encourage him? — I never said so to you before; but since you force it from me, I must tell you, that ever since you consulted me, I have used my utmost Endeavours to divert him from his wicked Purposes: And he has promised fair; but, to say all in a Word, he doats upon you; and I begin to see it is not in his Power to help it.

I luckily said nothing of the Note from Mr. Jonathan; for I began to suspect all the World almost: But I said, to try Mrs. Jervis, Well then, what would you have me do? You see he is for having me wait on Lady Davers now.

Why, I’ll tell you freely, my dear Pamela, said she, and I trust to your Discretion to conceal what I say: My Master has been often desiring me to put you upon asking him to let you stay. —

Yes, said I, Mrs. Jervis, let me interrupt you: I will tell you why I could not think of that: It was not the Pride of my Heart; but the Pride of my Honesty: For, what must have been the Case? Here my Master has been very rude to me, once and twice; and you say he cannot help it, though he pretends to be sorry for it: Well, he has given me Warning to leave my Place, and uses me very harshly; perhaps, to frighten me to his Purposes, as he supposes I would be fond of staying (as indeed I should, if I could be safe; for I love you and all the House, and value him, if he would act as my Master). Well then, as I know his Designs, and that he owns he cannot help it; must I not have ask’d to stay, knowing he would attempt me again? for all you could assure me of, was, he would do nothing by Force; so I, a poor weak Girl, was to be left to my own Strength! And was not this to allow him to tempt me, as one may say? and to encourage him to go on in his wicked Devices? — How then, Mrs. Jervis, could I ask or wish to stay?

You say well, my dear Child, says she; and you have a Justness of Thought above your Years; and for all these Considerations, and for what I have heard this Day, after you ran away, (and I am glad you went as you did) I cannot persuade you to stay; and I shall be glad, which is what I never thought I could have said, that you were well at your Father’s; for if Lady Davers will entertain you, she may as well have you from thence as here. There’s my good Mrs. Jervis! said I; God will bless you for your good Counsel to a poor Maiden, that is hard beset. But pray what did he say, when I was gone.? Why, says she, he was very angry with you. But he would hear it I said I: I think it was a little bold; but then he provoked me to it. And had not my Honesty been in the Case, I would not by any means have been so saucy. Besides, Mrs. Jervis, consider, it was the Truth; if he does not love to hear of the Summer-house and the Dressing-room, why should he not be ashamed to continue in the same Mind? But, said she, when you had muttered this to yourself, you might have told him any thing else. Well, said I, I cannot tell a wilful Lye, and so there’s an End of it. But I find you now give him up, and think there’s Danger in staying. — Lord bless me! I wish I was well our of the House; so it was at the Bottom of a wet Ditch, on the wildest Common in England.

saucy = disrespectful

Why, said she, it signifies nothing to tell you all he said; but it was enough to make me fear you would not be so safe as I could wish; and, upon my Word, Pamela, I don’t wonder he loves you; for, without Flattery, you are a charming Girl! and I never saw you look more lovely in my Life, than in that same new Dress of yours. And then it was such a Surprize upon us all! — I believe truly, you owe some of your Danger to the lovely Appearance you made. Then, said I, I wish the Cloaths in the Fire. I expected no Effect from them; but if any, a quite contrary one.

signifies nothing = doesn’t matter

Hush! said I, Mrs. Jervis, did you not hear something stir in the Closet? No, silly Girl! said she; your Fears are always awake. — But indeed, said I, I think I heard something rustle. — May-be, says she, the Cat may be got there: But I hear nothing.

I was hush; but she said, Pr’ythee, my good Girl, make haste to-bed. See if the Door be fast. So I did, and was thinking to look in the Closet; but hearing no more Noise, thought it needless, and so went again and sat myself down on the Bed-side, and went on undressing myself. And Mrs. Jervis, being by this time undress’d, stept into Bed, and bid me hasten, for she was sleepy.

I don’t know what was the Matter; but my Heart sadly misgave me; but Mr. Jonathan’s Note was enough to make it do so, with what Mrs. Jervis had said. I pulled off my Stays, and my Stockens, and all my Cloaths to an Under-petticoat; and then hearing a rustling again in the Closet, I said, Heaven protect us! but before I say my Prayers, I must look into this Closet. And so was going to it slip-shod, when, O dreadfull out rush’d my Master, in a rich silk and silver Morning Gown.

I scream’d, and ran to the Bed; and Mrs. Jervis scream’d too; and he said, I’ll do you no Harm, if you forbear this Noise; but otherwise take what follows.

forbear = resist

Instantly he came to the Bed, (for I had crept into it, to Mrs. Jervis, with my Coat on, and my Shoes) and, taking me in his Arms, said, Mrs. Jervis, rise, and just step up Stairs, to keep the Maids from coming down at this Noise; I’ll do no Harm to this Rebel.

O, for Heaven’s sake! for Pity’s sake! Mrs. Jervis, said I, if I am not betray’d, don’t leave me; and, I beseech you, raise all the House. No, said Mrs. Jervis, I will not stir, my dear Lamb; I will not leave you. I wonder at you, Sir, said she; and kindly threw herself upon my Coat, clasping me round the Waist; you shall not hurt this Innocent, said she; for I will lose my Life in her Defence. Are there not, said she, enough wicked ones in the World, for your base Purpose, but you must attempt such a Lamb as this?

He was desperate angry, and threaten’d to throw her out of the Window; and to turn her out of the House the next Morning. You need not, Sir, said she; for I will not stay in it. God defend my poor Pamela till To-morrow, and we will both go together. — Says he, let me but expostulate a Word or two with you, Pamela. Pray, Pamela, said Mrs. Jervis, don’t hear a Word, except he leaves the Bed, and goes to the other End of the Room. Ay, out of the Room, said I; expostulate To-morrow, if you must expostulate!

expostulate = argue

I found his Hand in my Bosom, and when my Fright let me know it, I was ready to die; and I sighed, and screamed, and fainted away. And still he had his Arms about my Neck; and Mrs. Jervis was about my Feet, and upon my Coat. And all in a cold, clammy Sweat was I. Pamela! Pamela! said Mrs. Jervis, as she tells me since, O — h, and gave another Shriek, my poor Pamela is dead for certain! — And so, to be sure, I was for a time; for I knew nothing more of the Matter, one Fit following another, till about three Hours after, as it prov’d to be, I found myself in Bed, and Mrs. Jervis sitting up on one side, with her Wrapper about her, and Rachel on the other; and no Master, for the wicked Wretch was gone. But I was so overjoy’d, that I hardly could believe myself; and I said, which were my first Words, Mrs. Jervis, Mrs. Rachel, can I be sure it is you? Tell me! can I? — Where have I been? Hush, my Dear, said Mrs. Jervis; you have been in Fit after Fit. I never saw any body so frightful in my Life!

By this I judg’d Mrs. Rachel knew nothing of the Matter; and it seems my wicked Master had, upon Mrs. Jervis’s second Noise on my fainting away, slipt out, and, as if he had come from his own Chamber, disturb’d by the Screaming, went up to the Maids Room, (who hearing the Noise, lay trembling, and afraid to stir) and bid them go down and see what was the Matter with Mrs. Jervis and me. And he charg’d Mrs. Jervis, and promised to forgive her for what she had said and done, if she would conceal the Matter. So the Maids came down; for the Men lie in the Outhouses; and all went up again, when I came to myself a little, except Rachel, who staid to sit up with me, and bear Mrs. Jervis Company. I believe they all guess the Matter to be bad enough; tho’ they dare not say any thing.

outhouses = small buildings near the main house

When I think of my Danger, and the Freedoms he actually took, tho’ I believe Mrs. Jervis saved me from worse, and she says he did, (tho’ what can I think, who was in a Fit, and knew nothing of the Matter?) I am almost distracted.

distracted = insane

At first I was afraid of Mrs. Jervis; but I am fully satisfy’d she is very good, and I should have been lost but for her; and she takes on grievously about it. What would have become of me, had she gone out of the Room, to still the Maids, as he bid her. He’d certainly have shut her out, and then, Mercy on me! what would have become of your poor Pamela?

I must leave off a little; for my Eyes and my Head are sadly bad. — This was a dreadful Trial! This was the worst of all! Oh! that I was out of the Power of this dreadfully wicked Man! Pray for

Your distressed Daughter.

Letter XXV

My dear Father and Mother,

I Did not rise till Ten o’Clock, and I had all the Concerns and Wishes of the Family, and Multitudes of Inquiries about me. My wicked Master went out early to hunt; but left Word, he would be in to Breakfast. And so he was.

He came up to our Chamber about Eleven, and had nothing to do to be sorry: for he was our Master, and so put on sharp Anger at first.

I had great Emotions at his entering the Room, and threw my Apron over my Head, and fell a crying, as if my Heart would break.

Mrs. Jervis, said he, since I know you, and you me so well, I don’t know how we shall live together for the future. Sir, said she, I will take the Liberty to say what I think is best for both. I have so much Grief, that you should attempt to do any Injury to this poor Girl, and especially in my Chamber, that I should think myself accessary to the Mischief, if I was not to take Notice of it. Tho’ my Ruin therefore may depend upon it, I desire not to stay; but pray let poor Pamela and me go together. With all my Heart, said he, and the sooner, the better. She fell a crying. I find, says he, this Girl has made a Party of the whole House in her Favour against me. Her Innocence deserves it of us all, said she very kindly: And I never could have thought, that the Son of my dear good Lady departed, could have so forfeited his Honour, as to endeavour to destroy a Virtue he ought to protect. No more of this, Mrs. Jervis, said he; I will not bear it. As for Pamela, she has a lucky Knack at falling into Fits, when she pleases. But the cursed Yellings of you both made me not myself. I intended no Harm to her, as I told you both, if you’d have left your Squallings; and I did no Harm neither, but to myself; for I raised a Hornet’s Nest about my Ears, that, as far as I know, may have stung to Death my Reputation. Sir, said Mrs. Jervis, then I beg Mr. Longman may take my Accounts, and I will go away as soon as I can. As for Pamela, she is at her Liberty, I hope, to go away next Thursday, as she intends?

I sat still; for I could not speak, nor look up, and his Presence discomposed me extremely; but I was sorry to hear myself the unhappy Occasion of Mrs. Jervis’s losing her Place, and hope that may be still made up.

Well, said he, let Mr. Longman make up your Accounts, as soon as you will; and Mrs. Jewkes (who is his House-keeper in Lincolnshire) shall come hither in your Place, and won’t be less obliging, I dare say, than you have been. Said she, I have never disoblig’d you till now; and let me tell you, Sir, if you knew what belong’d to your own Reputation or Honour — No more, no more, said he, of these antiquated Topicks. I have been no bad Friend to you; and I shall always esteem you, tho’ you have not been so faithful to my Secrets, as I could have wish’d, and have laid me open to this Girl, which has made her more afraid of me than she had Occasion. Well, Sir, said she, after what passed Yesterday, and last Night, I think I went rather too far in Favour of your Injunctions than otherwise; and I should have deserv’d every body’s Censure, as the basest of Creatures, had I been capable of contributing to your lawless Attempts. Still, Mrs. Jervis, still reflecting upon me, and all for imaginary Faults! for what Harm have I done the Girl? — I won’t bear it, I’ll assure you. But yet, in Respect to my Mother, I am willing to part friendly with you: Tho’ you ought both of you to reflect on the Freedom of your Conversation, in relation to me; which I should have resented more than I do, but that I am conscious I had no Business to demean myself so as to be in your Closet, where I might have expected to hear a Multitude of impertinence between you.

hither = to here

Well, Sir, said she, you have no Objection, I hope, to Pamela’s going away on Thursday next? You are mighty solicitous, said he, about Pamela: But, no, not I; let her go as soon as she will: She is a naughty Girl, and has brought all this upon herself; and upon me more Trouble than she can have had from me: But I have overcome it all, and will never concern myself about her.

I have a Proposal made me, added he, since I have been out this Morning, that I shall go near to embrace; and so wish only, that a discreet Use may be made of what is past; and there’s an End of every thing with me, as to Pamela, I’ll assure you.

I clasp’d my Hands together thro’ my Apron, overjoy’d at this, tho’ I was soon to go away: For, naughty as he has been to me, I wish his Prosperity with all my Heart, for my good old Lady’s sake.

Well, Pamela, said he, you need not now be afraid to speak to me; tell me what you lifted up your Hands at? I said not a Word. Says he, If you like what I have said, give me your Hand upon it. I held my Hand upon my Apron; for I could not speak to him; and he took hold of it, and pressed it, tho’ less hard than he did my Arm the Day before. What does the little Fool cover her Face for? said he: Pull your Apron away; and let me see how you look, after your Freedom of Speech of me last Night. No wonder you’re ashamed to see me. You know you were very free with my Character.

I could not stand this harbarous Insult, at I took it to be, considering his Behaviour to me; and I then spoke and said, O the Difference between the Minds of thy Creatures, good God! How shall some be cast down in their Innocence, while others shall triumph in their Guilt!

And so saying, I went up Stairs to my Chamber, and wrote all this; for tho’ he vex’d me at his Taunting, yet I was pleased to hear he was likely to be marry’d, and that his wicked Intentions were so happily overcome as to me; and this made me a little easier. And I hope I have pass’d the Worst; or else it is very hard. And yet I shan’t think myself at Ease quite, till I am with you. For, methinks, after all, his Repentance and Amendment are mighty suddenly resolv’d upon. But the Divine Grace is not confin’d to Space; and Remorse may, and I hope has smitten him to the Heart at once, for his Injuries to poor me! Yet I won’t be too secure neither.

vex’d = disturbed

Having Opportunity, I send now what I know will grieve you to the Heart. But I hope I shall bring my next Scribble myself; and so conclude, tho’ half broken-hearted,

Your ever-dutiful Daughter.

Letter XXVI

Dear Father and Mother,

I Am glad I desir’d you not to meet me, and John says you won’t; for he says, he told you, he is sure I shall get a Passage well enough, either behind some one of my Fellow-servants on Horseback, or by Farmer Nichols’s Means: But as for the Chariot he talk’d to you of, I can’t expect that Favour, to be sure; and I should not care for it, because it would look so much above me. But Farmer Brady, they say, has a Chaise with one Horse, and we hope to borrow that, or hire it rather than fail; tho’ Money runs a little lowish, after what I have laid out; but I don’t care to say so here: tho’ I warrant I might have what I would of Mrs. Jervis, or Mr. Jonathan, or Mr. Longman; but then how shall I pay it, you’ll say? And besides, I don’t love to be beholden.

But the chief Reason I’m glad you don’t set out to meet me, is the Uncertainty; for it seems I must stay another Week still, and hope certainly to go Thursday after. For poor Mrs. Jervis will go at the same time, she says, and can’t be ready before.

Oh! that I was once well with you! — Tho’ he is very civil too at present, and not so cross as he was; and yet he is as vexatious another way, as you shall hear. For Yesterday he had a rich Suit of Cloaths brought home, which they call a Birth-day Suit; for he intends to go to London against next Birth-day, to see the Court, and our Folks will have it he is to be made a Lord. — I wish they may make him an honest Man, as he was always thought; but I have not found it so, Alas for me!

vexatious = bothersome
birth-day suit = fancy clothes
against = before

And so, as I was saying, he had these Cloaths come home, and he try’d them on. And before he pull’d them off, he sent for me, when nobody else was in the Parlour with him: Pamela, said he, you are so neat and so nice in your own Dress, (AlacK-a-day, I did’n’t know I was!) that you must be a Judge of ours. How are these Cloaths made? Do they fit me? — I am no Judge, said I, and please your Honour; but I think they look very fine.

nice = particular, finicky

His Waistcoat stood an End with Gold Lace, and he look’d very grand. But what he did last, has made me very serious, and I could make him no Compliments. Said he, Why don’t you wear your usual Cloaths? Tho’ I think every thing looks well upon you (For I still continue in my new Dress). I said, I have no Cloaths, Sir, I ought to call my own, but these: And it is no Matter what such a one as I wears. Said he, Why, you look very serious, Pamela. I see you can bear Malice. — Yes, so I can, Sir, said I, according to the Occasion! Why, said he, your Eyes always look red, I think. Are you not a Fool to take my last Freedom so much at Heart? I am sure, you, and that Fool Mrs Jervis, frightened me, by your hideous Squalling, as much as I could frighten you. That is all we had for it, said I; and if you could be so afraid of your own Servants knowing of your Attempts upon a poor unworthy Creature, that is under your Protection while I stay, surely your Honour ought to be more afraid of God Almighty, in whose Presence we all stand, in every Action of our Lives, and to whom the Greatest, as well as the Least, must be accountable, let them think what they list.

He took my Hand, in a kind of good-humour’d Mockery, and said, Well said, my pretty Preacher I When my Lincolnshire Chaplain dies, I’ll put thee on a Gown and Cassock, and thou’lt make a good Figure in his Place! — I wish, said I, a little vex’d at his Jeer, your Honour’s Conscience would be your Preacher, and then you would need no other Chaplain. Well, well, Pamela, said he, no more of this unfashionable Jargon. I did not send for you so much for your Opinion of my new Suit, as to tell you, you are welcome to stay, since Mrs. Jervis desires it, till she goes. I welcome! said I; I am sure I shall rejoice when I am out of the House!

vex’d = disturbed

Well, said he, you are an ungrateful Baggage; but I am thinking it would be Pity, with these fair soft Hands, and that lovely Skin, (as he called it, and took hold of my Hand) that you should return again to hard Work, as you must, if you go to your Father’s; and so I would advise her to take a House in London, and let Lodgings to us Members of Parliament, when we come to Town; and such a pretty Daughter as you may pass for, will always fill her House, and she’ll get a great deal of Money.

baggage = hussy, slut

I was sadly vex’d at this barbarous Joke; but was ready to cry before, and I gush’d out into Tears, and (endeavouring to get my Hand from him, but in vain) said, I can expect no better from such a rude Gentleman: Your Behaviour, Sir, to me has been just of a Piece with these Words; nay, I will say’t, tho’ you were to be ever so angry. — I angry, Pamela! No, no, said he, I have overcome all that; and as you are to go away, I look upon you now as Mrs. Jervis’s Guest, while you both stay, and not as my Servant; and so you may say what you will. But I’ll tell you, Pamela, why you need not take this Matter in such high Disdain I — You have a very pretty romantick Turn for Virtue, and all that. — And I don’t suppose but you’ll hold it still; and nobody will be able to prevail upon you. But, my Child, (fleeringly he spoke it) do but consider what a fine Opportunity you will then have, for a Tale every Day to good Mother Jervis, and what Subjects for Letter-writing to your Father and Mother, and what pretty Preachments you may hold forth to the young Gentlemen. Ad’s my Hear.! I think it would be the best Thing you and she could do.

vex’d = disturbed

You do well, Sir, said I, to even your Wit to such a poor Maiden as me. But, Sir, let me say, that if you was not rich and great, and I poor and little, you would not insult me thus. — Let me ask you, Sir, if you think this becomes your fine Cloaths, and a Master’s Station? Why so serious, my pretty Pamela? said he; Why so grave? And would kiss me; but my Heart was full, and I said, Let me alone! I will tell you, if you was a King, and said to me what you have done, that you are no Gentleman: And I won’t stay to be used thus! I will go to the next Farmer’s, and there wait for Mrs. Jervis, if she must go: And I’d have you know, Sir, that I can stoop to the ordinariest Work of your Scullions, for all these nasty soft Hands, sooner than bear such ungentlemanly Imputations.

station = social class
scullions = low-level kitchen workers

Well, said he, I sent for you in, in high good Humour; but ’tis impossible to hold it with such an Impertinent: However I’ll keep my Temper. But while I see you here, pray don’t put on those dismal grave Looks; Why, Girl, you should forbear ’em, if it were but for your Pride-sake; for the Family will think you are grieving to leave the House. Then, Sir, said I, I will try to convince them of the contrary, as well as your Honour; for I will endeavour to be more chearful while I stay, for that very Reason.

impertinent = rude person
forbear = resist

Well, said he, I will set this down by itself, as the first Time that ever what I advis’d had any Weight with you. And I will say, said I, as the first Advice you have given me of late, that was fit to be follow’d! — I wish, said he, (I’m almost asham’d to write it, impudent Gentleman as he is! I wish) I had thee as quick another Way, as thou art in thy Repartees — And he laugh’d, and I snatch’d my Hand from him, and I tripp’d away as fast as I could. Ah! thought I, marry’d? I’m sure ’tis time you were married, or at this Rate no honest Maiden ought to live with you!

Why, dear Father and Mother, to be sure he grows quite a Rake! Well, you see, how easy it is to go from bad to worse, when once People give way to Vice.

How would my poor Lady, had she liv’d, have griev’d to see it! But may-be he would have been better then! — Tho’, it seems, he told Mrs. Jervis, he had an Eye upon me in his Mother’s Life-time; and he intended to let me know as much by the bye, he told her! Here’s Shamelessness for you! Sure the World must be near at an End! for all the Gentlemen about are as bad as he almost, as far as I can hear! — And see the Fruits of such bad Examples! There is ’Squire Martin in the Grove, has had three Lyings-in, it seems, in his House, in three Months past; one by himself; and one by his Coachman; and one by his Woodmen; and yet he has turn’d none of them away. Indeed, how can he, when they but follow his own vile Example? There is he, and two or three more such as he, within ten Miles of us; who keep Company, and hunt with our fine Master, truly; and I suppose he’s never the better for their Examples. But, Heaven bless me, say I, and send me out of this wicked House!

But, dear Father and Mother, what Sort of Creatures must the Womenkind be, do you think, to give way to such Wickedness? Why, this it is that makes every one be thought of alike: And, alack-a-day! what a World we live in! for it is grown more a Wonder that the Men are resisted, than that the Women comply. This, I suppose, makes me such a Sauce-box, and Bold-face, and a Creature; and all because I won’t be a Sauce-box and Bold-face indeed.

But I am sorry for these Things; one don’t know what Arts and Stratagems these Men may devise to gain their vile Ends; and so I will think as well as I can of these poor Creatures, and pity them. For you see by my sad Story, and narrow Escapes, what Hardships poor Maidens go thro’, whose Lot it is to go out to Service; especially to Houses where there is not the Fear of God, and good Rule kept by the Heads of the Family.

lot = fate

You see I am quite grown grave and serious; so it becomes

Your dutiful Daughter.

Letter XXVII

Dear Father and Mother,

John says you wept when you read my last Letter, that he carry’d. I am sorry you let him see that; for they all mistrust already how Matters are; and as it is no Credit that I have been attempted, tho’ it is that I have resisted; yet I am sorry they have Cause to think so evil of my Master from any of us:

Mrs. Jervis has made up her Accounts with Mr. Longman, and will stay in her Place. I am glad of it, for her own sake, and for my Master’s; for she has a good Master of him; so indeed all have, but poor me! — and he has a good Housekeeper in her.

Mr. Longman, it seems, took upon him to talk to my Master, how faithful and careful of his Interests she was, and how exact in her Accounts; and he told him, there was no Comparison between her Accounts and Mrs. Jewkers’s, at the Lincolnshire Estate. He said so many fine Things, it seems, of Mrs. Jervis, that my Master sent for her in Mr. Longman’s Presence, and said Pamela might come along with her: I suppose to mortify me, that I must go, while she was to stay: But as, when I go away, I am not to go with her, nor was she to go with me; so I did not matter it much; only it would have been creditable to such a poor Girl, that the Housekeeper would bear me Company, if I went.

Said he to her, Well, Mrs. Jervis, Mr. Longman says you have made up your Accounts with him, with your usual Fidelity and Exactness. I had a good mind to make you an Offer of continuing with me, if you can be a little sorry for your hasty Words, which indeed were not so respectful as I have deserv’d at your Hands. She seemed at a sad Loss what to say, because Mr. Longman was there; and she could not speak of the Occasion of those Words, which was me.

Indeed, said Mr. Longman, I must needs say before your Face, that since I have known my Master’s Family, I have never found such good Management in it, nor so much Love and Harmony neither. I wish the Lincolnshire Estate was as well serv’d! — No more of that, said my Master; but Mrs. Jervis may stay, if she will; and here, Mrs. Jervis, pray accept of this, which at the Close of every Year’s Accounts I will present you with, besides your Salary, as long as I find your Care so useful and agreeable. And he gave her five Guineas. — She made him a low Curt’sy, and thanking him, look’d to me, as if she would have spoken to me.

guineas = gold coins

He took her Meaning, I believe; for he said, — Indeed I love to encourage Merit and Obligingness, Mr. Longman; but I can never be equally kind to those who don’t deserve it at my Hands, as to those who do; and then he look’d full at me. Mr. Longman, continued he, I said that Girl might come in with Mrs. Jervis, because they love to be always together. For Mrs. Jervis is very good to her, and loves her as well as if she was her Daughter. But else — Mr. Longman, interrupting him, said, Good to Mrs. Pamela! Ay, Sir, and so she is, to be sure! But every body must be good to her; for —

He was going on. But my Master said, No more, no more, Mr. Longman. I see old Men are taken with pretty young Girls, as well as other Folks; and fair Looks hide many a Fault, where a Person has the Art to behave obligingly. Why, and please your Honour, said Mr. Longman, every body — and was going on, I believe to say something more in my Praise; but he interrupted him, and said, Not a Word more of this Pamela. I can’t let her stay, I’ll assure you; not only for her own Freedom of Speech, but her Letter-writing of all the Secrets of my Family. Ay! said the good old Man; I’m sorry for that too! But, Sir — No more, I say, said my Master; for my Reputation’s so well known, (mighty fine, thought I!) that I care not what any body writes or says of me: But to tell you the Truth, (not that it need go further, I think of changing my Condition soon; and, you know, young Ladies of Birth and Fortune will chuse their own Servants, and that’s my chief Reason why Pamela can’t stay. As for the rest, said he, the Girl is a good sort of Body, take her all together; tho’ I must needs say, a little pert, since my Mother’s Death, in her Answers, and gives me two Words for one; which I can’t bear; nor is there Reason I should, you know, Mr. Longman. No, to be sure, Sir, said he; but ’tis strange methinks, she should be so mild and meek to every one of us in the House, and forget herself so where she should shew most Respect! Very true, Mr. Longman, said he; but so it is, I’ll assure you; and it was from her Pertness, that Mrs. Jervis and I had the Words: And I should mind it the less, but that the Girl (there she stands, I say it to her Face) has Wit and Sense above her Years, and knows better.

condition = social rank

I was in great Pain to say something, but yet I knew not what, before Mr. Longman, and Mrs. Jervis, look’d at me, and walk’d to the Window to hide her Concern for me. At last, I said, It is for you, Sir, to say what you please; and for me only to say, God bless your Honour!

Poor Mr. Longman falter’d in his Speech, and was ready to cry. Said my insulting Master to me, Why pr’ythee, Pamela, now, shew thyself as thou art, before Mr. Longman. Can’st not give him a Specimen of that Pertness which thou hast exercis’d upon me sometimes?

Did he not, my dear Father and Mother, deserve all the Truth to be told? Yet I overcame myself so far, as to say, Well, your Honour may play upon a poor Girl, that you can answer you, but dare not.

Why, pr’ythee now, Insinuator, said he, say the worst you can before Mr. Longman and Mrs. Jervis. I challenge the utmost of thy Impertinence; and as you are going away, and have the Love of every body, I would be a little justify’d to my Family, that you have no Reason to complain of Hardships from me, as I have of pert saucy Answers from you, besides exposing me by your Letters.

saucy = disrespectful

Surely, Sir, said I, I am of no Consequence equal to this, in your Honour’s Family, that such a great Gentleman as you, my Master, should need to justify yourself about me. I am glad Mrs. Jervis stays with your Honour; and I know I have not deserv’d to stay; and more than that, I don’t desire to stay.

Ads-bobbers! said Mr. Longman, and ran to me; don’t say so, don’t say so, dear Mrs. Pamela! We all love you dearly; and pray down of your Knees, and ask his Honour Pardon, and we will all become Pleaders in a Body, and I, and Mrs. Jervis too, at the Head of it, to beg his Honour’s Pardon, and to continue you, at least till his Honour marries. — No, Mr. Longman, said I, I cannot ask; nor will I stay, if I might. All I desire, is, to return to my poor Father and Mother; and tho’ I love you all, I won’t stay. — O well-a-day, well-a-day! said the good old Man, I did not expect this? — When I had got Matters thus far, and had made all up for Mrs. Jervis, I was in Hopes to have got a double Holiday of Joy for all the Family, in your Pardon too. Well, said my Master, this is a little Specimen of what I told you, Mr. Longman. You see there’s a Spirit you did not expect.

ads=bobbers = a mild oath

Mr. Jervis told me after, that she could stay no longer, to hear me so hardly used, and must have spoken, had she stay’d, what would never have been forgiven her; so she went out. I look’d after her to go too; but my Master said, Come, Pamela, give another Specimen, I desire you, to Mr. Longman: I am sure you must, if you will but speak. Well, Sir, said I, since it seems your Greatness wants to be justified by my Lowness, and I have no Desire you should suffer in the Sight of your Family, I will say, on my bended Knees, (and so I kneeled down) that I have been a very faulty, and a very ingrateful Creature to the best of Masters: I have been very perverse and saucy; and have deserv’d nothing at your Hands, but to be turn’d out of your Family with Shame and Disgrace. I, therefore, have nothing to say for myself, but that I am not worthy to stay, and so cannot wish to stay, and will not stay: And so God Almighty bless you, and you, Mr. Longman, and good Mrs Jervis, and every living Soul of the Family! and I will pray for you as long as I live. — And so I rose up, and was forc’d to lean upon my Master’s Elbow-chair, or I should have sunk down.

saucy = disrespectful

The poor old Man wept more than I, and said, Ads-bobbers, was ever the like heard! ’Tis too much, too much; I can’t bear it. As I hope to live, I am quite melted. Dear Sir, forgive her: The poor Thing prays for you; she prays for us all! She owns her Fault; yet won’t be forgiven! I profess I know not what to make of it.

My Master himself, harden’d Wretch as he was, seem’d a little mov’d, and took his Handkerchief out of his Pocket, and walk’d to the Window: What Sort of a Day is it? said he. — And then getting a little more Hard-heartedness, he said, Well, you may be gone from my Presence, thou strange Medley of Inconsistence! but you shan’t stay after your Time in the House.

Nay, pray, Sir, pray, Sir, said the good old Man, relent a little. Ads-heartlikins! you young Gentlemen are made of Iron and Steel, I think: I’m sure, said he, my Heart’s turn’d into Butter, and is running away at my Eyes. I never felt the like before. — Said my Master, with an imperious Tone, Get out of my Presence, Hussy; I can’t bear you in my Sight. Sir, said I, I’m going as fast as I can.

ads-heartlikins = a mild oath
hussy = slut

But indeed, my dear Father and Mother, my Head was so giddy, and my Limbs trembled so, that I was forc’d to go holding by the Wainscot all the way with both my Hands, and thought I should not have got to the Door: But when I did, as I hop’d this would be my last Interview with this terrible hard-hearted Master, I turn’d about, and made a low Curt’sy, and said, God bless you, Sir! God bless you, Mr. Longman! And I went into the Lobby leading to the great Hall, and dropt into the first Chair; for I could get no further a good while.

interview = meeting

I leave all these Things to your Reflection, my dear Parents; but I can write no more. My poor Heart’s almost broken! Indeed it is — O when shall I get away! — Send me, good God, in Safety, once more to my poor Father’s peaceful Cot! — and there the worst that can happen will be Joy in Perfection to what I now bear! — O pity

Your distressed Daughter.

Letter XXVIII

My dear Father and Mother,

I Must write on, tho’ I shall come so soon; for now I have hardly any thing else to do. For I have finish’d all that lay upon me to do, and only wait the good Time of setting out. Mrs. Jervis said, I must be low in Pocket, for what I had laid out; and so would have presented me with two Guineas of her Five; but I could not take them of her, because, poor Gentlewoman, she pays old Debts for her Children that were extravagant, and wants them herself. This, tho’, was very good in her.

guineas = gold coins

I am sorry, I shall have but little to bring with me; but I know you won’t, you are so good! — and I will work the harder, when I come home, if I can get a little Plain-work, or any thing to do. But all your Neighbourhood is so poor, that I fear I shall want Work; but may-be Dame Mumford can help me to something, from some good Family she is acquainted with.

Here, what a sad Thing it is! I have been brought up wrong, as Matters stand. For, you know, my good Lady, now in Heav’n, lov’d Singing and Dancing; and, as she would have it I had a Voice, she made me learn both; and often and often has she made me sing her an innocent Song, and a good Psalm too, and dance before her. And I must learn to flower and draw too, and to work fine Work with my Needle; why, all this too I have got pretty tolerably at my Fingers End, as they say; and she us’d to praise me, and was a good Judge of such Matters.

Well now, what is all this to the Purpose, as Things have turn’d about?

Why, no more nor less, than that I am like the Grashopper in the Fable, which I have read of in my Lady’s Books: and I will write it down, in the very Words:

“As the Ants were airing their Provisions one Winter, a hungry Grashopper (as suppose it was poor I) begg’d a Charity of them. They told him, That he should have wrought in Summer, if he would not have wanted in Winter. Well, says the Grashopper, but I was not idle neither; for I sung out the whole Season. Nay, then, said they, you’ll e’en do well to make a merry Year of it, and dance in Winter to the Tune you sung in Summer.”

So I shall make a fine Figure with my Singing and my Dancing, when I come home to you! Nay, I doubt, I shall even be unfit for a May-day Holiday-time; for these Minuits, Rigadoons, and French Dances, that I have been practising, will make me but ill Company for my rural Milk-maid Companions that are to be. To be sure I had better, as Things stand, have learn’d to wash and scour, and brew and bake, and such-like. But I hope, if I can’t get Work, and can get a Place, to learn these soon, if any body will have the Goodness to bear with me, till I can learn. For, I bless God, I have an humble and a teachable Mind, for all what my Master says; and, next to his Grace, that is all my Comfort: For I shall think nothing too mean that is honest. It may be a little hard at first, but wo to my proud Heart, if I shall find it so, on Trial! for I will make it bend to its Condition, or will break it.

I have read of a good Bishop that was to be burnt for his Religion; and he try’d how he could bear it, by putting his Fingers into the lighted Candle: So I, t’other Day, try’d, when Rachel’s Back was turn’d, if I could not scour the Pewter Plate she had begun. I see I could do’t by Degrees; tho’ I blister’d my Hand in two Places.

All the Matter is, if I could get Needle-work enough, I would not spoil my Fingers by this rough Work. But if I can’t, I hope to make my Hands as red as a Blood-pudden, and as hard as a Beechen Trencher, to accommodate them to my Condition. — But I must break off, here’s somebody coming.

condition = social rank

’Tis only our Hannah with a Message from Mrs. Jervis. — But, hold, here is somebody else. — Well, it is only Rachel.

I am as much frighted as were the City Mouse and the Country Mouse, in the same Book of Fables, at every thing that stirs. Oh! I have a Power of these Things to entertain you with in Winter Evenings, when I come home. If I can but get Work, with a little Time for Reading, I hope we shall be very happy, over our Peat Fires.

What made me hint to you, that I should bring but little with me, is this:

You must know, I did intend to do, as I have this Afternoon: And that is, I took all my Cloaths, and all my Linen, and I divided them into three Parcels, as I had before told Mrs. Jervis I intended to do; and I said, It is now Monday, Mrs. Jervis, and I am to go away on Thursday Morning betimes; so, tho’ I know you don’t doubt my Honesty, I beg you will look over my poor Matters, and let every one have what belongs to them; for, said I, you know I am resolv’d to take with me only what I can properly call my own.

betimes = early

Said she, (I did not know her Drift then; to be sure she meant well; but I did not thank her for it, when I did know it) Let your Things be brought down into the Green-room, and I will do any thing you would have me do.

With all my Heart, said I, Green-room or anywhere; but I think you might step up, and see ’em as they lie.

However, I fetch’d ’em down, and laid them in three Parcels, as before; and, when I had done, I went down to call her up to look at them.

Now, it seems, she had prepared my Master for this Scene, unknown to me; and in this Green-room was a Closet, with a Sash-door and a Curtain before it; for there she puts her Sweet-meats and such Things; and she did it, it seems, to turn his Heart, as knowing what I intended, I suppose that he should make me take the Things; for if he had, I should have made Money of them, to help us when we got together; for, to be sure, I could never have appear’d in them.

Well, as I was saying, he had got, unknown to me, in this Closet; I suppose while I went to call Mrs. Jervis: And she since told me, it was at his Desire, when she told him something of what I intended, or else she would not have done it: Tho’ I have Reason, I’m sure, to remember the last Closet-work.

So I said, when she came up, Here, Mrs. Jervis, is the first Parcel; I will spread it all abroad. These are the Things my good Lady gave me. — In the first place, said I — and so I went on describing the Cloaths and Linen my Lady had given me, mingling Blessings, as I proceeded, for her Goodness to me; and when I had turn’d over that Parcel, I said, Well, so much for the first Parcel, Mrs. Jervis; that was my Lady’s Gifts.

abroad = widely

Now I come to the Presents of my dear virtuous Master: Hay, you know, Closet for that! Mrs. Jervis. She laugh’d, and said, I never saw such a comical Girl in my Life. But go on. I will, Mrs. Jervis, said I, as soon as I have open’d the Bundle; for I was as brisk and as pert as could be, little thinking who heard me.

Now here, Mrs. Jervis, said I, are my ever worthy Master’s Presents; and then I particulariz’d all those in the second Bundle.

After which, I turn’d to my own, and said,

Now, Mrs. Jervis, comes poor Pamela’s Bundle, and a little one it is, to the others. First, here is a Calico Night-gown, that I used to wear o’ Mornings. ’Twill be rather too good for me when I get home; but I must have something. Then there is a quilted Calimanco Coat, and a Pair of Stockens I bought of the Pedlar, and my Straw-hat with blue Strings; and a Remnant of Scots Cloth, which will make two Shirts and two Shifts, the same I have on, for my poor Father and Mother. And here are four other Shifts, one the Fellow to that I have on; another pretty good one, and the other two old fine ones, that will serve me to turn and wind with at home, for they are not worth leaving behind me; and here are two Pair of Shoes; I have taken the Lace off, which I will burn, and may-be will fetch me some little Matter at a Pinch, with an old silver Buckle or two.

What do you laugh for, Mrs. Jervis? said I. — Why you are like an April Day; you cry and laugh in a Breath.

Well, let me seen; ay, here is a Cotton Handkerchief I bought of the Pedlar; there should be another somewhere. O here it is! And here too are my new-bought knit Mittens. And this is my new Flannel Coat, the Fellow to that I have on And in this Parcel pinn’d together, are several Pieces of printed Calico, Remnants of Silks, and such-like, that, if good Luck should happen, and I should get Work, would serve for Robings and Facings, and such-like Uses. And here too are a Pair of Pockets; they are too fine for me; but I have no worse. Bless me! said I, I did not think I had so many good Things!

Well, Mrs. Jervis, said I, you have seen all my Store, and I will now sit down, and tell you a Piece of my Mind.

Be brief then, said she, my good Girl; for she was afraid, she said afterwards, that I should say too much.

Why then the Case is this: I am to enter upon a Point of Equity and Conscience, Mrs. Jervis; and I must beg, if you love me, you’d let me have my own Way. Those Things there of my Lady’s, I can have no Claim to, so as to take them away; for she gave them me, supposing I was to wear them in her Service, and to do Credit to her bountiful Heart. But since I am to be turn’d away, you know, I cannot wear them at my poor Father’s; for I should bring all the little Village upon my Back: and so I resolve not to have them.

Then, Mrs. Jervis, said I, I have far less Right to these of my worthy Master’s. For you see what was his Intention in giving them to me. So they were to be the Price of my Shame, and if I could make use of them, I should think I should never prosper with them; and besides, you know, Mrs. Jervis, if I would not do the good Gentleman’s Work, why should I take his Wages? So in Conscience, in Honour, in every thing, I have nothing to say to thee, thou second wicked Bundle!

But, said I, come to my Arms, my dear third Parcel, the Companion of my Poverty, and the Witness of my Honesty; and may I never deserve the least Rag that is contain’d in thee, when I forfeit a Title to that Innocence that I hope will ever be the Pride of my Life! and then I am sure it will be my highest Comfort at my Death, when all the Riches and Pomps of the World will be worse than the vilest Rags that can be worn by Beggars! And so I hugg’d my third Bundle.

But, said I, Mrs. Jervis, (and she wept to hear me) one thing more I have to trouble you with, and that’s all.

There are Four Guineas, you know, that came out of my good Lady’s Pocket, when she dy’d, that, with some Silver, my Master gave me: Now these same Four Guineas I sent to my poor Father and Mother, and they have broken them; but would make them up, if I would: And if you think it should be so, it shall. But pray tell me honestly your Mind: As to the Three Years before my Lady’s Death, do you think, as I had no Wages, I may be suppos’d to be Quits? — By Quits, I cannot mean, that my poor Services should be equal to my Lady’s Goodness; for that’s impossible. But as all her Learning and Education of me, as Matters have turn’d, will be of little Service to me now; for it had been better for me to have been brought up to hard Labour to be sure; for that I must turn to at last, if I can’t get a Place (and you know, in Places too, one is subject to such Temptations as are dreadful to think of): So I say, by Quits, I only mean, as I return all the good Things she gave me, whether I may not set my little Services against my Keeping; because, as I said, my Learning is not now in the Question; and I am sure my dear good Lady would have thought so, had she liv’d: But that, too, is now out of the Question. Well then, if so, I would ask, whether in above this Year that I have liv’d with my Master, as I am resolved to leave all his Gifts behind me, I may not have earn’d, besides my Keeping, these Four Guineas, and these poor Cloaths here upon my Back, and in my third Bundle? Now tell me your Mind freely without Favour or Affection.

guineas = gold coins

Alas! my dear Maiden, said she, you make me unable to speak to you at all: To be sure, it will be the highest Affront that can be offer’d, for you to leave any of these Things behind you; and you must take all your Bundles with you, or my Master will never forgive you.

Well, well, Mrs. Jervis, said I, I don’t care; I have been too much used to be snubb’d and hardly treated by my Master, of late. I have done him no Harm; and I shall always pray for him, and wish him happy. But I don’t deserve these Things, I know I don’t. Then I can’t wear them, if I should take them; so they can be of no Use to me: And I trust I shall not want the poor Pittance, that is all I desire to keep Life and Soul together. Bread and Water I can live upon, Mrs. Jervis, with Content. Water I shall get any-where; and if I can’t get me Bread, I will live like a Bird in Winter upon Hips and Haws, and at other times upon Pig-nuts, and Potatoes, or Turneps, or any thing. So what Occasion have I for these Things? — But all I ask is about these Four Guineas, and if you think I need not return them, that is all I want to know. — To be sure, my Dear, you need not, said she; you have well earn’d them by that Waistcoat only. No, I think not so, in that only; but in the Linen and other Things, do you think I have? Yes, yes, said she, and more. And my Keeping allow’d for, I mean, said I, and these poor Cloaths on my Back, besides? Remember that, Mrs. Jervis. Yes, my dear Odd-ones, no doubt you have! Well then, said I, I am as happy as a Princess. I am quite as rich as I wish to be! And, once more, my dear third Bundle, I will hug thee to my Bosom. And I beg you’ll say nothing of all this till I am gone, that my Master mayn’t be so angry, but that I may go in Peace; for my Heart, without other Matters, will be ready to break to part with you all.

guineas = gold coins

Now, Mrs. Jervis, said I, as to one Matter more: And that is my Master’s last Usage of me, before Mr. Longman. — Said she, Pr’ythee, dear Pamela, step to my Chamber, and fetch me a Paper I left on my Table. I have something to shew you in it. I will, said I, and stept down but that was only a Fetch to take the Orders of my Master, I found. It seems he said, he thought two or three times to have burst out upon me; but he could not stand it, and wish’d I might not know he was there. But I tript up again so nimbly, (for there was no Paper) that I just saw his Back, as if coming out of that Green Room, and going into the next to it, the first Door that was open. — I whipt in, and shut the Door and bolted it. O Mrs. Jervis, said I, what have you done by me? — I see I can’t confide in any body. I am beset on all Hands! Wretched, wretched Pamela! where shalt thou expect a Friend, if Mrs. Jervis joins to betray me thus? — She made so many Protestations, (telling me all, and that he own’d I had made him wipe his Eyes two or three times, and said she hop’d it would have a good Effect, and remember’d me, that I had said nothing but would rather move Compassion than Resentment) that I forgave her. But O! that I was safe from this House! for never poor Creature sure was so fluster’d as I have been for so many Months together! — I am called down from this most tedious Scribble. I wonder what will next befal

Your dutiful Daughter.

befal = happen to
own’d = admitted
remember’d = reminded
own’d = admitted

Mrs. Jervis says, she is sure I shall have the Chariot to carry me home to you. Tho’ this will look too great for me, yet it will shew as if I was not turn’d away quite in Disgrace. The travelling Charriot is come from Lincolnshire, and I fansy I shall go in that; for the other is quite grand.

fansy = imagine

Letter XXIX

My dear Father and Mother,

I Write again, tho’, may-be, I shall bring it to you in my Pocket myself. For I shall have no Writeing, nor Writing-time, I hope, when I come to you. This is Wednesday Morning, and I shall, I hope, set out to you To-morrow Morning; but I have had more Trials, and more Vexation; but of another Complexion too a little, though all from the same Quarter.

vexation = frustration

Yesterday my Master, after he came from Hunting, sent for me. I went with great Terror; for I expected he would storm, and be in a fine Passion with me for my Freedom of Speech before: So I was resolv’d to begin first, with Submission, to disarm his Anger; and I fell upon my Knees as soon as I saw him; and I said, Good Sir, let me beseech you, as you hope to be forgiven yourself, and for the sake of my dear good Lady your Mother, who recommended me to you with her last Words, to forgive me all my Faults: And only grant me this Favour, the last I have to ask you, that you will let me depart your House with Peace and Quietness of Mind, that I may take such a Leave of my dear Fellow-servants as befits me; and that my Heart be not quite broken.

He took me up, in a kinder manner, than ever I had known; and he said, Shut the Door, Pamela, and come to me in my Closet: I want to have a little serious Talk with you. How can I, Sir, said I, how can I? and wrung my Hands! O pray, Sir, let me go out of your Presence, I beseech you. By the God that made me, said he, I’ll do you no Harm. Shut the Parlour-door, and come to me in my Library.

He then went into his Closet, which is his Library, and full of rich Pictures besides; a noble Apartment, tho’ called a Closet, and next the private Garden, into which it has a Door that opens. I shut the Parlour-door, as he bid me; but stood at it irresolute. Place some Confidence in me surely, said he, you may, when I have spoken thus solemnly. So I crept towards him with trembling Feet, and my Heart throbbing through my Handkerchief. Come in, said he, when I bid you. I did so. Pray, Sir, said I, pity and spare me. I will, said he, as I hop’d to be sav’d. He sat down upon a rich Settee; and took hold of my Hand, and said, Don’t doubt me, Pamela. From this Moment I will no more consider you as my Servant; and I desire you’ll not use me with Ingratitude for the Kindness I am going to express towards you. This a little embolden’d me; and he said, holding both my Hands in his, You have too much Wit and good Sense not to discover, that I, in spite of my Heart, and all the Pride of it, cannot but love you. Yes, look up to me, my sweet-fac’d Girl! I must say I love you; and have put on a Behaviour to you, that was much against my Heart, in hopes to frighten you to my Purposes. You see I own it ingenuously; and don’t play your Sex upon me for it.

use = treat
own = admit

I was unable to speak, and he seeing me too much oppress’d with Confusion to go on in that Strain, said, Well, Pamela, let me know in what Situation of Life is your Father: I know he is a poor Man; but is he as low and as honest, as he was when my Mother took you?

Then I could speak a little, and with a down Look, (and I felt my Face glow like Fire) I said, Yes, Sir, as poor and as honest too; and that is my Pride. Says he, I will do something for him, if it be not your Fault, and make all your Family happy. Ah! Sir, said I, he is happier already than ever he can be, if his Daughter’s Innocence is to be the Price of your Favour. And I beg you will not speak to me on the only Side that can wound me. I have no Design of that sort, said he. O Sir, said I, tell me not so, tell me not so! — ’Tis easy, said he, for me to be the Making of your Father, without injuring you. Well, Sir, said I, if this can be done, let me know how; and all I can do with Innocence shall be the Study and Practice of my Life. — But Oh! what can such a poor Creature as I do, and do my Duty? — Said he, I would have you stay a Week or a Fortnight only, and behave yourself with Kindness to me: I stoop to beg it of you, and you shall see all shall turn out beyond your Expectation. I see, said he, you are going to answer otherwise than I would have you; and I begin to be vex’d I should thus meanly sue; and so I will say, that your Behaviour before honest Longman, when I used you as I did, and you could so well have vindicated yourself, has quite charmed me. And tho’ I am not pleased with all you said Yesterday while I was in the Closer, yet you have mov’d me more to admire you than before; and I am awaken’d to see more Worthiness in you, than ever I saw in any Lady in the World. All the Servants, from the highest to the lowest, doat upon you, instead of envying you; and look upon you in so superior a Light, as speaks what you ought to be. I have seen more of your Letters than you imagine, (This surpris’d me!) and am quite overcome with your charming Manner of Writing, so free, so easy, and many of your Sentiments so much above your Years, and your Sex; and all put together, makes me, as I tell you, love you to Extravagance. Now, Pamela, when I have stoop’d so low as to acknowledge all this, oblige me only to stay another Week or Fortnight, to give me time to bring about some certain Affairs; and you shall see how much you shall find your Account in it.

vex’d = disturbed

I trembled to find my poor Heart giving Way. — O good Sir, said I, spare a poor Maiden, that cannot look up to you, and speak. My Heart is full: And why should you wish to undo me! — Only oblige me, said he, to stay a Fortnight longer, and John shall carry Word to your Father, that I will see him in the Time, either here or at the Swan in his Village. O Sir, said I, my Heart will burst; but on my bended Knees, I beg you to let me go To-morrow, as I design’d: And don’t offer to tempt a poor Creature, whose whole Will would be to do yours, if my Virtue would permit. — It shall permit it, said he; for I intend no Injury to you, God is my Witness! — Impossible! said I; I cannot, Sir, believe you, after what has passed: How many Ways are there to undo poor Creatures! Good God, protect me this one Time, and send me but to my dear Father’s Cot in Safety! — Strange, damn’d Fate! says he, that when I speak so solemnly, I can’t be believ’d! — What should I believe, Sir? said I; what can I believe? What have you said, but that I am to stay a Fortnight longer? and what then is to become of me? — My Pride of Birth and Fortune (damn them both! said he, since they cannot obtain Credit with you, but must add to your Suspicions) will not let me stoop at once; and I ask you but a Fortnight’s Stay, that after this Declaration, I may pacify those proud Demands upon me.

O how my Heart throbb’d! and I began, for I did not know what I did, to say the Lord’s Prayer. None of your Beads to me, Pamela! said he; thou art a perfect Nun, I think.

beads = prayers

But I said aloud, with my Eyes lifted up to Heaven, Lead me not into Temptation. But deliver me from Evil, O my good God! He hugg’d me in his Arms, and said, Well, my dear Girl, then you stay this Fortnight, and you shall see what I will do for you. — I’ll leave you a Moment, and walk into the next Room, to give you time to think of it, and to shew you I have no Design upon you. Well, this, I thought, did not look amiss.

“Lead me not into Temptation,” from the Lord’s Prayer

He went out, and I was tortur’d with twenty different Thoughts in a Minute; sometimes I thought, that to stay a Week or Fortnight longer in this House to obey him, while Mrs. Jervis was with me could do no great Harm: But then, thought I, how do I know what I may be able to do? I have withstood his Anger; but may I not relent at his Kindness? — How shall I stand that! — Well, I hope, thought I, by the same protecting Grace in which I will always confide! — But then, what has he promised? Why he will make my poor Father and Mother’s Life comfortable. O, said I to myself, that is a rich Thought; but let me not dwell upon it, for fear I should indulge it to my Ruin. — What can he do for me, poor Girl as I am! — What can his Greatness stoop to! He talks, thought I, of his Pride of Heart, and Pride of Condition; O these are in his Head, and in his Heart too, or he would not confess them to me at such an Instant. Well then, thought I, this can be only to seduce me! — He has promised nothing. — But I am to see what he will do, if I stay a Fortnight; and this Fortnight, thought I again, is no such great Matter; and I shall see in a few Days, how he carries it. — But then, when I again reflected upon the Distance between him and me, and his now open Declaration of Love, as he called it, and that after this, he would talk with me on that Subject more plainly than ever, and I should be less arm’d, may-be, to withstand him; and then I bethought myself, why, if he meant no Dishonour, he should not speak before Mrs. Jervis; and the odious frightful Closet came again into my Head, and my narrow Escape upon it; and how easy it might be for him to send Mrs. Jervis and the Maids out of the way; and so that all the Mischief he design’d me might be brought about in less than that Time; I resolv’d to go away, and trust all to Providence, and nothing to myself. And how ought I to be thankful for this Resolution! — as you shall hear.

condition = social rank
odious = hateful

But just as I have writ to this Place, John sends me Word, that he is going this Minute your Way; and so I will send so far as I have written, and hope, by to-morrow Night, to ask your Blessings, at your own poor, but happy Abode, and tell you the rest by Word of Mouth; and so I rest, ’till then, and for ever,

Your dutiful Daughter.

Letter XXX

My dear Father and Mother,

I Will continue my Writing still, because, may-be, I shall like to read it, when I am with you, to see what Dangers I have been enabled to escape; and tho’ I bring it along with me.

I told you my Resolution, my happy Resolution, as I have Reason to think it: And just then he came in again, with great Kindness in his Looks, and said, I make no Doubt, Pamela, you will stay this Fortnight to oblige me. I knew not how to frame my Words so as to deny, and yet not make him storm. But, said I, Forgive, Sir, your poor distressed Maiden. I know I cannot possibly deserve any Favour at your Hands, consistent with Virtue; and I beg you will let me go to my poor Father. Why, said he, thou art the veriest Fool that I ever knew. I tell you I will see your Father; I’ll send for him hither to-morrow, in my travelling Chariot, if you will; and I’ll let him know what I intend to do for him and you. What, Sir, may I ask you, can that be? Your Honour’s noble Estate may easily make him happy, and not unuseful perhaps to you in some respect or other. But what Price am I to pay for all this? — You shall be happy as you can wish, said he, I do assure you: And here I will now give you this Purse, in which are Fifty Guineas, which I will allow your Father yearly, and find an Employ suitable to his Liking, to deserve that and more: Pamela, he shall never want, depend upon it. I would have given you still more for him; but that perhaps you’d suspect I intended it as a Design upon you. — O Sir, said I, take back your Guineas; I will not touch one, nor will my Father, I am sure, till he knows what is to be done for them; and particularly what is to become of me. Why then, Pamela, said he, suppose I find a Man of Probity and genteel Calling for a Husband for you, that shall make you a Gentlewoman as long as you live? — I want no Husband, Sir, said I; for now I began to see him in all his black Colours! — But being in his Power so, I thought I would a little dissemble. But, said he, you are so pretty, that go where you will, you’ll never be free from the Designs of some or other of our Sex; and I shall think I don’t answer the Care of my dying Mother for you, who committed you to me, if I don’t provide you a Husband to protect your Virtue and your Innocence; and a worthy one I have thought of for you.

hither = to here
guineas = gold coins

O black, perfidious Creature! thought I, what an Implement art thou in the Hands of Lucifer, to ruin the innocent Heart! — But still I dissembled; for I fear’d much both him and the Place I was in. But, whom, pray, Sir, have you thought of? — Why, said be, young Mr. Williams, my Chaplain, in Lincolnshire, who will make you happy. Does he know, Sir, said I, any thing of your Honour’s Intentions? — No, my Girl, said he, and kissed me (much against my Will; for his very Breath was now Poison to me); but his Dependence upon my Favour, and your Beauty and Merit, will make him rejoice at my Kindness to him. Well, Sir, said I, then it is time enough to consider of this Matter; and this cannot hinder me from going to my Father’s: For what will staying a Fortnight longer signify to this? Your Honour’s Care and Goodness may extend to me there as well as here; and Mr. Williams, and all the World, shall know that I am not ashamed of my Father’s Poverty.

He would kiss me again, and I said, if I am to think of Mr. Williams, or any body, I beg you’ll not be so free with me: That is not pretty, I’m sure. Well, said he, but you stay this next Fortnight, and in that time I’ll have both Williams and your Father here; for I will have the Match concluded in my House; and when I have brought it on, you shall settle it as you please together. Mean time take and send only these Fifty Pieces to your Father, as an Earnest of my Favour, and I’ll make you all happy. — Sir, said I, I beg at least two Hours to consider of this. I shall, said he, be gone out in one Hour; and I would have you write to your Father, what I propose, and John shall carry it on purpose, and he shall take the Purse with him for the good old Man, if you approve it. Sir, said I, I will then let you know in one Hour my Resolution. Do so, said he; and gave me another Kiss, and let me go.

O how I rejoiced I had got out of his Clutches! — So I write you this, that you may see how Matters stand; for I am resolved to come away if possible. Base, wicked, treacherous Gentleman, as he is!

So here was a Trap laid for your poor Pamela! I tremble to think of it! O what a Scene of Wickedness was here laid down for all my wretched Life! Black-hearted Wretch! how I hate him? — For at first, as you’ll see by what I have written, he would have made me believe other Things; and this of Mr. Williams, I believe, came into his Head after he walked out from his Closet, as I suppose, to give himself time to think how to delude me better: But the Covering was now too thin, and easy to be seen through.

I went to my Chamber, and the first thing I did, was to write to him; for I thought it was best not to see him again, if I could help it; and I put it under his Parlour-door, after I had copy’d it, as follows:

Honour’d Sir,

‘Your last Proposal to me convinces me, that I ought not to stay; but to go to my Father, if it were but to ask his Advice about Mr. Williams. And I am so set upon it, that I am not to be persuaded. So, honour’d Sir, with a thousand Thanks for all Favours, I will set out to-morrow early; and the Honour you design’d me, as Mrs. Jervis tells me, of your Chariot, there will be no Occasion for; because I can hire, I believe, Farmer Brady’s Chaise. So, begging you will not take it amiss, I shall ever be

‘Your dutiful Servant.

‘As to the Purse, Sir, my poor Father, to be sure, won’t forgive me, if I take it, ’till he can know how to deserve it. Which is impossible.’

So he has just now sent Mrs. Jervis to tell me, That since I am resolv’d to go, go I may, and the travelling Chariot shall be ready; but it shall be worse for me; for that he will never trouble himself about me as long as he lives. Well, so I get out of the House, I care not; only I should have been glad I could, with innocence, have made you, my dear Parents, happy.

I cannot imagine the Reason of it, but John, who I thought was gone with my last, is but now going; and he sends to know if I have any thing else to carry. So I break off to send you this with the former.

I am now preparing for my Journey, and about taking Leave of my good Fellow-servants. And if I have not time to write, I must tell you the rest, when I am so happy as to be with you.

One Word more, I slip in a Paper of Verses, on my going; sad poor Stuff! but as they come from me, you’ll not dislike them, may-be. I shew’d them to Mrs. Jewkes, and she lik’d them; and took a Copy; and made me sing them to her, and in the Green Room too; but I look’d into the Closet first. I will only add, that I am

Your dutiful Daughter.

shew’d = showed

Let me just say, That he has this Moment sent me Five Guineas by Mrs. Jervis, as a Present for my Pocket: So I shall be very rich; for as she brought them, I thought I might take them. He says he won’t see me: And I may go when I will in the Morning. And Lincolnshire Robin shall drive me; but he is so angry, he orders that nobody shall go out at the Door with me, not so much as into the Coach-yard. Well! I can’t help it, not I, but does not this expose himself more than me?

guineas = gold coins

But John waits, and I would have brought this and the other myself; but he says, he has put it up among other things, and so can take both as well as one.

John is very good, and very honest; I am under great Obligations to him! I’d give him a Guinea, now I’m so rich, if I thought he’d take it. I hear nothing of my Lady’s Cloaths, and those my Master gave me: For I told Mrs. Jervis, I would not take them; but I fansy, by a Word or two that was dropt, they will be sent after me, Dear Sirs! what a rich Pamela you’ll have, if they should! But as I can’t wear them, if they do, I don’t desire them; and, if I have them, will turn them into Money, as I can have Opportunity. Well, no more — I’m in a fearful Hurry!

guinea = gold coin
fansy = imagine

Verses on my going away

I

My Fellow-servants dear, attend
To these few Lines, which I have penn’d:
I’m sure they’re from your honest Friend,
And Wisher-well, poor Pamela.

II.

I from a State of low Degree
Was taken by our good Lady.
Some say it better had been for me,
I’d still been rustick Pamela.

degree = social rank

III.

But yet, my Friends, I hope not so:
For, tho’ I to my Station low
Again return, I joyful go,
And think no Shame to Pamela.

IV.

For what makes out true Happiness,
But Innocence, and inward Peace?
And that, thank God, I do possess:
O happy, happy Pamela!

V.

My future Lot I cannot know:
But this, I’m sure, where-e’er I go,
Whate’er I am, whate’er I do,
I’ll be the grateful Pamela.

lot = fate

VI.

No sad Regrets my Heart annoy.
I’ll pray for all your Peace and Joy,
From Master high, to Scullion Boy,
For all your Loves to Pamela:

scullion boy = low-level kitchen worker

VII.

One thing or two I’ve more to say;
God’s holy Will, be sure, obey;
And for our Master always pray,
As ever shall poor Pamela.

VIII.

For, Oh! we pity should the Great,
Instead of envying their Estate;
Temptations always on ’em wait,
Exempt from which are such as we.

estate = status, rank

IX.

Their Riches often are a Snare;
At best, a pamper’d weighty Care:
Their Servants far more happy are:
At least, so thinketh Pamela.

snare = trap

X.

Your Parents and Relations love:
Let them your Duty ever prove;
And you’ll be blessed from above,
As will, I hope, poor Pamela.

XI.

For if ashamed I should be
Of my dear Parents low Degree,
I’m sure it would been worse for me,
God had not blessed Pamela.

XII.

Thrice happy may you ever be,
Each one in his and her Degree;
And, Sirs, whene’er you think of me,
Pray for Content to Pamela.

XIII.

Yes, pray for my Content and Peace;
For, rest assur’d, I’ll never cease
To pray for all your Joys Increase,
While Life is lent to Pamela.

XIV.

On God all future Good depends:
Him let us serve. My Sonnet ends,
With Thank-ye, thank-ye, honest Friends,
For all your Loves to Pamela.

Here it is necessary to observe, that the fair Pamela’s Trials were not yet over; but the worst of all were to come, at a Time when she thought them at an End, and that she was returning to her Father: For when her Master found her Virtue was not to be subdu’d, and he had in vain try’d to conquer his Passion for her, being a Gentleman of Pleasure and Intrigue, he had order’d his Lincolnshire Coachman to bring his travelling Chariot from thence, not caring to trust his Body Coachman, who, with the rest of the Servants, so greatly lov’d and honour’d the fair Damsel; and having given him Instructions accordingly, and prohibited his other Servants, on Pretence of resenting Pamela’s Behaviour, from accompanying her any Part of the Way, he drove her Five Miles on the Way to her Father’s; and then turning off, cross’d the Country, and carry’d her onward towards his Lincolnshire Estate.

It is also to be observ’d, that the Messenger of her Letters to her Father, who so often pretended Business that way, was an Implement in his Master’s Hands, and employ’d by him for that Purpose; and who always gave her Letters first to him, and his Master used to open and read them, and then send them on; by which means, as he hints to her, (as she observes in one of her Letters, p. 104.) he was no Stranger to what she wrote. Thus every way was the poor Virgin beset: And the Whole will shew the base Arts of designing Men to gain their wicked Ends; and how much it behoves the Fair Sex to stand upon their Guard against their artful Contrivances, especially when Riches and Power conspire against Innocence and a low Estate.

artful contrivances = clever plots
estate = status, rank

A few Words more will be necessary to make the Sequel better understood. The intriguing Gentleman thought fit, however, to keep back from her Father her Three last Letters; in which she mentions his concealing himself to hear her partitioning out her Cloaths, his last Effort to induce her to stay a Fortnight, his pretended Proposal of the Chaplain, and her Hopes of speedily seeing them, as also her Verses; and to send himself a Letter to her Father, which is as follows:

sequel = what follows

Goodman Andrews,

‘You will wonder to receive a Letter from me. But I think I am obliged to let you know, that I have discover’d the strange Correspondence carry’d on between you and your Daughter, so injurious to my Honour and Reputation, and which, I think, you should not have encourag’d, till you knew there were sufficient Grounds for these Aspersions, which she so plentifuly casts upon me. Something possibly there might be in what she has written from time to time; but believe me, with all her pretended Simplicity and Innocence, I never knew so much romantick Invention as she is Mistress of. In short, the Girl’s Head’s turn’d by Romances, and such idle Stuff to which she has given herself up, ever since her kind Lady’s Death. And she assumes such Airs, as if she was a Mirror of Perfection, and believed every body had a Design upon her.

‘Don’t mistake me however; I believe her very honest, and very virtuous, but I have found out also, that she is carrying on a sort of Correspondence, or Love Affair, with a young Clergyman, that I hope in time to provide for; but who, at present, is destitute of any Subsistence but my Favour: And what would be the Consequence, can you think, of two young Folks, who have nothing in the World to trust to of their own, to come together with a Family multiplying upon them, before they have Bread to eat?

‘For my Part, I have too much Kindness to them both, not to endeavour to prevent it, if I can: And for this Reason I have sent her out of his Way for a little while, till I can bring them to better Consideration; and I would not therefore have you be surpris’d you don’t see your Daughter so soon as you might possibly expect.

‘Yet, I do assure you, upon my Honour, that she shall be safe and inviolate; and I hope you don’t doubt me, notwithstanding any Airs she may have given herself, upon my jocular Pleasantry to her, and perhaps a little innocent Romping with her, so usual with young Folks of the two Sexes, when they have been long acquainted, and grown up together; for Pride is not my Talent.

‘As she is a mighty Letter-writer, I hope she has had the Duty to apprize you of her Intrigue with the young Clergyman; and I know not whether it meets with your Countenance: But now she is absent for a little while, (for I know he would have follow’d her to your Village, if she had gone home; and there perhaps they would have ruin’d one another, by marrying) I doubt not I shall bring him to see his Interest, and that he engages not before he knows how to provide for a Wife: And when that can be done, let them come together in God’s Name, for me.

countenance = approval

‘I expect not to be answered on this Head, but by your good Opinion, and the Confidence you may repose in my Honour; being

‘Your hearty Friend to serve you.

P. S. I find my Man John has been the Manager of the Correspondence, in which such Liberties have been taken with me. I shall soon let the saucy Fellow know how much I resent his Part of the Affair, in a manner that becomes me. It is a hard thing, that a Man of my Character in the World, should be used thus freely by his own Servants.’

saucy = disrespectful

It is easy to guess at the poor old Man’s Concern upon reading this Letter, from a Gentleman of so much Consideration. He knew not what Course to take, and had no manner of Doubt of his poor Daughter’s Innocence, and that foul Play was design’d her. Yet he sometimes hoped the best, and was ready to believe the surmised Correspondence between the Clergyman and her, having not receiv’d the Letters she wrote, which would have clear’d up that Affair.

But after all, he resolved, as well to quiet his own as his Wife’s Uneasiness, to undertake a Journey to the ’Squire’s; and leaving his poor Wife to excuse him to the Farmer who employ’d him, he set out that very Evening, late as it was; and travelling all Night, found himself, soon after Day-light, at the Gate of the Gentleman, before the Family was up: And there he sat down to rest himself, till he should see somebody stirring.

The Grooms were the first he saw, coming out to water their Horses; and he ask’d, in so distressful a manner, what was become of Pamela, that they thought him crasy; and said, Why, what have you to do with Pamela, old Fellow? Get out of the Horse’s Way. — Where is your Master? said the poor Man; pray, Gentlemen, don’t be angry: My Heart’s almost broke. — He never gives any thing at the Door, I assure you, says one of the Grooms; so you’ll lose your Labour. — I am not a Beggar yet, said the poor old Man; I want nothing of him, but my Pamela! — O my Child! my Child!

I’ll be hang’d, says one of them, if this is not Mrs. Pamela’s Father! — Indeed, indeed, said he, wringing his Hands, I am; and weeping, Where is my Child? Where is my Pamela? — Why, Father, said one of them, we beg your Pardon; but she is gone home to you! How long have you been come from home? — O! but last Night, said he; I have travelled all Night! Is the ’Squire at home, or is he not? — Yes, but he is not stirring tho’, said the Grooms, as yet. Thank God for that, said he! thank God for that! Then I hope I may be permitted to speak to him anon. They asked him to go in, and he stept into the Stable, and sat down on the Stairs there, wiping his Eyes, and sighing so sadly, that it grieved the Servants to hear him.

The Family was soon raised, with the Report of Pamela’s Father coming to inquire after his Daughter; and the Maids would fain have had him go into the Kitchen. But Mrs. Jervis, having been told of his coming, arose, and hasten’d down to her Parlour, and took him in with her, and there heard all his sad Story, and read the Letter. She wept bitterly; but yet endeavour’d before him to hide her Concern; and said, Well, Goodman Andrews, I cannot help weeping at your Grief; but I hope there is no Occasion; let nobody see this Letter, whatever you do. I dare say your Daughter’s safe.

Well, but, said he, I see you, Madam, know nothing about her! — If all was right, so good a Gentlewoman as you are, would not have been a Stranger to this. To be sure you thought she was with me!

Said she, My Master does not always inform his Servants of his Proceedings; but you need not doubt his Honour. You have his Hand for it. And you may see he can have no Design upon her, because he is not from hence, and does not talk of going hence. O that is all I have to hope for! said he; that is all, indeed! — But, said he — and was going on, when the Report of his coming had reach’d the ’Squire, who came down in his Morning-gown and Slippers, into the Parlour, where he and Mrs. Jervis were.

What’s the Matter, Goodman Andrews? said he, what’s the Matter? O my Child! said the good old Man, give me my Child, I beseech you, Sir, — Why, I thought, says the ’Squire, that I had satisfied you about her; sure you have not a Letter I sent you, written with my own Hand. Yes, yes, but I have, Sir, said he, and that brought me hither; and I have walked all Night. Poor Man! return’d he, with great seeming Compassion, I am sorry for it, truly! Why your Daughter has made a strange Racket in my Family; and if I thought it would have disturbed you so much, I would have e’en let her gone home; but what I did was to serve her and you too. She is very safe, I do assure you, Goodman Andrews; And you may take my Honour for it, I would not injure her for the World. Do you think I would, Mrs Jervis? No, I hope not, Sir! said she. — Hope not! said the poor Man, so do I; but pray, Sir, give me my Child; that is all I desire; and I’ll take care no Clergyman shall come near her.

hither = to here

Why, London is a great way off, said the ’Squire, and I can’t send for her back presently. What, then, said he, have you sent my poor Pamela to London? I would not have it said so, says the ’Squire; but I assure you, upon my Honour, she is quite safe and satisfied, and will quickly inform you of as much by Letter. I am sure she is in a reputable Family, no less than a Bishop’s; and will wait on his Lady till I get this Matter over, that I mentioned to you

O how shall I know this? reply’d he — What! said the ’Squire, pretending Anger, am I to be doubted? — Do you believe I can have any View upon your Daughter? And if I had, do you think I would take such Methods as these to effect it? Why, Man, you know not whom you talk to! — O Sir, said he, I beg your Pardon; but consider, my dear Child is in the Case: Let me know what Bishop, and where; and I will travel to London barefoot, to see my Daughter, and then shall be satisfied.

Why, Goodman Andrews, I think thou hast read Romances as well as thy Daughter, and thy Head’s turn’d with them. May I not have my Word taken? Do you think, once more, I would offer any thing to your Daughter? Is there any thing looks like it? — Pr’ythee, Man, consider a little who I am; and if I am not to be believ’d, what signifies talking? Why, Sir, said he, pray forgive me; but there is no Harm to say, What Bishop’s, or whereabouts? What, and so you’d go troubling his Lordship with your impertinent Fears and Stories! Will you be satisfied if you have a Letter from her within a Week, it may be less, if she be not negligent, to assure you all is well with her? Why, that, said the poor Man, will be a Comfort. Well then, said the Gentleman, I can’t answer for her Negligence, if she don’t; but she will send a Letter to you, Mrs. Jervis; for I desire not to see it; I have had Trouble enough about her already; and be sure you send it by a Man and Horse the Moment you receive it. To be sure I will, said she. Thank your Honour, said the good Man: And then I must wait with as much Patience as I can for a Week, which will be a Year to me.

signifies = means

I tell you, said the Gentleman, it must be her own Fault if she don’t; for ’tis what I insisted upon for my own Reputation; and I shan’t stir from this House, I assure you, till she is heard from, and that to Satisfaction. God bless your Honour, said the poor Man, as you say and mean Truth. Amen, Amen, Goodman Andrews, said he; you see I am not afraid to say Amen. So, Mrs. Jervis, make the good Man as welcome as you can; and let me have no Uproar about the Matter.

He then, whispering her, bid her give him a couple of Guineas to bear his Charges home; telling him, he should be welcome to stay there till the Letter came, if he would; and he should be a Witness, that he intended honourably, and not to stir from his House for one while.

guineas = gold coins

The poor old Man staid and din’d with Mrs. Jervis, with some tolerable Ease of Mind, in hopes to hear from his beloved Daughter in a few Days; and then accepting the Present, return’d for his own House; and resolv’d to be as patient as possible for a few Days.

Mean time Mrs. Jervis, and all the Family, were in the utmost Grief for the Trick put upon the poor Pamela and she and the Steward represented it to their Master in as moving Terms as they durst: But were forc’d to rest satisfy’d with his general Assurances of intending her no Harm; which, however, Mrs. Jervis little believ’d, from the Pretence he had made in his Letter, of the Correspondence between Pamela and the young Parson, which she knew to be all Invention, tho’ she durst not say so.

durst = dared

But the Week after she went away, they were made a little more easy, by the following Letter, brought by an unknown Hand, and left for Mrs. Jervis; which how procur’d, will be shewn in the Sequel.

shewn = shown
sequel = what follows

Dear Mrs. Jervis,

‘I have been vilely trick’d, and, instead of being driven by Robin to my dear Father’s, I am carry’d off, to where I have no Liberty to tell. However, I am at present not used hardly in the main; and I write to beg of you to let my dear Father and Mother (whose Hearts must be well-nigh broken) know, That I am well, and that I am, and, by the Grace of God, ever will be, their dutiful and honest Daughter, as well as

Your obliged Friend,
Pamela Andrews.

I must neither send Date nor Place. But have most solemn Assurances of honourable Usage. This is the only Time my low Estate has been troublesome to me, since it has subjected me to the Frights I have undergone. Love to your good Self, and all my dear Fellow-servants. Adieu! Adieu! But pray for poor Pamela.’

estate = status, rank

This, tho’ it quieted not intirely their Apprehensions, was shewn to the whole Family, and to the Gentleman himself, who pretended not to know how it came; and Mrs. Jervis sent it away to the good old Folks, who at first suspected it was forged, and not their Daughter’s Hand; but finding the contrary, they were a little easier to hear she was alive and well. And having inquir’d of all their Acquaintance, what could be done, and no one being able to put them in a Way how to proceed, with Effect, on so extraordinary an Occasion, against so rich and daring a Gentleman; and being afraid to make Matters worse, (tho’ they saw plainly enough, that by this Letter she was in no Bishop’s Family, and so mistrusted all the rest of his Story) they apply’d themselves to Prayers for their poor Daughter, and for a happy Issue to an Affair that almost distracted them.

apprehensions = anxieties
distracted = made insane

We shall now leave the honest old Pair, praying for their dear Pamela; and return to the Account she herself gives of all this; having written it Journal-wise, to amuse and employ her Time, in hopes some Opportunity might offer to send is to her Friends, and, as was her constant View, that she might afterwards thankfully look back upon the Dangers she had escaped, when they should be happily over-blown, as in Time she hoped they would be, and that then she might examine, and either approve of, or repent for, her own Conduct in them.

Letter XXXI

O my dearest Father and Mother,

Let me write and bewail my miserable hard Fate, tho’ I have no Hope, that what I write will be convey’d to your Hands! — I have now nothing to do but write, and weep, and fear,and pray! But yet what can I hope for, when I seem to be devoted, as a Victim to the Will of a wicked Violator of all the Laws of God and Man? — But, gracious Heaven, forgive me my Rashness and Despondency! O let me not sin against thee; for thou best knowest what is fittest for thy poor Handmaid: — And as thou sufferest not thy poor Creatures to be tempted above what they can bear, I will resign to thy good Pleasure. And still, I hope, desperate as my Condition seems, that as those Trials are not of my own seeking, nor the Effects of ray Presumption and Vanity, I shall be enabled to overcome them, and, in God’s own good Time, be delivered from them.

devoted = doomed
condition = situation

Thus do I pray, imperfectly as I am forced by my distracting Fears and Apprehensions; and O join with me, my dear Parents! — But, alas! how can you know, how can I reveal to you, the dreadful Situation of your poor Daughter? The unhappy Pamela may be undone, (which God forbid, and sooner deprive me of Life!) before you can know my hard Lot.

apprehensions = anxieties
lot = fate

O the unparallel’d Wickedness, Stratagems, and Devices of those who call themselves Gentlemen, and pervert the Design of Providence, in giving them ample Means to do Good, to their own Perdition, and to the Ruin of poor oppressed Innocence!

But let me tell you what has befallen me; and yet, how shall you receive it? For I have now no honest John to carry my Letters to you; but am likely to be watch’d in all my Steps, till my hard Fate ripens his wicked Projects for my Ruin. I will every Day now write my sad State; and some way, perhaps, may be open’d to send the melancholy Scribble to you. But if you know it, what will it do but aggravate your Troubles? For, O! what can the abject Poor do against the mighty Rich, when they are determined to oppress?

Well, but I will proceed to write what I had hoped to tell you in a few Hours, that I believed I should receive your grateful Blessings, on my Return to you from so many Hardships.

I will begin here with my Account from the last Letter I wrote you, in which I inclosed my poor Stuff of Verses; and continue it at times, as I have Opportunity; tho’, as I said, I know not how it can reach you now.

The long hop’d-for Thursday Morning came, that I was to set out. I had taken my Leave of my Fellow-servants over-night; and a mournful Leave it was to us all: For Men, as well as Women-servants, wept much to part with me; and, for my Part, I was overwhelm’d with Tears, and the affecting Instances of their Esteem. They all would have made me little Presents, as Tokens of their Love; but I would not take any thing from the lower Servants, to be sure. But Mr. Longman made me a Present of several Yards of Holland, and a Silver Snuff-box, and a Gold Ring, which he desir’d me to keep for his sake; and he wept over me; but said, I am sure, so good a Maiden God will bless; and tho’ you return to your poor Father again, and his low Estate, yet Providence will find you out; and one Day, tho’ I mayn’t live to see it, you will be rewarded.

Holland = fine linen cloth
estate = status, rank

I said, O dear Mr. Longman, you make me too rich, and too mody; and yet I must be a Beggar before my Time: For I shall want often to be scribbling, (little thinking it would be my only Employment so soon) and I will beg you, Sir, to favour me with some Paper; and as soon as I get home, I will write you a Letter, to thank you for all your Kindness to me; and a Letter to good Mrs. Jervis too.

This was lucky; for I should have had none else, but at Pleasure of my rough-natur’d Governess, as I may call her; but now I can write to ease my Mind, tho’ I can’t send it to you; and write what I please, for she knows not how well I am provided. For good Mr. Longman gave me above forty Sheets of Paper, and a dozen Pens, and a little Phial of Ink; which last I wrapt in Paper, and put in my Pocket; and some Wax and Wafers.

O dear Sir, said I, you have set me up. How shall I requite you? He said, By a Kiss, my fair Mistress; and I gave it very willingly; for he is a good old Man.

Rachel and Hannah cry’d sadly when I took my Leave, and Jane, who sometimes used to be a little crossish, and Cicely too, wept sadly, and said they would pray for me; but poor Jane, I doubt, seldom says her Prayers for herself: More’s the Pity!

Then Arthur the Gardener, our Robin the Coachman, and Lincolnshire Robin too, who was to carry me, were very civil; and both had Tears in their Eyes; which I thought then very good-natur’d in Lincolnshire Robin, because he knew but little of me. — But since, I find he might well be concern’d; for he had then his Instructions, it seems, and knew how he was to be a Means to entrap me.

Then our other three Footmen, Harry, Isaac, and Benjamin, and Grooms, and Helpers, were very much affected likewise; and the poor little Scullion-boy, Tommy, was ready to run over for Grief.

scullion-boy = low level kitchen worker

They had got all together over-night, expecting to be differently employ’d in the Morning; and they all begg’d to shake Hands with me, and I kiss’d the Maidens, and pray’d to God to bless them all; and thanked them for all their Love and Kindnesses to me: And indeed I was forced to leave them sooner than I would, because I could not stand it: Indeed I could not. Harry (I could not have thought it; for he is a little wildish, they say) cry’d till he sobb’d again. John, poor honed John, was not then come back from you. But as for the Butler, Mr. Jonathan, he could not stay in Company.

I thought to have told you a deal about this; but I have worse things to employ my Thoughts.

Mrs. Jervis, good Mrs. Jervis, cry’d all Night long; and I comforted her all I could: and she made me promise, that if my Master went to London to attend Parliament, or to Lincolnshire, I would come and stay a Week with her. And she would have given me Money; but: I would not take it.

Well, next Morning came, and I wonder’d I saw nothing of poor honest John; for I waited to take Leave of him, and thank him for all his Civilities to me and to you: But I suppose he was sent further by my Master, and so could not return; and I desired to be remember’d to him.

And when Mrs. Jervis told me, with a sad Heart, the Chariot was ready, with four Horses to it, I was just upon sinking into the Ground, tho’ I wanted to be with you.

My Master was above Stairs, and never asked to see me. I was glad of it in the main; but he knew, false Heart as he is! that I was not to be out of his Reach. — O preserve me. Heaven, from his Power, and from his Wickedness!

Well, they were not suffer’d to go with me one Step, as I writ to you before; for he stood at the Window to see me go. And in the Passage to the Gate, out of his Sight, there they stood all of them, in two Rows; and we could say nothing on both Sides, but, God bless you! and God bless you! But Harry carried my own Bundle, my third Bundle, as I was used to call it, to the Coach, and some Plum-cakes, and Diet-bread, made for me over-night, and some Sweat-meats, and six Bottles of Canary Wine, which Mrs. Jervis would make me take in a Basket, to chear our Hearts now-and-then when we got together, as she said. And I kissed all the Maids again, and shook Hands with the Men again; but Mr. Jonathan and Mr. Longman were not there; and then I tript down Steps to the Chariot, Mrs. Jervis crying most sadly.

suffer’d = allowed

I look’d up when I got to the Chariot, and I saw my Master at the Window, in his Gown; and I curt’sy’d three times to him very low, and pray’d for him with my Hands lifted up; for I could not speak; indeed I was not able. And he bow’d his Head to me, which made me then very glad he would take such Notice of me; and in I stept, and was ready to burst with Grief; and could only, till Robin began to drive, wave my white Handkerchief to them, wet with my Tears. And at last away he drove, Jehu-like, as they say, out of the Court-yard: And I too soon found I had Cause for greater and deeper Grief.

Well, said I to myself, at this rate I shall soon be with my dear Father and Mother; and till I had got, as I supposed, half-way, I thought of the good Friends I had left. And when, on stopping for a little Bait to the Horses, Robin told me, I was near half-way, I thought it was high time to wipe my Eyes, and think to whom I was going; as then, alack for me! I thought. So I began to ponder what a Meeting I should have with you; how glad you’d both be to see me come safe and innocent to you, after all my Dangers; and so I began to comfort myself, and to banish the other gloomy Side from my Mind; tho’, too, it return’d now-and-then; for I should be ingrateful not to love them, for their Love.

Well, I believe, I set out about Eight o’Clock in the Morning; and I wonder’d, and wonder’d, when it was about Two, as I saw by a Church-dial in a little Village we pass’d thro’, that I was still more and more out of my Knowledge. Hey-day! thought I, to drive this strange Pace, and to be so long a-going little more than twenty Miles, is very odd! But, to be sure, thought I, Robin knows the Way.

At last he stopt, and look’d about him, as if he was at a Loss for the Way; and I said, Mr. Robert, sure you are out of the Way! — I’m afraid I am, said he. But it can’t be much; I’ll ask the first Person I see. Pray do, said I; and he gave his Horses a Mouthful of Hay; and I gave him some Cake, and two Glasses of Canary Wine; and stopt about half an Hour in all. Then he drove on very fast again.

I had so much to think of, of the Dangers I now doubted not I had escaped, of the loving Friends I had left, and my best Friends I was going to, and the many things I had to relate to you; that I the less thought of the Way, till I was startled out of my Meditations by the Sun beginning to set, and still the Man driving on, and his Horses sweating and foaming; and then I began to be alarm’d all at once, and call’d to him; and he said he had horrid ill Luck, for he had come several Miles out of the Way, but was now right, and should get in still before it was quite dark. My Heart began then to misgive me a little, and I was very much fatigued; for I had no Sleep for several Nights before, to signify; and at last I said, Pray, Mr. Robert, there is a Town before us; what do you call it? — If we are so much out of the Way, we had better put up there; for the Night comes on apace: And, Lord protect me! thought I, I shall have new Dangers, may-hap, to encounter with the Man, who have escaped the Master — little thinking of the base Contrivance of the latter. Says he, I am just there, ’tis but a Mile on one Side of the Town before us — Nay, said I, I may be mistaken; for it is a good while since I was this Way; but I am sure the Face of the Country here is nothing like what I remember it.

contrivance = plotting

He pretended to be much out of Humour with himself for mistaking the Way, and at last stopt at a Farm-house, about two Miles beyond the Village I had seen; and it was then almost dark, and he alighted, and said, We must make shift here; for I am quite out.

Lord, thought I, be good to the poor Pamela! More Trials still! — What will befal me next?

The Farmer’s Wife, and Maid, and Daughter, came out; and the Wife said, What brings you this Way at this time of Night, Mr. Robert? And with a Lady too? — Then I began to be frighten’d out of my Wits; and laying Middle and both Ends together, I fell a crying, and said, God give me Patience! I am undone for certain I — Pray, Mistress, said I, do you know Esquire B. of Bedfordshire?

The wicked Coachman would have prevented the answering me; but the simple Daughter said, Know his Worship! yes, surely! why he is my Father’s Landlord! — Well, said I, then I am undone, undone for ever! — O wicked Wretch! what have I done to you, said I to the Coachman, to serve me thus? — Vile Tool of a wicked Master! — Faith, said the Fellow, I’m sorry this Task was put upon me: But I could not help it. But make the best of it now; here are very civil, reputable Folks; and you’ll be safe here, I’ll assure you. — Let me get out, said I, and I’ll walk back to the Town we came through, late as it is: — For I will not enter here.

Said the Farmer’s Wife, You’ll be very well used here, I’ll assure you, young Gentlewoman, and have better Conveniencies than any-where in the Village. I matter not Conveniencies, said I: I am betray’d and undone! As you have a Daughter of your own, pity me, and let me know, if your Landlord, as you call him, be here! — No, I’ll assure you, he is not, said she.

And then came the Farmer, a good-like sort of Man, grave, and well-behav’d; and he spoke to me in such sort, as made me a little pacify’d; and seeing no Help for it, I went in; and the Wife immediately conducted me up Stairs to the best Apartment, and told me, that was mine as long as I staid; and nobody should come near me but when I call’d. I threw myself on the Bed in the Room, tir’d, and frighten’d to Death almost, and gave way to the most excessive Fit of Grief that I ever had.

The Daughter came up, and said, Mr. Robert had given her a Letter to give me; and there it was. I raised myself, and saw it was the Hand and Seal of the wicked Wretch my Master, directed To Mrs. Pamela Andrews. — This was a little better than to have him here; tho’, if he had, he must have been brought thro’ the Air; for I thought I was.

directed = addressed

The good Woman (for I began to see Things about a little reputable, and no Guile appearing in them, but rather a Face of Grief for my Grief) offered me a Glass of some cordial Water, which I accepted, for I was ready to sink; and then I sat up in a Chair a little, tho’ very faintish: And they brought me two Candles, and lighted a Brush-wood Fire; and said, If I call’d, I should be waited upon instantly; and so left me to ruminate on my sad Condition, and to read my Letter, which I was not able to do presently. After I had a little come to myself, I found it to contain these Words:

condition = situation

Dear Pamela,

‘The Passion I have for you, and your Obstinacy, have constrain’d me to act by you in a manner that I know will occasion you great Trouble and Fatigue, both of Mind and Body. Yet, forgive me, my dear Girl; for though I have taken this Step, I will, by all that’s good and holy! use you honourably. Suffer not your Fears to transport you to a Behaviour that will be disreputable to us both. For the Place where you’ll receive this, is a Farm that belongs to me; and the People civil, honest and obliging.

suffer = allow

‘You will by this time be far on your way to the Place I have allotted for your Abode for a few Weeks, till I have manag’d some Affairs, that will make me shew myself to you in a much different Light, than you may possibly apprehend from this rash Action. And to convince you, that I mean you no Harm, I do assure you, that the House you are going to, shall be so much at your Command, that even I myself will not approach it without Leave from you. So make yourself easy; be discreet and prudent; and a happier Turn shall reward these your Troubles, than you may at present apprehend.

apprehend = be anxious about

‘Mean time I pity the Fatigue you will have, if this comes to your Hand in the Place I have directed: And will write to your Father, to satisfy him, that nothing but what is honourable shall be offer’d to you, by

‘Your passionate Admirer,
(so I must style myself)—

style = call

‘Don’t think hardly of poor Robin: You have so possess’d all my Servants in your Favour that I find they had rather serve you than me; and ’tis reluctantly the Fellow undertook this Task; and I was forced to submit to assure him of my honourable Intentions to you, which I am fully resolv’d to make good, if you compel me not to a Conduct abhorrent to me at present.’

I but too well apprehended, that this Letter was only to pacify me for the present; but as my Danger was not so immediate as I had Reason to dread, and he had promised to forbear coming to me, and to write to you, my dear Parents, to quiet your Concern, I was a little more easy than I was before: And I made shift to eat a little Bit of boil’d Chicken they had got for me, and drank a Glass of my Sack, and made each of them do so too.

apprehended = understood
forbear = stop

But after I had so done, I was again a little fluster’d; for in came the Coachman with the Look of a Hangman, I thought, and Madam’d me up strangely; telling me, he would beg me to get ready to pursue my Journey by Five in the Morning, or else he should be late in. I was quite griev’d at this; for I began not to dislike my Company, considering how Things stood, and was in Hopes to get a Party among them, and so to put myself into any worthy Protection in the Neighbourhood, rather than go forward.

When he withdrew, I began to tamper with the Farmer and his Wife. But, alas! they had had a Letter deliver’d them at the same time I had; so securely had Lucifer put it into his Head to do his Work; and they only shook their Heads, and seem’d to pity me; and so I was forced to give over that Hope.

However, the good Farmer shew’d me his Letter; which I copy’d as follows: For it discovers the deep Arts of this wicked Master; and how resolv’d he seems to be on my Ruin, by the Pains he took to deprive me of all Hopes of freeing myself from his Power.

shew’d = showed
discovers = reveals

Farmer Norton,

‘I Send to your House, for one Night only, a young Gentlewoman, much against her Will, who has deeply embark’d in a Love Affair, which will be her Ruin, as well as the Person’s to whom she wants to betroth herself. I have, to oblige her Father, order’d her to be carry’d to one of my Houses, where she will be well us’d, to try if by Absence, and Expostulation with both, they can be brought to know their own Interest. And I am sure you will use her kindly for my sake. For, excepting this Matter, which she will not own, she does not want Prudence and Discretion. I will acknowledge any Trouble you shall be at in this Matter, the first Opportunity; and am

‘Your Friend and Servant.’

expostulation = argument, complaint

He had said, too cunningly for me, that I would not own this pretended Love Affair; so that he had provided them not to believe me, say what I would; and as they were his Tenants, who all love him, (for he has some good Qualities, and so he had need!) I saw all my Plot cut out, and so was forc’d to say the less.

I wept bitterly, however; for I found he was too hard for me, as well in his Contrivances as Riches; and so had recourse again to my only Refuge, that God, who takes the innocent Heart into his Protection, and is alone able to baffle and confound the Devices of the Mighty. Nay, the Farmer was so prepossess’d with the Contents of his Letter to him, that he began to praise his Care and Concern for me, and to advise me against entertaining Addresses without my Friends Advice and Consent, and made me the Subject of a Lesson for his Daughter’s Improvement. So I was glad to shut up this Discourse; for I saw I was not likely to be believ’d.

contrivances = plots

I sent, however, to tell my Driver, that I was so fatigued, I could not set out so soon the next Morning. But he insisted upon it, and said. It would make my Day’s Journey the lighter; and I found he was a more faithful Servant to his Master, notwithstanding what he wrote of his Reluctance, than I could have wish’d: So I saw still more and more, that all was deep Dissimulation, and Contrivance worse and worse.

dissimulation = hypocrisy
contrivance = plotting

Indeed I might have shewn them his Letter to me, as a full Confutation of his to them; but I saw no Probability of engaging them in my Behalf; and so thought it signify’d little, as I was to go away so soon, to enter more particularly into the Matter with them; and besides, I saw they were not inclinable to let me stay longer for fear of disobliging him: So I went to Bed, but had very little Rest: And they would make their Servant-maid bear me Company in the Chariot five Miles, early in the Morning, and she was to walk back.

I had contriv’d in my Thoughts, when I was on my Way in the Chariot, on Friday Morning, that when we came into some Town, to bait, as he must do for the Horses sake, I would, at the Inn, apply myself, if I saw I any way could, to the Mistress of the Inn, and tell her the Case, and refuse to go farther, having nobody but this wicked Coachman to contend with.

Well, I was very full of this Project, and was in great Hopes, some-how or other, to extricare myself this way. But, Oh! the artful Wretch had provided for even this last Resource of mine; for when we came to put up at a large Town on the Way, to eat a Morsel for Dinner, and I was fully resolv’d to execure my Project, who should be at the Inn that he put up at, but the wicked Mrs. Jewkes expecting me! And her Sister-in-law was the Mistress of it; and she had provided a little Entertainment for me.

artful = conniving, deceitful

And this I found, when I desir’d, as soon as I came in, to speak with the Mistress of the House. She came to me, and I said, I am a poor unhappy young Body, that want your Advice and Assistance; and you seem to be a good sort of Gentlewoman, that would assist an oppressed innocent Person. Yes, Madam, said she, I hope you guess right, and I have the Happiness to know something of the Matter before you speak. Pray call my Sister Jewkes. — Jewkes! Jewkes! thought I; I have heard of that Name; I don’t like it.

Then the wicked Creature appear’d, whom I had never seen but once before, and I was terrify’d out of my Wits. No Stratagem, thought I, not one! for a poor innocent Girl; but every thing to turn out against me; that is hard indeed!

So I began to pull in my Horns, as they say; for I saw I was now worse off than at the Farmer’s.

The naughty Woman came up to me with an Air of Confidence, and kiss’d me: See, Sister, said she, here’s a charming Creature! Would she not tempt the best Lord in the Land to run away with her? O frightfull thought I; here’s an Avowal of the Matter at once: I am now gone, that’s certain. And so was quite silent and confounded; and seeing no Help for it, (for she would not part with me out of her Sight) I was forc’d to set out with her in the Chariot; for she came thither on Horseback with a Man-servant, who rode by us the rest of the Way, with her Horse. And now I gave over all Thoughts of Redemption, and was in a desponding Condition indeed.

thither = to there
condition = situation

Well, thought I, here are strange Pains taken to ruin a poor innocent, helpless, and even worthless young Body. This Plot is laid too deep, and has been too long a hatching, to be baffled, I fear. But then I put my Trust in God, who I knew was able to do every thing for me, when all other possible Means should fail: And in Him I was resolv’d to confide.

You may see — (Yet, oh! that kills me; for I know not whether ever you may see what I now write, or no — Else you may see) what sort of Woman this Mrs, Jewkes is, compar’d to good Mrs. Jervis, by this —

Every now-and-then she would be staring in my Face, in the Chariot, and squeezing my Hand, and saying, Why, you are very pretty, my silent Dear! And once she offer’d to kiss me. But I said, I don’t like this Sort of Carriage, Mrs. Jewkes; it is not like two Persons of one Sex. She fell a laughing very confidently, and said, That’s prettily said, I vow! Then thou hadst rather be kiss’d by the other Sex? ’Ifackins, I commend thee for that!

carriage = behavior, bearing

I was sadly tiez’d with her Impertinence, and bold Way; but no wonder; she was an Inn-keeper’s House-keeper before she came to my Master; and those Sort of Creatures don’t want Confidence, you know. And indeed she made nothing to talk boldly on twenty Occasions, and said two or three times, when she saw the Tears every now-and-then, as we rid, trickle down my Checks, I was sorely hurt, truly, to have the handsomest and finest young Gentleman in five Counties in Love with me!

So I find I am got into the Hands of a wicked Procuress, and if I was not safe with good Mrs. Jervis, and where every body lov’d me, what a dreadful Prospect have I now before me, in the Hands of a Woman that seems to delight in Filthiness!

procuress = madam in a brothel

O dear Sirs! what shall I do! What shall I do! — Surely, I shall never be equal to all these Things!

About Eight at Night, we enter’d the Court-yard of this handsome, large, old, and lonely Mansion, that looks made for Solitude and Mischief, as I thought, by its Appearance, with all its brown nodding Horrors of lofty Elms and Pines about it: And here, said I to myself, I fear, is to be the Scene of my Ruin, unless God protect me, who is all-sufficient!

I was very sick at entering it, partly from Fatigue, and partly from Dejection of Spirits: And Mrs. Jewkes got me some mull’d Wine, and seem’d mighty officious to welcome me thither. And while she was absent, ordering the Wine, the wicked Robin came in to me, and said, I beg a thousand Pardons for my Part in this Affair, since I see your Grief, and your Distress; and I do assure you, that I am sorry it fell to my Task.

thither, to there

Mighty well, Mr. Robert! said I; I never saw an Execution but once, and then the Hangman ask’d the poor Creature’s Pardon, and wip’d his Mouth, as you do, and pleaded his Duty, and then calmly tuck’d up the Criminal. But I am no Criminal, as you all know: And if I could have thought it my Duty to obey a wicked Master, in his unlawful Commands, I had sav’d you all the Merit of this vile Service.

I am sorry, said he, you take it so. But every body don’t think alike. Well, said I, you have, done your Part, Mr. Robert, towards my Ruin, very faithfully; and will have Cause to be sorry, may-be, at the Long-run, when you shall see the Mischief that comes of it. — Your Eyes were open, and you knew I was to be carry’d to my Father’s, and that I was barbarously trick’d and betray’d; and I can only, once more, thank you for your Part of it. God forgive you!

So he went away a little sad. What have you said to Robin, Madam? said Mrs. Jewkes (who came in as he went out): The poor Fellow’s ready to cry. I need not be afraid of your following his Example, Mrs. Jewkes, said I: I have been telling him, that he has done his Part to my Ruin: And he now can’t help it! So his Repentance does me no Good; I wish it may him.

I’ll assure you, Madam, said she, I should be as ready to cry as he, if I should do you any Harm. It is not in his Power to help it now, said I; but your Part is to come, and you may chuse whether you’ll contribute to my Ruin or not. — Why, look ye, look ye, Madam, said she, I have a great Notion of doing my Duty to my Master; and therefore you may depend upon it, if I can do that, and serve you, I will: But, you must think, if your Desire, and his Will, come to clash once, I shall do as he bids me, let it be what it will.

Pray, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, don’t Madam me so: I am but a silly poor Girl, set up by the Gambol of Fortune, for a May-game; and now am to be Something, and now Nothing, just as that thinks fit to sport with me: And let you and me talk upon a Foot together; for I am a Servant inferior to you, and so much the more as I am turn’d out of Place.

Ay, ay, says she, I understand something of the Matter; you have so great Power over my Master, that you may be soon Mistress of us all; and so I would oblige you, if I could. And I must and will call you Madam; for I am instructed to shew you all Respect, I’ll assure you.

Who instructed you to do so? said I. Who! my Master, to be sure, said she. Why, said I, how can that be? You have not seen him lately. No, that’s true, said she; but I have been expecting you here some time (O the deep-laid Wickedness, thought I); and besides, I have a Letter of Instructions by Robin; but, may-be, I should not have said so much. If you would shew them to me, said I, I should be able to judge how far I could, or could not, expect Favour from you, consistent with your Duty to our Master. I beg your Pardon, fair Mistress, for that, said she; I am sufficiently instructed, and you may depend upon it, I will observe my Orders; and so far as they will let me, so far will I oblige you; and there’s an End of it.

Well, said I, you will not, I hope, do an unlawful or wicked thing, for any Master in the World. Look-ye, said she, he is my Master; and if he bids me do a thing that I can do, I think I ought to do it; and let him, who has Power to command me, look to the Lawfulness of it. Why, said I, suppose he should bid you cut my Throat, would you do it? There’s no Danger of that, said she; but to be sure I would not; for then I should be hang’d; for that would be Murder. Well, said I, and suppose he should resolve to ensnare a poor young Creature, and ruin her, would you assist him in that? For to rob a Person of her Virtue, is worse than cutting her Throat.

ensnare = trap

Why now, says she, how strangely you talk! Are not the two Sexes made for one another? And is it not natural for a Gentleman to love a pretty Woman? And suppose he can obtain his Desires, is that so bad as cutting her Throat? And then the Wretch fell a laughing, and talk’d most impertinently, and shew’d me, that I had nothing to expect from her Virtue or Conscience. And this gave me great Mortification; for I was in hopes of working upon her by degrees.

impertinently = rudely
shew’d = showed

So we ended our Discourse here, and I bid her shew me where I must lie. — Why, said she, lie where you list, Madam; I can tell you, I must lie with you for the present. For the present! said I, and Torture then wrung my Heart! — But is it in your Instructions that you must lie with me? Yes, indeed, said she. I am sorry for it, said I. Why, said she, I am wholsome and cleanly too, I’ll assure you. Yes, said I, I don’t doubt that; but I love to lie by myself. How so? said she; was not Mrs. Jervis your Bed-fellow at t’other House?

Well, said I, quite sick of her, and my Condition, you must do as you are instructed, I think. I can’t help myself; and am a most miserable Creature. She repeated her insufferable Nonsense, mighty miserable indeed, to be so well belov’d by one of the finest Gentlemen in England!

condition = social rank

I am now come down in my Writing to this present Saturday, and a deal I have written

My wicked Bed-fellow has very punctual Orders, it seems; for she locks me and herself in, and ties the two Keys (for there is a double Door to the Room) about her Wrist, when she goes to Bed. She talks of the House having been attempted to be broken open two or three times; whether to fright me, I can’t tell; but it makes me fearful; tho’ not so much as I should be, if I had not other and greater Fears.

I slept but little last Night, and got up, and pretended to sit by the Window which looks into the spacious Gardens; but I was writing all the time, from Break of Day, to her getting up, and after, when she was absent.

At Breakfast she presented the two Maids to me, the Cook and House-maid, poor awkward Souls, that I can see no Hopes of, they seem so devoted to her and Ignorance. Yet I am resolv’d, if possible, to find some way to escape, before this wicked Master comes.

There are besides, of Servants, the Coachman Robert, a Groom, a Helper, a Footman; all but Robert and he is accessary to my Ruin) strange Creatures, that promise nothing; and all likewise devoted to this Woman. The Gardener looks like a good honest Man; but he is kept at a Distance, and seems reserv’d.

I wonder’d I saw not Mr. Williams the Clergyman, but would not ask after him, apprehending it might give her some Jealousy; but when I had beheld the rest, he was the only one I had Hopes of; for I thought his Cloth would set him above assisting in my Ruin — But in the Afternoon he came; for it seems he has a little Latin School in the neighbouring Village, which he attends; and this brings him in a little Matter, additional to my Master’s Favour, till something better falls, of which he has Hopes.

apprehending = worrying

He is a sensible, sober young Gentleman; and when I saw him, I confirm’d myself in my Hopes of him; for he seem’d to take great Notice of my Distress and Grief (for I could not hide it); tho’ he appear’d fearful of Mrs. Jewkes, who watch’d all our Motions and Words.

He has an Apartment in the House; but is mostly at a Lodging in the Town, for Conveniency of his little School; only on Saturday Afternoons and Sundays: And he preaches sometimes for the Parson of the Village, which is about three Miles off.

I hope to go to Church with him to-morrow: Sure it is not in her Instructions to deny me! He can’t have thought of every thing! And something may strike out for me there.

I have ask’d her, for a Feint, (because she shan’t think I am so well provided) to indulge me with Pen and Ink, tho’ I have been using my own so freely, when her Absence would let me; for I begg’d to be left to myself as much as possible. She says she will let me have it, but then I must promise not to send any Writing out of the House, without her seeing it. I said, It was only to divert my Grief, when I was by myself, as I desired to be; for I lov’d Writeing; but I had nobody to send to, she knew well enough.

No, not at present, may-be, said she; but I am told you are a great Writer, and it is in my Instructions to see all you write; so, look you here, said she, I will let you have a Pen and Ink, and two Sheets of Paper; for this Employment will keep you out of worse Thoughts: But I must see them always when I ask, written or not written. That’s very hard, said I; but may I not have to myself the Closet in the Room where we lie, with the Key to lock up my Things? I believe I may consent to that, said she; and I will set it in Order for you, and leave the Key in the Door. And there is a Spinnet too, said she; if it be in Tune, you may play to divert you now-and-then; for I know my old Lady learnt you.

spinnet = harpsichord
divert = entertain

So I resolv’d to hide a Pen of my own here, and another there, for fear I should come to be deny’d, and a little of my Ink in a broken China-cup, and a little in another Cup; and a Sheet of Paper here-and-there among my Linen, with a little Wax, and a few Wafers, in several Places, lest I should be search’d; and something I thought might happen to open a Way for my Deliverance, by these or some other Means. O the Pride, thought I, I shall have, if I can secure my Innocence, and escape the artful Wiles of this wicked Master! For, if he comes hither, I am undone, to be sure! For this naughty Woman will assist him, rather than fail, in the worst of his Attempts; and he’ll have no Occasion to send her out of the Way, as he would have done Mrs. Jervis once. So I must set all my little Wits at Work.

hither = to here
artful wiles = deceitful schemes

It is a Grief to me to write, and not to be able to send to you what I write; but now it is all the Diversion I have, and if God will favour my Escape with my Innocence, as I trust He graciously will, for all these black Prospects, with what Pleasure shall I read them afterwards!

I was going to say, Pray for your dutiful Daughter, as I used; but, alas! you cannot know my Distress, tho’ I am sure I have your Prayers, And I will write on as Things happen, that if a Way should open, my Scribble may be ready to send. For what I do, must be at a Jirk, to be sure.

O how I want such an obliging honest-hearted Man as John!

I am now come to Sunday

Well, here is a sad Thing! I am deny’d by this barbarous Woman to go to Church, as I had built upon I might. And she has huffed poor Mr. Williams all to-piece;, for pleading for me. I find he is to be forbid the House, if she pleases. Poor Gentleman! all his Dependence is upon my Master, who has a very good Living for him, if the Incumbent die; and he has kept his Bed these four Months, of old Age and Dropsy.

living = paid position at a church

He pays me great Respect, and I see pities me; and would perhaps assist my Escape from these Dangers: But I have nobody to plead for me; and why should I wish to ruin a poor Gentleman, by engaging him against his Interest? Yet one would do any thing to preserve one’s Innocence; and Providence would, perhaps, make it up to him!

O judge (but how shall you see what I write!) my distracted Condition, to be reduc’d to such a Pass as to desire to lay Traps for Mankind! — But he wants sadly to say something to me, as he whisperingly hinted.

distracted condition = disturbed state of mind

The Wretch (I think I will always call her the Wretch henceforth) abuses me more and more. I was but talking to one of the Maids just now, indeed a little to tamper with her by degrees; and she popt upon us, and said — Nay, Madam, don’t offer to tempt poor innocent Country Maidens from doing their Duty. You wanted, I hear, she should take a Walk with you. But I charge you, Nan, never stir with her, nor obey her, without letting me know it, in the smallest Trisles. — I say, walk with you! why, where would you go, I tro’? Why, barbarous Mrs. Jewkes, said I, only to look a little up the Elm-walk, as you would not let me go to Church.

Nan, said she, to shew me how much they were all in her Power, pull off Madam’s Shoes, and bring them to me. I have taken care of her others. — indeed she shan’t, said I. Nay, said Nan, but I must, if my Mistress bids me; so pray, Madam, don’t hinder me: And so indeed (would you believe it?) she took my Shoes off, and left me barefoot; And, for my Share, I have been so frighten’d at this, that I have not Power even to relieve my Mind by my Tears, I am quite stupify’d, to be sure! — Here I was forc’d to leave off.

Now I will give you a Picture of this Wretch: She is a broad, squat, pursy, fat Thing, quite ugly, if any thing human can be so called; about forty Years old. She has a huge Hand, and an Arm as thick as my Waist, I believe. Her Nose is flat and crooked, and her Brows grow over her Eyes; a dead, spiteful, grey, goggling Eye, to be sure she has. And her Face is flat and broad; and as to Colour, looks like as if it had been pickled a Month in Salt-petre: I dare say she drinks! — She has a hoarse man-like Voice, and is as thick as she’s long; and yet looks so deadly strong, that I am afraid she would dash me at her Foot in an Instant, if I was to vex her. — So that with a Heart more ugly than her Face, she frightens me sadly; and I am undone, to be sure, if God does not protect me; for she is very, very wicked — indeed she is.

vex = upset

This is but poor helpless Spite in me: — But the Picture is too near the Truth notwithstanding. She sends me a Message just now, that I shall have my Shoes again, if I will, accept of her Company, to walk with me in the Garden — To waddle with me, rather, thought I.

Well, ’tis not my Business to quarrel with her downright. I shall be watch’d the narrower, if I do; and so I will go with the hated Wretch. — O for my dear Mrs. Jervis! or rather, to be safe with my dear Father and Mother!

Oh! I’m out of my Wits for Joy! Just as I have got my Shoes on, I am told, John, honest John, is come on Horseback! — A Blessing on his faithful Heart! What Joy is this! But I’ll tell you more by-and-by. I must not let her know, I am so glad to see this dear blessed John, to be sure! — O but he looks sad, as I see him out of the Window! What can be the Matter! — I hope my dear Parents are well, and Mrs. Jervis, and Mr. Longman, and every body, my naughty Master not excepted; — for I wish him to live, and repent of all his Wickedness to poor me.

O dear Heart! what a World do we live in! — I am now to take up my Pen again: But I am in a sad Taking truly! Another puzzling Trial, to be sure!

Here is John, as I said; and the poor Man came to me, with Mrs. Jewkes, who whisper’d, that I would say nothing about the Shoes, for my own sake, as she said. The poor Man saw my Distress, and my red Eyes, and my haggard Looks, I suppose; for I have had a sad Time of it, you must needs think; and tho’ he would have hid it if he could, yet his Eyes ran over. Oh Mrs. Pamela! said he; Oh Mrs. Pamela! — Well honest Fellow-servant, said I, I cannot help it at present! I am oblig’d to your Honesty and Kindness, to be sure; and then he wept more. Said I, (for my Heart was ready to break to see his Grief; for it is a touching thing to see a Man cry) Tell me the worst! Is my Master coming? No, no, said he, and sobb’d. — Well, said I, is there any News of my poor Father and Mother? How do they do? — I hope, well, said he; I know nothing to the contrary; There is no Mishap, I hope, to Mrs. Jervis, or Mr. Longman, or my Fellow-servants! No — said he, poor Man! with a long N — o, as if his Heart would burst. Well, thank God then! said I.

The Man’s a Fool, said Mrs. Jewkes, I think; what ado is here! why sure thou’rt in Love, John. Dost thou not see young Madam is well? What ails thee, Man? Nothing at all, said he; but I am such a Fool, as to cry for Joy to see good Mrs. Pamela: But I have a Letter for you.

I took it, and saw it was from my Master; so I put it in my Pocket. Mrs. Jewkes, said I, you need not, I hope, see this. No, no, said she, I see whom it comes from, well enough; or else, may-be, I must desire to see it.

And here is one for you, Mrs. Jewkes, said he; but yours, said he to me, requires an Answer, which I must carry back early in the Morning, or to-night, if I can.

You have no more, John, said Mrs. Jewkes, for Mrs. Pamela, have you? No, said he, I have not; but every body’s kind Love and Service. Ay, to us both, to be sure, said she. John, said I, I will read the Letter, and pray take care of yourself; for you are a good Man. God bless you; and I rejoice to see you, and hear from you all. But I long’d to say more, only that nasty Mrs. Jewkes —

So I went up, and lock’d myself in my Closet, and open’d the Letter; and this is a Copy of it:

My dearest Pamela,

‘I Send purposely to you on an Affair that concerns you very much, and me something, but chiefly for your sake. I am conscious, that I have proceeded by you in such a manner as may justly alarm your Fears, and give Concern to your honest Friends: And all my Pleasure is, that I can and will make you Amends for all the Disturbance I have given you. As I promis’d, I sent to your Father the Day after your Departure, that he might not be too much concern’d for you; and assured him of my Honour to you; and made an Excuse, such an one as ought to have satisfy’d him, for your not coming to him. But this was not sufficient, it seems; for he, poor Man! came to me next Morning, and set my Family almost in an Uproar about you.

‘O my dear Girl, what Trouble has not your Obstinacy given me, and yourself too! I had no way to pacify him, but to promise, that he should see a Letter written from you to Mrs. Jervis, to satisfy him you are well.

‘Now all my Care in this Case is for your aged Parents, lest they should be fatally touched with Grief; and for you, whose Duty and Affection for them I know to be so strong and laudable: For this Reason I beg you will write a few Lines to them, and let me prescribe the Form; which I have done, putting myself as near as I can in your Place, and expressing your Sense, with a Warmth that I doubt will have too much possess’d you.

‘After what is done, and which cannot now be help’d, but which, I assure you, shall turn out honourably for you, I expect not to be refus’d; because I cannot possibly have any View in it, but to satisfy your Parents; which is more your Concern than mine; and so I must beg you will not alter one Tittle of the underneath. If you do, it will be impossible for me to send it, or that it should answer the good End I propose by it.

‘I have promis’d to you, that I will not approach you without your Leave: If I find you easy, and not attempting to dispute or avoid your present Lot, I will keep to my Word, tho’ ’tis a Difficulty upon me. Nor shall the present Restraint upon you last long: For I will assure you, that I am resolv’d very soon to convince you, how ardently I am.

Yours, &c.’

lot = fate

The Letter he prescribed for me was this:

Dear Mrs. Jervis,

‘I Have, instead of being driven, by Robin, to my dear Father’s, been carry’d off to where I have no Liberty to tell. However, at present, I am not us’d hardly; and I write to beg you to let my dear Father and Mother, whose Hearts must be well-nigh broken, know, that I am well; and that I am, and, by the Grace of God, ever will be, their dutiful and honest Daughter, as well as

‘Your obliged Friend.

us’d = treated

‘I must neither send Date nor Place; but have most solemn Assurances of honourable Usage.’

I knew not what to do on this most strange Request and Occasion. But my Heart bled so much for you, my dear Father, who had taken the Pains to go yourself and inquire after your poor Daughter, as well as for my dear Mother, that I resolv’d to write, and pretty much in the above ??? * Form, that it might be sent to pacify you, till I could let you, some how or other, know the true State of the Matter. And I wrote this to this strange wicked Master himself:

Sir,

‘IF you knew but the Anguish of my Mind, and how much I suffer by your dreadfully strange Usage of me, you would surely pity me, and consent to my Deliverance. What have I done, that I should be the only Mark of your Cruelty? I can have no Hope, no Desire of living left me, because I cannot have the least Dependence, after what has pass’d, upon your solemn Assurances. — It is impossible, surely, they should be consistent with the honourable Designs you profess.

‘Nothing but your Promise of not seeing me here in my deplorable Bondage, can give me the least Ray of Hope.

‘Don’t drive the poor distressed Pamela upon a Rock, I beseech you, that may be the Destruction both of her Body and Soul! You don’t know, Sir, how dreadfully I dare, weak as I am of Mind and Intellect, when my Virtue is in Danger. And, oh! hasten my Deliverance, that a poor unworthy Creature, below the Notice of so great a Man, may not be made the Sport of a high Condition, for no Reason in the World, but because she is not able to defend herself, nor has a Friend that can right her.

sport = subject of ridicule
condition = social rank

‘I have, Sir, in part to shew my Obedience to you, but indeed, I own, more to give Ease to the Minds of my poor distressed Parents, whose Poverty, one would think, should screen them from Violences of this sort, as well as their poor Daughter, follow’d pretty much the Form you have prescrib’d for me, to Mrs. Jervis; and the Alterations I have made, (for I could not help a few) are of such a Nature, as, tho’ they shew my Concern a little, yet must answer the End you are pleas’d to say you propose by this Letter.

‘For God’s sake, good Sir, pity my lowly Condition, and my present great Misery; and let me join with all the rest of your Servants to bless that Goodness, which you have extended to every one, but the poor, afflicted, heart-broken

condition = social rank

Pamela.’

I thought, when I had written this Letter, and that which he had prescrib’d, it would look like placing a Confidence in Mrs. Jewkes, to shew them to her; and I shew’d her at the same time my Master’s Letter to me; for I believ’d, the Value he express’d for me, would give me Credit with one who profess’d in every thing to serve him right or wrong; tho’ I had so little Reason, I fear, to pride myself in it: And I was not mistaken; for it has seem’d to influence her not a little, and she is at present mighty obliging, and runs over in my Praises; but is the less to be minded, because she praises as much the Author of all my Miseries, and his honourable Intentions, as she calls them, when I see, that she is capable of thinking;, as I fear he does, that every thing that makes for his wicked Will, is honourable, tho’ to the Ruin of the Innocent. Pray God I may find it otherwise! I hope, whatever the wicked Gentleman may intend, that I shall be at least rid of her impertinent bold way of Talk, when she seems to think, by his Letter, that he means honourably.

shew’d = showed
impertinent = rude

I am now come to Monday the 5th Day of my Bondage and Misery

I Was in Hope to have an Opportunity to see John, and have a little private Talk with him before he went away; but it could not be. The poor Man’s excessive Sorrow made Mrs. Jewkes take it into her Head, to think he lov’d me; and so she brought up a Message to me from him this Morning, that he was going. I desir’d he might come up to my Closet, as I call’d it; and she came with him: And the honest Man, as I thought him, was as full of Concern as before, at taking Leave. And I gave him my two Letters, the one for Mrs. Jervis, inclos’d in that for my Master: But Mrs. Jewkes would see me seal them up, for fear of any other — I was surpris’d, at the Man’s going away, to see him drop a Bit of Paper, just at the Head of the Stairs, which I took up without Mrs. Jewkes’s seeing me; but I was a thousand times more surpris’d, when I return’d to my Closet, and opening it, read as follows:

Good Mrs. Pamela,

‘I am griev’d to tell you how much you have been deceiv’d and betray’d, and that by such a vile Dog as I. Little did I think it would come to this. But I must say, if ever there was a Rogue in the World, it is me. I have all along shew’d your Letters to my Master: He employ’d me for that Purpose; and he saw every one before I carry’d them to your Father and Mother, and then seal’d them up, and sent me with them. I had some Business that way; but not half so often as I pretended. And as soon as I heard how it was with you, I was ready to hang myself. You may well think I could not stand in your Presence. O vile, vile Wretch, to bring you to this! If you are ruin’d, I am the Rogue that caus’d it. All the Justice I can do you, is, to tell you, you are in vile Hands; and I am afraid will be undone in spite of all your sweet Innocence; and I believe I shall never live after I know it. If you can forgive me, you are exceeding good; but I shall never forgive myself, that’s certain. Howsomever, it will do you no good to make this known; and may-hap I may live to do you Service. If I can, I will. I am sure I ought — Master kept your last two or three Letters, and did not send them at all. I am the most abandon’d Wretch of Wretches,

J. Arnold.

shew’d = showed

‘You see your Undoing has been long hatching. Pray take care of your sweet Self. Mrs. Jewkes is a Devil: But in my Master’s t’other House you have not one false Heart, but myself. Out upon me for a Villain!’

My dear Father and Mother, when you come to this Place, I make no doubt your Hair will stand on End, as mine does! — O the Deceitfulness of the Heart of Man! — This John, that I took to be the honestest of Men; that you took for the same; that was always praising you to me, and me to you, and for nothing so much as for our honest Hearts; this very Fellow was all the while a vile Hypocrite, and a perfidious Wretch, and helping to carry on my Ruin.

But he says enough of himself; and I can only sit down with this sad Reflection, That Power and Riches never want Tools to promote their vilest Ends, and that there is nothing so hard to be known as the Heart of Man! — Yet I can but pity the poor Wretch, since he seems to have some Remorse, and I believe it best to keep his Wickedness secret, and, if it lies in my way, to encourage his Penitence; for I may possibly make some Discoveries by it.

One thing I should mention in this Place; he brought down, in a Portmanteau, all the Cloaths and Things my Lady and Master had given me, and moreover two Velvet Hoods, and a Velvet Scarf, that used to be worn by my Lady; but I have no Comfort in them, or any thing else.

portmanteau = luggage for carrying clothing

Mrs. Jewkes had the Portmanteau brought into my Closer, and she shew’d me what was in it; but then lock’d it up, and said, she would let me have what I would out of it, when I asked; but if I had the Key, it might make me want to go abroad, may-be; and so the insolent Woman put it in her Pocket.

shew’d = showed
abroad = out of the house

I gave myself over to sad Reflexions upon this strange and surprizing Discovery of John’s, and wept much for him, and for myself too; and now I see, as he says, my Ruin has been so long a hatching, that I can make no Doubt what my Master’s honourable Professions will end in. What a Heap of Names does the poor Fellow call himself! But what must they deserve, who set him to work? O what has this wicked Master to answer for, to be so corrupt himself, and to corrupt others, who would have been innocent; and all to carry on further a more corrupt Scene, and to ruin a poor Creature, who never did him Harm, nor wish’d him any; and who still can pray for his Happiness, and his Repentance?

I can but wonder what these Gentlemen, as they are called, can think of themselves for these vile Doings? John had some Inducement; for he hoped to please his Master, who rewarded him, and was bountiful to him; and the same may be said, bad as she is, for this same odious Mrs. Jewkes. But what Inducement has my Master for taking so much Pains to do the Devil’s Work? — If he loves me, as ’tis falsly called, must he therefore lay Traps for me, to ruin me, and to make me as bad as himself? I cannot imagine what Good the Undoing of such a poor Creature as I can procure him! — To be sure, I am a very worthless Body. People indeed say I am handsome; but if I was so, should not a Gentleman prefer an honest Servant to a guilty Harlot? — And must he be more earnest to seduce me, because I dread of all Things to be seduced, and would rather lose ray Life than my Honesty!

odious = hateful

Well, these are strange Things to me! I cannot account for them, for my Share; but sure nobody will say, that these fine Gentlemen have any Tempter but their own wicked Wills! — This naughty Master could run away from me, when he thought none but his Servants should know his base Attempts, in that sad Closet Affair; but is it not strange, that he should not be afraid of the All-seeing Eye, from which even that black poisonous Heart of his, and its most secret Motions, could not be hid? — But what avail me these sorrowful Reflections? He is and will be wicked, and I am, I fear, to be a Victim to his lawless Attempts, if the God in whom I trust, and to whom I hourly pray, prevent it not.

Tuesday and Wednesday

I Have been hinder’d, by this wicked Woman’s watching me too close, from writing on Tuesday; and so I will put both these Days together. I have been a little Turn with her, for an Airing, in the Chariot, and walked several times in the Garden; but have always her at my Heels.

Mr. Williams came to see us, and look a Walk with us once; and while her Back was just turn’d, (encourag’d by the Hint he had before given me) I said, Sir, I see two Tiles upon that Parsley-bed; cannot one cover them with Mould, with a Note between them, on Occasion? — A good Hint, said he; let that Sunflower by the Back-door of the Garden be the Place; I have a Key to that; for it is my nearest way to the Town.

So I was forced to begin. O what Inventions will Necessity be the Parent of! I hugg’d myself with the Thought; and she coming to us, he said, as if he was continuing the Discourse we were in; No, not extraordinary pleasant. What’s that? what’s that? said Mrs. Jewkes. — Only, said he, the Town, I’m saying, is not very pleasant. No, indeed, said she, ’tis not; ’tis a poor Town, to my thinking. Are there any Gentry in it? said I. And so we chatted on about the Town, to deceive her. But my Deceit intended no Hurt to any body.

We then talked of the Garden, how large and pleasant, and the like; and sat down on the turfted Slope of the fine Fish-pond, to see the Fishes play upon the Surface of the Water; and she said, I should angle if I would.

I wish, said I, you’d be so kind to fetch me a Rod and Baits. Pretty Mistress! said she — I know better than that, I’ll assure you, at this time. — I mean no Harm, said I, indeed. Let me tell you, said she, I know no one that has their Thoughts more about them than you. A body ought to look to it, where you are. But we’ll angle a little to-morrow. Mr. Williams, who is much afraid of her, turn’d the Discourse to a general Subject. I saunter’d in, and left them to talk by themselves; but he went away to Town, and she was soon after me.

I had got to my Pen and Ink; and I said, I want some Paper (putting what I was about in my Bosom): You know I have written two Letters, and sent them by John (O how his Name, poor guilty Fellow, grieves me!). Well, said she, you have some left; one Sheet did for those two Letters. Yes, said I; but I used half another for a Wrapper, you know; and see how I have scribbled the other Half; and so I shewed her a Parcel of broken Scraps of Verses, which I had try’d to recollect, and which I had written purposely that she might see, and think me usually employ’d to such idle Purposes. Ay, said she, so you have; well, I’ll give you two Sheets more; but let me see how you dispose of them, either written or blank. Well, thought I, I hope still, Argus, to be too hard for thee. Now Argus, the Poets say, had an hundred Eyes, and was made to watch with them all, as she does.

shewed = showed

She brought me the Paper, and said, Now, Madam, let me see you write something. I will, said I; and took the Pen, and wrote,

“I wish Mrs. Jewkes would be as good to me, as I would be to her, if I had it in my Power!”

— That’s pretty now! said she; well, I hope I am; but what then?

“Why then (wrote I) she would do me the Favour to let me know, what I have done to be made her Prisoner; and what she thinks is to become of me.”

Well, and what then? said she.

“Why then, of Consequence, (scribbled I) she would let me see her Instructions, that I may know far to blame her, or acquit her.”

Thus I fooled on, to shew her my Fondness for scribbling; for I had no Expectation of any Good from her; that so she might suppose I employ’d myself, as I said, to no better Purpose at other Times: For she will have it, that I am upon the some Plot, I am so silent, and love so much to be myself. — She would have me write on a little further. No, said I, you have not answer’d me. Why, said she, what can you doubt, when my Master himself assures you of his Honour? Ay, said I; but lay your Hand to your Heart, Mrs. Jewkes, and tell me, if you yourself believe him. Yes, said she, to be sure I do. But, said I, what do you call Honour? — Why, said she, what does he call Honour, think you? — Ruin! Shame! Disgrace! said I, I fear. — Pho, pho! said she; if you have any Doubt about it, he can best explain his own Meaning: — I’ll send him Word to come to satisfy you, if you will. — Horrid Creature! said I, all in a Fright — Can’st thou not stab me to the Heart! I’d rather thou wouldst, than say such another Word! — But I hope there is no Thought of his coming.

She had the Wickedness to say. No, no; he don’t intend to come, as I know of: — But if I was he, I would not be long away. — What means the Woman? said I. — Mean! said she (turning it off); why I mean, I would come, if I was he, and put an End to all your Fears — by making you as happy as you wish. ’Tis out of his Power, said I, to make me happy, great and rich as he is! but by leaving me innocent, and giving me Liberty to go to my dear Father and Mother.

She went away soon after, and I ended my Letter, in Hopes to have an Opportunity to lay it in the appointed Place. So I went to her, and said; I suppose, as it is not dark, I may take another Turn in the Garden. ’Tis too late, said she; but if you will go, don’t stay; and, Nan, see and attend Madam, as she called me.

So I went towards the Pond, the Wench following me, and dropt purposely my Hussey: And when I came near the Tiles, I said, Mrs. Ann, I have dropt my Hussey; be so kind as to look for it: I had it by the Pond-side. The Wench went to look, and I slipt the Note between the Tiles, and cover’d them as quick as I could with the light Mould, quite unperceiv’d; and the Maid finding the Hussey, I took it, and saunter’d in again, and met Mrs. Jewkes coming to see after me. What I wrote was this:

Reverend Sir,

‘The want of Opportunity to speak my Mind to you, I am sure, will excuse this Boldness in a poor Creature that is betray’d hither, I have Reason to think, for the worst Purposes. You know something, to be sure, of my Story, my native Poverty, which I am not ashamed of, my late Lady’s Goodness, and my Master’s Designs upon me. ’Tis true, he promises Honour, and all that; but the Honour of the Wicked is Disgrace and Shame to the Virtuous. And he may think he may keep his Promises according to the Notions he may allow himself to hold; and yet, according to mine, and every good Body’s beside, basely ruin me.

hither = to here
want = lack

‘I am so wretched, and ill-treated by this Mrs. Jewkes, and she is so ill-principled a Woman, that as I may soon want the Opportunity which the happy Hint of this Day affords to my Hopes; so I throw myself at once upon your Goodness, without the least Reserve; for I cannot be worse than I am, should that fail me; which, I dare say, to your Power, it will not: For I see it, Sir, in your Looks, I hope it from your Cloth, and I doubt it not from your Inclination, in a Case circumstanced as my unhappy one is. For, Sir, in helping me out of my present Distress, you perform all the Acts of Religion in one; and the highest Mercy and Charity, both to a Body and a Soul of a poor Wretch, that, believe me, Sir, has, at present, not so much as in Thought, swerv’d from her Innocence.’

‘Is there not some way to be found out for my Escape, without Danger to yourself? Is there no Gentleman or Lady of Virtue in this Neighbourhood, to whom I may fly, only till I can find a way to get to my poor Father and Mother? Cannot Lady Davers be made acquainted with my sad Story, by your conveying a Letter to her? My poor Parents are so low in the World, they can do nothing but break their Hearts for me; and that, I fear, will be the End of it.

‘My Master promises, if I will be easy, as he calls it, in my present Lot, he will not come down without my Consent. Alas! Sir, this is nothing. For what’s the Promise of a Person, who thinks himself at Liberty to act as he has done by me? If he comes, it must be to ruin me; and come, to be sure, he will, when he thinks he has silenc’d the Clamours of my Friends, and lulled me, as no doubt he hopes, into a fatal Security.

lot = condition

‘Now, therefore, Sir, is all the Time I have to work and struggle for the Preservation of my Honesty. If I stay till becomes, I am undone. You have a Key to the back Garden-door; I have great Hopes from that. Study, good Sir, and contrive for me. I will faithfully keep your Secret. — Yet I should be loth to have you suffer for me!

contrive = plan
loth = unwilling

‘I say no more, but commit this to the happy Tiles, and to the Bosom of that Earth in which I hope my Deliverance will take Root, and bring forth such Fruit, as may turn to my inexpressible Joy, and your eternal Reward, both here and hereafter. As shall ever pray,

‘Your oppressed humble Servant.’

Thursday

This completes a fatal Week since my setting out, as I hoped, to see you, my dear Father and Mother. O how different were my Hopes then, from what they are now! Yet who knows what these happy Tiles may produce!

But I must tell you, first, how I have been beaten by Mrs. Jewkes! ’Tis very true! — And thus it came about:

My Impatience was great to walk in the Garden, to see if any thing had offer’d, answerable to my Hopes. But this wicked Mrs. Jewkes would not let me go without her; and she said she was not at Leisure. We had a great many Words about it; for I said, it was very hard I could not be trusted to walk by myself in the Garden for a little Air; but must be dogg’d and watch’d worse than a Thief.

She still pleaded her Instructions, and said she was not to trust me out of her Sight: And you had better, said she, be easy and contented, I assure you; for I have worse Orders than you have yet found. I remember, said she, your asking Mr. Williams if, there were any Gentry in the Neighbourhood: This makes me suspect you want to get away to them, to tell your sad dismal Story, as you call it.

My Heart was at my Mouth; for I fear’d by that Hint, she had seen my Letter under the Tiles: O how uneasy I was! At last she said, Well, since you take so on, you may take a Turn, and I will be with you in a Minute.

I went out; and when I was out of Sight of her Window, I speeded towards the hopeful Place, but was soon forced to slacken my Pace, by her odious Voice; Hey-day, why so nimble, and whither so fast? said she: What! are you upon a Wager? I stopt for her, till her pursy Sides were waddled up to me; and she held by my Arm, half out of Breath: So I was forced to pass by the dear Place, without daring to look at it.

odious = hateful
whither = to where

The Gardener was at Work a little further, and so we looked upon him, and I began to talk about his Art; but she said softly. My Instructions are, not to let you be so familiar with the Servants. Why, said I, are you afraid I should confederate with them to commit a Robbery upon my Master? May-be I am, said the odious Wretch; for to rob him of yourself, would be the worst that could happen to him, in his Opinion.

odious = hateful

And pray, said I, walking on, how came I to be his Property? What Right has he in me, but such as a Thief may plead to stolen Goods? — Why, was ever the like heard, says she! — This is downright Rebellion, I protest! — Well, well, Lambkin, (which the Foolish often calls me) if I was m his Place, he should not have his Property in you long questionable. Why, what would you do, said I, if you were he? — Not. stand shill-I, shall-I, as he does; but put you and himself both out of your Pain. — Why, Jezebel, said I, (I could not help it) would you ruin me by Force? — Upon this she gave me a deadly Slap upon my Shoulder: Take that, said she; whom do you call Jezebel?

I was so surpris’d, (for you never beat me, my dear Father and Mother, in your Lives) that I was as one thunder-struck; and looked round, as if I wanted somebody to help me; but, alas! I had nobody; and said, at last, rubbing my Shoulder, Is this also in your Instructions? — Alas! for me! am I to be beaten too? And so I fell a-crying, and threw myself upon the Grass-walk we were upon. — Said she, in a great Pet, I won’t be call’d such Names, I’ll assure you. Marry come up! I see you have a Spirit: You must and shall be kept under. I’ll manage such little provoking Things as you, I warrant ye! Come, come, we’ll go in Doors, and I’ll lock you up, and you shall have no Shoes, nor any thing else, if this is to be the Case.

I did not know what to do. This was a cruel thing to me, and I blam’d myself for my free Speech; for now I had given her some Pretence; and Oh! thought I, here I have, by my Malpertness, ruin’d the only Project I had left.

The Gardener saw this Scene; but she called to him, Well, Jacob, what do you stare at? Pray mind what you’re upon. And away he walk’d, to another Quarter, out of Sight.

Well, thought I, I must put on the Dissembler a little, I see. She took my Hand roughly; Come, get up, said she, and come in Doors. — I’ll Jezebel you, I warrant ye! — Why, dear Mrs. Jewkes, said I — None of your Dears and your Coaxing? said she; why not Jezebel again? — She was in a fearful Passion, I saw, and I was out of my Wits. Thought I, I have often heard Women blam’d for their Tongues; I wish mine had been shorter. But I can’t go in, said I, indeed I can’t! — Why, said she, can’t you? I’ll warrant I can take such a thin Body as you are, under my Arm, and carry you in, if you won’t walk. You don’t know my Strength. — Yes, but I do, said I, too well; and will you not use me worse when I come in? — So I arose, and she mutter’d to herself all the way, She to be a Jezebel with me, that had used me so well! and such-like.

use = treat

When I came near the House, I said, sitting down upon a Settle-bench, Well, I will not go in, till you say, you will forgive me, Mrs. Jewkes. — If you will forgive my calling you that Name, I will forgive your beating me. — She sat down by me, and seem’d in a great Pucker, and said, Well, come, I will forgive you for this time; and so kissed me, as a Mark of Reconciliation. — But pray, said I, tell me where I am to walk, and go, and give me what Liberty you can; and when I know the most you can favour me with, you shall see I will be as content as I can, and not ask you for more.

Ay, said she, this is something like: I wish I could give you all the Liberty you desire; for you must think it is no Pleasure to me to tie you to my Petticoat, as it were, and not to let you stir without me — But People that will do their Duties, must have some Trouble; and what I do, is to serve as good a Master, to be sure, as lives — Yes, said I, to every body but me! — He loves you too well, to be sure, reply’d she, and that’s the Reason; so you ought to bear it. I say, love, said I! Come, said she, don’t let the Wench see you have been crying, nor tell her any Tales; for you won’t tell them fairly, I am sure; and I’ll send her, and you shall take another Walk in the Garden, if you will: May-be, said she, it will get you a Stomach to your Dinner; for you don’t eat enough to keep Life and Soul together. You are Beauty to the Bone, added the strange Wretch, or you could not look so well as you do, with so little Stomach, so little Rest, and so much pining and whining for nothing at all. Well, thought I, say what thou wilt, so I can be rid of thy bad Tongue and Company: And I hop’d to find some Opportunity now, to come at my Sun-flower. But I walked the other way, to take that in my Return, to avoid Suspicion.

I forced my Discourse to the Wench; but it was all upon general things; for I find she is asked after every thing I say and do. When I came near the Place, as I had been devising, I said, Pray, step to the Gardener, and ask him to gather a Sallad for me to Dinner. She called out, Jacob! — Said I, he can’t hear you so far off; and pray tell him, I should like a Cucumber too, if he has one. When she had stept about a Bow-shot from me, I popt down, and whipt my Fingers under the upper Tile, and pulled out a Letter, without Direction, and thrust it in my Bosom, trembling for Joy. She was with me before I could well secure it; and I was in such a taking, that I feared I should discover myself. You seem frighted, Madam, said she: Why, said I, with a lucky Thought, (alas! your poor Daughter will make an Intriguer by-and-by; but I hope an innocent one!) I stoop’d to smell at the Sun-flower, and a great nasty Worm ran into, the Ground, that startled me; for I don’t love Worms. Said she, Sun-flowers don’t smell. So I find, reply’d I. And so we walked in; and Mrs. Jewkes said, Well, you have made haste in. — You shall go another time.

discover = reveal
direction = address

I went up to my Closet, lock’d myself in, and, opening my Letter, found in it these Words:

‘I Am infinitely concern’d for your Distress. I most heartily wish it may be in my Power to serve and save so much Innocence, Beauty and Merit. My whole Dependence is upon Mr. B. and I have a near View of being provided for by his Favour to me. But yet I would sooner forfeit all my Hopes from him, (trusting in God for the rest) than not assist you, if possible. I never look’d upon Mr. B. in the Light he now appears in to me, in your Case. To be sure, he is no profess’d Debauchee. But I am intirely of Opinion, you should, if possible, get out of his Hands, and especially as you are in very bad ones in Mrs. Jewkes’s.

‘We have here the Widow Lady Jones, Mistress of a good Fortune, and a Woman of Virtue, I believe. We have also old Sir Simon Darnford, and his Lady, who is a good Woman; and they have two Daughters, virtuous young Ladies. All the rest are but middling People, and Traders, at best. I will try, if you please, either Lady Jones, or Lady Darnford, if they will permit you to take Refuge with them. I see no Probability of keeping myself conceal’d in this Matter; but will, as I said, risque all things to serve you; for I never saw a Sweetness and Innocence like yours; and your hard Case has attach’d me intirely to you; for I know, as you so happily express, if I can serve you in this Case, I shall thereby perform all the Acts of Religion in one.

‘As to Lady Davers, I will convey a Letter, if you please, to her; but it must not be from our Post-house, I give you Caution; for the Man owes all his Bread to Mr. B. and his Place too; and I believe, by something that dropt from him, over a Can of Ale, has his Instructions. You don’t know how you are surrounded; all which confirms me in your Opinion, that no Honour is meant you, let what will be professed; and I am glad you want no Caution on that Head.

‘Give me Leave to say, that I had heard much in your Praise, both as to Person and Mind; but I think greatly short of what you deserve: My Eyes convince me of the one, your Letter of the other. For fear of losing the present lucky Opportunity, I am longer than otherwise I should be. But I will not inlarge, only to assure you, that I am, to the best of my Power,

Your faithful Friend and Servant,
Arthur Williams.

leave = permission

‘I will come once every Morning, and once every Evening, after School-time, to look for your Letters. I’ll come in, and return without going into the House, if I see the Coast clear: Otherwise, to avoid Suspicion, I’ll come in.’

I instantly, to this pleasing Letter, wrote as follows:

Reverend Sir,

‘O How answerable to your Function, and your Character, is your kind Letter! God bless you for it! I now think I am beginning to be happy. I should be sorry you should suffer on my Account; but I hope it will be made up to you an hundred-fold, by that God whom you so faithfully serve, I should be too happy, could I ever have it in my Power to contribute in the least to it. But, alas! to serve me, must be for God’s sake only; for I am poor and lowly in Fortune; though in Mind, I hope, too high to do a mean or unworthy Deed, to gain a Kingdom. But I lose Time. —

‘Any way you think best, I shall be pleased with; for I know not the Persons, nor in what manner it is best to apply to them. I am glad of the Hint you so kindly give me of the Man at the Post-house. I was thinking of opening a way for myself by Letter, when I could have Opportunity; but I see more and more, that I am indeed strangely surrounded with Dangers; and that there is no Dependence to be made on my Master’s Honour.

‘I should think, Sir, if either of those Ladies would give Leave, I might some way get out by Favour of your Key; and as it is impossible, watched as I am, to know when it can be, suppose, Sir, you could get one made by it, and put it, by the next Opportunity, under the Sun-flower? — I am sure no Time is to be lost; because it is rather my Wonder, that she is not thoughtful about this Key, than otherwise; for she forgets not the minutest thing. But, Sir, if I had this Key, I could, if these Ladies would not shelter me, run away any-where. And if I was once out of the House, they could have no Pretence to force me in again; for I have done no Harm, and hope to make my Story good to any compassionate Body; and by this way you need not be known. Torture should not wring it from me, I assure you.

‘One thing more, good Sir. Have you no Correspondence with my Master’s Family? By that means, may-be, I could be informed of his Intentions of coming hither, and when. I inclose you a Letter of a deceitful Wretch; for I can trust you with anything, poor John Arnold. Its Contents will tell why I inclose it. Perhaps, by his means, something may be discover’d; for he seems willing to atone for his Treachery to me, by the Intimation of future Service. I leave the Hint for you to improve upon, and am, Reverend Sir,

Your for ever obliged
‘and thankful Servant.

hither = to here

‘I hope, Sir, by your Favour, I could send a little Packet, now-and-then, some-how, to my poor Father and Mother. I have a little Stock of Money, about five or six Guineas: Shall I put half in your Hands, to defray a Man and Horse, or any other Incidents?’

guineas = gold coins

I had time but just to transcribe this, before I was called to Dinner; and I put that for Mr. Williams, with a Wafer in it, in my Bosom, to get an Opportunity to lay it in the dear Place.

O good Sirs! Of all the Flowers in the Garden, the Sun-flower, sure, is the loveliest! — It is a propitious one to me! How nobly my Plot succeeds! But I begin to be afraid my Writings may be discover’d; for they grow large: I stitch them hitherto in my Under-coat, next my Linen. But if this Brute should search me! — I must try to please her, and then she won’t.

propitious = promising good things

Well, I am but just come off from a Walk in the Garden; and have deposited my Letter by a simple Wile. I got some Horse-beans; and we took a Turn in the Garden, to angle, as Mrs. Jewkes had promis’d me. She baited the Hook, and I held it, and soon hooked a lovely Carp, Play it, play it, said she; I did, and brought it to the Bank. A sad Thought just then came into my Head; and I took it, and threw it in again; and O the Pleasure it seem’d to have, to flounce in, when at Liberty? — Why this? says she. O Mrs. Jewkes! said I, I was thinking this poor Carp was the unhappy Pamela. I was likening you and myself to my naughty Master. As we hooked and deceived the poor Carp, so was I betrayed by false Baits; and when you said, Play it, play it, it went to my Heart, to think I should sport with the Destruction of the poor Fish I had betray’d; and I could not but fling it in again: And did you not see the Joy with which the happy Carp flounced from us! O! said I, may some good merciful Body procure me my Liberty in the same manner; for, to be sure, I think my Danger equal!

Lord bless thee! said she, what a Thought is there! — Well, said I, I can angle no more. I’ll try my Fortune, said she, and took the Rod. Well, said I, I will plant Life then, if I can, while you are destroying it. I have some Horse-beans here, and will go and stick them into one of the Borders, to see how long they will be coming up; and I will call them my Garden.

So you see, dear Father and Mother, (I hope now you will soon see; for, may-be, if I can’t get away so soon myself, I may send my Papers some-how; I say, you will see) that this furnishes me with a good Excuse to look after my Garden another time; and if the Mould should look a little freshish, it won’t be so much suspected. She mistrusted nothing of this; and I went and stuck in here and there my Beans, for about the Length of five Ells, of each side of the Sun-flower; and easily reposited my Letter. And not a little proud am I of this Contrivance. Sure something will do at last!

contrivance = plotting

Friday, Saturday

I Have just now told you a Trick of mine; now I’ll tell you a Trick of this wicked Woman’s. She comes up to me; says she, I have a Bill I cannot change till To-morrow; and a Tradesman wants his Money most sadly; and I don’t love to turn poor Trades-folks away without their Money: Have you any about you? I have a little. How much will do? said I. Oh! said she, I want eight Pounds. Alack! said I. I have but between five and six. Lend me that! said she, till To-morrow. I did so; and she went down Stairs: And when she came up, she laugh’d, and said, Well, I have paid the Tradesman. Said I, I hope you’ll give it me again To-morrow. At that, the Assurance, laughing loud, said, Why, what Occasion have you for Money? To tell you the Truth, Lambkin, I didn’t want it. I only fear’d you might make a bad Use of it; and now I can trust Nan with you a little oftener, especially as I have got the Key of your Portmanteau; so that you can neither corrupt her with Money or fine Things. Never did any body look more silly than I! — O how I fretted to be so foolishly outwitted! — And the more, as I had hinted to Mr. Williams, that I would put some in his Hands to defray the Charges of my sending to you. I cry’d for Vexation! — And now I have not five Shillings left to support me, if I can get away! — Was ever such a Fool as I! I must be priding myself in my Contrivances, indeed! Said I, Was this in your Instructions, Wolfkin? for she called me Lambkin. Jezebel, you mean, Child! said she. — Well, I now forgive you heartily; let’s buss; and be Friends! — Out upon you! said I; cannot bear you. But I durst not call her Names again; for I dread her huge Paw most sadly. The more I think of this thing, the more do I regret it, and blame myself.

shillings = coins worth 1/20 of a pound
portmanteau = luggage for carrying clothing
contrivances = plots
durst = dared

This Night the Man from the Post-house brought a Letter for Mrs. Jewkes, in which was one inclosed to me: She brought it me up. Said she, Well, my good Master don’t forget us. He has sent you a Letter; and see what he writes to me. So she read, That he hoped her fair Charge was well, happy, and contented: Ay, to be sure, said I, I can’t chuse! — That he did not doubt her Care and Kindness to me; that I was very dear to him, and she could not use me too well; and the like. There’s a Master for you, said she! Sure you will love and pray for him. I desir’d her to read the rest. No, no, said she, but I wont. Said I, Are there any Orders for taking my Shoes away, and for beating me? No, said she, nor about Jezebel neither. Well, return’d I, I cry Truce! for I have no mind to be beat again. I thought, said she, we had forgiven one another.

use = treat

My Letter is as follows:

My dear Pamela,

‘I Begin to repent already, that I have bound myself, by Promise, not to see you till you give me Leave; for I think the Time very tedious. Can you place so much Confidence in me, as to invite me down? Assure yourself that your Generosity shall not be thrown away upon me. I the rather would press this, as I am uneasy for your Uneasiness; for Mrs. Jewkes acquaints me, that you take your Restraint very heavily; and neither eat, drink, nor rest well; and I have too great an Interest in your Health, not to wish to shorten the Time of this Trial to you: which will be the Consequence of my coming down to you. John, too, has intimated to me your Concern, with a Grief that hardly gave him leave for Utterance, a Grief that a little alarm’d my Tenderness for you. Not that I fear any thing, but that your Disregard to me, which yet my proud Heart will hardly permit me to own, may throw you upon some Rashness, that might encourage a daring Hope: But how poorly do I descend, to be anxious about such a Menial as he! — I will only say one thing, that if you will give me Leave to attend you at the Hall, (consider who it is that requests this from you as a Favour) I solemnly declare, that you shall have Cause to be pleased with this obliging Mark of your Confidence in me, and Consideration for me; and if I find Mrs. Jewkes has not behaved to you with the Respect due to one I so dearly love, I will put it intirely into your Power to discharge her the House, if you think proper; and Mrs. Jervis, or who else you please, shall attend you in her place. This I say on a Hint John gave me, as if you resented something from that Quarter. Dearest Pamela, answer favourably this earnest Request of one that cannot live without you, and on whose Honour to you, you may absolutely depend; and so much the more, as you place a Confidence in it, I am, and assuredly ever will be,

Your faithful and affectionate, &c.

leave = permission

‘You will be glad, I know, to hear your Father and Mother are well, and easy upon your last Letter. That gave me a Pleasure that I am resolved you shall not repent. Mrs. Jewkes will convey to me your Answer.’

I but slightly read this Letter for the present, to give way to one I had hopes of finding by this time from Mr. Williams. I took an Evening Turn, as I call’d it, in Mrs. Jewkes’s Company; and walking by the Place, I said, Do you think, Mrs. Jewkes, any of my Beans can have struck since Yesterday? She laugh’d, and said. You are a poor Gardener; but I love to see you divert yourself. She passing on, I found my good Friend had provided for me, and slipping it in my Bosom, for her Back was towards me. Here, said I, having a Bean in my Hand, is one of them; but it was not stirr’d No, to be sure, said she, and turn’d upon me a most wicked Jest, unbecoming the Mouth of a Woman, about Planting, &c. When I came in, I hy’d to my Closet, and read as follows:

‘I AM sorry to tell you, that I have had a Repulse from Lady Jones. She is concerned at your Case, she says; but don’t care to make herself Enemies. I apply’d to Lady Darnford, and told her, in the most pathetick manner I could, your sad Story, and shew’d her your more pathetick Letter. I found her well dispos’d; but she would advise with Sir Simon, who, by-the-by, is not a Man of extraordinary Character for Virtue; but he said to his Lady, in my Presence, Why, what is all this, my Dear, but that our Neighbour has a mind to his Mother’s Waiting-maid! And if he takes care she wants for nothing, I don’t see any great Injury will be done her. He hurts no Family by this’ (So, my dear Father and Mother, it seems that poor Peoples Honesty is to go for nothing). ’And I think, Mr. Williams, you, of all Men, should not engage in this Affair, against your Friend and Patron. He spoke this in so determin’d a manner, that the Lady had done: and I had only to beg no Notice should be taken of the Matter as from me.

shew’d = showed
pathetic = arousing the emotions

‘I have hinted your Case to Mr. Peters, the Minister of this Parish; but I am concern’d to say, that he imputed selfish Views to me, as if I would make an Interest in your Affections, by my Zeal. And when I represented the Duties of our Function, and the like, and protested my Disinterestedness, he coldly said, I was very good; but was a young Man, and knew little of the World. And tho’ ’twas a Thing to be lamented, yet when he and I set about to reform Mankind in this respect, we should have enough upon our Hands; for, he said, it was too common and fashionable a Case to be withstood by a private Clergyman or two: And then he utter’d some Reflections upon the Conduct of the present Fathers of the Church, in regard to the first Personages of the Realm, as a Justification of his Coldness on this score.

‘I represented the different Circumstances of your Affair; that other Women liv’d evilly by their own Consent; but to serve you, was to save an Innocence that had but few Examples; and then I shew’d him your Letter.

shew’d = showed

‘He said, It was prettily written; and he was sorry for you; and that your good Intentions ought to be encourag’d; but what, said he, would you have me do, Mr. Williams? Why, suppose Sir, said I, you give her Shelter in your House, with your Spouse and Niece, till she can get to her Friends! — What, and imbroil myself with a Man of Mr. B’s Power and Fortune! No, not I, I’ll assure you! — And I would have you consider what you are about. Besides, she owns, continued he, that he promises to do honourably by her; and her Shyness will procure her good Terms enough; for he is no covetous nor wicked Gentleman, except in this Case; and ’tis what all young Gentlemen will do.

‘I am greatly concern’d for him, I assure you; but am not discourag’d by this ill Success, let what will come of it, if I can serve you.

‘I don’t hear, as yet, that Mr. B. is coming; I am glad of your Hint as to that unhappy Fellow John Arnold; something, perhaps, will strike out from that, which may be useful. As to your Pacquets, if you seal them up, and lay them in the usual Place, if you find it not suspected, I will watch an Opportunity to convey them; but if they are large, you had best be very cautious. This evil Woman, I find, mistrusts me much.

‘I just hear that the Gentleman is dying, whose Living Mr. B. has promis’d me. I have almost a Scruple of taking it, as I am acting so contrary to his Desires; but I hope he’ll one Day thank me for it. As to Money, don’t think of it at present. Be assured you may command all in my Power to do for you, without Reserve.

living = paid position at a church
scruple = ethical doubt

‘I believe, when we hear he is coming, it will be best to make use of the Key, which I shall soon procure you; and I can borrow a Horse for you, I believe, to wait within half a Mile of the Backdoor, over the Pasture; and will contrive by myself, or somebody, to have you conducted some Miles distant, to one of the Villages thereabouts; so don’t be discomforted, I beseech you. I am, excellent Mrs. Pamela,

Your faithful Friend, &c.

contrive = plan

I made a thousand sad Reflections upon the former Part of this honest Gentleman’s kind Letter; and but for the Hope he gave me at last, should have given up my Case as quite desperate. I then wrote to thank him most gratefully for his kind Endeavours; to lament the little Concern the Gentry had for my deplorable Case; the Wickedness of the World, first to give way to such iniquitous Fashions, and then plead the Frequency of them, against the Attempt to amend them; and how unaffected People were to the Distresses of others. I recall’d my former Hint as to writing to Lady Davers, which I fear’d, I said, would only serve to apprize her Brother, that she knew his wicked Scheme, and more harden him in it, and make him come down the sooner, and to be the more determin’d on my Ruin; besides, that it might make Mr. Williams guess’d at, as a means of conveying my Letter: And being very fearful, that if that good Lady would interest herself in my Behalf, (which was a Doubt, because she both lov’d and fear’d her Brother) it would have no Effect upon him; and that, therefore, I would wait the happy Event I might hope for from his kind Assistance in the Key and the Horse. I intimated my Master’s Letter, begging to be permitted to come down: Was fearful it might be sudden; and that I was of Opinion no Time was to be lost; for we might lose all our Opportunities; telling him the Money-trick of this vile Woman, &c.

I had not Time to take a Copy of this Letter, I was so watch’d. But when I had it ready in my Bosom, I was easy. And so I went to seek out Mrs. Jewkes, and told her I would have her Advice upon the Letter I had receiv’d from my Master, which Point of Confidence in her, pleased her not a little. Ay, said she, now this is something like: And, we’ll take a Turn in the Garden, or where you please. I pretended it was indifferent to me; and so we walk’d into the Garden. I began to talk to her of the Letter; but was far from acquainting her with all the Contents; only that he wanted my Consent to come down, and hop’d she us’d me kindly, and the like. And I said, Now, Mrs. Jewkes, let me have your Advice as to this. Why then, said she, I will give it you freely. E’en send to him to come down. It will highly oblige him, and I dare say you’ll fare the better for it. How the better? said I — I dare say, you think yourself, that he intends my Ruin. I hate, said she, that foolish Word; your Ruin! — Why ne’er a Lady in the Lady may live happier than you, if you will, or be more honourably used.

us’d = treated

Well, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, I shall not at this time dispute with you about the Words Ruin or honourable; for I find, we have quite different Notions of both: But now I will speak plainer than ever I did. Do you think he intends to make Proposals to me, as to a kept Mistress, or kept Slave rather, or do you not? — Why, Lambkin, said she, what dost thou think thyself? — I fear, said I, he does. Well, said she, but if he does, (for I know nothing of the Matter, I assure you) you may have your own Terms — I see that; for you may do any thing with him.

I could not bear this to be spoken, tho’ it was all I fear’d of a longtime; and began to exclaim most sadly. Nay, said she, he may marry you, as far as I know. — No, no, said I, that cannot be — I neither desire nor expect it. His Condition don’t permit me to have such a Thought, and that, and the whole Series of his Conduct, convinces me of the contrary; and you would have me invite him to come down, would you? Is not this to invite my Ruin?

condition = social rank

’Tis what I would do, said she, in your Place; and if it was to be as you think, I should rather be out of my Pain, than live in continual Frights and Apprehension as you do. No, reply’d I, an Hour of Innocence is worth an Age of Guilt; and were my Life to be made ever so miserable by it, I should never forgive myself, if I were not to lengthen out to the longest Minute my happy Time of Honesty. Who knows what Providence may do for me!

apprehension = anxiety

Why, may-be, said she, as he loves you so well, you may prevail upon him by your Prayers and Tears; and for that Reason, I should think, you’d better let him come down. Well, said I, I will write him a Letter, because he expects an Answer, or may-be he will make that a Pretence to come down. How can it go?

I’ll take care of that, said she; it is in my Instructions — Ay, thought I, so I doubt, by the Hint Mr. Williams gave me, about the Post-house.

The Gardener coming by, I said, Mr. Jacob, I have planted a few Beans, and I call the Place my Garden. It is just by the Door out-yonder, I’ll shew it you; pray don’t dig them up. So I went on with him; and when we had turn’d the Alley, out of her Sight, and were near the Place, said I, Pray step to Mrs. Jewkes, and ask her if she has any more Beans for me to plant? He smil’d, I suppose at my Foolishness, and I popt the Letter under the Mould, and stept back, as if waiting for his Return; which being near, was immediate, and she follow’d him. What should I do with Beans? said she — and sadly scar’d me; for she whisper’d me, I am afraid of some Fetch! you don’t use to send of such simple Errands. — What Fetch? said I; it is hard I can neither stir, nor speak, but I must be suspected. — Why, said she, my Master writes, that I must have all my Eyes about me; for, tho’ you are as innocent as a Dove, yet you’re as cunning as a Serpent. But I’ll forgive you, if you cheat me.

Then I thought of my Money, and could have call’d her Names, had I dar’d. And I said, Pray,

Mrs. Jewkes, now you talk of forgiving me, if I cheat you, be so kind as to pay me my Money; for tho’ I have no Occasion for it, yet I know you was but in Jest, and intended to give it me again. You shall have it in a proper time, said she; but, indeed, I was in earnest to get it out of your Hands, for fear you should make an ill Use of it. And so we cavilled upon this Subject as we walk’d in, and I went up to write my Letter to my Master; and, as I intended to shew it her, I resolv’d to write accordingly as to her Part of it; for I made little Account of his offer of Mrs. Jervis to me, instead of this wicked Woman, (tho’ the most agreeable thing that could have befallen me, except my Escape from hence) nor indeed of any thing he said; For to be honourable, in the just Sense of the Word, he need not have caus’d me to be run away with, and confin’d as I am. I wrote as follows:

Honoured Sir,

‘When I consider how easy it is for you to make me happy, since all I desire is to be permitted to go to my poor Father and Mother: When I reflect upon your former Proposal to me, in relation to a certain Person, not one Word of which is now mentioned; and upon my being in that strange manner run away with, and still kept here a miserable Prisoner; do you think, Sir, (pardon your poor Servant’s Freedom; my Fears make me bold; do you think, I say) that your general Assurances of Honour to me, can have the Effect upon me, that, were it not for these Things, all your Words ought to have? — O good Sir! I too much apprehend, that your Notions of Honour and mine are very different from one another. And I have no other Hope but in your continued Absence. If you have any Proposals to make me, that are consistent with your honourable Professions, in my humble Sense of the Word, a few Lines will communicate them to me, and I will return such an Answer as befits me, But Oh! What Proposals can one in your high Station have to make to one in my low one! I know what belongs to your Degree too well, to imagine, that any thing can be expected but sad Temptations, and utter Distress, if you come down; and you know not, Sir, when I am made desperate, what the wretched Pamela dares to do!

apprehend = understand
station = social class

‘Whatever Rashness you may impute to me, I cannot help it, but I wish I may not be forced upon any, that otherwise would never enter into my Thoughts. Forgive me, Sir, my Plainness; I should be loth to behave to my Master unbecomingly; but I must needs say, Sir, my Innocence is so dear to me, that all other Considerations are, and, I hope, shall ever be, treated by me as Niceties, that ought, for that, to be dispensed with. If you mean honourably, why, Sir, should you not let me know it plainly? Why is it necessary to imprison me, to convince me of it? And why must I be close watch’d, and attended, hinder’d from stirring out, from speaking to any body, from going so much as to Church to pray for you, who have been till of late so generous a Benefactor to me? Why, Sir, I humbly ask, why all this, if you mean honourably? — It is not for me to expostulate so freely, but in a Case so near to me, with you. Sir, so greatly my Superior. Pardon me, I hope, you will; but as to any the least Desire of seeing you, I cannot bear the dreadful Apprehension. Whatever you have to propose, whatever you intend by me, let my Assent be that of a free Person, mean as I am, and not of a sordid Slave, who is to be threatened and frightened into a Compliance, that your Conduct to her seems to imply would be otherwise abhorr’d by her. — My Restraint is indeed hard upon me. I am very uneasy under it. Shorten it, I beseech you, or — But I will not dare to say more, than that I am

‘Your greatly oppressed unhappy Servant.’

loth = unwilling
expostulate = argue
apprehension = anxiety

After I had taken a Copy of this, I folded it up; and Mrs. Jewkes coming up, just as I had done, sat down by me, and said, when she saw me direct it, I wish you would tell me if you have taken my Advice, and consented to my Master’s coming down. If it will oblige you, said I, I will read it to you. That’s good, said she; then I’ll love you dearly. — Said I, then you must not offer to alter one Word. I won’t, reply’d she. So I read it to her, and she prais’d me much for my Wording it; but said, she thought I push’d the Matter very close; and it would better hear talking of, than writing about. She wanted an Explanation or two, as about the Proposal to a certain Person; but I said, she must take it as she heard it. Well, well, said she, I make no doubt you understand one another, and will do so more and more. I seal’d up the Letter, and she undertook to convey it.

Sunday

For my part, I knew it in vain to expect to have Leave to go to Church now, and so I did not ask; and I was the more indifferent, because, if I might have had Permission, the Sight of the neighbouring Gentry, who had despis’d my Sufferings, would have given me great Regret and Sorrow; and it was impossible I should have edify’d under any Doctrine preach’d by Mr. Peters: So I apply’d myself to my private Devotions.

leave = permission

Mr. Williams came Yesterday, and this Day, as usual, and took my Letter; but having no good Opportunity, we avoided one anothers Conversation, and kept at a Distance: But I was concern’d I had not the Key; for I would not have lost a Moment in that Case, had I been he, and he me. When I was at my Devotions, Mrs. Jewkes came up, and wanted me sadly to sing her a Psalm, as she had often on common Days importun’d me for a Song upon the Spinnet: but I declin’d it, because my Spirits were so low I could hardly speak, nor car’d to be spoken to; but when she was gone, I, remembering the 137th Psalm to be a little touching, turn’d to it, and took the Liberty to alter it to my Case more. I hope I did not sin in it; but thus I turn’d it:

spinnet = harpsichord

I.

When sad I sat in B—n-hall,
All watched round about,
And thought of ev’ry absent Friend,
The Tears for Grief burst out.

II.

My Joys and Hopes all overthrown,
My Heart-strings almost broke,
Unfit my Mind for Melody,
Much more to bear a Joke;

III.

Then she to whom I Pris’ner was,
Said to me tauntingly,
Now chear your Heart, and sing a Song,
And tune your Mind to Joy.

IV.

Alas! said I, how can I frame
My heavy Heart to sing;
Or tune my Mind, while thus enthrall’d
By such a wicked Thing!

enthrall’d = held captive

V.

But yet, if from my Innocence
I, ev’n in Thought, should slide,
Then let my Fingers quite forget
The sweet Spinnet to guide.

spinnet = harpsichord

VI.

And let my Tongue within my Mouth
Be lock’d for ever fast,
If I rejoice, before I see
My full Deliv’rance past.

VII.

And thou, Almighty, recompence
The Evils I endure,
From those who seek my sad Disgrace,
So causeless, to procure.

VIII.

Remember, Lord, this Mrs. Jewkes,
When with a mighty Sound,
She cries, Down with her Chastity,
Down to the very Ground!

IX.

Ev’n so shalt thou, O wicked One,
At length to Shame be brought;
And happy shall all those be call’d
That my Deliv’rance wrought.

X.

Yea, blessed shall the Man be call’d
That shames thee of thy Evil,
And saves me from thy vile Attempts,
And thee, too, from the D——l.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

I Write now with a little more Liking, tho’ less Opportunity, because Mr. Williams has got a large Parcel of my Papers safe, in his Hands, to send them to you, as he has Opportunity; so I am not quite uselesly employ’d; and I am deliver’d, besides, from the Fear of their being found, if I should be search’d, or discover’d. I have been permitted to take an Airing five or six Miles, with Mrs. Jewkes: But, tho’ I know not the Reason, she watches me more closely than ever; so that we have discontinued, by Consent, for these three Days, the Sun-flower Correspondence.

The poor Cook-maid has had a bad Mischance; for she has been hurt much by a Bull in the Pasture, by the Side of the Garden, not far from the Backdoor. Now this Pasture I am to cross, which is about half a Mile, and then is a Common, and near that a private Horse-road, where I hope to find an Opportunity for escaping, as soon as Mr. Williams can get me a Horse, and has made all ready for me: For he has got me the Key, which he put under the Mould, just by the Door, as he found an Opportunity to hint to me.

He just now has signify’d, that the Gentleman is dead, whose Living he has had Hope of, and he came pretendedly to tell Mrs. Jewkes of it; and so could speak this to her, before me. She wish’d him Joy. See what the World is! one Man’s Death is another Man’s Joy: Thus we thrust out one another! — My hard Case makes me serious. He found means to slide a Letter into my Hands, and is gone away: He look’d at me with such Respect and Solemnness at Parting, that Mrs. Jewkes said, Why, Madam, I believe our young Parson is half in Love with you. — Ah! Mrs. Jewkes, said I, he knows better. Said she, (I believe to sound me) Why I can’t see you can either of you do better; and I have lately been so touch’d for you, seeing how heavily you apprehend Dishonour from my Master, that I think it is Pity you should not have Mr. Williams.

living = paid position at a church
apprehend = fear

I knew this must be a Fetch of hers, because instead of being troubled for me, as she pretended, she watched me closer, and him too: and so I said, There is not the Man living that I desire to marry. If I can but keep myself honest, it is all my Desire: And to be a Comfort and Assistance to my poor Parents, if it should be my happy Lot to be so, is the very Top of my Ambition. Well, but, said she, I have been thinking very seriously, that Mr. Williams would make you a good Hushand; and as he will owe all his Fortune to my Master, he will be very glad, to be sure, to be oblig’d to him for a Wife of his chusing: Especially, said she, such a pretty one, and one so ingenious and genteelly educated.

lot = fate

This gave me a Doubt, whether she knew of my Master’s Intimation of that sort formerly; and I asked her, if she had Reason to furmise, that that was in View? No, she said; it was only her own Thought; but it was very likely that my Master had either that in View, or something better for me. But, if I approv’d of it, she would propose such a thing to her Master directly; and gave a detestable Hint, that I might take Resolutions upon it, of bringing such an Affair to Effect. I told her, I abhorr’d her vile Insinuation; and as to Mr. Williams, I thought him a civil good sort of Man; but as on one side, he was above me; so on the other, of all Things, I did not love a Parson. So finding she could make nothing of me, she quitted the Subject.

I will open his Letter by-and-by, and give you the Contents of it; for she is up and down so much, that I am afraid of her surprising me.

Well, I see Providence has not abandon’d me: I shall be under no Necessity to make Advances to Mr. Williams, if I was (as I am sure I am not) dispos’d to it. This is his Letter:

‘I Know not how to express myself, lest I should appear to you to have a selfish View in the Service I would do you. But I really know but one effectual and honourable Way to disengage yourself from the dangerous Situation you are in. It is that of Marriage with some Person that you could make happy in your Approbation. As for my own part, it would be, as Things stand, my apparent Ruin; and, worse still, I should involve you in Misery too. But yet, so great is my Veneration for you, and so intire my Reliance in Providence, on so just an Occasion, that I should think myself but too happy, if I might be accepted, I would, in this Case, forego all my Expectations, and be your Conductor to some safe Distance. But why do I say, in this Case? That I will do, whether you think fit to reward me so eminently or not. And I will, the Moment I hear of Mr. B’s setting out, (and I think now I have settled a very good Method of Intelligence of all his Motions) get a Horse ready, and myself to conduct you. I refer myself wholly to your Goodness and Direction, and am, with the highest Respect,

‘Your most faithful humble Servant.

forego = do without
intelligence of = information about

‘Don’t think this a sudden Resolution. I always admir’d your hear-say Character; and the Moment I saw you, wish’d to serve so much Excellence.

What shall I say, my dear Father and Mother, to this unexpected Declaration? I want now, more than ever, your Blessing and Direction. But after all, I have no Mind to marry: I had rather live with you. But yet, I would marry a Man who begs from Door to Door, and has no Home nor Being, rather than endanger my Honesty. Yet, I cannot, methinks, hear of being a Wife. — After a thousand different Thoughts, I wrote as follows:

Reverend Sir,

‘I am much confused at the Contents of your last. You are much too generous, and I can’t bear you should risque all your future Prospects for so unworthy a Creature. I cannot think of your Offer without equal Concern and Gratitude; for nothing but to avoid my utter Ruin can make me think of a Change of Condition; and so, Sir, you ought not to accept of such an involuntary Compliance, as mine would be, were I, upon the last Necessity, to yield to your very generous Proposal. I will rely wholly upon your Goodness to me, in assisting my Escape; but shall not, on your Account principally, think of the Honour you propose for me, at present; and never, but at the Pleasure of my Parents, who, poor as they are, in such a weighty Point, are as much intitled to my Obedience and Duty, as if they were ever so rich. I beg you therefore, Sir, not to think of any thing from me, but everlasting Gratitude, which will always bind me to be

‘Your most obliged Servant.’

condition = social rank

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, the 14th, 15th and 16th of my Bondage

Mrs. Jewkes has received a Letter, and is much civiler to me, and Mr. Williams too, than she used to be. I wonder I have not one in Answer to mine to my Master. I suppose I put the Matter too home to him; and he is angry. I am not the more pleas’d for her Civility; for she is horrid cunning, and is not a whit less watchful. I laid a Trap to get at her Instructions, which she carries in the Bosom of her Stays, but it has not succeeded.

My last Letter is come safe to Mr. Williams, by the old Conveyance, so that he is not suspected. He has intimated, that tho’ I have not come so readily as he hop’d into his Scheme, yet his Diligence shall not be slacken’d, and he will leave it to Providence and myself, to dispose of him as he shall be found to deserve. He has signify’d to me, that he shall soon send a special Messenger with the Packet to you, and I have added to it what has occurr’d since.

Sunday

I Am just now quite astonish’d! — I hope all is right! — But I have a strange Turn to acquaint you with. Mr. Williams and Mrs. Jewkes came to me both together; he in Ecstacies, she with a strange fluttering sort of Air. Well, said she, Mrs. Pamela, I give you Joy! I give you Joy! — Let nobody speak but me! Then she sat down, as out of Breath, puffing and blowing. Why, every thing turns as I said it would! said she: Why, there is to be a Match between you and Mr. Williams! Well, I always thought it. Never was so good a Master! — Go to, go to, naughty mistrustful Mrs. Pamela, nay, Mrs. Williams, said the forward Creature, I may as good as call you, you ought on your Knees to beg his Pardon a thousand times for mistrusting him.

She was going on; but I said, Don’t torture me thus, I beseech you, Mrs. Jewkes. Let me know all! — Ah! Mr. Williams, said I, take care, take care! — Mistrustful again! said she; why, Mr. Williams, shew her your Letter; and I will shew her mine: They were brought by the same Hand.

I trembled at the Thoughts of what this might mean; and said. You have so surpris’d me, that I cannot stand, nor hear, nor read! Why did you come up in such a manner to attack such weak Spirits? Said he, to Mrs. Jewkes, Shall we leave our Letters with Mrs. Pamela, and let her recover from her Surprize? Ay, said she, with all my Heart; here is nothing but flaming Honour and Good-will! And so saying, they left me their Letters, and withdrew.

My Heart was quite sick with the Surprize; so that I could not presently read them, notwithstanding my Impatience; but after a-while, recovering, I found the Contents thus strange and unexpected:

Mr. Williams,

‘The Death of Mr. Fownes has now given me the Opportunty I have long wanted, to make you happy, and that in a double respect: For I shall soon put you in Possession of his Living, and, if you have the Art of making yourself well receiv’d, of one of the loveliest Wives in England. She has not been used (as she has reason to think) according to her Merit; but when she finds herself under the Protection of a Man of Virtue and Probity, and a happy Competency to support Life in the manner to which she has been of late Years accustom’d, I am persuaded she will forgive those seeming Hardships which have pav’d the Way to so happy a Lot, as I hope it will be to you both. I have only to account for and excuse the odd Conduct I have been guilty of, which I shall do, when I see you: But as I shall soon set out for London, I believe it will not be yet this Month. Mean time, if you can prevail with Pamela, you need not suspend for that your mutual Happiness; only, let me have Notice of it first, and that she approves of it; which ought to be, in so material a Point, intirely at her Option; as I assure you, on the other hand, I would have it at yours, that nothing may be wanting to complete your Happiness. I am

‘Your humble Servant.’

living = paid position at a church
lot = fate

Was ever the like heard! — Lie still, my throbbing Heart, divided, as thou art, between thy Hopes and thy Fears! — But this is the Letter Mrs. Jewkes left with me:

Mrs. Jewkes,

‘You have been very careful and diligent in the Task, which, for Reasons I shall hereafter explain, I had impos’d upon you. Your Trouble is now almost at an End; for I have written my Intentions to Mr. Williams so particularly, that I need say the less here, because he will not scruple, I believe, to let you know the Contents of my Letter. I have only one thing to mention, that if you find what I have hinted to him in the least measure disagreeeble to Either, you assure them Both, that they are at intire Liberty to pursue their own Inclinations. I hope you continue your Civilities to the mistrustful, uneasy Pamela, who now will begin to think better of hers and

Your Friend, &c.’

scruple = hesitate

I had hardly time to transcribe these Letters, tho’, writing so much, I write pretty fast, before they both came up again, in high Spirits; and Mr. Williams said, I am glad at my Heart, Madam, that I was before-hand in my Declarations to you: This generous Letter has made me the happiest Man on Earth; and, Mrs. Jewkes, you may be sure, that if I can procure this Fair-one’s Consent, I shall think myself — I interrupted the good Man, and said, Ah! Mr. Williams, take care, take care; don’t let — There I stopt, and Mrs. Jewkes said, Still mistrustful! — I never saw the like in my Life! — But I see, said she, I was not wrong, while my old Orders lasted, to be wary of you both — I should have had a hard Task to prevent you, I find; for, as the Saying is, Nought can restrain Consent of Twain.

I doubted not her taking hold of his joyful Indiscretion. — I took her Letter, and said, Here Mrs. Jewkes, is yours; I thank you for it; but I have been so long in a Maze, that I can say nothing of this for the present. Time will bring all to Light. — Sir, said I, here is yours: May every thing turn to your Happiness! I give you Joy of my Master’s Goodness in the Living — It will be dying, said he, not a Living, without you. — Forbear, Sir, said I: While I’ve a Father and Mother, I am not my own Mistress, poor as they are: And I’ll see my self quite at Liberty before I shall think my self fit to make a Choice.

forbear = stop

Mrs. Jewkes held up her Eyes and Hands, and said, Such Art, such Caution, such Cunning, for thy Years! — Well! — Why, said I, (that he might be more on his Guard, tho’ I hope there cannot be Deceit in this; ’twould be strange Villany, and that is a hard Word, if there should!) I have been so used to be made a Fool of by Fortune, that I hardly can tell how to govern my self; and am almost an Infidel as to Mankind. — But, I hope I may be wrong; henceforth, Mrs. Jewkes, you shall regulate my Opinions as you please, and I will consult you in every thing — (that I think proper, said I to myself) — for to be sure, tho’ I may forgive her, I can never love her.

She left Mr. Williams and me, a few Minutes, together; and I said, Consider Sir, consider what you have done. ’Tis impossible, said he, there can be Deceit. I hope so, said I; but what Necessity was there for you to talk of your former Declaration? Let this be as it will, that could do no Good, especially before this Woman. Forgive me, Sir; they talk of Womens Promptness of Speech; but indeed I see an honest Heart is not always to be trusted with itself in bad Company.

He was going to reply; but, tho’ her Task is said to be ALMOST (I took Notice of that Word) at an End she came up to us again; and said, Well, I had a good mind to shew you the way to Church tomorrow. I was glad of this, because tho’ in my present doubtful Situation, I should not have chosen it, yet I would have encourag’d her Proposal, to be able to judge by her being in Earnest or otherwise, whether one might depend upon the rest. But Mr. Williams again indiscreetly help’d her to an Excuse; by saying, that it was now best to defer it one Sunday, and till Matters were riper for my Appearance; and she readily took hold of it, and confirm’d his Opinion.

After all, I hope the best; but if this should turn out to be a Plot, I fear nothing but a Miracle can save me. But sure, the Heart of Man is not capable of such black Deceit. Besides, Mr. Williams has it under his own Hand, and he dare not but be in Earnest; and then again, tho’ to be sure he has been very wrong to me, yet his Education, and Parents Example, have neither of them taught him such very black Contrivances. So I will hope for the best!

contrivances = schemes

Mr. Williams, Mrs. Jewkes and I, have been all three walking together in the Garden; and she pull’d out her Key, and we walk’d a little in the Pasture to look at the Bull, an ugly, grim, surly Creature, that hurt the poor Cook-maid; who is got pretty well again. Mr. Williams pointed at the Sun-flower, but I was forc’d to be very reserved to him; for the poor Gentleman has no Guard, no Caution at all.

We have just supp’d together, all three; and I cannot yet think but all must be right. — Only I am resolv’d not to marry, if I can help it; and I will give no Encouragement, I am resolv’d, at least, till I am with you.

Mr. Williams said, before Mrs. Jewkes, he would send a Messenger with a Letter to my Father and Mother! — I think the Man has no Discretion in the World: But I desire you will give no Answer till I have the Pleasure and Happiness, which now I hope for soon, of seeing you. He will, in sending my Pacquet, send a most tedious Parcel of Stuff, of my Oppressions, my Distresses, my Fears; and so I will send this with it (for Mrs. Jewkes gives me Leave to send a Letter to my Father, which looks well); and I am glad I can conclude, after all my Sufferings, with my Hopes, to be soon with you, which I know will give you Comfort; and so I rest, begging the Continuance of your Prayers, and Blessings,

Your ever dutiful Daughter.

leave = permission

My dear Father and Mother,

I Have so much Time upon my Hands, that I must write on to employ myself. The Sunday Evening, where I left off, Mrs. Jewkes asked me, If I chose to lie by myself? I said, Yes, with all my Heart, if she pleased. Well, said she, after tonight you shall. I ask’d her for more Paper, and she gave me a little Bottle of Ink, eight Sheets of Paper, which she said was all her Store, (for now she would get me to write for her to our Master, if she had Occasion) and six Pens, with a piece of Sealing-wax. This looks mighty well!

She press’d me, when she came to Bed, very much, to give Encouragement to Mr. Williams, and said many things in his Behalf; and blam’d my Shyness to him. I told her, I was resolv’d to give no Encouragement till I had talk’d to my Father and Mother. She said, she fancy’d I thought of somebody else, or I could never be so insensible. I assur’d her, as I could do very safely, that there was not a Man on Earth I wish’d to have; and, as to Mr. Williams, he might do better by far, and I had proposed so much Happiness in living with my poor Father and Mother, that I could not think of any Scheme of Life, with Pleasure, till I had try’d that. I ask’d her for my Money; and she said it was above in her strong Box, but that I shall have it to-morrow. All these Things look well, as I said.

Mr. Williams would go home this Night, tho’ late, because he would dispatch a Messenger to you with a Letter he had propos’d from himself, and my Pacquet. But pray don’t encourage him, as I said; for he is much too heady and precipitate as to this Matter, in my way of thinking; tho’, to be sure, he is a very good Man, and I am much oblig’d to him.

Monday Morning

ALas-a-day! we have bad News from poor Mr. Williams. He has had a sad Mischance; fallen among Rogues in his Way home last Night; but by good Chance has sav’d my Papers. This is the Account he gives of it to Mrs. Jewkes.

Good Mrs. Jewkes,

‘I Have had a sore Misfortune in going from you. When I had got as near the Town as the Dam, and was going to cross the Wooden-bridge, two Fellows got hold of me, and swore bitterly they would kill me, if I did not give them what I had. They romag’d my Pockets, and took from me my Snuff-Box, my Seal-ring, and Half a Guinea, and some Silver, and Half-pence; also my Handkerchief, and two or three Letters I had in my Pocket. By good Fortune the Letter Mrs. Pamela gave me was in my Bosom, and so that escap’d; but they bruis’d my Head, and Face, and, cursing me for having no more Money, tipt me into the Dam, Crying, Lie there, Parson, till to-morrow! My Shins and Knees were bruis’d much in the Fall against one of the Stumps; and I had like to have been suffocated in Water and Mudd. To be sure, I shan’t be able to stir out this Day or two. For I am a fearful Spectacle! My Hat and Wig I was forc’d to leave behind me, and go home a Mile and a half without; but they were found next Morning, and brought me, with my Snuff-box, which the Rogues must have dropt. My Cassock is sadly torn, as is my Band. To be sure, I was much frighted; for a Robbery in these Parts has not been known many Years. Diligent Search is making after the Rogues. My humblest Respects to good Mrs. Pamela. If she pities my Misfortunes, I shall be the sooner well, and fit to wait on her and you. This did not hinder me in writing a Letter, tho’ with great Pain, as I do this. [To be sure this good Man can keep no Secret!] and sending it away by a Man and Horse, this Morning. I am, good Mrs. Jewkes,

‘Your most obliged humble Servant.

guinea = gold coin

‘God be prais’d it is no worse! and I find I have got no Cold, tho’ miserably wet from Top to Toe. My Fright, I believe, prevented me from catching Cold; for I was not rightly myself for some Hours, and know not how I got home. I will write a Letter of Thanks this Night, if I am able, to my kind Patron for his inestimable Goodness to me, I wish I was enabled to say all I hope, with regard to the better Part of his Bounty to me, incomparable Mrs. Pamela.’

The wicked Brute fell a laughing when she had read this Letter, till her fat Sides shook; said she, I can but think how the poor Parson look’d, after parting with his pretty Mistress in such high Spirits, when he found himself at the bottom of the Dam! And what a Figure he must cut in his tatter’d Band and Cassock, and without Hat and Wig, when he got Home. I warrant, said she, he was in a sweet Pickle! — I said, I thought it was very barbarous to laugh at such a Misfortune: But she said, As he was safe, she laughed; otherwise she should have been sorry: And she was glad to see me so concern’d for him — It look’d promising, she said.

I heeded not her Reflection; but as I have been used to Causes for Mistrusts, I cannot help saying, that I don’t like this thing: And their taking his Letters most alarms me. — How happy it was, they miss’d my Pacquet! I know not what to think of it! — But why should I let every Accident break my Peace? But yet it will do so while I stay here.

Mrs. Jewkes is mightily at me, to go with her in the Chariot, to visit Mr. Williams. She is so officious to bring on the Affair between us, that being a cunning, artful Woman, I know not what to make of it: I have refused her absolutely; urging, that except I intended to encourage his Suit, I ought not to do it. And she is gone without me.

artful = deceitful

I have strange Temptations to get away in her Absence, for all these fine Appearances. ’Tis sad to have no body to advise with! — I know not what to do. But, alas for me! I have no Money, if I should, to buy any body’s Civilities, or to pay for Necessaries or Lodging. But I’ll go into the Garden, and resolve afterwards. —

I have been in the Garden, and to the Back-door; and there I stood, my Heart up at my Mouth. I could not see I was watch’d; so this looks well. But if any thing should go bad afterwards, I should never forgive myself, for not taking this Opportunity. Well, I will go down again, and see if all is clear, and how it looks out at the Back-door in the Pasture.

To be sure, there is Witchcraft in this House; and I believe Lucifer is bribed, as well as all about me, and is got into the Shape of that nasty grim Bull, to watch me! — For I have been down again; and ventur’d to open the Door, and went out about a Bow-shoot into the Pasture; but there stood that horrid Bull, staring me full in the Face, with fiery saucer Eyes, as I thought. So, I got in again; for fear he should come at me. Nobody saw me, however. — Do you think there are such things as Witches and Spirits? if there be, I believe in my Heart, Mrs. Jewkes has got this Bull of her Side. But yet, what could I do without Money or a Friend? — O this wicked Woman! to trick me so! Every thing, Man, Woman, and Beast, is in a Plot against your poor Pamela, I think! — Then I know not one step of the way, nor how far to any House or Cottage; and whether I could gain Protection, if I got to a House: And now the Robbers are abroad too, I may run into as great Danger, as I want to escape from; nay, greater much, if these promising Appearances hold: And sure my Master cannot be so black as that they should not! — What can I do? — I have a good mind to try for it once more; but then I may be pursued and taken; and it will be worse for me; and this wicked Woman will beat me, and take my Shoes away, and lock me up.

abroad = around

But after all, if my Master should mean well, he can’t be angry at my Fears, if I should escape; and no body can blame me; and I can more easily be induced with you, when all my Apprehensions are over, to consider his Proposal of Mr. Williams, than I could here; and he pretends as you have read in his Letter, he will leave me at my Choice: Why then should I be afraid? I will go down again, I think! But yet my Heart misgives me, because of the Difficulties before me, in escaping; and being so poor and so friendless! — O good God! the Preserver of the Innocent! direct me what to do! —

apprehensions = anxieties

Well, I have just now a sort of strange Persuasion upon me, that I ought to try to get away, and leave the Issue to Providence. So, once more? — I’ll see, at least, if this Bull be still there!

Alack-a-day! what a Fate is this! I have not the Courage to go, neither can I think to stay. But I must resolve. The Gardner was in Sight last time! so made me come up again. But I’ll contrive to send him out of the way, if I can! — For if I never should have such another Opportunity, I could not forgive myself. Once more I’ll venture, God direct my Footsteps, and make smooth my Path and my Way to Safety!

contrive = plan

Well, here I am, come back again! frighted like a Fool, out of all my Purposes! O how terrible every thing appears to me! I had got twice as far again, as I was before, out of the Back door; and I looked, and saw the Bull, as I thought, between me and the Door; and another Bull coming towards me the other way: Well, thought I, here is double Witchcraft, to be sure! Here is the Spirit of my Master in one Bull; and Mrs. Jewkes’s in the other: and now I am gone, to be sure! O help! cry’d I, like a Fool, and run back to the Door, as swift as if I flew. When I had got the Door in my Hand, I ventur’d to look back, to see if these supposed Bulls were coming; and I saw they were only two poor Cows, a grazing in distant Places, that my Fears had made all this Rout about. But as every thing is so frightful to me, I find I am not fit to think of my Escape: For I shall be as much frighted at the first strange Man that I meet with. And I am persuaded, that Fear brings one into more Dangers, than the Caution, that goes along with it, delivers one from.

I then locked the Door, and put the Key in my Pocket, and was in a sad Quandary; but I was soon determined; for the Maid Nan came in Sight, and asked, if any thing was the matter, that I was so often up and down Stairs? God forgive me; but I had a sad Lye at my Tongue’s End: said I, Tho’ Mrs. Jewkes is sometimes a little hard upon me, yet I know not where I am without her: I go up, and I come down to walk about in the Garden: and not having her, know scarcely what to do with myself. Ay, said the Idiot, she is main good Company, Madam; no wonder you miss her.

So here I am again; and here likely to be; for I have no Courage to help myself any-where else. O why are poor foolish Maidens try’d with such Dangers, when they have such weak Minds to grapple with them! — I will, since it is so, hope the best: But yet I cannot but observe how grievously every thing makes against me: For here are the Robbers; tho’ I fell not into their Hands myself, yet they gave me as much Terror: and had as great an Effect upon my Fears, as if I had: And here is the Bull; it has as effectually frighten’d me, as if I had been hurt by it instead of the Cook-maid; and so they join’d together, as I may say, to make a very Dastard of me. But my Folly was the worst of all; for that deprived me of my Money, for had I had that, I believe I should have ventur’d the other Two.

Monday Afternoon

So, Mrs. Jewkes is returned from her Visit: Well, said she, I would have you set your Heart at rest; for Mr. Williams will do very well again. He is not half so badly off as he fancy’d. O these Scholars, said she, they have not the Hearts of Mice! He has only a few Scratches on his Face; which, said she, I suppose he got by grabbling among the Gravel, at the bottom of the Dam, to try to find a Hole in the Ground, to hide himself from the Robbers. His Shin and his Knee are hardly to be seen to all any thing. He says in his Letter, he was a frightful Spectacle: He might be so indeed, when he first came in a-doors; but he looks well enough now; and, only for a few Groans now-and-then, when he thinks of his Danger, I see nothing is the matter with him. So, Mrs. Pamela, said she, I would have you be very easy about it. I am glad of it, said I, for all your Jokes, Mrs. Jewkes.

Well, said she, he talks of nothing but you; and when I told him, I would fain have persuaded you to come with me, the Man was out of his Wits with his Gratitude to me: and so has laid open all his Heart to me, and told me all that has passed, and was contriving between you two. This alarm’d me prodigiously; and the rather, as I saw, by two or three Instances, that his honest Heart could keep nothing, believing every one as undesigning as himself. I said, but yet with a heavy Heart, ah, Mrs. Jewkes, Mrs. Jewkes, this might have done with me, had he had any thing that he could have told you of. But you know well enough, that had we been disposed, we had no Opportunity for it, from your watchful Care and Circumspection. No, said she, that’s very true, Mrs. Pamela; not so much as for that Declaration that he own’d before me, he had found Opportunity, for all my Watchfulness, to make you. Come, come, said she, no more of these Shams with me! You have an excellent Headpiece for your Years; but may-be I am as cunning as you. — However said she, all is well now; because my Watchments are now over, by my Master’s Direction. How have you employ’d yourself in my Absence?

own’d = admitted

I was so troubled at what might have passed between Mr. Williams and her, that I could not hide it. And she said, Well, Mrs. Pamela, since all Matters are likely to be so soon and so happily ended, let me advise you to be a little less concern’d at his Discoveries: and make me your Confident, as he has done, and I shall think you have some Favour for me, and Reliance upon me; and perhaps you might not repent it.

She was so earnest, that I mistrusted she did this to pump me; and I knew how, now, to account for her Kindness to Mr. Williams in her Visit to him; which was only to get out of him what she could. Why, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, is all this fishing about for something, where there is nothing, if there be an end of your Watchments, as you call them? Nothing, said she, but Womanish Curiosity, I’ll assure you; for one is naturally led to find out Matters, where there is such Privacy intended. Well, said I, pray let me know what he has said; and then I’ll give you an Answer to your Curiosity. I don’t care, said she, whether you do or not; for I have as much as I wanted from him; and I despair of getting out of you any thing you han’t a mind I should know, my little cunning Dear. — Well, said I, let him have said what he would, I care not: for I am sure he can say no Harm of me; and so let us change the Talk.

I was the easier indeed; because, for all her Pumps, she gave no Hints of the Key and the Door, &c. which had he communicated to her, she would not have forborn giving me a Touch of. — And so we gave up one another, as despairing to gain our Ends of each other. But I am sure he must have said more than he should. — And I am the more apprehensive all is not right, because she has now been actually, these two Hours, shut up a writing; tho’ she pretended she had given me up all her Stores of Paper, &c. and that I should write for her. I begin to wish I had ventur’d every thing, and gone off, when I might. O when will this State of Doubt and Uneasiness end!

apprehensive = concerned

She has just been with me, and says she shall send a Messenger to Bedfordshire; and he shall carry a Letter of Thanks for me, if I will write it, for my Master’s Favour to me. Indeed, said I, I have no Thanks to give, till I am with my Father and Mother: And besides, I sent a Letter, as you know, but have had no Answer to it. She said, she thought that his Letter to Mr. Williams was sufficient; and the least I could do, was to thank him, if but in two Lines. No need of it, said I; for I don’t intend to have Mr. Williams: What then is that Letter to me? Well, said she, I see thou art quite unfathomable!

I don’t like all this. O my foolish Fears of Bulls and Robbers! — For now all my Uneasiness begins to double upon me. O what has this uncautious Man said! That, no doubt, is the Subject of her long Letter.

I will close this Day’s writing, with just saying, that she is mighty silent and reserved, to what she was, and says nothing but No, or Yes, to what I ask. Something must be hatching, I doubt! — I the rather think so, because I find she does not keep her word with me, about lying by myself, and my Money; to both which Points, she returned suspicious Answers, saying, as to the one, Why you are mighty earnest for your Money: I shan’t run away with it: And to the other, Good lack! you need not be so willing, as I know of, to part with me for a Bedfellow, till you are sure of one you like better. This cut me to the Heart! — And at the same time stopt my Mouth.

Tuesday, Wednesday

MR. Williams has been here; but we have had no Opportunity to talk together: He seem’d confounded at Mrs. Jewkes’s Change of Temper, and Reservedness, after her kind Visit, and their Freedom with one another, and much more at what I am going to tell you. He asked, if I would take a Turn in the Garden with Mrs. Jewkes and him. No, said she, I can’t go. Said he, may not Mrs. Pamela take a Walk? — No, said she; I desire she won’t. Why, Mrs. Jewkes, said he? I am afraid I have some-how disobliged you. Not at all, reply’d she; but I suppose you will soon be at Liberty to walk together as much as you please: And I have sent a Messenger for my last Instructions, about this and more weighty Matters; and when they come, I shall leave you to do as you both will; but till then, it is no matter how little you are together. This alarm’d us both; and he seem’d quite struck of a Heap, and put on, as I thought, a self-accusing Countenance. So I went behind her Back, and held my two Hands together, flat, with a Bit of Paper, I had, between them, and looked at him; and he seemed to take me, as I intended, intimating the renewing of the Correspondence by the Tiles.

countenance = appearance

So I left them both together, and retired to my Closet, to write a Letter for the Tiles; but having no Time for a Copy, I will give you the Substance only.

retired to my closet = left for my private room

I expostulated with him on his too great Openness and Easiness to fall into Mrs. Jewkes’s Snares; told him my Apprehensions of foul Play; and gave briefly the Reasons which moved me: Begg’d to know what he had said; and intimated, that I thought there was the highest Reason to resume our Project of the Escape by the Back-Door. I put this in the usual Place, in the Evening, and now wait with Impatience for an Answer.

expostulated = argued
apprehensions = suspicions
snares = traps

Thursday

I Have the following Answer:

‘Dearest Madam,

‘I Am utterly confounded, and must plead guilty to all your just Reproaches. I wish I were Master of but half your Caution and Discretion! I hope, after all, this is only a Touch of this ill Woman’s Temper, to shew her Power and Importance: For I think Mr. B. neither can nor dare deceive me in so black a manner. I would expose him all the World over, if he did. But it is not, cannot be in him. I have received a Letter from John Arnold; in which he tells me, that his Master is preparing for his London Journey; and believes, afterwards, he will come into these Parts. But he says, Lady Davers is at their House, and is to accompany her Brother to London, or meet him there, he knows not which. He professes great Zeal and Affection to your Service. But I find he refers to a Letter he sent me before, but which is not come to my Hand. I think there can be no Treachery; for it is a particular Friend at Gainsborough, that I have order’d him to direct to; and this is come safe to my Hands by this means; for well I know, I durst trust nothing to Brett, at the Post-house here. This gives me a little Pain; but I hope all will end well, and we shall soon hear, if it be necessary to pursue our former Intentions. If it be, I will lose no time to provide a Horse for you, and another for myself; for I can never do either God or myself better Service, tho’ I were to forego all my Expectations for it here. I am

‘Your most faithful humble Servant.

forego = do without
durst = dared

‘I was too free indeed with Mrs. Jewkes, led to it by her Dissimulation, and by her pretended Concern to make me happy with you. I hinted, that I would not have scrupled to have procured your Deliverance by any means: and that I had proposed to you, as the only honourable one, Marriage with me. But I assured her, tho’ she would hardly believe me, that you discouraged my Application. Which is too true! But not a Word of the Back-door, Key, &c.

dissimulation = hypocrisy
scrupled = hesitated

Mrs. Jewkes continues still sullen and ill-natur’d; and I am almost, afraid, to speak to her. She watches me as close as ever, and pretends to wonder why I shun her Company as I do.

I have just put under the Tiles these Lines; inspired by my Fears, which are indeed very strong; and, I doubt, not without Reason.

‘Sir,

‘Every thing gives me additional Disturbance. The miss’d Letter of John Arnold’s makes me suspect a Plot. Yet am I loth to think myself of so much Importance, as to suppose every one in a Plot against me. Are you sure however, the London Journey is not to be a Lincolnshire one; may not John, who has been once a Traitor, be so again? — Why need I be thus in doubt? — If I could have this Horse, I would turn the Reins on his Neck, and trust to Providence to guide him for my Safeguard! For I would not endanger you, now just upon the Edge of your Preferment. Yet, Sir, I fear your fatal Openness will make you suspected as accessary, let us be ever so cautious.

loth = unwilling

‘Were my Life in question, instead of my Honesty, I would not wish to involve you, or any body, in the least Difficulty for so worthless a poor Creature. But, O Sir! my Soul is of equal Importance with the Soul of a Princess; though my Quality is inferior to that of the meanest Slave.

quality = social standing

‘Save then, my Innocence, good Heaven, and preserve my Mind spotless; and happy shall I be to lay down my worthless Life, and see an End to all my Troubles and Anxieties!

‘Forgive my Impatience: But my presaging Mind bodes horrid Mischiefs! — Every thing looks dark around me; and this Woman’s impenetrable Sullenness and Silence, without any apparent Reason, from a Conduct so very contrary, bids me fear the worst. — Blame me, Sir, if you think me wrong; and let me have your Advice what to do: which will oblige

‘Your most afflicted Servant.

Friday

I Have this half-angry Answer; but, what is more to me than all the Letters in the World could be, yours, my dear Father, inclosed.

‘Madam,

‘I Think you are too apprehensive by much. I am sorry for your Uneasiness. You may depend upon me, and all I can do. But I make no doubt of the London Journey, nor of John’s Contrition and Fidelity. I have just received, from my Gainsborough Friend, this Letter, as I suppose, from your good Father, in a Cover, directed for me, as I had desired. I hope it contains nothing to add to your Uneasiness. Pray, dearest Madam, lay aside your Fears, and wait a few Days for the Issue of Mrs. Jewkes’s Letter, and mine of Thanks to Mr. B. Things, I hope, must be better than you expect. Providence will not desert such Piety and Innocence; and be this your Comfort and Reliance. Which is the best Advice that can at present be given, by

‘Your most faithful humble Servant.’

apprehensive = anxious
directed for = addressed to

N.B. The Father’s Letter was as follows:

N.B. = nota bene, “note well”

My dearest Daughter,

‘Our Prayers are at length heard, and we are overwhelmed with Joy. O what Sufferings, what Trials hast thou gone thro’! Blessed be the Divine Goodness, which has enabled thee to withstand so many Temptations! We have not yet had Leisure to read thro’ your long Accounts of all your Hardships. I say long, because I wonder how you could find Time and Opportunity for them; but otherwise, they are the Delight of our spare Hours; and we shall read them over and over, as long as we live, with Thankfulness to God, who has given us so virtuous and so discreet a Daughter. How happy is our Lot, in the midst of our Poverty! O let none ever think Children a Burden to them; when the poorest Circumstances can produce so much Riches in a Pamela! Persist, my dear Daughter, in the same excellent Course; and we shall not envy the highest Estate, but defy them to produce such a Daughter as ours.

estate = status, rank
lot = fate

‘I said, we had not read thro’ all yours in Course. We were too impatient, and so turn’d to the End; where we find your Virtue within View of its Reward, and your Master’s Heart turn’d to see the Folly of his Ways, and the Injury he had intended to our dear Child. For, to be sure, my Dear, he would have ruin’d you, if he could. But seeing your Virtue, his Heart is touched; and he has, no doubt, been awaken’d by your good Example.

‘We don’t see that you can do any way so well, as to come into the present Proposal, and make Mr. Williams, the worthy Mr. Williams! God bless him! — happy. And tho’ we are poor, and can add no Merit, no Reputation, no Fortune to our dear Child, but rather must be a Disgrace to her, as the World will think; yet I hope I do not sin in my Pride, to say, that there is no good Man, of a common Degree (especially as your late Lady’s Kindness gave you such good Opportunities, which you have had the Grace to improve) but may think himself happy in you, But, as you say, you had rather not marry at present, far be it from us to offer Violence to your Inclinations. So much Prudence as you have shewn in all your Conduct, would make it very wrong in us to mistrust it in this, or to offer to direct you in your Choice. But, alas! my Child, what can we do for you? — To partake our hard Lot, and involve yourself into as hard a Life, would not help us; but add to our Afflictions. But it is time enough to talk of these things, when we have the Pleasure you now put us in Hope of, of seeing you with us; which God grant. Amen, Amen, say

Your most indulgent Parents, Amen!

lot = fate

‘Our humblest Service and Thanks to the worthy Mr. Williams. Again, we say, God bless him for ever!

‘O what a deal we have to say to you! God give us a happy Meeting! We understand the ’Squire is setting out for London. He is a fine Gentleman, and has Wit at Will. I wish he was as good. But I hope he will now reform.’

O what inexpressible Comfort, my dear Father, has your Letter given me. You ask, What can you do for me! — What is it you cannot do for your Child! — You can give her the Advice she has so much wanted, and still wants, and will always want: You can confirm her in the Paths of Virtue, into which you first initiated her; and you can pray for her, with Hearts so sincere and pure, that are not to be met with in Palaces! — Oh! how I long to throw myself at your Feet, and receive from your own Lips, the Blessings of such good Parents! But, alas! how are my Prospects again over-clouded to what they were when I closed my last Parcel! — More Trials, more Dangers, I fear, must your poor Pamela be engaged in: But, thro’ the Divine Goodness, and your Prayers, I hope, at last, to get well out of all my Difficulties; and the rather, as they are not the Effect of my own Vanity or Presumption!

But I will proceed with my hopeless Story. I saw Mr. Williams was a little nettled at my Impatience; and so I wrote to assure him I would be as easy as I could, and wholly directed by him; especially as my Father, whose Respects I mentioned, had assured me, my Master was setting out for London, which he must have some-how from his own Family, or he would not have written me word of it.

Saturday, Sunday

MR. Williams has been here both these Days, as usual; but is very indifferently received still by Mrs. Jewkes; and to avoid Suspicion, I left them together, and went up to my Closet, most of the Time he was here. He and she, I found by her, had a Quarrel; and she seems quite out of Humour with him; but I thought it best not to say any thing. And he said, he would very little trouble the House, till he had an Answer to his Letter from Mr. B. And she return’d, The less, the better. Poor Man! he has got but little by his Openness, and making Mrs. Jewkes his Confident, as she bragged, and would have had me to do likewise.

I am more and more satisfied there is Mischief brewing, and shall begin to hide my Papers, and be circumspect. She seems mighty impatient for an Answer to her Letter to my Master.

Monday, Tuesday, the 25th and 26th Days of my heavy Restraint

Still more and more strange things to write. A Messenger is return’d, and now all is out! O wretched, wretched Pamela! What, at last, will become of me! — Such strange Turns and Trials sure never poor Creature of my Years, experienced. He brought two Letters, one to Mrs. Jewkes; and one to me: But, as the greatest Wits may be sometimes mistaken, they being folded and sealed alike, that for me, was directed to Mrs. Jewkes; and that for her, was directed to me. But both are stark naught, abominably bad! She brought me up that directed for me, and said, Here’s a Letter for you: Long look’d-for is come at last. I will ask the Messenger a few Questions, and then I will read mine. So she went down, and I broke it open in my Closet, and found it directed, To Mrs. Pamela Andrews. But when I open’d it, it began, Mrs. Jewkes. I was quite confounded; but, thinks I, this may be a lucky Mistake; I may discover something. And so I read on these horrid Contents:

discover = reveal

Mrs. Jewkes,

‘What you write me, has given me no small Disturbance. This wretched Fool’s Play-thing, no doubt, is ready to leap at any thing that offers, rather than express the least Sense of Gratitude for all the Benefits she has received from my Family, and which I was determined more and more to heap upon her. I reserve her for my future Resentment; and I charge you double your Diligence in watching her, to prevent her Escape. I send this by an honest Swiss, who attended me in my Travels; a Man I can trust; and so let him be your Assistant: For the artful Creature is enough to corrupt a Nation by her seeming Innocence and Simplicity; and she may have got a Party, perhaps, among my Servants with you, as she has here. Even John Arnold, whom I confided in, and favour’d more than any, has proved an execrable Villain; and shall meet his Reward for it.

artful = conniving, deceitful

‘As to that College Novice Williams, I need not bid you take care he sees not this painted Bauble; for I have order’d Mr. Shorter, my Attorney, to throw him instantly into Goal, on an Action of Debt, for Money he has had of me, which I had intended never to carry to account against him; for I know all his rascally Practices; besides what you write me of his perfidious Intrigue with that Girl, and his acknowledged Contrivances for her Escape; when he knew not, for certain, that I design’d her any Mischief; and when, if he had been guided by a Sense of Piety, or Compassion for injured Innocence, as he pretends, he would have expostulated with me, as his Function, and my Friendship for him, might have allow’d him. But to enter into a vile Intrigue, charm’d, like a godly Sensualist, with the amiable Gewgaw, to favour her Escape in so base a manner, (to say nothing of his disgraceful Practices against me, in Sir Simon Darnford’s Family; of which Sir Simon himself has inform’d me) is a Conduct that, instead of preferring the ingrateful Wretch, as I had intended, shall pull down upon him utter Ruin.

bauble = trinket
goal = jail
action = lawsuit
contrivances = schemes

‘Monsieur Colbrand, my trusty Swiss, will obey ’you without Reserve, if my other Servants refuse.

‘As for her denying that she encouraged his Declaration, I believe it not. ’Tis certain the speaking Picture, with all that pretended Innocence, and Bashfulness, would have run away with him. Yes, she would have run away with a Fellow that she had been acquainted with (and that not intimately, if you was as careful as you ought to be) but few Days; at a time, when she had the strongest Assurances of my Honour to her.

‘Well, I think I now hate her perfectly; and tho’ I will do nothing to her myself, yet I can bear, for the sake of my Revenge, and my injur’d Honour, and slighted Love, to see any thing, even what she most fears, be done to her; and then she may be turned loose to her evil Destiny, and echo to the Woods and Groves her piteous Lamentations for the Loss of her fantastical Innocence, which the romantic Idiot makes such a work about. I shall go to London, with my Sister Davers; and the Moment I can disengage myself, which perhaps may be in three Weeks from this time, I will be with you, and decide her Fate, and put an End to your Trouble. Mean time, be doubly careful; for this Innocent, as I have warn’d you, is full of Contrivances, I am

‘Your Friend.’

contrivances = schemes

I had but just read this dreadful Letter thro’, when Mrs. Jewkes came up, in a great Fright, guessing at the Mistake, and that I had her Letter; and she found me with it open in my Hand, just sinking away. What Business, said she, had you to read my Letter? and snatch’d it from me. You see, said she, looking upon it, it says, Mrs. Jewkes, at top: You ought in Manners, to have read no further. O add not, said I, to my Afflictions! I shall be soon out of all your ways! This is too much! too much! I never can support this! — and threw myself upon the Couch, in my Closet, and wept most bitterly. She read it in the next Room, and came in again afterwards; Why this, said she, is a sad Letter indeed! I am sorry for it: But I fear’d you would carry your Niceties too far! — Leave me, leave me, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, for a-while: I cannot speak nor talk! — Poor Heart! said she; well, I’ll come up again presently, and hope to find you better. But here, take your own Letter; I wish you well, but this is a sad Mistake! And so she put down by me, that which was intended for me. But I have no Spirit to read it at present. O Man! Man! hard-hearted, cruel Man! what Mischiefs art thou not capable of, unrelenting Persecutor as thou art!

I sat ruminating, when I had a little come to myself, upon the Terms of this wicked Letter; and had no Inclination to look into my own. The bad Names, Fool’s Plaything, artful Creature, painted Bauble, Gewgaw, speaking Picture, are hard Words for your poor Pamela; and I began to think, whether I was not indeed a very naughty Body, and had not done vile Things: But when I thought of his having discover’d poor John, and of Sir Simon’s base Officiousness, in telling him of Mr. Williams, with what he had resolved against him, in Revenge for his Goodness to me, I was quite dispirited; and yet still more, about that fearful Colebrand, and what he could see done to me; for then I was ready to gasp for Breath, and my Heart quite failed me. Then how dreadful are the Words, that he will decide my Fate in three Weeks! Gracious Heaven, said I, strike me dead before that time, with a Thunderbolt, or provide some way for my escaping these threaten’d Mischiefs! God forgive me if I sinned.

artful = conniving, deceitful
bauble = trinket
gewgaw = trifle

At last, I took up the Letter directed for Mrs. Jewkes, but designed for me; and I find that little better than the other. These are the hard Terms it contains:

‘Well have you done, perverse, forward, artful, yet foolish Pamela, to convince me, before it was too late, how ill I had done to place my Affections on so unworthy an Object. I had vow’d Honour and Love to your Unworthiness, believing you a Mirror of bashful Modesty, and unspotted Innocence; and that no perfidious Designs lurked in so fair a Bosom. But now I have found you out, you specious Hypocrite! and I see, that tho’ you could not repose the least Confidence in one you had known for Years, and who, under my good Mother’s misplaced Favour for you, had grown up, in a manner, with you; when my Passion, in spite of my Pride, and the Difference of our Condition, made me stoop to a Meanness that now I despise myself for; yet you could enter into an Intrigue with a Man you never knew, till within these few Days past, and resolve to run away with a Stranger, whom your fair Face, and insinuating Arts, had bewitched to break thro’ all the Ties of Honour and Gratitude to me, even at a Time when the Happiness of his future Life depended upon my Favour.

artful = conniving, deceitful
condition = social rank

‘Henceforth, for Pamela’s sake, whenever I see a lovely Face, will I mistrust a deceitful Heart: And whenever I hear of the greatest Pretences to Innocence, will I suspect some deep laid Mischief. You were determin’d to place no Confidence in me, tho’ I have solemnly, over and over, engaged my Honour to you. What, tho’ I had alarm’d your Fears, in sending you one way, when you hoped to go another; yet, had I not, to convince you of my Resolution to do justly by you, (altho’ with great Reluctance, such then was my Love for you) engaged not to come near you without your own Consent? Was not this a voluntary Demonstration of the Generosity of my Intentions to you? Yet how have you requited me? The very first Fellow that your charming Face, and insinuating Address, could Influence, you have practis’d upon, corrupted too, I may say, (and even ruin’d, as the ingrateful Wretch shall find) and thrown your forward Self upon him. As therefore you would place no Confidence in me, my Honour owes you nothing; and in a little time you shall find how much you have err’d in treating, as you have done, a Man, who was once

‘Your affectionate and kind Friend.

‘Mrs. Jewkes has Directions concerning you; And if your Lot is now harder than you might wish, you will bear it the easier, because your own rash Folly has brought it upon you.

lot = condition

Alas! for me, what a Fate is mine, to be thus thought artful and forward, and ingrateful! when all I intended, was to preserve my Innocence; and when all the poor little Shifts, which his superior wicked Wit and Cunning have render’d ineffectual, were forced upon me in my own necessary Defence!

artful = conniving, deceitful

When Mrs. Jewkes came up to me again, she found me bathed in Tears. She seemed, as I thought, to be moved to some Compassion; and finding myself now intirely in her Power, and that it is not for me to provoke her, I said. It is now, I see, in vain for me to contend against my evil Destiny, and the superior Arts of my barbarous Master. I will resign myself to the Divine Will, and prepare to expect the worst. But you see how this poor Mr. Williams is drawn in and undone; I am sorry I am made the Cause of his Ruin: — Poor, poor Man! — to be taken in thus, and for my Sake too! — But, if you’ll believe me, said I, I gave no Encouragement to what he proposed, as to Marriage; nor would he have proposed it, I believe, but as the only honourable way he thought was left to save me: And his principal Motive to it all, was Virtue and Compassion to one in Distress. What other View could he have? You know I am poor and friendless. All I beg of you, is to let the poor Gentleman have Notice of my Master’s Resentment; and let him flee the Country, and not be thrown into Goal: This will answer my Master’s End as well; for it will as effectually hinder him from assisting me, as if he was in a Prison.

goal = jail

Ask me, said she, to do any thing that is in my Power, consistent with my Duty and Trust, and I will do it; for I am sorry for you both. But, to be sure, I shall keep no Correspondence with him, nor let you. I offer’d to talk of a Duty superior to that she mention’d, of, which would oblige her to help distressed Innocence, and not permit her to go the Lengths injoin’d by lawless Tyranny; but she plainly bid me be silent on that Head; for it was in vain to attempt to persuade her to betray her Trust. — All I have to advise you, said she, is to be easy; lay aside all your Contrivances and Arts to get away, and make me your Friend, by giving me no Reason to suspect you; for, said she, I glory in my Fidelity to my Master: And you have both practised some strange sly Arts, to make such a Progress as he has own’d there was between you, so seldom as, I thought, you saw one another; and I must be more circumspect than I have been.

injoin’d = required
contrivances = plots
own’d = admitted

This doubled my Concern; for I now apprehended I should be much closer watch’d than before.

apprehended = worried

Well, said I, since I have, by this strange Accident, discover’d my hard Destiny, let me read over again that fearful Letter of yours, that I may get it by heart, and feed my Distress upon it; for now I have nothing else to think of, and must familiarize myself to Calamity. Then, said she, let me read yours again. I gave her mine, and she lent me hers; and so I took a Copy of it, with her Leave; because, as I said, I would, by it, prepare myself for the worst. And when I had done, I pinn’d it on the Head of the Couch: This, said I, is the Use I shall make of this wretched Copy of your Letter; and here you shall always find it wet with my Tears.

discover’d = revealed

She said, She would go down to order Supper, and insisted upon my Company to it: I would have excused myself; but she begun to put on a commanding Air, that I durst not oppose. And when I went down, she took me by the Hand, and presented me to the most hideous Monster I ever saw in my Life. Here, Monsieur Colbrand, said she, here is your pretty Ward and mine; let us try to make her Time with us easy. He bow’d, and put on his foreign Grimaces, and seem’d to bless himself! and, in broken English, told me, I was happy in de Affections of de vinest Gentleman in de Varld! — I was quite frighten’d, and ready to drop down; and I will describe him to you, my dear Father and Mother, if now you will ever see this; and you shall judge if I had not Reason, especially not knowing he was to be there, and being appriz’d, as I was, of his hated Employment, to watch me closer.

durst = dared

He is a Giant of a Man, for Stature; taller by a good deal, than Harry Mawlidge, in your Neighbourhood, and large-bon’d, and scraggy; and has a Hand! — I never saw such an one in my Life. He has great staring Eyes, like the Bull’s that frighten’d me so. Vast Jaw-bones sticking out; Eyebrows hanging over his Eyes; two great Scars upon his Forehead, and one on his left Cheek; and two huge Whiskers, and a monstrous wide Mouth; blubber Lips; long yellow Teeth, and a hideous Grin. He wears his own frightful long Hair, ty’d up in a great black Bag; a black Crape Neckloth, about a long ugly Neck; and his Throat sticking out like a Wen. As to the rest, he was drest well enough, and had a Sword on, with a nasty red Knot to it; Leather Garters, buckled below his Knees; and a Foot — near as long as my Arm, I verily think.

He said, he fright de Lady, and offer’d to withdraw; but she bid him not; and I told Mrs. Jewkes, That as she knew I had been crying, she should not have called me to the Gentleman without letting me know he was there. I soon went up to my Closet; for my Heart aked all the time I was at Table; not being able to look upon him without Horror; and this Brute of a Woman, tho’ she saw my Distress, before this Addition to it, no doubt did it on purpose to strike me more in Terror. And indeed it had its Effect; for when I went to-bed, I could think of nothing but his hideous Person, and my Master’s more hideous Actions; and thought them too well pair’d; and when I dropt asleep, I dream’d they were both coming to my Bed-side, with the worst Designs; and I jump’d out of Bed in my Sleep, and frighted Mrs. Jewkes; till, waking with the Terror, I told her my Dream: And the wicked Creature only laughed, and said, All I fear’d was but a Dream, as well as that; and when it was over, and I was well awake, I should laugh at it as such!

And now I am come to the Close of Wednesday, the 27th Day of my Distress

Poor Mr. Williams is actually arrested, and carried away to Stamford. So there is an End of all my Hopes in him. Poor Gentleman! his Over-security and Openness, have ruin’d us both! I was but too well convinced, that we ought not to have lost a Moment’s time; but he was half angry, and thought me too impatient; and then his fatal Confessions, and the detestable Artifice of my Master! — But one might well think, that he who had so cunningly, and so wickedly, contrived all his Stratagems hitherto, that it was impossible to avoid them, would stick at nothing to complete them. I fear I shall soon find it so!

contrive = plan
stratagems = schemes

But one Stratagem I have just invented, tho’ a very discouraging one to think of; because I have neither Friends nor Money, nor know one Step of the Way, if I was out of the House. But let Bulls, and Bears, and Lions, and Tygers, and, what is worse, false, treacherous, deceitful Men, stand in my Way, I cannot be in more Danger than I am; and I depend nothing upon his three Weeks: For how do I know, now be is in such a Passion, and has already begun his Vengeance on poor Mr. Williams, that he will not change his Mind, and come down to Lincolnshire before he goes to London?

My Stratagem is this; I will endeavour to get Mrs. Jewkes to go to-bed without me, as she often does, while I sit lock’d up in my Closet; and as she sleeps very sound in her first Sleep, of which she never fails to give Notice by snoring, if I can but then get out between the two Ears of the Window, (for you know, I am very slender, and I find I can get my Head thro’; then I can drop upon the Leads underneath, which are little more than my Height, and which Leads are over a little Summer-parlour, that juts out towards the Garden, and as I am light, I can easily drop from them; for they are not high from the Ground: Then I shall get into the Garden; and then, as I have the Key of the Back-door, I will get out. But I have another Piece of Cunning still; good Heaven, succeed to me my dangerous, but innocent Devices! — I have read of a great Captain, who being in Danger, leap’d over-board, into the Sea; and his Enemies shooting at him with Bows and Arrows; he got off his upper Garment, and swam away, while they stuck that full of their Darts and Arrows; and he escaped, and triumphed over them all. So what will I do, but strip off my upper Petticoat, and throw it into the Pond, with my Neck-handkerchief; for, to be sure, when they miss me, they will go to the Pond first, thinking I have drowned myself; and so, when they see some of my Cloaths floating there, they will be all employ’d in dragging the Pond, which is a very large one: and as I shall not, perhaps, be miss’d till the Morning, this will give me Opportunity to get a great way off; and I am sure I will run for it when I am out. And so I trust, that Providence will direct my Steps to some good Place of Safety, and make some worthy Body my Friend; for sure, if I suffer ever so, I cannot be in more Danger, nor in worse Hands, than where I am; and with such avow’d bad Designs.

O my dear Parents! don’t be frighted when you come to read this! — But all will be over before you can see it; and so God direct me for the best. My Writings, for fear I should not escape, I will bury in the Garden; for, to be sure, I shall be search’d, and used dreadfully, if I can’t get off. And so I will close here, for the present, to prepare for my Plot. Prosper thou, O gracious Protector of oppressed Innocence! this last Effort of thy poor Handmaid! that I may escape the crafty Devices and Snares that have begun to entangle my Virtue! and from which, but by this one Trial, I see no way of escaping! And Oh! whatever becomes of me, bless my dear Parents, and protect poor Mr. Williams from Ruin! for he was happy before he knew me!

snares = traps

Just now, just now! I heard Mrs. Jewkes, who is in her Cups, own, to the horrid Colbrand, that the robbing of poor Mr. Williams, was a Contrivance of hers, and executed by the Groom and a Helper, in order to seize my Letters upon him, which they miss’d. They are now both laughing at the dismal Story, which they little think I heard — O how my Heart akes! for what are not such Wretches capable of! Can you blame me for endeavouring, thro’ any Danger, to get out of such Clutches?

contrivance = trick

Past Eleven o’Clock

Mrs. Jewkes is come up, and gone to-bed; and bids me not stay long in my Closet, but come to-bed. O for a dead Sleep for the treacherous Brute! I never saw her so tipsy, and that gives me Hopes. I have try’d again, and find I can get my Head thro’ the Iron Bars. I am now all prepared, as soon as I hear her fast; and now I’ll seal up these and my other Papers, my last Work: And to thy Providence, O my gracious God, commit the rest! — Once more, God bless you both! and send us a happy Meeting; if not here, in his heavenly Kingdom. Amen.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, the 28th, 29th, 30th, and 31st Days of my Distress

And Distress indeed! For here I am still! And every thing has been worse and worse! Oh! the poor unhappy Pamela! — Without any Hope left, and ruin’d in all my Contrivances. But, Oh! my dear Parents, rejoice with me, even in this low Plunge of my Distress; for your poor Pamela has escap’d from an Enemy worse than any she ever met with; an Enemy she never thought of before; and was hardly able to stand against. I mean, the Weakness and Presumption, both in one, of her own Mind! which had well nigh, had not divine Grace interposed, sunk her into the lowest last Abyss of Misery and Perdition!

contrivances = plots

I will proceed, as I have Opportunity, with my sad Relation: For my Pen and Ink (in my now doubly-secur’d Closet) is all that I have, besides my own Weakness of Body, to employ myself with: And, till yesterday Evening, I have not been able to hold a Pen.

I took with me but one Shift, besides what I had on, and two Handkerchiefs, and two Caps, which my Pocket held, (for it was not for me to incumber myself) and all my Stock of Money, which was but five or six Shillings, to set out for I knew not where; and got out of the Window, not without some Difficulty, sticking a little at my Shoulders and Hips; but I was resolv’d to get out, if possible. And it was further from the Leads than I thought, and I was afraid I had sprain’d my Ancle; and when I had dropt from the Leads to the Ground, it was still further off; but I did pretty well there; at least, I got no Hurt to hinder me from pursuing my Intentions: So, being now on the Ground, I hid my Papers under a Rose-bush, and cover’d them over with Mould, and there they still lie, as I hope. Then I hy’d away to the Pond: The Clock struck Twelve, just as I got out; and it was a dark misty Night, and coldish; but I felt none then.

shillings = coins worth 1/20 of a pound

When I came to the Pond-side, I flung in my Upper-coat, as I had design’d, and my Neckhandkerchief, and a round ear’d Cap, with a Knot; and then with great Speed ran to the Door, and took the Key out of my Pocket, my poor Heart beating all the Time against my Bosom, as if it would have forc’d its way thro’ it: And beat it well might! For I then, too late, found, that I was most miserably disappointed; for the wicked Woman had taken off that Lock, and put another on; so that my Key would not open it. I try’d and try’d, and feeling about, I found a Padlock besides, on another Part of the Door. O then how my Heart sunk! — I dropt down with Grief and Confusion, unable to stir or support myself for a while. But my Fears awakening my Resolution, and knowing that my Attempt would be as terrible for me, as any other Danger I could then encounter, I clamber’d up upon the Ledges of the Door, and upon the Lock, which was a great wooden one; and reached the Top of the Door with my Hands; then, little thinking I could climb so well, I made shift to lay hold on the Top of the Wall with my Hands; but, alas for me! nothing but ill Luck! — no Escape for poor Pamela! The Wall being old, the Bricks I held by, gave way, just as I was taking a Spring to get up, and down came I, and received such a Blow upon my Head, with one of the Bricks, that it quite stunn’d me; and I broke my Shins and my Ancle besides, and beat off the Heel of one of my Shoes.

In this dreadful way, flat upon the Ground, lay poor I, for I believe five or six Minutes; and when I would have got up, I could hardly stand; for I found I had bruis’d my left Hip and Shoulder, and was full of Pain with it; and besides my Head bled, and ak’d with the Blow I had with the Brick. — Yet this I valued not! but crawl’d a good way, upon my Feet and Hands, in Search of a Ladder, I just recollected to have seen against the Wall two Days before, on which the Gardner was nailing a Nectarine Branch, that was blown off from the Wall: But no Ladder could I find, and the Wall was very high. What now, thinks I, must become of the miserable Pamela! — Then I began to wish myself most heartily again in my Closet, and to repent of my Attempt, which I now censur’d as rash, because it did not succeed.

God forgive me! but a sad Thought came just then into my Head! — I tremble to think of it! Indeed my Apprehensions of the Usage I should meet with, had like to have made me miserable for ever! O my dear, dear Parents, forgive your poor Child; but being then quite desperate, I crept along till I could get up on my Feet, tho’ I could hardly stand; and away limp’d I! — What to do, but to throw myself into the Pond, and so put a Period to all my Griefs in this World! — But, Oh! to find them infinitely aggravated (had I not, by the Divine Grace, been with-held) in a miserable Eternity! As I have escap’d this Temptation, (blessed be God for it!) I will tell you my Conflicts on this dreadful Occasion, that the Divine Mercies may be magnify’d in my Deliverance, that I am yet on this Side the dreadful Gulph, from which there can be no Redemption.

apprehensions = anxieties

It was well for me, as I have since thought, that I was so maim’d, as made me the longer before I got to the Water; for this gave me some Reflection, and abated that Impetuousness of my Passions, which possibly might otherwise have hurry’d me in my first Transport of Grief, (on my seeing no way to escape, and the hard Usage I had Reason to expect from my dreadful Keepers) to throw myself in without Consideration; but my Weakness of Body made me move so slowly, that it gave Time for a little Reflection, a Ray of Grace, to dart in upon my benighted Mind; and so, when I came to the Pond-side, I sat myself down on the sloping Bank, and began to ponder my wretched Condition: And thus I reason’d with myself.

condition = situation

Pause here a little, Pamela, on what thou art about, before thou takest the dreadful Leap; and consider whether there be no Way yet left, no Hope, if not to escape from this wicked House, yet from the Mischiefs threaten’d thee in it.

I then consider’d, and after I had cast about in my Mind, every thing that could make me hope, and saw no Probability; a wicked Woman devoid of all Compassion! a horrid Helper just arriv’d in this dreadful Colbrand! an angry and resenting Master, who now hated me, and threaten’d the most afflicting Evils! and, that I should, in all Probability, be depriv’d even of the Opportunity I now had before me, to free myself from all their Persecutions. — What hast thou to do, distressed Creature, said I to myself, but throw thyself upon a merciful God, (who knows how innocently I suffer) to avoid the merciless Wickedness of those who are determin’d on my Ruin?

And then thought I, (and Oh! that Thought was surely of the Devil’s Instigation; for it was very soothing, and powerful with me) these wicked Wretches, who now have no Remorse, no Pity on me, will then be mov’d to lament their Misdoings; and when they see the dead Corpse of the unhappy Pamela dragg’d out to these slopy Banks, and lying breathless at their Feet, they will find that Remorse to wring their obdurate Hearts, which, now, has no Place there! — And my Master, my angry Master, will then forget his Resentments, and say, O this is the unhappy Pamela! that I have so causelesly persecuted and destroy’d! Now do I see she preferr’d her Honesty to her Life, will he say, and is no Hypocrite, nor Deceiver; but really was the innocent Creature she pretended to be! Then, thinks I, will he, perhaps, shed a few Tears over the poor Corse of his persecuted Servant; and, tho’ he may give out, it was Love and Disappointment, and that too, (in order to hide his own Guilt) for the unfortunate Mr. Williams, perhaps; yet will he be inwardly griev’d, and order me a decent Funeral, and save me, or rather this Part of me, from the dreadful Stake, and the Highway Interrment; and the young Men and Maidens all around my dear Father’s, will pity poor Pamela! But O! I hope I shall not be the Subject of their Ballads and Elegies; but that my Memory, for the sake of my dear Father and Mother, may quickly slide into Oblivion!

I was once rising, so indulgent was I to this sad way of thinking, to throw myself in: But again, my Bruises made me slow; and I thought, What art thou about to do, wretched Pamela? how knowest thou, tho’ the Prospect be all dark to thy short-sighted Eye, what God may do for thee, even when all human Means fail? God Almighty would not lay me under these sore Afflictions, if he had not given me Strength to grapple with them, if I will exert it as I ought: And who knows, but that the very Presence I so much dread, of my angry and designing Master, (for he has had me in his Power before, and yet I have escaped) may be better for me, than these persecuting Emissaries of his, who, for his Money, are true to their wicked Trust, and are harden’d by that, and a long Habit of Wickedness, against Compunction of Heart; God can touch his Heart in an Instant; and if this should not be done, I can then but put an End to my Life, by some other Means, if I am so resolved.

But how do I know, thought I, that even these Bruises and Maims that I have gotten, while I pursu’d only the laudable Escape I had meditated, may not kindly furnish me with the Opportunity I now am tempted to precipitate myself upon, and of surrendering up my Life, spotless and unguilty, to that merciful Being who gave it!

Then, thought I, who gave thee, presumptuous as thou art, a Power over thy Life? Who authoriz’d thee to put an End to it, when the Weakness of thy Mind suggests not to thee a Way to preserve it with Honour? How knowest thou what Purposes God may have to serve, by the Trials with which thou art now tempted? Art thou to put a Bound to the Divine Will, and to say, Thus much will I bear, and no more? And, wilt thou dare to say, that if the Trial be augmented, and continued, thou wilt sooner die than bear it?

This Act of Despondency, thought I, is a Sin, that, if I pursue it, admits of no Repentance, and can therefore claim no Forgiveness. — And wilt thou, for shortening thy transitory Griefs, heavy as they are, and weak as thou fanciest thyself, plunge both Body and Soul into everlasting Misery! Hitherto, Pamela, thought I, thou art the innocent, the suffering Pamela; and wilt thou be the guilty Aggressor? and, because wicked Men persecute thee, wilt thou fly in the Face of the Almighty, and bid Defiance to his Grace and Goodness, who can still turn all these Sufferings to Benefits? And how do I know, but that God who sees all the lurking Vileness of my Heart, may have permitted these Sufferings on that very Score, and to make me rely solely on his Grace and Assistance, who perhaps have too much prided myself in a vain Dependance on my own foolish Contrivances?

contrivances = schemes

Then again, thought I, wilt thou suffer in one Moment all the good Lessons of thy poor honest Parents, and the Benefit of their Example, (who have persisted in doing their Duty with Resignation to the Divine Will, amidst the extremest Degrees of Disappointment, Poverty, and Distress, and the Persecutions of an ingrateful World, and merciless Creditors) to be thrown away upon thee; and bring down, as in all Probability this thy Rashness will, their grey Hairs with Sorrow to the Grave, when they shall understand that their beloved Daughter, slighting the Tenders of Divine Grace, desponding in the Mercies of a gracious God, has blemish’d, in this last Act, a whole Life, which they had hitherto approv’d and delighted in?

suffer = allow

What then, presumptuous Pamela, dost thou here, thought I? Quit with Speed these guilty Banks, and flee from these dashing Waters, that even in their sounding Murmurs, this still Night, reproach thy Rashness! Tempt not God’s Goodness on the mossy Banks, that have been Witnesses of thy guilty Intentions; and while thou hast Power left thee, avoid the tempting Evil, lest thy grand Enemy, now repuls’d by Divine Grace, and due Reflection, return to the Charge with a Force that thy Weakness may not be able to resist! And lest one rash Moment destroy all the Convictions, which now have aw’d thy rebellious Mind into Duty and Resignation to the Divine Will!

And so saying, I arose; but was so stiff with my Hurts, so cold with the moist Dew of the Night, and the wet Banks on which I had sat, as also the Damps arising from so large a Piece of Water, that with great Pain I got from the Banks of this Pond, which now I think of with Terror; and bending my limping Steps towards the House, refug’d myself in the Corner of an Out-house, where Wood and Coals are laid up for Family Use, till I should be found by my cruel Keepers, and consign’d to a wretched Confinement, and worse Usage than I had hitherto experienc’d; and there behind a Pile of Fire-wood I crept, and lay down, as you may imagine, with a Mind just broken, and a Heart sensible to nothing but the extremest Woe and Dejection.

sensible to = aware of

This, my dear Father and Mother, is the Issue of your poor Pamela’s fruitless Enterprize; and who knows, if I had got out at the Back-door, whether I had been at all in better Case, moneyless, friendless, as I am, and in a strange Place! — But blame not your poor Daughter too much: Nay, if ever you see this miserable Scribble, all bathed and blotted with my Tears, let your Pity get the better of your Blame! But I know it will. — And I must leave off for the present. — For, Oh! my Strength and my Will are at this time very far unequal to one another. — But yet, I will add, that tho’ I should have prais’d God for my Deliverance, had I been freed from my wicked Keepers, and my designing Master; yet I have more abundant Reason for Praise, that I have been deliver’d from a worse Enemy, myself!

I will continue my sad Relation.

It seems Mrs. Jewkes awaked not till Day-break, and not finding me in Bed, she call’d me; and no Answer being return’d, she relates, that she got out of Bed, and run to my Closet; and not finding me, searched under the Bed, and in another Closet, finding the Chamber-door as she had left it, quite fast, and the Key, as usual, about her Wrist. For if I could have got out at the Chamber-door, there were two or three Passages, and Doors to them all, double lock’d and barr’d, to go thro’, into the great Garden; so that, to escape, there was no Way, but that of the Window; and that very Window, because of the Summer-parlour under it; for the other Windows are a great way from the Ground.

She says she was excessively frighted, and instantly rais’d the Swiss, and the two Maids, who lay not far off; and finding every Door fast, she said, I must be carry’d away as St. Peter was out of Prison, by some Angel. It is a Wonder she had not a worse Thought!

She says, she wept and wrung her Hands, and took on sadly, running about like a mad Woman, little thinking I could have got out of the Closet Window, between the Iron Bars; and indeed I don’t know if I could do so again. But at last finding that Casement open, they concluded it must be so; and so they ran out into the Garden, and found my Footsteps in the Mould of the Bed which I dropt down upon from the Leads: And so speeded away, all of them, that is to say, Mrs. Jewkes, Colbrand and Nan, towards the Back-door, to see if that was fast, while the Cook was sent to the Out-offices to raise the Men, and make them get Horses ready, to take each a several Way to pursue me.

But it seems, finding that Door double-lock’d and padlock’d, and the Heel of my Shoe, and the broken Bricks, they verily concluded I was got away by some Means, over the Wall; and then, they say, Mrs. Jewkes seem’d like a distracted Woman: Till at last, Nan had the Thought to go towards the Pond, and there seeing my Coat, and Cap and Handkerchief in the Water, cast almost to the Banks by the dashing of the Waves, she thought it was me, and screaming out, run to Mrs. Jewkes, and said, O Madam, Madam! here’s a piteous Thing! — Mrs. Pamela lies drown’d in the Pond! — Thither they all ran! and finding my Cloaths, doubted not I was at the Bottom; and they all, Swiss among the rest, beat their Breasts, and made most dismal Lamentations; and Mrs. Jewkes sent Nan to the Men, to bid them get the Drag-net ready, and leave the Horses, and come to try to find the poor Innocent as she, it seems, then call’d me, beating her Breast, and lamenting my hard Hap; but most what would become of them, and what Account they should give to my Master.

distracted = insane
thither, to there

While every one was thus differently employ’d, some weeping and wailing, some running here and there, Nan came into the Wood-house; and there lay poor I; so weak, so low, and dejected, and withal so stiff with my Bruises, that I could not stir nor help myself to get upon my Feet. And I said, with a low Voice, (for I could hardly speak) Mrs. Ann, Mrs. Ann! — The Creature was sadly frighted, but was taking up a Billet to knock me on the Head, believing I was some Thief, as she said; but I cry’d out, O Mrs. Ann, Mrs. Ann, help me, for Pity’s sake, to Mrs. Jewkes! for I cannot get up! — Bless me, said she, what! you, Madam! — Why our Hearts are almost broke, and we were going to drag the Pond for you, believing you had drown’d yourself. Now, said she, you’ll make us all alive again!

And without helping me, she run away to the Pond, and brought all the Crew to the Wood-house. — The wicked Woman, as she entered, said, Where is she? — Plague of her Spells, and her Witchcrafts! She shall dearly repent of this Trick, if my Name be Jewkes; and coming to me, took hold of my Arm, so roughly, and gave me such a Pull, as made me squeal out, (my Shoulder being bruis’d on that Side) and drew me on my Face. O cruel Creature! said I, if you knew what I have suffer’d, it would move you to pity me!

Even Colbrand seem’d to be concern’d, and said, Fie, Madam, fie! you see she is almost dead! You must not be so rough with her. The Coachman Robin seem’d to be sorry for me too, and said, with Sobs, What a Scene is here! Don’t you see she is all bloody in her Head, and cannot stir? — Curse of her Contrivances! said the horrid Creature; she has frighted me out of my Wits, I’m sure. How the D—l came you here? — O! said I, ask me now no Questions, but let the Maids carry me up to my Prison; and there let me die decently, and in Peace! For indeed I thought I could not live two Hours.

contrivances = plots
D—l = devil

The still more inhuman Tygress said, I suppose you want Mr. Williams to pray by you, don’t you? Well, I’ll send for my Master this Minute; let him come and watch you himself, for me; for there’s no such thing as holding you, I’m sure.

So the Maids took me up between them, and carry’d me to my Chamber; and when the Wretch saw how bad I was, she began a little to relent — while every one wonder’d (at what I had neither Strength nor Inclination to tell them) how all this came to pass which they imputed to Sorcery and Witchcraft.

I was so weak, when I had got up Stairs, that I fainted away, with Dejection, Pain and Fatigue; and they undress’d me, and got me to Bed, and Mrs. Jewkes order’d Nan to bathe my Shoulder, and Arm, and Ancle, with some old Rum warm’d; and they cut the Hair a little from the back Part of my Head, and wash’d that; for it was clotted with Blood, from a pretty long, but not deep Gash; and put a Family Plaister upon it; for if this Woman has any good Quality, it is, it seems, in a Readiness and Skill to manage in Cases, where sudden Misfortunes happen in a Family.

After this, I fell into a pretty sound and refreshing Sleep, and lay till Twelve o’Clock, tolerably easy, considering I was very feverish and aguishly inclin’d; and she took a deal of Care to fit me to undergo more Trials, which I had hop’d would have been more happily ended: But Providence did not see fit.

She would make me rise about Twelve; but I was so weak, I could only fit up till the Bed was made, and went into it again; and was, as they said, delirious some Part of the Afternoon. But having a tolerable Night on Thursday I was a good deal better on Friday, and on Saturday got up, and eat a little Spoon-meat, and my Feverishness seem’d to be gone, and I was so mended by Evening, that I begg’d her Indulgence in my Closet, to be left to myself; which she consented to, it being double-barr’d the Day before, and I assuring her that all my Contrivances, as she call’d them, were at an End. But first she made me tell her the whole Story of my Enterprize; which I did very faithfully, knowing now that nothing could stand me in any stead, or contribute to my Safety and Escape: And she seem’d full of Wonder at my Resolution and Venturesomeness, but told me frankly, that I should have found a hard Matter to get quite off; for, that she was provided with a Warrant from my Master, (who is a Justice of Peace in this County, as well as the other) to get me apprehended, if I had got away, on Suspicion of wronging him, let me have been where I would.

spoon-meat = soft food for invalids
contrivances = plots

O how deep-laid are the Mischiefs designed to fall on my devoted Head! — Surely, surely, I cannot be worthy of all this Contrivance! — This too well shews me the Truth of what was hinted to me formerly at the other House, that my Master swore he would have me! O preserve me, Heaven! from being his, in his own wicked Sense of the Adjuration!

contrivance = plotting

I must add, that now this Woman sees me pick up so fast, she uses me worse, and has abridg’d me of Paper all but one Sheet, which I am to shew her written or unwritten on Demand, and has reduc’d me to one Pen; yet my hidden Stores stand me in stead. But she is more and more snappish and cross; and tauntingly calls me Mrs. Williams, and any thing that she thinks will vex me.

vex = bother

Sunday Afternoon

Mrs. Jewkes has thought fit to give me an Airing, for three or four Hours this Afternoon, and I am a good deal better; and should be much more so, if I knew for what I am reserv’d. But Health is a Blessing hardly to be coveted in my Circumstances, since that fits me for the Calamity I am in continual Apprehensions of; whereas a weak and sickly State might possibly move Compassion for me. O how I dread the coming of this angry and incensed Master; tho’ I am sure I have done him no Harm!

apprehensions = anxities

Just now we heard, that he had like to have been drown’d in crossing a Stream, a few Days ago, in pursuing his Game. What is the Matter, with all his ill Usage of me, that I cannot hate him? To be sure, I am not like other People! He has certainly done enough to make me hate him; but yet when I heard his Danger, which was very great, I could not in my Heart forbear rejoicing for his Safety; tho’ his Death would have ended my Afflictions. Ungenerous Master! if you knew this, you surely would not be so much my Persecutor! But for my late good Lady’s sake, I must wish him well; and O what an Angel would he be in my Eyes yet, if he would cease his Attempts, and reform.

forbear = resist

Well, I hear by Mrs. Jewkes, that John Arnold is turn’d away, being detected in writing to Mr. Williams; and that Mr. Longman, and Mr. Jonathan the Butler, have incurr’d his Displeasure, for offering to speak in my Behalf. Mrs. Jervis too is in Danger; for all these three, belike, went together to beg in my Favour; for now it is known where I am.

Mrs. Jewkes has, with the News about my Master, receiv’d a Letter; but she says the Contents are too bad for me to know. They must be bad indeed, if they be worse than what I have already known.

Just now the horrid Creature tells me, as a Secret, that she has reason to think he has found out a Way to satisfy my Scruples: It is, by marrying me to this dreadful Colbrand, and buying me of him on the Wedding-day, for a Sum of Money! — Was ever the like heard? — She says it will be my Duty to obey my Husband; and that Mr. Williams will be forc’d, as a Punishment, to marry us; and that when my Master has paid for me, and I am surrender’d up, the Swiss is to go home again, with the Money, to his former Wife and Children; for she says, it is the Custom of those People to have a Wife in every Nation.

scruples = ethical concerns

But this, to be sure, is horrid romancing! But abominable as it is, it may possibly serve to introduce some Plot now hatching! — With what strange Perplexities is my poor Mind agitated! Perchance, some Sham-marriage may be design’d, on purpose to ruin me: But can a Husband sell his Wife, against her own Consent? — And will such a Bargain stand good in Law?

romancing = storytelling

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, the 32d, 33d, and 34th Days of my Imprisonment

Nothing offers these Days but Squabblings between Mrs. Jewkes and me. She grows worse and worse to me. I vexed her Yesterday, because she talked nastily, and told her she talk’d more like a vile London Prostitute, than a Gentleman’s Housekeeper; and she cannot use me bad enough for it. Bless me! she curses and storms at me like a Trooper, and can hardly keep her Hands off me. You may believe she must talk sadly to make me say such harsh Words: Indeed it cannot be repeated; and she is a Disgrace to her Sex. And then she ridicules me, and laughs at my Notions of Honesty; and tells me, impudent Creature that she is! what a fine Bedfellow I shall make for my Master, (and such-like) with such whimsical Notions about me! — Do you think this is to be borne? And yet she talks worse than this, if possible! — Quite filthily! O what vile Hands am I put into!

vexed = upset
use = treat

Thursday

I Have now all the Reason that can be, to apprehend my Master will be here soon; for the Servants are busy in setting the House to rights; and a Stable and Coach-house are cleaning out, that have not been used some time. I ask Mrs. Jewkes, but she tells me nothing, nor will hardly answer me when I ask her a Question. Sometimes I think she puts on these strange wicked Airs to me, purposely to make me wish for, what I dread most of all Things, my Master’s coming down. He talk of Love! — If he had any the least Notion of Regard for me, to be sure he would not give this naughty Body such Power over me: — And if he does come where is his Promise of not seeing me without I consent to it? But it seems His Honour owes me nothing! So he tells me in his Letter. And-why? Because I am willing to keep mine. But, indeed, he says, he hates me perfectly; and it is plain he does, or I should not be left to the Mercy of this Woman; and, what is worse, to my woful Apprehensions.

apprehend = understand

Friday, the 36th Day of my Imprisonment

I Took the Liberty yesterday Afternoon, finding the Gates open, to walk out before the House; and ere I was aware, had got to the Bottom of the long Row of Elms; and there I sat myself down upon the Steps of a sort of broad Stile, which leads into the Road, that goes towards the Town. And as I sat musing about what always busies my Mind, I saw a whole Body of Folks, running towards me from the House, Men and Women, as in a Fright. At first I wonder’d what was the Matter, till they came nearer; and I found they were all alarm’d, thinking I had attempted to get off. There was first the horrible Colbrand, running with his long Legs, well nigh two Yards at a Stride; then there was one of the Grooms, poor Mr. Williams’s Robber; then I spy’d Nan, half out of Breath; and the Cook-maid after her; and lastly, came waddling, as fast as she could, Mrs. Jewkes, exclaiming most bitterly, as I found, against me. Colbrand said, O how have you frighted us all! — And went behind me, lest I should run away, as I suppose.

I sat still, to let them see I had no View to get away; for, besides the Improbability of succeeding, my last sad Attempt had cur’d me of enterprizing again. And when Mrs. Jewkes came within hearing, I found her terribly incens’d, and raving about my Contrivances. Why said I, should you be so concerned? Here I have sat a few Minutes, and had not the least Thought of getting away, or going further; but to return as soon as it was duskish. She would not believe me; and the barbarous Creature struck at me with her horrid Fist, and, I believe, would have felled me, had not Colbrand interposed, and said, He saw me sitting still, looking about me, and not seeming to have the least Inclination to stir. But this would not serve: She order’d the two Maids to take me each by an Arm, and lead me back into the House, and up Stairs; and there have I been lock’d up ever since, without Shoes. In vain have I pleaded that I had no Design, as indeed I had not the least; and, last Night I was forced to lie between her and Nan; and I find she is resolved to make a Handle of this against me, and in her own Behalf — Indeed, what with her Usage, and my own Apprehensions of still worse, I am quite weary of my Life.

contrivances = schemes
apprehensions = anxieties

Just now she has been with me, and given me my Shoes, and has laid her imperious Commands upon me, to dress myself in a Suit of Cloaths out of the Portmanteau, which I have not seen lately, against three or four o’Clock; for, she says, she is to have a Visit from Lady Darnford’s two Daughters, who came purposely to see me; and so she gave me the Key of the Portmanteau. But I will not obey her; and I told her I would not be made a Shew of, nor see the Ladies. She left me, saying, It should be worse for me, if I did not. But how can that be?

portmanteau = luggage for carrying clothing

Five o’ Clock is come

And no young Ladies! — So that I fansy — But, hold, I hear their Coach, I believe. I’ll step to the Window. — I won’t go down to them, I am resolv’d. —

fansy = imagine

Good Sirs! good Sirs! What will become of me! Here is my Master come in his fine Chariot! — Indeed he is! What shall I do? Where shall I hide myself! — Oh! what shall I do! — Pray for me! But Oh! you’ll not see this! — Now, good God of Heaven, preserve me! if it be thy blessed Will!

Seven o’Clock

Tho’ I dread to see him, yet do I wonder I have not. To be sure something is resolving against me, and he stays to hear all her Stories. I can hardly write; yet, as I can do nothing else, I know not how to forbear! — Yet I cannot hold my Pen! — How crooked and trembling the Lines! — I must leave off, till I can get quieter Fingers! — Why should the Guiltless tremble so, when the Guilty can possess their Minds in Peace!

forbear = stop

Saturday Morning

Now let me give you an Account of what passed last Night; for I had no Power to write, nor yet Opportunity, till now.

This vile Woman held my Master till half an Hour after Seven; and he came hither about Five in the Afternoon. And then I heard his Voice on the Stairs, as he was coming up to me. It was about his Supper; for he said, I shall chuse a boil’d Chicken, with Butter and Parsley. — And up he came!

hither = to here

He put on a stern and majestick Air; and he can look very majestick when he pleases. Well, perverse Pamela, ungrateful Runaway, said he, for my first Salutation! — You do well, don’t you, to give me all this Trouble and Vexation? I could not speak; but throwing my self on the Floor, hid my Face, and was ready to die with Grief and Apprehension. — He said, Well may you hide your Face! well may you be ashamed to see me, vile forward one, as you are! — I sobb’d, and wept, but could not speak. And he let me lie, and went to the Door, and called Mrs. Jewkes. — There, said he, take up that fallen Angel! — Once I thought her as innocent as an Angel of Light. But I have now no Patience with her. The little Hypocrite prostrates her self thus, in hopes to move my Weakness in her Favour, and that I’ll raise her from the Floor myself. But I shall not touch her: No, said he, cruel Gentleman as he was! let such Fellows as Williams be taken in by her artful Wiles, I know her now, and see she is for any Fool’s Turn, that will be caught by her.

apprehension = anxiety
artful wiles = deceitful schemes

I sighed, as if my Heart would break! — And Mrs. Jewkes lifted me up upon my Knees: for I trembled so, I could not stand. Come, said she, Mrs. Pamela, learn to know your best Friend; confess, your unworthy Behaviour, and beg his Honour’s Forgiveness of all Your Faults. I was ready to saint; and he said, She is Mistress of Arts, I’ll assure you; and will mimick a Fit, ten to one, in a Minute.

I was struck to the Heart at this; but could not speak presently; only lifted up my Eyes to Heaven! — And at last made shift to say — God forgive you, Sir! — He seem’d in a great Passion, and walked up and down the Room, casting sometimes an Eye upon me, and seeming as if he would have spoken, but check’d himself And at last he said, When she has acted this her first Part over, perhaps I will see her again, and she shall soon know what she has to trust to.

And so he went out of the Room: And I was quite sick at Heart! — Surely, said I, I am the wickedest Creature that ever breath’d! Well, said the Impertinent, not so wicked as that neither; but I am glad you begin to see your Faults. Nothing like being humble! — Come I’ll stand your Friend, and plead for you, if you’ll promise to be more dutiful for the future: Come, come, added the Wretch, this may be all made up by to-morrow Morning, if you are not a Fool. — Begone, hideous Woman! said I; and let not my Afflictions be added to by thy inexorable Cruelty, and unwomanly Wickedness.

impertinent = rude person

She gave me a Push, and went away in a violent Passion. And it seems, she made a Story of this; and said, I had such a Spirit, there was no hearing it.

I laid me down on the Floor, and had no Power to stir, till the Clock struck Nine; and then the wicked Woman came up again. You must come down Stairs, said she, to my Master; that is, if you please, Spirit! — Said I, I believe I cannot stand. Then, said, she, I’ll send Monsieur Colbrand to carry you down.

I got up, as well as I could, and trembled all the way down Stairs. And she went before me into the Parlour; and a new Servant, that he had waiting on him instead of John, withdrew as soon as I came in. And, by the way, he had a new Coachman too, which looked as if Bedfordshire Robin was turn’d away.

I thought, said he, when I came down, you should have sat at Table with we, when I had not Company; but when I find you cannot forget you Original, but must prefer my Menials to me, I call you down to wait on me, while I sup, that I may have some Talk with you, and throw away as little Time as possible upon you.

Sir, said I, you do me Honour to wait upon you. — And I never shall, I hope, forget my Original. But I was forced to stand behind his Chair, that I might hold by it. Fill me, said he, a Glass of that Burgundy. I went to do it; but my Hand shook so, that I could not hold the Plate with the Glass in it, and spilt some of the Wine. So Mrs. Jewkes pour’d it for me, and I carry’d it as well as I could; and made a low Court’sy. He took it, and said, Stand behind me, out of my Sight!

Why, Mrs. Jewkes, said he, you tell me, she remains very sullen still, and eats nothing. No, said she, not so much as will keep Life and Soul together. — And is always crying, you say, too? Yes, Sir, answer’d she, I think she is, for one thing or another. Ay, said he, your young Wenches will feed upon their Tears; and their Obstinacy will serve them for Meat and Drink. I think I never saw her look better, tho, in my Life! — But I suppose she lives upon Love. This sweet Mr. Williams, and her little villanous Plots together, have kept her alive and well, to be sure. For Mischief, Love, and Contradiction, are the natural Ailments of a Woman.

Poor I was forced to hear all this, and be silent; and indeed my Heart was too full to speak.

And so you say, said he, that she had another Project, but Yesterday, to get away? She denies it herself, said she; but it had all the Appearance of one. I’m sure she made me in a fearful Pucker about it. And I am glad your Honour is come, with all my Heart; and I hope, whatever be your Honour’s Intention concerning her, you will not be long about it; for you’ll find her as slippery as an Eel, I’ll assure you!

Sir, said I, and clapsed his Knees with my Arms, not knowing what I did, and falling on my Knees, Have Mercy on me, and hear me, concerning that wicked Woman’s Usage of me. —

He cruelly interrupted me, and said, I am satisfy’d she has done her Duty: It signifies nothing what you say against Mrs. Jewkes. That you are here, little Hypocrite as you are, pleading your Cause before me, is owing to her Care of you; else you had been with the Parson — Wicked Girl! said he, to tempt a Man to undo himself, as you have done him, at a Time when I was on the Point of making him happy for his Life!

signifies nothing = doesn’t matter

I arose, but said, with a deep Sigh, I have done, Sir, — I have done! — I have a strange Tribunal to plead before. The poor Sheep, in the Fable, had such an one; when it was try’d before the Vultur, on the Accusation of the Wolf!

So, Mrs. Jewkes, said he, you are the Wolf, I the Vultur, and this the poor innocent Lamb, on her Trial before us — Oh! you don’t know how well this Innocent is read in Reflection. She has Wit at Will, when she has a mind to display her own romantick Innocence, at the Price of other People’s Characters.

Well, said the aggravating Creature this is nothing to what she has called me; I have been a Jezebel, a London Prostitute, and what not? — But I am contented with her ill Names, now I see it is her Fashion, and she can call your Honour a Vultur.

Said I, I had no Thought of comparing my Master — And was going to say on: But he said, Don’t prate, Girl! — No, said she, it don’t become you, I am sure.

prate = speak nonsense

Well, said I, since I must not speak, I will hold my Peace: But there is a righteous Judge, who knows the Secrets of all Hearts! and to Him I appeal.

See there! said he: Now this meek, good Creature is praying for Fire from Heaven upon us! O she can curse most heartily, in the Spirit of Christian Meekness, I’ll assure you! — Come, Sawcy-face, give me another Glass of Wine!

sawcy = disrespectful

So I did, as well as I could; but wept so, that he said, I suppose I shall have some of your Tears in my Wine!

When he had supp’d, he stood up, and said, O how happy for you it is, that you can at Will, thus make your speaking Eyes overflow in this manner, without losing any of their Brilliancy! You have been told, I suppose, that you are most beautiful in your Tears! — Did you ever, said he to her, (who all this while was standing in one Corner of the Parlour) see a more charming Creature than this? Is it to be wonder’d at, that I demean myself thus to take Notice of her! — See, said he, and took the Glass with one Hand, and turn’d me round with the other, What a Shape! what a Neck! what a Hand! and what a Bloom in that lovely Face! — But who can describe the Tricks and Artifices, that lie lurking in her little, plotting, guileful Heart! ’Tis no Wonder the poor Parson was infatuated with her — I blame him less than I do her; for who could expect such Artifice in so young a Sorceress!

I went to the further part of the Room, and held my Face against the Wainscot; and, in spite of all I could do to refrain crying, sobb’d, as if my Heart would break. He said, I am surpriz’d, Mrs. Jewkes, at the Mistake of the Letters you tell me of! But, you see, I am not afraid any body should read what I write. I don’t carry on private Correspondencies, and reveal every Secret that comes to my Knowledge, and then corrupt People to carry my Letters, against their Duty, and all good Conscience.

Come hither, Hussy, said he; you and I have a dreadful Reckoning to make. — Why don’t you come, when I bid you? — Fie upon it! Mrs. Pamela, said she, what! not stir, when his Honour command, you to come to him! — Who knows but his Goodness will forgive you?

hither = to here
hussy = slut

He came to me, (for I had no power to stir) and put his Arms about my Neck, and would kiss me; and said, Well, Mrs. Jewkes, if it were not for the Thought of this cursed Parson, I believe in my Heart, so great is my Weakness, that I could yet forgive this intriguing little Slut, and take her to my Bosom.

O, said the Sycophant, yen are very good, Sir, very forgiving, indeed! — But come, added the profligate Wretch, I hope you will be so good, as to take her to your Bosom; and that, by to-morrow Morning, you’ll bring her to a better Sense of her Duty!

Could any thing, in Womanhood, be so vile! I had no Patience: But yet Grief and Indignation choaked up the Passage of my Words; and I could only stammer out a passionate Exclamation to Heaven, to protect my Innocence. But the Word was the Subject of their Ridicule. Was ever poor Creature worse beset!

He said, as if he had been considering whether he could forgive me or not, No, I cannot yet forgive her neither — She has given me great Disturbance; has brought great discredit upon me, both abroad and at home; has corrupted all my Servants at the other House; has despised my honourable Views and Intentions to her, and sought to run away with this ingrateful Parson — And surely I ought not to forgive all this! — Yet, with all this wretched Grimace, he kissed me again, and would have put his Hand in my Bosom; but I struggled, and said, I would die before I would be used thus. — Consider, Pamela, said he, in a Threatening Tone, consider where you are! and don’t play the Fool: If you do, a more dreadful Fate awaits you than you expect. But, take her up Stairs, Mrs. Jewkes, and I’ll send a few Lines to her to consider off; and let me have your Answer, Pamela, in the Morning. Till then you have to resolve upon: And after that, your Doom is fix’d — So I went up Stairs, and gave myself up to Grief, and Expectation of what he would send: But yet I was glad of this Night’s Reprieve!

abroad = outside the house

He sent me, however, nothing at all. And about Twelve o’Clock, Mrs. Jewkes and Nan came up, as the Night before, to be my Bedfellows; and I would go to-bed with some of my Cloaths on; which they mutter’d at sadly; and Mrs. Jewkes rail’d at me particularly: Indeed I would have sat up all Night, for Fear, if she would have let me. For I had but very little Rest that Night, apprehending this Woman would let my Master in. She did nothing but praise him, and blame me; but I answer’d her as little as I could.

rail’d = ridiculed
apprehending = worrying

He has Sir Simon Tell-Tale, alias Darnford, to dine with him to-day, whose Family sent to welcome him into the Country; and it seems, the old Knight wants to see me; so I suppose I shall be sent for, as Samson was, to make Sport for him — Here I am, and must bear it all!

Twelve o’Clock Saturday Noon

Just now he has sent me up, by Mrs. Jewkes, the following Proposals. So here are the honourable Intentions all at once laid open. They are, my dear Parents, to make me a vile kept Mistress: Which, I hope, I shall always detest the Thoughts of. But you’ll see how they are accommodated to what I should have most desir’d could I have honestly promoted it, your Welfare and Happiness. I have answer’d them, as I’m sure, you’ll approve; and I am prepared for the worst: For tho’ I fear there will be nothing omitted to ruin me, and tho’ my poor Strength will not be able to defend me, yet I will be innocent of Crime in my Intention, and in the Sight of God; and to Him leave the avenging of all my Wrongs, in his own good Time and Manner. I shall write to you my Answer against his Articles; and hope the best, tho’ I fear the worst. But if I should come home to you ruin’d and undone, and may not be able to look you in the Face; yet pity and in spirit the poor Pamela, to make her little Remnant of Life easy; for long I shall not survive my Disgrace. And you may be assured it shall not be my Fault, if it be my Misfortune.

‘To Mrs. Pamela Andrews

‘The following Articles are proposed to your serious Consideration; and let me have an Answer, in Writing, to them; that I may take my Resolutions accordingly. Only remember, that I will not be trifled with; and what you give for Answer, will absolutely decide your Fate, without Expostulation or further Trouble.

expostulation = argument

This is my Answer

Forgive, good Sir, the Spirit your poor Servant is about to shew in her Answer to your Articles. Not to be warm, and in earnest, on such an Occasion as the present, would shew a Degree of Guilt, that, I hope, my Soul abhors. I will not trifle with you, nor act like a Person doubtful of her own Mind; for it wants not one Moment’s Consideration with me; and I therefore return the Answer following, let what will be the Consequence.

‘I. If you can convince me, that the hated Parson has had no Encouragement from you in his Addresses; and that you have no Inclination for him, in Preference to me; then I will offer the following Proposals to you, which I will punctually make good.

I. As to the first Article, Sir, it may behove me, (that I may not deserve in your Opinion, the opprobrious Terms of forward and artful, and such-like) to declare solemnly, that Mr. Williams never had the least Encouragement from me, as to what you hint; and I believe his principal Motive was the apprehended Duty of his Function, quite contrary to his apparent Interest, to assist a Person he thought in Distress. You may, Sir, the rather believe me, when I declare, that I know not the Man breathing I would wish to marry; and that the only one I could honour more than another, is the Gentleman, who, of all others, seeks my everlasting Dishonour.

artful = conniving, deceitful
apprehended = understood

‘II. I will directly make you a Present of 500 Guineas, for your own Use, which you may dispose of to any Purpose you please: And will give it absolutely into the Hands of any Person you shall appoint to receive it; and expect no Favour in Return, till you are satisfy’d in the Possession of it.

guineas = gold coins

II. As to your second Proposal, let the Consequence be what it will, I reject it with all my Soul. Money, Sir, is not my chief Good: May God Almighty desert me, whenever it is; and whenever, for the sake of that, I can give up my Title to that blessed Hope which will stand me in stead, at a Time when Millions of Gold will not purchase one happy Moment of Reflection on a past mis-pent Life!

‘III. I will likewise directly make over to you a Purchase I lately made in Kent, which brings in 250 l. per Annum, clear of all Deductions. This shall be made over to you in full Property for your Life, and for the Lives of any Children, to Perpetuity, that you may happen to have: And your Father shall be immediately put into Possession of it in Trust for these Purposes. And the Management of it will yield a comfortable Subsistence to him and your Mother, for Life; and I will make up any Deficiencies, if such should happen, to that clear Sum, and allow him 50 l. per Annum besides, for his Life, and that of your Mother, for his Care and Management of this your Estate.

l. per Annum = pounds per year (£250 would be a fortune for a maid)

III. Your third Proposal, Sir, I reject, for the same Reason; and am sorry you could think my poor honest Parents would enter into their Part of it, and be concerned for the Management of an Estate, which would be owing to the Prostitution of their poor Daughter. Forgive, Sir, my Warmth on this Occasion; but you know not the poor Man, and the poor Woman, my ever dear Father and Mother, if you think that they would not much rather chuse to starve in a Ditch, or rot in a noisome Dungeon, than accept of the Fortune of a Monarch, upon such wicked Terms. I dare not say all that my full Mind suggests to me on this grievous Occasion. — But indeed, Sir, you know them not; nor shall the Terrors of Death, in its most frightful Forms, I hope, thro’ God’s assisting Grace, ever make me act unworthy of such poor honest Parents!

‘IV. I will, moreover, extend my Favour to any other of your Relations, that you may think worthy of it, or that are valued by you.

IV. Your fourth Proposal, I take upon me, Sir, to answer as the third. If I have any Friends that want the Favour of the Great, may they ever want it, if they are capable of desiring it on unworthy Terms!

‘V. I will, besides, order Patterns to be sent you for chusing four complete Suits of rich Cloaths, that you may appear with Reputation, as if you was my Wife. And I will give you the two Diamond Rings, and two Pair of Earrings, and Diamond Necklace, that were bought by my Mother, to present to Miss Tomlins, if the Match that was proposed between her and me had been brought to Effect: And I will confer upon you still other Gratuities, as I shall find myself obliged, by your good Behaviour and Affection.

V. Fine Cloaths, Sir, become not me; nor have I any Ambition to wear them. I have greater Pride in my Poverty and Meanness, than I should have in Dress and Finery. Believe me, Sir, I think such things less become the humble-born Pamela, than the Rags your good Mother raised me from. Your Rings, Sir, your Necklace, and your Earrings, will better befit Ladies of Degree, than me: And to lose the best Jewel, my Virtue, would be poorly recompenced by those you propose to give me. What should I think, when I looked upon my Finger, or saw, in the Glass, those Diamonds on my Neck, and in my Ears, but that they were the Price of my Honesty; and that I wore those Jewels outwardly, because I had none inwardly?

‘VI. Now, Pamela, will you see by this, what a Value I set upon the Free-will of a Person already in my Power; and who, if these Proposals are not accepted, shall find, that I have not taken all these Pains, and risqued my Reputation, as I have done, without resolving to gratify my Passion for you, at all Adventures, and if you refuse, without making any Terms at all.

VI. I know, Sir, by woful Experience, that I am in your Power: I know all the Resistance I can make will be poor and weak, and perhaps stand me in little stead: I dread your Will to ruin me is as great as your Power: Yet, Sir, will I dare to tell you, that I will make no Free-will Offering of my Virtue. All that I can do, poor as it is, I will do, to convince you, that your Offers shall have no Part in my Choice; and if I cannot escape the Violence of Man, I hope, by God’s Grace, I shall have nothing to reproach myself, for not doing all in my Power to avoid my Disgrace; and then I can safely appeal to the great God, my only Refuge and Protector, with this Consolation, That my Will bore no Part in my Violation.

‘VII. You shall be Mistress of my Person and Fortune, as much as if the foolish Ceremony had passed. All my Servants shall be yours; and you shall chuse any two Persons to attend yourself, either Male or Female, without any Controul of mine; and if your Conduct be such, that I have Reason to be satisfied with it, I know not (but will not engage for this) that I may, after a Twelvemonth’s Cohabitation, marry you; for if my Love increases for you, as it has done for many Months past, it will be impossible for me to deny you any thing.

‘And now, Pamela, consider well, it is in your Power to oblige me on such Terms, as will make yourself, and all your Friends, happy: But this will be over this very Day, irrevocably over; and you shall find all you would be thought to fear, without the least Benefit arising from it to yourself.

‘And I beg you’ll well weigh the Matter, and comply with my Proposals; and I will instantly set about securing to you the full Effect of them: And let me, if you value yourself, experience a grateful Return on this Occasion; and I’ll forgive all that’s past.’

VII. I have not once dared to look so high, as to such a Proposal as your seventh Article contains. Hence have proceeded all my little, abortive Artifices to escape from the Consinement you have put me in; altho’ you promised to be honourable to me. Your Honour, well I knew, would nor let you stoop to so mean and so unworthy a Slave, as the poor Pamela: All I desire is, to be permitted to return to my native Meanness unviolated. What have I done, Sir, to deserve it should be otherwise? For the obtaining of this, tho’ I would not have marry’d your Chaplain, yet would I have run away with your meanest Servant, if I had thought I could have got safe to my beloved Poverty. I heard you once say, Sir, That a certain great Commander, who could live upon Lentils, might well refuse the Bribes of the greatest Monarch: and, I hope, as I can contentedly live at the meanest Rate, and think not myself above the lowest Condition, that I am also above making an Exchange of my Honesty for all the Riches of the Indies. When I come to be proud and vain of gaudy Apparel, and outside Finery; then, (which, I hope, will never be) may I rest my principal Good in such vain Trinkets, and despise for them the more solid Ornaments of a good Fame, and a Chastity inviolate!

condition = social rank

Give me leave to say Sir, in Answer to what you hint, That you may, in a Twelvemonth’s Time, marry me, on the Continuance of my good Behaviour; that this weighs less with me, if possible, than any thing else you have said. For, in the first Place, there is an End of all Merit, and all good Behaviour, on my Side, if I have now any, the Moment I consent to your Proposals. And I should be so far from expecting such an Honour, that I will pronounce, that I should be most unworthy of it. What, Sir, would the World say, were you to marry your Harlot? — That a Gentleman of your Rank in Life, should stoop, not only to the base-born Pamela, but to a base-born Prostitute? — Little, Sir, as I know of the World, I am not to be caught by a Bait so poorly cover’d as this!

leave = permission

Yet, after all, dreadful is the Thought, that I, a poor, weak, friendless, unhappy Creature, am too fully in your Power! But permit me, Sir, to pray, as I now write, on my bended Knees, That before you resolve upon my Ruin, you will weigh well the Matter. Hitherto, Sir, tho’ you have taken large Strides to this crying Sin, yet are you on this Side the Commission of it — When once it is done, nothing can recal it! And where will be your Triumph? — What Glory will the Spoils of such a weak Enemy yield you? Let me but enjoy my Poverty with Honesty, is all my Prayer; and I will bless you, and pray for you every Moment of my Life! Think; O think! before it is yet too late! what Stings, what Remorse will attend your dying Hour, when you come to reflect, that you have ruin’d, perhaps Soul and Body, a wretched Creature, whose only Pride was her Virtue! And how pleas’d you will be, on the contrary, if in that tremendous Moment you shall be able to acquit yourself of this soul Crime, and to plead in your own Behalf, that you suffer’d the earnest Supplications of an unhappy Wretch to prevail with you to be innocent your self, and let her remain so! — May God Almighty, whose Mercy so lately sav’d you from the Peril of perishing in deep Waters, (on which, I hope, you will give me Cause to congratulate you!) touch your Heart in my Favour, and save you from this Sin, and me from this Ruin! — And to Him do I commit my Cause; and to Him will I give the Glory, and Night and Day pray for you, if I may be permitted to escape this great Evil! — From

Your poor, oppressed, broken-spirited Servant.

suffer’d = allowed

I took a Copy of this for your Perusal, my dear Parents, if I shall ever be so happy to see you again, (for I hope my Conduct will be approved of by you); and at Night, when Sir Simon was gone, he sent for me down. Well, said he, have you considered my Proposals? Yes, Sir, said I, I have. And there is my Answer. But pray let me not see you read it. Is it your Bashfulness, said he, or your Obstinacy, that makes you not chuse I should read it before you?

I offer’d to go away; and he said, Don’t run from me: I won’t read it till you are gone. But, said he, tell me Pamela, whether you comply with my Proposals, or not? Sir, said I, you will see presently; pray don’t hold me; for he took my Hand. Said he, Did you well consider before you answer’d? — I did Sir, said I. If it be not what you think will please me, said he, dear Girl, take it back again, and reconsider it; for if I have this as your absolute Answer, And I don’t like it, you are undone; for I will not sue meanly, where I can command. I fear, said he, it is not what I like, by your Manner. And, let me tell you, That I cannot bear Denial. If the Terms I have offer’d are not sufficient, I will augment them to two Thirds of my Estate; for, said he, and swore a dreadful Oath, I cannot live without you: And since the thing is gone so far, I will not! — And so he clasped me in his Arms, in such a manner as quite frighted me; and kissed me two or three times.

I got from him, and run up Stairs, and went to the Closet, and was quite uneasy and fearful.

In an Hour’s time, he called Mr. Jewkes down to him; and I heard him very high in Passion: And all about poor me! And I heard her say, it was his own Fault; there would be an End of all my Complaining and Perverseness, if he was once resolved; and other most impudent Aggravations. I am resolved not to go to bed this Night, if I can help it — Lie still, lie still, my poor fluttering Heart! — what will become of me!

Almost Twelve o’Clock Saturday Night

He sent Mrs. Jewkes, about Ten o’Clock, to tell me to come to him. Where? said I. I’ll shew you said she. I went down three or four Steps, and saw her making to his Chamber, the Door of which was open: So I said, I cannot go there! — Don’t be foolish, said she; but come; no Harm will be done to you! — Well, said I, if I die, I cannot go there. I heard him say, Let her come, or it shall be worse for her. I can’t bear, said he, to speak to her myself! — Well, said I, I cannot come, indeed I cannot, and so I went up again into my Closet, expecting to be fetch’d by Force.

But she came up soon after, and bid me make haste to-bed: Said I, I will not go to-bed this Night, that’s certain! — Then, said she, you shall be made to come to-bed; and Nan and I will undress you. I knew neither Prayers nor Tears would move this wicked Woman: So, I said, I am sure you will let my Master in, and I shall be undone! Mighty Piece of Undone, she said! But he was too exasperated against me, to be so familiar with me, she would assure me — Ay, said she, you’ll be disposed of another way soon, I can tell you for your Comfort; And I hope your Husband will have your Obedience, tho’ nobody else can have it. No Husband in the World, said I, shall make me do an unjust or base thing. — She said, That would be soon try’d; and Nan coming in, What, said I, am I to have two Bedfellows again, these warm Nights? Yes, said she, Slippery-ones, you are, till you can have one good one instead of us. Said I, Mrs. Jewkes, don’t talk nastily to me. I see you are beginning again; and I shall affront you, may-be; for next to bad Action, are bad Words; for they could not be spoken, if they were not in the Heart — Come to bed. Purity! said she. You are a Nonsuch, I suppose. Indeed, said I, I can’t come to bed; and it will do you no harm to let me sit all Night in the great Chair. Nan, said she, undress my young Lady. If she won’t let you, I’ll help you: And if neither of us can do it quietly, we’ll call my Master to do it for us; tho, said she, I think it an Office worthier of Monsieur Colebrand! — You are very wicked, said I. I know it, said she: I am a Jezebel, and a London Prostitute, you know. You did great Feats, said I, to tell my Master all this poor Stuff! But you did not tell him how you beat me: No, Lambkin, said she, (a Word I had not heard a good while) that I left for you to tell; and you was going to do it, if the Vultur had not taken the Wolf’s Part, and bid the poor innocent Lamb be silent! — Ay, said I, no matter for your Fleers, Mrs. Jewkes; tho’ I can have neither Justice nor Mercy here, and cannot be heard in my Defence, yet a Time will come, may-be, when I shall be heard, and when your own Guilt will strike you dumb — Ay! Spirit! said she! and the Vultur too! Must we both be dumb? Why that, Lambkin, will be pretty! — Then, said the wicked one, you’ll have all the Talk to your self! — Then how will the Tongue of the pretty Lambkin bleat out Innocence, and Virtue, and Honesty, till the whole Trial be at an End! — You’re a wicked Woman, that’s certain, said I; and if you thought any thing of another World, could not talk thus. But no Wonder! — It shews what Hands I am got into! — Ay, so it does, said she; but I beg you’ll undress, and come to-bed, or I believe your Innocence won’t keep you from still worse Hands. I will come to-bed, said I, if you will let me have the Keys in my own Hand; not else, if I can help it. Yes, said she, and then, hey! for another Contrivance, another Escape! — No, no, said I, all my Contrivances are over, I’ll assure you! Pray let me have the Keys, and I will come to bed. She came to me, and took me in her huge Arms, as if I was a Feather; said she, I do this to shew you, what a poor Resistance you can make against me, if I pleased to exert my self; and so, Lambkin, don’t say to your Wolf, I won’t come to bed! — And set me down, and tapped me on the Neck: Ah! said she thou art a pretty Creature, it’s true; but so obstinate! so full of Spirit! If thy Strength was but answerable to that, thou wouldst run away with us all, and this great House too on thy Back!-But undress, undress, I tell you.

contrivance = plotting

Well, said I, I see my Misfortunes make you very merry, and very witty too: But I will love you, if you will humour me with the Keys of the Chamber-doors. — Are you sure you will love me, said she? — Now speak your Conscience! — Why, said I, you must not put it so close; neither would you, if you thought you had not given Reason to doubt it! — But I will love you as well as I can! — I would not tell a wilful Lye: And if I did, you would not believe me, after your hard Usage of me. Well, said she, that’s all fair, I own! — But Nan, pray pull off my young Lady’s Shoes and Stockens. — No, pray don’t, said I; I will come to-bed presently, since I must.

And so I went to the Closet, and scribbled a little about this idle Chit-chat. And she being importunate, I was forced to go to-bed; but with some of my Cloaths on, as the former Night; and she let me hold the two Keys; for there are two Locks, there being a double Door; and so I got a little Sleep that Night, having had none for two or three Nights before.

I can’t imagine what she means; but Nan offer’d to talk a little once or twice; and she snubb’d her, and said, I charge you, Wench, don’t open your Lips before me! And if you are asked any Questions by Mrs. Pamela, don’t answer her one Word, while I am here! — But she is a lordly Woman to to the Maid-servants, and that has always been her Character. O how unlike good Mrs. Jervis in every thing!

Sunday Morning

A Thought came into my Head; I meant no Harm; but it was a little bold. For seeing my Master dressing to go to Church, and his Chariot getting ready, I went to my Closet, and I writ, The Prayers of this Congregation are earnestly desired for a Gentlemen of great Worth and Honour, who labours under a Temptation to exert his great Power to ruin a poor, distressed, worthless Maiden. And also, The Prayers of this Congregation are earnestly desired, by a poor distressed Creature, for the Preservation of her Virtue and Innocence.

Mrs. Jewkes came up; Always writing, said she! and would see it. And strait, all that ever I could say, carry’d it down to my Master. — He look’d upon it, and said, Tell her, she shall soon see how her Prayers are answer’d. She is very bold. But as she has rejected all my Favours, her Reckoning for all, is not far off. I look’d after him, out of the Window, and he was charmingly dress’d: To be sure, he is a handsome fine Gentleman! — What pity his Heart is not as good as his Appearance! Why can’t I hate him? — But don’t be uneasy, if you should see this; for it is impossible I should love him; for his Vices all ugly him over, as I may say.

My Master sends Word, that he shall not come home to Dinner: I suppose he dines with this Sir Simon Darnford. I am much concern’d for poor Mr. Williams. Mrs. Jewkes says, he is confined still, and takes on much. All his Trouble is brought upon him for my sake: This grieves me much. My Master it seems, will have his Money from him. This is very hard; for it is three fifty Pounds, he gave him, as he thought, as a Salary for three Years that he has been with him. But there was no Agreement between them; and he absolutely depended on my Master’s Favour. To be sure, it was the more generous of him to run these Risques for the sake of oppressed Innocence; and I hope he will meet with his Reward in due Time. Alas for me! I dare not plead for him; that would raise my Oppressor’s Jealousy more. And I have not Interest to save myself!

Sunday Evening

Mrs. Jewkes has received a Line from my Master. I wonder what it is; but his Chariot is come home without him. But she will tell me nothing; so it is in vain to ask her. I am so fearful of Plots and Tricks, I know not what to do! — Every thing I suspect; for now my Disgrace is avow’d, what can I think! — To be sure the worst will be attempted! I can only pour out my Soul in Prayer to God, for his blessed Protection. But if I must suffer, let me not be long a mournful Survivor! — Only let me not shorten my own Time sinfully! —

This Woman left upon the Table, in the Chamber, this Letter of my Master’s to her; and I bolted myself in, till I had transcrib’d it. You’ll see how tremblingly by the Lines. I wish poor Mr. Williams’s Release at any Rate; but this Letter makes my Heart ake. Yet I have another Day’s Reprieve, thank God!

Mrs. Jewkes,

‘I Have been so press’d on Williams’s Affair, that I shall set out this Afternoon, in Sir Simon. Chariot, and with Parson Peters, who is his Intercessor, for Stamford; and shall not be back till tomorrow Evening, if then. As to your Ward, I am thoroughly incensed against her. She has with stood her Time; and now, would she sign and seal to my Articles, it is too late. I shall discover something, perhaps, by him, and will, on my Return, let her know, that all her insnaring Loveliness shall not save her from the Fate that awaits her. But let her know nothing of this, lest it put her fruitful Mind upon Plots and Artifices. Besure trust her not without another with you at Night, lest she venture the Window in her foolish Rashness: For I shall require her at your Hands.

Yours, &c.’

discover = reveal

I had but just finished taking a Copy of this, and laid the Letter where I had it, and unbolted the Door, when she came up in a great Fright, for fear I should have seen it; but I being in my Closet, and that lying as she left it, she did not mistrust. O, said she, I was afraid you had seen my Master’s Letter here, which I carelesly lest on the Table. I wish, said I, I had known that. Why sure, said she, if you had, you would not have offered to read my Letters! Indeed, said I, I should, at this time, if it had been in my way: — Do, let me see it. — Well, said she, I wish poor Mr. Williams well off: I understand my Master is gone to make up Matters with him; which is very good. To be sure, added she, he is a very good Gentleman, and very forgiving! — Why, said I, as If I had known nothing of the Matter, how can he make up Matters with him? Is not Mr. Williams at Stamford? Yes, said she, I believe so; but Parson Peters pleads for him, and he is gone with him to Stamford, and will not be back to-night: So, we have nothing to do, but to eat our Suppers betimes, and go to-bed. Ay, that’s pure, said I; and I shall have good Rest, this Night, I hope. So, said she, you might every Night, but for your own idle Fears. You are afraid of your Friends, when none are near you. Ay, that’s true, said I; for I have not one near me.

betimes = early

So have I one more good honest Night before me: What the next may be, I know not; and so I’ll try to take in a good deal of Sleep, while I can be a little easy. Therefore here I say, Good-night, my dear Parents; for I have no more to write about this Night And tho’ his Letter shocks me, yet I will be as brief as I can, that she mayn’t suspect I have seen it.

Tuesday Night

For the future, I will always mistrust most, when Appearances look fairest. O your poor Daughter! what has she not suffer’d since what I wrote of Sunday Night! — My worst Trial, and my fearfullest Danger! O how I shudder to write you an Account of this wicked Interval of Time! For, my dear Parents, will you not be too much frighten’d and affected with my Distress, when I tell you, that his Journey to Stamford was all abominable Pretence? for he came home privately, and had well nigh effected all his vile Purposes, and the Ruin of your poor Daughter; and that by such a Plot as I was not in the least apprehensive of: And Oh! you’ll hear what a vile and unwomanly Part that wicked Wretch, Mrs. Jewkes, acted in it!

apprehensive of = anxious about

I left off with letting you know how much I was pleased, that I had one Night’s Reprieve added to my Honesty. But I had less Occasion to rejoice than ever, as you will judge by what I have said already. Take then the dreadful Story as well as I can relate it.

The Maid Nan is a little apt to drink, if she can get at Liquor; and Mrs. Jewkes happen’d, or design’d, as is too probable, to leave a Bottle of Cherry-brandy in her way, and the Wench drank some of it more than she should; and when she came in to lay the Cloth, Mrs. Jewkes perceiv’d it, and fell a rating at her most sadly; for she has too many Faults of her own, to suffer any of the like sort in any body else, if she can help it; and she bid her get out of her Sight, when we had supp’d, and go to-bed, to sleep off her Liquor, before we came to-bed. And so the poor Maid went muttering up Stairs.

suffer = tolerate

About two Hours after, which was near Eleven o’Clock, Mrs. Jewkes and I went up to go to-bed; I pleasing myself with what a charming Night I should have. We lock’d both Doors, and saw poor Nan, as I thought, (for Oh! ’twas my abominable Master, as you shall hear by-and-by) sitting fast asleep, in an Elbow-chair, in a dark Corner of the Room, with her Apron thrown over her Head and Neck. And Mrs. Jewkes said, There is that Beast of a Wench fast asleep, instead of being a bed! I knew, said she, she had taken a fine Dose. I’ll wake her, said I, No, don’t, said she, let her sleep on; we shall lie better without her. Ay, said I, so we shall; but won’t she get Cold?

Said she, I hope you have no Writing to-night. No, reply’d I, I will go to-bed with you, Mrs Jewkes. Said she, I wonder what you can find to write about so much; and am sure you have better Conveniencies of that kind, and more Paper, than I am aware of; and I had intended to romage you, if my Master had not come down; for I ’spy’d a broken Tea-cup with Ink, which gave me a Suspicion; but as he is come, let him look after you, if he will; and if you deceive him, it will be his own Fault.

All this time we were undressing ourselves. And I fetch’d a deep Sigh! What do you sigh for? said she, I am thinking, Mrs. Jewkes, answer’d I, what a sad Life I live, and how hard is my Lot. I am sure the Thief that has robb’d, is much better off than I, ’bating the Guilt; and I should, I think, take it for a Mercy, to be hang’d out of the way, rather than live in these cruel Apprehensions. So, being not sleepy, and in a prattling Vein, I began to give a little History of myself, as I did once before to Mrs. Jervis; in this manner;

lot = fate
’bating = except for
apprehensions = anxieties
prattling vein = mood to speak about trifles

Here, said I, were my poor honest Parents; they took care to instil good Principles into my Mind, till I was almost twelve Years of Age; and taught me to prefer Goodness and Poverty to the highest Condition of Life; and they confirm’d their Lessons by their own Practice; for they were of late Years remarkably poor, and always as remarkably honest, even to a Proverb; for, As honest as Goodman Andrews, was a Bye-word.

condition = social rank

Well then, said I, comes my late dear good Lady, and takes a Fancy to me, and said, she would be the making of me, if I was a good Girl; and she put me to sing, to dance, to play on the Spinnet, in order to divert her melancholy Hours; and also learnt me all manner of fine Needle-work; but still this was her Lesson, My good Pamela, be virtuous, and keep the Men at a Distance: Well, so I was, I hope, and so I did; and yet, tho’ I say it, they all loved me and respected me; and would do any thing for me, as if I was a Gentlewoman.

spinnet = harpsichord

But then, what comes next? — Why, it pleased God to take my good Lady; and then comes my Master: And what says he? — Why, in Effect, it is, Be Not Virtuous, Pamela.

So here have I lived above sixteen Years in Virtue and Reputation, and, all at once, when I come to know what is Good, and what is Evil, I must renounce all the Good, all the whole Sixteen Years Innocence, which, next to God’s Grace, I owed chiefly to my Parents and my Lady’s good Lessons and Examples; and chuse the Evil; and so, in a Moment’s Time, become the vilest of Creatures! And all this, for what, I pray? Why truly, for a Pair of Diamond Ear-rings, a Necklace, and a Diamond Ring for my Finger; which would not become me: for a few paltry fine Cloaths; which when I wore, it would make but my former Poverty more ridiculous to every body that saw me; especially when they knew the base Terms I wore them upon. But indeed, I was to have a great Parcel of Guineas beside; I forget how many; for had there been ten times more, they would have been not so much to me, as the honest Six Guineas you trick’d me out of, Mrs. Jewkes.

guineas = gold coins

Well, forsooth! but then I was to have I know not how many Pounds a Year for my Life; and my poor Father (there was the Jest of it!) was to be the Manager for the abandon’d Prostitute his Daughter: And then (there was the Jest again!) my kind, forgiving, virtuous Master, would pardon me all my Misdeeds!

Yes, thank him for nothing, truly. And what, pray, are all these violent Misdeeds? — Why, they are for daring to adhere to the good Lessons that were taught me; and not learning a new one, that would have reversed all my former: For not being contented when I was run away with, in order to ruin me; but contriving, if my poor Wits had been able, to get out of Danger, and preserve myself honest.

Then was he once jealous of poor John, tho’ he knew John was his own Creature, and helped to deceive me.

Then was he outrageous against poor Parson Williams; and him has this good, merciful Master thrown into Goal; and for what? Why truly, for that being a Divine, and a good Man, he had the Fear of God before his Eyes, and was willing to forego all his Expectations of Interest, and assist an oppressed poor Creature.

goal = jail
a divine = a pastor forego . . . expectations of interest = give up hopes of promotion

But to be sure, I must be forward, bold, saucy, and what not? to dare to run away from certain Ruin, and to strive to escape from an unjust Confinement; and I must be married to the Parson, nothing so sure!

forward = insolent
saucy = disrespectful

He would have had but a poor Catch of me, had I consented; but he, and you too, know, I did not want to marry any body. I only wanted to go to my poor Parents, and to have my own Liberty, and not to be confined to such an unlawful Restraint; and which would not be inflicted upon me, but only that I am a poor, destitute, young Body, and have no Friend that is able to right me.

So, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, here is my History in brief. And I am a very unhappy young Creature, to be sure! — And why am I so? — Why, because my Master sees something in my Person that takes his present Fancy; and because I would not be undone. — Why therefore, to chuse, I must, and I shall be undone! — And this is all the Reason that can be given!

She heard me run on all this time, while I was undressing, without any Interruption; and I said, Well, I must go to the two Closets, ever since an Affair of the Closet at the other House, tho’ he is so far off. And I have a good mind to wake this poor Maid. No, don’t, said she, I charge you. I am very angry with her, and she’ll get no Harm there; but if she wakes, she may come to-bed well enough, as long as there is a Candle in the Chimney.

So I looked into the Closets,and kneeled down in my own, as I used to do, to say my Prayers, and this with my under Cloaths in my Hand, all undrest; and passed by the poor sleeping Wench, as I thought, in my Return. But, Oh! little did I think, it was my wicked, wicked Master in a Gown and Petticoat of hers, and her Apron over his Face and Shoulders. What Meannesses will not Lucifer make his Votaries stoop to, to gain their abominable Ends!

Mrs. Jewkes, by this time, was got to-bed, on the further Side, as she used to be; and, to make room for the Maid, when she should awake, I got into Bed, and lay close to her. And I said, Where are the Keys? tho’, said I, I am not so much afraid to-night. Here, said the wicked Woman, put your Arm under mine, and you shall find them about my Wrist, as they used to be. So I did, and the abominable Designer held my Hand with her Right-hand, as my Right-arm was under her Left.

In less than a quarter of an Hour, I said, There’s poor Nan awake; I hear her stir. Let us go to sleep, said she, and not mind her: She’ll come to-bed, when she’s quite awake. Poor Soul! said I, I’ll warrant she will have the Head-ach finely tomorrow for it! Be silent, said she, and go to sleep; you keep me awake; and I never found you in so talkative a Humour in my Life. Don’t chide me, said I; I will say but one thing more: Do you think Nan could hear me talk of my Master’s Offers? No, no, said she; she was dead asleep. I’m glad of that, said I; because I would not expose my Master to his common Servants; and I knew you were no Stranger to his fine Articles. Said she, I think they were fine Articles, and you were bewitch’d you did not close in with them: But let us go to sleep. So I was silent; and the pretended Nan (O wicked base, villainous Designer! what a Plot, what an unexpected Plot, was this!) seem’d to be awaking; and Mrs. Jewkes, abhorred Creature! said, Come, Nan! — what, are you awake at last? Pr’ythee come to-bed; for Mrs. Pamela is in a talking Fit, and won’t go to sleep one while.

At that the pretended She came to the Bed side; and sitting down in a Chair, where the Curtain hid her, began to undress. Said I, Poor Mrs. Ann, I warrant your Head aches most sadly! How do you do? — She answer’d not one Word. Said the superlatively wicked Woman, You know I have order’d her not to answer you, And this Plot, to be sure, was laid when she gave her these Orders, the Night before.

I heard her, as I thought, breathe all quick and short: Indeed, said I, Mrs. Jewkes, the poor Maid is not well. What ails you, Mrs. Ann? And still no Answer was made.

But, I tremble to relate it! the pretended She came into Bed; but quiver’d like an Aspen-leaf; and I, poor Fool that I was! pitied her much. — But well might the barbarous Deceiver tremble at his vile Dissimulation, and base Designs.

dissimulation = hypocrisy

What Words shall I find, my dear Mother, (for my Father should not see this shocking Part) to describe the rest, and my Confusion, when the guilty Wretch took my left Arm, and laid it under his Neck, as the vile Procuress held my Right; and then he clasp’d me round my Waist!

procuress = madam in a brothel

Said I, Is the Wench mad! Why, how now, Confidence? thinking still it had been Nan. But he kissed me with frightful Vehemence; and then his Voice broke upon me like a Clap of Thunder. Now, Pamela, said he, is the dreadful Time of Reckoning come, that I have threaten’d. — I scream’d out in such a manner, as never any body heard the like. But there was nobody to help me: And both my Hands were secured, as I said. Sure never poor Soul was in such Agonies as I. Wicked Man! said I; wicked, abominable Woman! O God! my God! this Time, this one Time! deliver me from this Distress! or strike me dead this Moment. And then I scream’d again and again.

Says he, One Word with you, Pamela; one Word hear me but; and hitherto you see I offer nothing to you. Is this nothing, said I, to be in Bed here? To hold my Hands between you? I will hear, if you will instantly leave the Bed, and take this villainous Woman from me!

Said she, (O Disgrace of Womankind!) What you do, Sir, do; don’t stand dilly-dallying. She cannot exclaim worse than she has done. And she’ll be quieter when she knows the worst.

Silence! said he to her; I must say one Word to you, Pamela; it is this: You see, now you are in my Power! — You cannot get from me, nor help yourself: Yet have I not offer’d any thing amiss to you. But if you resolve not to comply with my Proposals, I will not lose this Opportunity: If you do, I will yet leave you.

O Sir, said I, leave me, leave me but, and I will do any thing I ought to do. — Swear then to me, said he, that you will accept my Proposals! — and then (for this was all detestable Grimace) he put his Hand in my Bosom. With Struggling, Fright, Terror, I fainted away quite, and did not come to myself soon; so that they both, from the cold Sweats that I was in, thought me dying — And I remember no more, than that, when, with great Difficulty, they brought me to myself, she was sitting on one side of the Bed, with her Cloaths on; and he on the other with his, and in his Gown and Slippers.

Your poor Pamela cannot answer for the Liberties taken with her in her deplorable State of Death. And when I saw them there, I sat up in my Bed, without any Regard to what Appearance I made, and nothing about my Neck; and he soothing me, with an Aspect of Pity and Concern, I put my Hand to his Mouth, and said, O tell me, yet tell me not, what I have suffer’d in this Distress! And I talked quite wild, and knew not what; for, to be sure, I was on the Point of Distraction.

distraction = insanity

He most solemnly, and with a bitter Imprecation, vow’d, that he had not offer’d the least Indecency; that he was frighten’d at the terrible manner I was taken with the Fit: That he would desist from his Attempt; and begg’d but to see me easy and quiet, and he would leave me directly, and go to his own Bed. O then, said I, take from me this most wicked Woman, this vile Mrs. Jewkes, as an Earnest that I may believe you!

And will you, Sir, said the wicked Wretch, for a Fit or two, give up such an Opportunity as this? — I thought you had known the Sex better. — She is now, you see, quite well again!

the sex = women

This I heard; more she might say; but I fainted away once more, at these Words, and at his clasping his Arms about me again. And when I came a little to myself, I saw him sit there, and the Maid Nan, holding a Smelling-bottle to my Nose, and no Mrs. Jewkes.

smelling bottle = small bottle of smelling salts to wake people who passed out

He said, taking my Hand, Now will I vow to you, my dear Pamela, that I will leave you the Moment I see you better, and pacify’d. Here’s Nan knows, and will tell you, my Concern for you. I vow to God, I have not offered any Indecency to you. And since I found Mrs. Jewkes so offensive to you, I have sent her to the Maid’s Bed, and the Maid shall lie with you to-night. And but promise me that you will compose yourself, and I will leave you. But, said I, will not Nan also hold my Hand? And will not she let you come in again to me? — He said, by Heaven! I will not come in again to-night. Nan, undress yourself, go to-bed, and do all you can to comfort the dear Creature: And now, Pamela, said he, give me but your Hand, and say you forgive me, and I will leave you to your Repose. I held out my trembling Hand, which he vouchsafed to kiss, and I said, God forgive you, Sir, as you have been just in my Distress; and as you will be just to what you promise! And he withdrew, with a Countenance of Remorse, as I hoped; and she shut the Doors, and, at my Request, brought the Keys to-bed.

countenance = appearance

This, O my dear Parents! was a most dreadful Trial. I tremble still to think of it; and dare not recal all the horrid Circumstances of it. I hope, as he assures me, he was not guilty of Indecency; but have Reason to bless God, who, by disabling me in my Faculties, enabled me to preserve my Innocence; and when all my Strength would have signified nothing, magnified himself in my Weakness.

I was so weak all Day on Monday, that I lay a-bed. My Master shew’d great Tenderness for me; and I hope he is really sorry, and that this will be his last Attempt; but he does not say so neither.

shew’d = showed

He came in the Morning, as soon as he heard the Door open: And I began to be fearful. He stopt short of the Bed, and said, Rather than give you Apprehensions, I will come no further. I said, Your Honour, Sir, and your Mercy, is all I have to beg. He sat himself on the Side of the Bed, and asked kindly how I did? — begg’d me to be compos’d; said I still look’d a little wildly. And I said, Pray, good Sir, let me not see this infamous Mrs. Jewkes; I doubt I cannot bear her Sight. She shan’t come near you all this Day, if you’ll promise to compose yourself. Then, Sir, I will try. He pressed my Hand very tenderly, and went out. What a Change does this shew! — O may it be lasting! But alas! he seems only to have alter’d his Method of Proceeding; but retains, I doubt, his wicked Purpose!

apprehensions = anxieties

On Tuesday about Ten o’Clock, when my Master heard I was up, he sent for me down into the Parlour. When I came, he said, Come nearer to me, Pamela. I did so, and he took my Hand, and said, You begin to look well again. I am glad of it. You little Slut, how did you frighten me on Sunday Night! — Sir, said I, pray name not that Night; and my Eyes overflow’d at the Remembrance, and I turn’d my Head aside.

Said he, Place some little Confidence in me: I know what those charming Eyes mean, and you shall not need to explain yourself: For I do assure you, that as soon as I saw you change, and a cold Sweat bedew your pretty Face, and you fainted away, I quitted the Bed, and Mrs. Jewkes did so too. And I put on my Gown, and she fetch’d her Smelling-bottle, and we did all we could to restore you; and my Passion for you was all swallowed up in the Concern I had for your Recovery; for I thought I never saw a Fit so strong and violent in my Life; and fear’d we should not bring you to Life again; for what I saw you in once before, was nothing to it. This, said he, might be my Folly, and my Unacquaintedness with what your Sex can shew when they are in Earnest. But this I repeat to you, that your Mind may be intirely comforted — All I offer’d to you, (and that, I am sure, was innocent) was before you fainted away.

Sir, said I, that was very bad: And it was too plain you had the worst Designs. When, said he, I tell you the Truth in one Instance, you may believe me in the other. I know not, I declare beyond this lovely Bosom, your Sex; but that I did intend what you call the worst, is most certain: And tho’ I would not too much alarm you now, I could curse my Weakness, and my Folly, which makes me own, that I love you beyond all your Sex, and cannot live without you. But, if I am Master of myself, and my own Resolution, I will not attempt to force you to any thing again. Sir, said I, you may easily keep your Resolution, if you will send me out of your way, to my poor Parents; that is all I beg.

’Tis a Folly to talk of it, said he. You must not, shall not go! And if I could be assur’d you would not attempt it, you should have better Usage, and your Confinement should be made easier to you. But to what End, Sir, am I to stay? said I: You yourself seem not sure you can keep your own present good Resolutions; and do you think, if I was to stay, when I could get away, and be safe, it would not look, as if either I confided too much in my own Strength, or would tempt my Ruin? And as if I was not in Earnest to wish myself safe and out of Danger? — And then, how long am I to stay? And to what Purpose? And in what Light must I appear to the World? Would not that censure me, altho’ I might be innocent? And you will allow, Sir, that if there be any thing valuable or exemplary in a good Name, or fair Reputation, one must not despise the World’s Censure, if one can avoid it.

Well, said he, I sent not for you on this Account, just now; but for two Reasons: The first is, that you promise me, that for a Fortnight to come you will not offer to go away without my express Consent; and this I expect for your own sake, that I may give you a little more Liberty. And the second is, That you will see and forgive Mrs. Jewkes: She takes on much, and thinks, that, as all her Fault was her Obedience to me, it would be very hard to sacrifice her, as she calls it, to your Resentment.

As to the first, Sir, said I, it is a hard Injunction, for the Reasons I have mentioned. And as to the second, considering her vile unwomanly Wickedness, and her Endeavours to instigate you more to ruin me, when your returning Goodness seem’d to have some Compassion upon me, it is still harder. But to shew my Obedience to your Commands, (for you know, my dear Parents, I might as well make a Merit of my Compliance, when my Refusal would stand me in no stead) I will consent to both; and to every thing else, that you shall be pleas’d to injoin, which I can do with Innocence.

injoin = require

That’s my good Girl! said he, and kiss’d me. This is quite prudent, and shews me, that you don’t take insolent Advantage of my Favour for you; and will, perhaps, stand you in more stead than you are aware of.

So he rung the Bell, and said, call down Mrs. Jewkes. She came down, and he took my Hand, and put it into hers; and said, Mrs. Jewkes, I am oblig’d to you for all your Diligence and Fidelity to me; but Pamela, I must own, is not; because the Service I employ’d you in was not so very obliging to her, as I could have wish’d she would have thought it; and you were not to favour her, but obey me. But yet I’ll assure you, at the very first Word, she has once obliged me, by consenting to be Friends with you; and, if she gives me no great Cause, I shall not, perhaps, put you on such disagreeable Service again. — Now, therefore, be you once more Bed-fellows and Board-fellows, as I may say, for some Days longer; and see that Pamela sends no Letters nor Messages out of the House, nor keeps a Correspondence unknown to me, especially with that Williams; and, as for the rest, shew the dear Girl all the Respect that is due to one I must love, if she will deserve it, as I hope she will yet; and let her be under no unnecessary or harsh Restraints. But your watchful Care is not, however, to cease: And remember, that you are not to disoblige me, to oblige her; and that I will not, cannot, yet part with her.

Mrs. Jewkes look’d very sullen, and as if she would be glad still to do me a good Turn, if it lay in her Power.

I took Courage then to drop a Word or two for poor Mr. Williams; but he was angry with me for it, and said, he could not endure to hear his Name in my Mouth; so I was forc’d to have done for that time.

All this time my Papers that I had bury’d under the Rose-bush, lay there still; and I begg’d for Leave to send a Letter to you. So I should, he said, if he might read it first. But this did not answer my Design; and yet I would have sent you such a Letter as he might see, if I had been sure my Danger was over. But that I cannot; for he now seems to take another Method, and what I am more afraid of, because, may-be, he may watch an Opportunity, and join Force with it, on Occasion, when I am least prepar’d: For now he seems to abound with Kindness, and talks of Love without Reserve, and makes nothing of allowing himself in the Liberty of kissing me, which he calls innocent; but which I do not like, and especially in the manner he does it: but for a Master to do it at all to a Servant, has Meaning too much in it, not to alarm an honest Body.

leave = permission

Wednesday Morning

I Find I am watched and suspected still very close: and I wish I was with you; but that must not be, it seems, this Fortnight. I don’t like this Fortnight, and it will be a tedious and a dangerous one to me, I doubt.

My Master just now sent for me down to take a Walk with him in the Garden. But I like him not at all, nor his Ways. For he would have all the way his Arm about my Waist, and said abundance of fond Things to me, enough to make me proud, if his Design had not been apparent. After walking about, he led me into a little Alcove, on the further Part of the Garden; and really made me afraid of myself. For he began to be very tiezing, and made me sit on his Knee, and was so often kissing me, that I said, Sir, I don’t like to be here at all, I assure you. Indeed you make me afraid! — And what made me the more so, was what he once said to Mrs. Jewkes, and did not think I heard him, and which, tho’ always uppermost with me, I did not mention before, because I did not know how to bring it in, in my Writing.

She, I suppose, had been encouraging him in his Wickedness; for it was before the last dreadful Trial; and I only heard what he answer’d.

Said he, I will try once more; but I have begun wrong. For I see Terror does but add to her Frost; but she is a charming Girl, and may be thaw’d by Kindness; and I should have melted her by Love, instead of freezing her by Fear.

Is he not a wicked sad Man for this? — To be sure, I blush while I write it. But I trust, that that God who has deliver’d me from the Paw of the Lion and the Bear; that is, his and Mrs. Jewkes’s Violences; will also deliver me from this Philistine, myself, and my own Infirmities, that I may not defy the Commands of the Living God!

But, as I was saying, this Expression coming into my Thoughts, I was of Opinion, I could not be too much on my Guard, at all times; more especially when he took such Liberties: For he professed Honour all the Time with his Mouth, while his Actions did not correspond. I begg’d and pray’d he would let me go; And had I not appear’d quite regardless of all he said, and resolved not to stay, if I could help it, I know not how far he would have proceeded: For I was forced to fall down upon my Knees.

At last he walk’d out with me, still bragging of his Honour, and his Love. Yes, yes, Sir, said I, your Honour is to destroy mine; and your Love is to ruin me, I see it too plainly. But, indeed, I will not walk with you, Sir, said I, any more. Do you know, said he, whom you talk to, and where you are?

You may believe I had Reason to think him not so decent as he should be; for I said, As to where I am, Sir, I know it too well, and that I have no Creature to befriend me: And, as to who you are, Sir, let me ask you, what you would have me answer?

Why tell me, said he, What Answer you would make? It will only make you angry, said I; and so I shall fare worse, if possible. I won’t be angry, said he. Why then, Sir, said I, you cannot be my late good Lady’s Son; for she lov’d me, and taught me Virtue. You cannot then be my Master; for no Master demeans himself so to his poor Servant.

He put his Arm round me, and his other Hand on my Neck; which made me more angry and bold; and he said, What then am I? Why, said I, (struggling from him, and in a great Passion) to be sure you are Lucifer himself in the Shape of my Master, or you could not use me thus. These are too great Liberties, said he, in Anger, and I desire that you will not repeat them, for your own sake: For if you have no Decency towards me, I’ll have none to you.

use = treat

I was running from him; and he said, Come back, when I bid you. — So, knowing every Place was alike dangerous to me, and I had nobody to run to, I came back, at his Call, and seeing him look displeased, I held my Hands together, and wept, and said, Pray, Sir, forgive me. No, said he, rather say, Pray, Lucifer, forgive me; and now, since you take me for the Devil, how can you expect any Good from me? — How, rather, can you expect any thing but the worst Treatment from me? — You have given me a Character, Pamela, and blame me not that I act up to it.

Sir, said I, let me beg you to forgive me. I am really sorry for my Boldness; but indeed you don’t use me like a Gentleman; and how can I express my Resentment, if I mince the Matter, while you are so indecent?

use = treat

Precise Fool! said he, what Indecencies have I offer’d you? — I was bewitch’d I had not gone thro’ my Purpose last Sunday Night; and then your licentious Tongue had not given the worst Name to little puny Freedoms, that shew my Love and my Folly at the same time. But begone, said he, taking my Hand, and tossing it from him, and learn another Conduct, and more Wit; and I will lay aside my foolish Regard for you, and assert myself. Begone, said he, again, with a haughty Air.

Indeed, Sir, said I, I cannot go, till you pardon me, which I beg on my bended Knees. I am truly sorry for my Boldness. — But I see how you go on: You creep by little and little upon me; and now sooth me, and now threaten me; and if I should forbear to shew my Resentment, when you offer Incivilities to me, would not that be to be lost by degrees? Would it not shew, that I could bear any thing from you, if I did not express all the Indignation I could express, at the first Approaches you make to what I dread? And, have you not as good as avow’d my Ruin? — And have you once made me hope, you will quit your Purposes against me? How then, Sir, can I act, but by shewing my Abhorrence of every Step that makes towards my Undoing? And what is left me but Words? — And can these Words be other than such strong ones, as shall shew the Detestation, which, from the Bottom of my Heart, I have for every Attempt upon my Virtue? Judge for me, Sir, and pardon me.

forbear = resist

Pardon you! said he, what! when you don’t repent? — When you have the Boldness to justify yourself in your Fault? Why don’t you say, you never will again offend me? I will endeavour, Sir, said I, always to preserve that Decency towards you which becomes me. But really, Sir, I must beg your Excuse for saying, That when you forget what belongs to Decency in your Actions, and when Words are all that are left me, to shew my Resentment of such Actions, I will not promise to forbear the strongest Expressions that my distressed Mind shall suggest to me; nor shall your angriest Frowns deter me, when my Honesty is in Question.

forbear = give up

What then, said he, do you beg Pardon for? Where is the Promise of Amendment, for which I should forgive you? Indeed, Sir, said I, I own that must absolutely depend on your Usage of me: For I will bear any thing you can inflict upon me with Patience, even to the laying down of my Life, to shew my Obedience to you in other Cases; but I cannot be patient, I cannot be passive, when my Virtue is at Stake! — It would be criminal in me, if I was.

own = admit

He said he never saw such a Fool in his Life! And he walk’d by the Side of me some Yards, without saying a Word, and seem’d vex’d; and, at last walked in, bidding me attend him in the Garden after Dinner. So having a little Time, I went up, and wrote thus far.

vex’d = disturbed

Wednesday Night

IF, my dear Parents, I am not destin’d more surely than ever for Ruin, I have now more Comfort before me, than ever I yet knew: And am either nearer my Happiness, or my Misery, than ever I was. God protect me from the latter, if it be his blessed Will! I have now such a Scence to open to you, that I know will alarm both your Hopes and your Fears, as it does mine. And this it is:

After my Master had din’d, he took a Turn into the Stables, to look at his Stud of Horses; and, when he came in, he open’d the Parlour-door, where Mrs. Jewkes and I sat at Dinner; and, at his Entrance, we both rose up; but he said, Sit still, sit still; and let me see how you eat your Victuals, Pamela. O, said Mrs. Jewkes, very poorly, Sir, I’ll assure you. No, said I, pretty well, Sir, considering. None of your Considerings! said he,Pretty face; and tapp’d me on the Cheek. I blush’d, but was glad he was so good-humour’d; but I could not tell how to sit before him, nor to behave myself. So he said, I know, Pamela, you are a nice Carver: My Mother used to say so. My Lady, Sir, said I, was very good to me, in every thing, and would always make me do the Honours of her Table for her, when she was with her few select Friends that she lov’d. Cut up, said he, that Chicken. I did so. Now, said he, and took a Knife and Fork, and put a Wing upon my Plate, let me see you eat that. O Sir, said I, I have eat a whole Breast of a Chicken already, and cannot eat so much. But he said, I must eat it for his sake, and he would learn me to eat heartily: So I did eat it; but was much confused at his so kind and unusual Freedom and Condescension. And, good Sirs! you can’t imagine how Mrs. Jewkes look’d, and star’d, and how respectful she seem’d to me, and call’d me good Madam, I’ll assure you! urging me to take a little Bit of Tart.

nice = careful, precise
condescension = appropriate behavior to social inferiors

My Master took two or three Turns about the Room, musing and thoughtful, as I had never before seen him; and at last he went out, saying, I am going into the Garden: You know, Pamela, what I said to you before Dinner. I rose and curt’sy’d, saying, I would attend his Honour; and he said. Do, good Girl!

Well, said Mrs. Jewkes, I see how things will go. O Madam, as she call’d me again, I am sure you are to be our Mistress! And then I know what will become of me. Ah! Mrs. Jewkes, said I, if I can but keep myself virtuous, ’tis the most of my Ambition; and, I hope, no Temptation shall make me otherwise.

Nothwithstanding I had no Reason to be pleas’d with his Treatment of me before Dinner, yet I made haste to attend him; and I found him walking by the Side of that Pond, which, for want of Grace, and thro’ a sinful Despondence, had like to have been so fatal to me, and the Sight of which, ever since, has been a Trouble and Reproach to me. And it was by the Side of this Pond, and not far from the Place where I had that dreadful Conflict, that my present Hopes, if I am not to be deceiv’d again, began to dawn; which I presume to flatter myself with being an happy Omen for me, as if God Almighty would shew your poor sinful Daughter, how well I did, to put my Affiance in his Goodness, and not to throw away myself, because my Ruin seem’d inevitable to my short-sighted Apprehension.

want = lack
affiance = faith
apprehension = understanding

So he was pleased to say, Well, Pamela, I am glad you are come of your own Accord, as I may say: Give me your Hand, I did so; and he look’d at me very steadily, and pressing my Hand all the time, at last said, I will now talk to you in a serious manner.

You have a great deal of Wit, a great deal of Penetration, much beyond your Years; and, as I thought, your Opportunities. You are possessed of an open, frank and generous Mind; and a Person so lovely, that you excel all your Sex, in my Eyes. All these Accomplishments have engag’d my Affections so deeply, that as I have often said, I cannot live without you; and I would divide, with all my Soul, my Estate with you, to make you mine upon my own Terms. These you have absolutely rejected; and that, tho’ in saucy Terms enough, yet, in such a manner, as makes me admire you more. Your pretty Chit-chat to Mrs. Jewkes, the last Sunday Night, so innocent, and so full of beautiful Simplicity, half disarmed my Resolutions before I approach’d your Bed. And I see you so watchful over your Virtue, that, tho’ I hop’d to find it otherwise, I cannot but say, my Passion for you is increas’d by it. But now what shall I say further, Pamela? — I will make you, tho’ a Party, my Adviser in this Matter; tho’ not perhaps my definitive Judge.

saucy = disrespectful

You know I am not a very abandon’d Profligate: I have hitherto been guilty of no very enormous or vile Actions. This of seizing you, and confining you thus, may, perhaps, be one of the worst, at least to Persons of real Innocence. Had I been utterly given up to my Passions, I should before now have gratify’d them, and not have shewn that Remorse and Compassion for you, which have repriev’d you more than once, when absolutely in my Power; and you are as inviolate a Virgin as you were when you came into my House.

But, what can I do? Consider the Pride of my Condition, I cannot endure the Thought of Marriage, even with a Person of equal or superior Degree to myself; and have declin’d several Proposals of that kind: How then, with the Distance between us, and in the World’s Judgment, can I think of making you my Wife? — Yet I must have you; I cannot bear the Thoughts of any other Man supplanting me in your Affections. And the very Apprehension of that has made me hate the Name of Williams, and use him in a manner unworthy of my Temper.

condition = social rank
apprehension = worry

Now, Pamela, judge for me; and, since I have told you thus candidly my Mind, and I see yours is big with some important Meaning, by your Eyes, your Blushes, and that sweet Confusion which I behold struggling in your Bosom, tell me with like Openness and Candour, what you think I ought to do, and what you would have me do. —

It is impossible for me to express the Agitations of my Mind on this unexpected Declaration, so contrary to his former Behaviour. His Manner, too, had something so noble, and so sincere, as I thought; that, alas for me! I found I had Need of all my poor Discretion, to ward off the Blow which this Treatment gave to my most guarded Thoughts. I threw myself at his Feet; for I trembled, and could hardly stand: O Sir, said I, spare your poor Servant’s Confusion! O spare the poor Pamela! — Speak out, said he, and tell me what I bid you, What you think I ought to do? I cannot say what you ought to do, answer’d I: But I only beg you will not ruin me; and, if you think me virtuous, if you think me sincerely honest, let me go to my poor Parents. I will vow to you, that I will never suffer myself to be engag’d without your Approbation.

suffer = allow

Still he insisted upon a more explicit Answer to his Question, of what I thought he ought to do. And I said, As to my poor Thoughts, of what you ought to do, I must needs say, that, indeed, I think you ought to regard the World’s Opinion, and avoid doing any thing disgraceful to your Birth and Fortune; and therefore, if you really honour the poor Pamela with your Respect, a little Time, Absence, and the Conversation of worthier Persons of my Sex, will effectually enable you to overcome a Regard so unworthy of your Condition: And this, good Sir, is the best Advice I can offer.

condition = social rank

Charming Creature! lovely Pamela! said he, (with an Ardor, that was never before so agreeable to me) this generous Manner is of a Piece with all the rest of your Conduct. But tell me still more explicitly, what you would advise me to in the Case.

O Sir, said I, take not Advantage of my Credulity, and these my weak Moments; but, were I the first Lady in the Land, instead of the poor abject Pamela, I would, I could tell you. But I can say no more —

O my dear Father and Mother! now I know you will indeed be concern’d for me; — for now I am for myself: — And now I begin to be afraid, I know too well the Reason, why all his hard Trials of me, and my black Apprehensions, would not let me hate him.

apprehensions = anxieties

But be assur’d still, by God’s Grace, that I shall do nothing unworthy of your Pamela; and if I find that he is still capable of deceiving me, and that this Conduct is only put on to delude me more, I shall think nothing in this World so vile and so odious; and nothing, if he be not the worst of his Kind, (as he says, and, I hope, he is not) so desperately guileful as the Heart of Man.

odious = hateful

He generously said, I will spare your Confusion, Pamela. But I hope, I may promise myself, that you can love me preferably to any other Man; and that no one in the World has had any Share in your Affections; for I am very jealous of what I love, and if I thought you had a secret Whispering in your Soul, that had not yet come up to a Wish, for any other Man breathing, I should not forgive myself to persist in my Affection for you; nor you, if you did not frankly acquaint me with it.

As I still continued on my Knees, on the Grass Slope by the Pond-side, he sat himself down on the Grass by me, and took me in his Arms, Why hesitates my Pamela, said he? — Can you not answer me with Truth, as I wish? If you cannot, speak, and I will forgive you.

O, good Sir, said I, it is not that; indeed it is not: But a frightful Word or two that you said to Mrs. Jewkes, when you thought I was not in hearing, comes cross my Mind; and makes me dread, that I am in more Danger than ever I was in my Life.

You have never found me a common Liar, said he, (too fearful and foolish Pamela!) nor will I answer how long I may hold in my present Mind; for my Pride struggles hard within me, I’ll assure you; and if you doubt me, I have no Obligation to your Confidence or Opinion. But at present, I am really sincere in what I say: And I expect you will be so too; and answer directly my Question.

I find Sir, said I, I know not myself; and your Question is of such a Nature, that I only want to tell you what I heard, and to have your kind Answer to it; or else, what I have to say to your Question, may pave the Way to my Ruin, and shew a Weakness that I did not believe was in me.

Well, said he, you may say what you have over-heard; for, in nor answering me directly, you put my Soul upon the Rack; and half the Trouble I have had with you, would have brought to my Arms the finest Lady in England.

O Sir, said I, my Virtue is as dear to me, as if I was of the highest Quality; and my Doubts (for which you know I have had too much Reason) have made me troublesome. But now, Sir, I will tell you what I heard, which has given me great Uneasiness.

You talked to Mrs. Jewkes of having begun wrong with me, in trying to subdue me with Terror, and of Frost, and such-like; — you remember it well: — and that you would, for the future, change your Conduct, and try to melt me, that was your Word, by Kindness.

I fear not, Sir, the Grace of God supporting me, that any Acts of Kindness would make me forget what I owe to my Virtue; but, Sir, I may, I find, be made more miserable by such Acts, than by Terror; because my Nature is too frank and open to make me wish to be ingrateful; and if I should be taught a Lesson I never yet learnt, with what Regret should I descend to the Grave, to think, that I could not hate my Undoer? And, that, at the last great Day, I must stand up as an Accuser of the poor unhappy Soul, that I could wish it in my Power to save!

Exalted Girl, said he, what a Thought is that! — Why now, Pamela, you excel your self! You have given me a Hint that will hold me long. But, sweet Creature, said he, tell me what is this Lesson, which you never yet learnt, and which you are so afraid of learning?

If, Sir, said I, you will again generously spare my Confusion, I need not say it: But this I will say, in Answer to the Question you seem most solicitous about, That I know not the Man breathing that I would wish to be marry’d to, or that ever I thought of with such a Hope. I had brought my Mind so to love Poverty, that I hop’d for nothing but to return to the best, tho’ the poorest, of Parents; and to employ myself in serving God, and comforting them; and you know not, Sir, how you disappointed my Hopes, and my proposed honest Pleasures, when you sent me hither.

hither = to here

Well then, said he, I may promise myself, that neither the Parson, nor any other Man, is any the least secret Motive to your stedfast Refusal of my Offers? Indeed, Sir, said I, you may; and, as you was pleased to ask, I answer, that I have not the least Shadow of a Wish, or Thought, for any Man living.

But, said he; for I am foolishly jealous, and yet it shews my Fondness for you; have you not encourag’d Williams to think you will have him? Indeed, Sir, said I, I have not; but the very contrary. And would you not have had him, said he, if you had got away by his Means? I had resolv’d, Sir, said I, in my Mind otherwise; and he knew it, and the poor Man — I charge you, said he, say not a Word in his Favour! You will excite a Whirlwind in my Soul, if you name him with Kindness, and then you’ll be borne away with the Tempest.

Sir, said I, I have done! — Nay, said he, but do not have done; let me know the whole. If you have any Regard for him, speak out; for, it would end fearfully for you, for me, and for him, if I found, that you disguis’d any Secret of your Soul from me, in this nice Particular.

nice = specific

Sir, said I, if I have ever given you Cause to think me sincere — Say then, said he, interrupting me, with great Vehemence; and taking both my Hands between his, Say, That you now, in the Presence of God, declare, that you have not any the most hidden Regard for Williams, or any other Man.

Sir, said I, I do. As God shall bless me, and preserve my Innocence, I have not. Well, said he, I will believe you, Pamela; and in time, perhaps, I may better bear that Man’s Name. And, if I am convinc’d that you are not prepossess’d, my Vanity makes me assur’d, that I need not to fear a Place in your Esteem, equal, if not preferable to any Man in England. But yet it stings my Pride to the quick, that you was so easily brought, and at such a short Acquaintance, to run away with that College Novice!

O good Sir, said I, may I be heard one Thing, and tho’ I bring upon me your highest Indignation, I will tell you, perhaps the unnecessary and imprudent, but yet, the whole Truth.

My Honesty (I am poor and lowly, and am not intitled to call it Honour) was in Danger. I saw no Means of securing myself from your avow’d Attempts. You had shew’d you would not stick at little Matters; and what, Sir, could any body have thought of my Sincerity, in preferring that to all other Considerations, if I had not escap’d from these Dangers, if I could have found any way for it? — I am not going to say any thing for him; but indeed, indeed, Sir, I was the Cause of putting him upon assisting me in my Escape. I got him to acquaint me, what Gentry there were in the Neighbourhood, that I might fly to; and prevail’d upon him; — Don’t frown at me, good Sir, for I must tell you the whole Truth! — to apply to one Lady Jones; to Lady Darnford; and he was so good to apply to Mr. Peters the Minister: but they all refus’d me; and then it was he let me know, that there was no honourable Way but Marriage. That I declin’d; and he agreed to assist me for God’s sake.

shew’d = shown

Now, said he, you are going — I boldly put my Hand before his Mouth, hardly knowing the Liberty I took; Pray, Sir, said I, don’t be angry; I have just done — I would only say, That rather than have staid to be ruin’d, I would have thrown myself upon the poorest Beggar that ever the World saw, if I thought him honest. — And I hope, when you duly weigh all Matters, you will forgive me, and not think me so bold and so forward as you have been pleas’d to call me.

Well, said he, even in this your last Speech, which, let me tell you, shews more your Honesty of Heart, than your Prudence, you have not overmuch pleas’d me. But I must love you; and that vexes me not a little. But tell me, Pamela; for now the former Question recurs; Since you so much prize your Honour and your Virtue; since all Attempts against that are so odious to you; and, since I have avowedly made several of these Attempts, do you think it is possible for you to love me preferably to any other of my Sex?

vexes = upsets
odious = hateful

Ah! Sir, said I, and here my Doubt recurs, that you may thus graciously use me, to take Advantage of my Credulity.

use = treat

Still perverse and doubting, said he! Cannot you take me as I am at present; and that, I have told you, is sincere and undesigning, whatever I may be hereafter? —

Ah! Sir, reply’d I, what can I say? — I have already said too much, if this dreadful Hereafter should take place. Don’t bid me say how well I can — And then, my Face, glowing as the Fire, I, all abash’d, lean’d upon his Shoulder, to hide my Confusion.

He clasp’d me to him with great Ardour, and said, Hide your dear Face in my Bosom, my beloved Pamela; your innocent Freedoms charm me! — But then say, How well — what?

If you will be good, said I, to your poor Servant, and spare her, I cannot say too much! But if not, I am doubly undone! — Undone indeed!

Said he, I hope my present Temper will hold; for I tell you frankly, that I have known in this agreeable Hour more sincere Pleasure, than I have experienc’d in all the guilty Tumults that my desiring Soul put me into, in the Hopes of possessing you on my own Terms. And, Pamela, you must pray for the Continuance of this Temper; and I hope your Prayers will get the better of my Temptations.

This sweet Goodness overpower’d all my Reserves. I threw myself at his Feet, and embrac’d his Knees: What Pleasure, Sir, you give me, at these gracious Words, is not lent your poor Servant to express! — I shall be too much rewarded for all my Sufferings, if this Goodness hold! God grant it may, for your own Soul’s sake, as well as mine. And Oh! how happy should I be, if —

He stopt me, and said, But, my dear Girl, what must we do about the World, and the World’s Censure? — Indeed, I cannot marry!

Now was I again struck all of a Heap. However, soon recollecting myself, Sir, said I, I have not the Presumption to hope such an Honour. If I may be permitted to return in Peace and Safety to my poor Parents, to pray for you there; it is all I at present request! This, Sir, after all my Apprehensions and Dangers, will be a great Pleasure to me. And, if I know my own poor Heart, I shall wish you happy in a Lady of suitable Degree: And rejoice most sincerely in every Circumstance that shall make for the Happiness of my late good Lady’s most beloved Son!

apprehensions = anxieties

Well, said he, this Conversation, Pamela, is gone farther than I intended it. You need not be afraid, at this rate, of trusting yourself with me: But it is I, that ought to be doubtful of myself, when I am with you. — But, before I say any thing further on this Subject, I will take my proud Heart to Task; and, till then, let every thing be, as if this Conversation had never pass’d. Only, let me tell you, that the more Confidence you place in me, the more you’ll oblige me: But your Doubts will only beget Cause of Doubts. And with this ambiguous Saying, he saluted me in a more formal manner, if I may so say, than before, and lent me his Hand, and so we walk’d towards the House, Side-by-side, he seeming very thoughtful and pensive, as if he had already repented him of his Goodness.

saluted = greeted

What shall I do, what Steps take, if all this be designing! — O the Perplexities of these cruel Doubtings! — To be sure, if he be false, as I may call it, I have gone too far, much too far! — I am ready, on the Apprehension of this, to bite my forward Tongue, (or rather to beat my more forward Heart, that dictated to that poor Machine) for what I have said. But sure, at least, he must be, sincere for the Time! — He could not be such a practised Dissembler! — If he could, O how desperately wicked is the Heart of Man! — And where could he learn all these barbarous Arts? — If so, it must be native surely to the Sex! — But, silent be my rash Censurings; be hush’d, ye stormy Tumults of my disturbed Mind; for have I not a Father who is a Man! — A Man who knows no Guile! who would do no Wrong! — who would not deceive or oppress to gain a Kingdom! — How then can I think it is native to the Sex? And I must also hope my good Lady’s Son cannot be the worst of Men! — If he is, hard the Lot of the excellent Woman that bore him! — But much harder the Hap of your poor Pamela, who has fallen into such Hands! — But yet I will trust in God, and hope the best; and so lay down my tired Pen for this Time.

the sex = women
apprehension = awareness
lot = fate
hap = luck

Vol. 2

Thursday Morning

Somebody rapp’d at our Chamber-door this Morning soon after it was light: Mrs. Jewkes ask’d who it was; my Master said, Open the Door, Mrs. Jewkes! — O, said I, for God’s sake, Mrs. Jewkes, don’t. Indeed, said she, but I must; I clung about her. Then, said I, let me slip on my Cloaths first. But he rapp’d again, and she broke from me; and I was frighted out of my Wits, and folded myself in the Bed-cloaths. He enter’d, and said, What, Pamela, so fearful, after what pass’d yesterday between us! O Sir, Sir, said I, I fear my Prayers have wanted their wish’d Effect. Pray, good Sir, consider — He sat down on the Bed-side, and interrupted me, No need of your foolish Fears; I shall say but a Word or two, and go away.

After you went to Bed, said he, I had an Invitation to a Ball, which is to be this Night at Stamford, on Occasion of a Wedding; and I am going to call on Sir Simon and his Lady, and Daughters; for it is a Relation of theirs: So I shall not be at home till Saturday. I come therefore to caution you, Mrs. Jewkes, before Pamela, (that she may not wonder at being closer confin’d, than for these three or four Days past) that no body sees her, nor delivers any Letter to her in this Space; for a Person has been seen lurking about, and inquiring after her; and I have been well inform’d, that either Mrs. Jervis, or Mr. Longman, has wrote a Letter, with a Design of having it convey’d to her: And, said he, you must know, Pamela, that I have order’d Mr. Longman to give up his Accounts, and have dismiss’d Jonathan, and Mrs. Jervis, since I have been here; for their Behaviour has been intolerable: and they have made such a Breach between my Sister Davers and me that we shall never, perhaps, make up. Now, Pamela, I shall take it kindly in you, if you will confine yourself to your Chamber pretty much for the Time I am absent, and not give Mrs. Jewkes Cause of Trouble or Uneasiness; and the rather, as you know she acts by my Orders.

Alas! Sir, said I, I fear all these good Bodies have suffer’d for my sake! — Why, said he, I believe so too; and there never was a Girl of your Innocence, that set a large Family in such Uproar, surely. — But let that pass. You know both of you my Mind, and in part, the Reason of it. I shall only say, that I have had such a Letter from my Sister, that I could not have expected; and, Pamela, said he, neither you nor I have Reason to thank her, as you shall know, perhaps, at my Return. — I go in my Coach, Mrs. Jewkes, because I take Lady Darnford, and Mr. Peters’s Niece, and one of Lady Darnford’s Daughters; and Sir Simon and his other Daughter go in his Chariot; so let all the Gates be fasten’d, and don’t take any Airing in either of the two Chariots, nor let any body go to the Gate, without you, Mrs. Jewkes. I’ll be sure, said she, to obey your Honour.

I will give Mrs. Jewkes no Trouble, Sir, said I, and will keep pretty much in my Chamber, and not stir so much as into the Garden, without her; to shew you I will obey in every thing I can. But I begin to fear — Ay, said he, more Plots and Contrivances, don’t you? — But I’ll assure you, you never had less Reason; and I tell you the Truth; for I am really going to Stamford, this Time; and upon the Occasion I tell you. And so, Pamela, give me your Hand, and one Kiss, and I am gone.

contrivances = schemes

I durst not refuse, and said, God bless you, Sir, where-ever you go! — But I am sorry for what you tell me about your Servants!

durst = dared

He and Mrs. Jewkes had a little Talk without the Door; and I heard her say, You may depend, Sir, upon my Care and Vigilance.

He went in his Coach, as he said he should, and very richly dress’d; which looks like what he said: But, really, I have had so many Tricks, and Plots, and Surprizes, that I know not what to think. But I mourn for poor Mrs. Jervis. — So here is Parson Williams; here is poor naughty John; here is good Mrs. Jervis, and Mr. Jonathan, turn’d away for me! — Mr. Longman is rich indeed, and so need the less matter it; but I know it will grieve him: And for poor Mr. Jonathan, I am sure it will cut that good old Servant to the Heart. Alas for me! What Mischiefs am I the Occasion of? — Or, rather, my Master, whose Actions by me, have made so many of my good kind Friends forfeit his Favour, for my sake!

I am very sad about these things: If he really loved me, methinks he should not be so angry that his Servants loved me too. — I know not what to think!

Friday Night

I have removed my Papers from under the Rosebush; for I saw the Gardener begin to dig near that Spot; and I was afraid he would find them. Mrs. Jewkes and I were looking yesterday through the Iron Gate that fronted the Elms, and a Gypsey-like Body made up to us, and said; If, Madam, you will give me some broken Victuals, I will tell you both your Fortunes. I said, Let us hear our Fortunes, Mrs. Jewkes; but she said, I don’t like these fort of People; but we will hear what she’ll say to us. I than’t fetch you any Victuals; but I will give you some Pence, said she. But Nan coming out, she said, Fetch some Bread, and some of the cold Meat, and you shall have your Fortune told, Nan.

This, you’ll think, like some of my other Matters, a very trifling thing to write about. But mark the Discovery of a dreadful Plot, which I have made by it. O bless me! what can I think of this naughty, this very naughty Gentleman! — Now will I hate him most heartily. Thus it was:

Mrs. Jewkes had no Suspicion of the Woman, the Iron Gate being lock’d, and she of the Outside, and we on the Inside; and so put her Hand thro’. She said, muttering over a Parcel of cramp Words: Why, Madam, you will marry soon, I can tell you. At that she seem’d pleas’d, and said, I am glad to hear that, and shook her fat Sides with laughing. The Woman look’d most earnestly at me all the Time, and as if she had Meaning. Then it came into my Head, from my Master’s Caution, that possibly this Woman might be employ’d to try to get a Letter into my Hands; and I was resolved to watch all her Motions. So Mrs. Jewkes said, What sort of a Man shall I have, pray? — Why, said she, a Man younger than yourself; and a very good Husband he’ll prove. — I am glad of that, said she, and laugh’d again. Come, Madam, let us hear your Fortune.

The Woman came to me, and took my Hand, O! said she, I cannot tell your Fortune; your Hand is so white and fine, that I cannot see the Lines: But, said she, and stoop’d, and pulled up a little Tuft of Grass, I have a Way for that; and so rubb’d my Hand with the Mould-part of the Tuft: Now, said she, I can see the Lines.

Mrs. Jewkes was very watchful of all her Ways, and took the Tuft, and look’d upon it, lest any thing should be in that. And then the Woman said, Here is the Line of Jupiter crossing the Line of Life; and Mars — Odd, my pretty Mistress, said she, you had best take care of yourself: For you are hard beset, I’ll assure you. You will never be marry’d, I can see; and will die of your first Child. Out upon thee, Woman! said I, better thou hadst never come here.

Said Mrs. Jewkes, whispering, I don’t like this. It looks like a Cheat: Pray, Mrs. Pamela, go in this Moment. So I will, said I; for I have enough of Fortune-telling. And in I went.

The Woman wanted sadly to tell me more; which made Mrs. Jewkes threaten her, suspecting still the more: And away the Woman went, having told Nan her Fortune, that she would be drown’d.

This thing ran strongly in my Head; and we went an Hour after, to see if the was lurking about, and Mr. Colbrand for our Guard; and looking thro’ the Iron Gate, he spy’d a Man sauntring about the middle of the Walk; which filled Mrs. Jewkes with still more Suspicions. But she said, Mr. Colbrand, you and I will walk towards this Fellow, and see what he saunters there for: And, Nan, do you and Madam stay at the Gate.

So they open’d the Iron Gate, and walked down towards the Man; and, guessing the Woman, if employ’d, must mean something by the Tuft of Grass, I cast my Eye that way, whence she pull’d it, and saw more Grass seemingly pull’d up: then I doubted not something was there for me; so I walked to it, and standing over it, said to Nan, That’s a pretty Sort of a wild Flower that grows yonder, near that Elm, the fifth from us on the Left; pray pull it for me. Said she, It is a common Weed. Well, said I, but pull it for me; there are sometimes beautiful Colours in a Weed.

While she went on, I stoop’d, and pull’d up a good Handful of the Grass, and in it a Bit of Paper, which I put instantly in my Bosom, and dropt the Grass; and my Heart went pit-a-pat at the odd Adventure. Said I, Let us go in, Mrs. Ann. No, said she, we must stay till Mrs. Jewkes comes.

I was all Impatience to read this Paper. And when Colbrand and she return’d, I went in. Said she, Certainly there is some Reason for my Master’s Caution; I can make nothing of this sauntring Fellow; but, to be sure, there was some Roguery in the Gypsey. Well, said I, if there was, she lost her Aim, you see! Ay, very true, said she; but that was owing to my Watchfulness; and you was very good to go away when I spoke to you.

I went up Stairs, and, hasting to my Closet, found the Billet to contain, in a Hand that seem’d disguised, and bad Spelling, the following Words:

‘Twenty Contrivances have been thought of to let you know your Danger; but all have prov’d in vain. Your Friends hope it is not yet too late to give you this Caution, if it reaches your Hands. The ’Squire is absolutely determin’d to ruin you. And because he despairs of any other way, he will pretend great Love and Kindness to you, and that he will marry you. You may expect a Parson for this Purpose, in a few Days; but it is a sly artful Fellow of a broken Attorney, that he has hir’d to personate a Minister. The Man has a broad Face, pitted much with the Small-pox, and is a very good Companion. So take care of yourself. Doubt not this Advice. Perhaps you’ll have but too much Reason already to confirm you in the Truth of it. From your zealous Well-wisher,

‘Somebody.’

contrivances = schemes
artful = conniving, deceitful

Now, my dear Father and Mother, what shall we say of this truly diabolical Master! O how shall I find Words to paint my Griefs, and his Deceit! I have as good as confessed I love him; but indeed it was on supposing him good. — This, however, has given him too much Advantage. But now I will break this wicked forward Heart of mine, if it will not be taught to hate him! O what a black, dismal Heart must he have! So here is a Plot to ruin me, and by my own Consent too! — No wonder he did not improve his wicked Opportunities, (which I thought owing to Remorse for his Sin, and Compassion for me) when he had such a Project as this in Reserve! — Here should I have been deluded with the Hopes of a Happiness that my highest Ambition could not have aspired to! — But how dreadful must have been my Lot, when I had found myself an undone Creature, and a guilty Harlot, instead of a lawful Wife? Oh! this is indeed too much, too much for your poor Pamela to support! This is the worse, as I hop’d all the Worst was over; and that I had the Pleasure of beholding a reclaimed Gentleman, and not an abandon’d Libertine. What now must your poor Daughter do! Now all her Hopes are dash’d! And if this fails him, then comes, to be sure, my forcible Disgrace! for this shews he will never leave till he has ruin’d me! — O the wretched, wretched Pamela!

lot = fate

Saturday Noon, One o’Clock

My Master is come home, and, to be sure, has been where he said. So once he has told Truth; and this Matter seems to be gone off without a Plot: No doubt he depends upon his sham, wicked Marriage! He has brought a Gentleman with him to Dinner; and so I have not seen him yet.

Two o’Clock

I am very sorrowful; and still have greater Reason; for just now, as I was in my Closet, opening the Parcel I had hid under the Rose-bush, to see if it was damag’d by lying so long, Mrs. Jewkes came upon me by Surprize, and laid her Hands upon it; for she had been looking thro’ the Key-hole, it seems.

I know not what I shall do! For now he will see all my private Thoughts of him, and all my Secrets, as I may say. What a careless Creature I am! — To be sure I deserve to be punish’d.

You know I had the good Luck, by Mr. Williams’s means, to send you all my Papers down to Sunday Night, the 17th Day of my Imprisonment. But now these Papers contain all my Matters, from that Time, to Wednesday the 27th Day of my Distress. And which, as you may now, perhaps, never see, I will briefly mention the Contents to you.

In these Papers, then, are included, An Account of Mrs. Jewkes’s Arts, to draw me in to approve of Mr. Williams’s Proposal for Marriage; and my refusing to do so; and desiring you not to encourage his Suit to me. Mr. Williams’s being wickedly robbed, and a Visit of hers to him; whereby she discover’d all his Secrets. How I was inclined to get off, while she was gone; but was ridiculously prevented by my foolish Fears, &c. My having the Key of the Back-door. Mrs. Jewkes’s writing to my Master all the Secrets she had discover’d of Mr. Williams; and her Behaviour to me and him upon it. Continuance of my Correspondence with Mr. Williams by the Tiles; begun in the Parcel you had. My Reproaches to him for his revealing himself to Mrs. Jewkes; and his Letter to me in Answer, threatening to expose my Master, if he deceiv’d him; mentioning in it John Arnold’s Correspondence with him; and a Letter which John sent, and was intercepted, as it seems. Of the Correspondence being carried on by a Friend of his at Gainsborough: Of the Horse he was to provide for me, and one for himself. Of what Mr. Williams had own’d to Mrs. Jewkes; and of my discouraging his Proposals. Then it contained a pressing Letter of mine to him, urging my Escape before my Master came; with his half-angry Answer to me. Your good Letter to me, my dear Father, sent to me by Mr. Williams’s Conveyance; in which you would have me encourage Mr. Williams, but leave it to me; and in which, fortunately enough, you take Notice of my being uninclin’d to marry. — My earnest Desire to be with you. The Substance of my Answer to Mr. Williams, expressing more Patience, &c. A dreadful Letter of my Master to Mrs. Jewkes; which, by Mistake, was directed to me; and one to me, directed by like Mistake, to her; and very free Reflections of mine upon both. The Concern I expressed for Mr. Williams’s being taken in, deceived and ruin’d. An Account of Mrs. Jewkes’s glorying in her wicked Fidelity. A sad Description I gave of Monsieur Colbrand, a Person he sent down to assist Mrs. Jewkes in watching me. My Concern for Mr. Williams’s being arrested, and free Reflections on my Master for it. A projected Contrivance of mine, to get away out of the Window, and by the Back-door; and throwing my Petticoat and Handkerchief into the Pond to amuse them, while I got off. An Attempt that had like to have ended very dreadfully for me! My further Concern for Mr. Williams’s Ruin on my Account: And lastly, my over-hearing Mrs. Jewkes brag of her Contrivance to rob Mr. Williams, in order to get at my Papers; which, however, he preserved, and sent safe to you.

own’d = admitted
contrivance = plot

These, down to the Execution of my unfortunate Plot, to escape, are, to the best of my Remembrance, the Contents of the Papers, which this merciless Woman seiz’d: For, how badly I came off, and what follow’d, I still have safe, as I hope, sew’d in my Under-coat, about my Hips. In vain were all my Prayers and Tears to her, to get her not to shew them to my Master. For she said, It had now come out, why I affected to be so much alone; and why I was always writing. And she thought herself happy, she said, she had found these; for often and often had she searched every Place she could think of, for Writings, to no Purpose before. And she hoped, she said, there was nothing in them but what any body might see; for, said she, you know, you are all Innocence! — Insolent Creature, said I; I am sure you are all Guilt! — And so you must do your worst; for now I can’t help myself; and I see there is no Mercy to be expected from you.

Just now, my Master being coming up, she went to him upon the Stairs, and gave him my Papers. There, Sir, said she; you always said Mrs. Pamela was a great Writer; but I never could get at any thing of hers before. He took them, and went down to the Parlour again. And what with the Gypsey Affair, and what with this, I could not think of going down to Dinner; and she told him that too; and so I suppose I shall have him up Stairs, as soon as his Company is gone.

Saturday, Six o’Clock

My Master came up, and, in a pleasanter manner than I expected, said, So, Pamela, we have seized, it seems, your treasonable Papers? Treasonable? said I, very sullenly. Ay, said he, I suppose so; for you are a great Plotter; but I have not read them yet.

Then, Sir, said I, very gravely, it will be truly honourable in you not to read them; but give them to me again. Whom, says he, are they written to? — To my Father, Sir, said I; but I suppose you see to whom. — Indeed, return’d he, I have not read three Lines as yet. Then pray, Sir, said I, don’t read them; but give them to me again. No, that I won’t, said he, till I have read them. Sir, said I, you serv’d me not well in the Letters I used to write formerly; I think it was not worthy your Character to contrive to get them into your Hands, by that false John Arnold; for should such a Gentleman as you, mind what your poor Servant writes? — Yes, said he, by all means, mind what such a Servant as my Pamela writes.

Your Pamela! thought I. Then the sham Marriage came into my Head; and indeed it has not been out of it, since the Gypsey’s Affair. — But, said he, have you any thing in these Papers you would not have me see? To be sure, Sir, said I, there is; for what one writes to one’s Father and Mother is not for every body. Nor, said he, am I every body.

contrive = plan

Those Letters, added he, that I did see by John’s Means, were not to your Disadvantage, I’ll assure you; for they gave me a very high Opinion of your Wit and Innocence: And if I had not loved you, do you think I would have troubled myself about your Letters?

Alas! Sir, said I, great Pride to me that! For they gave you such an Opinion of my Innocence, that you was resolved to ruin me. And what Advantage have they brought me? — Who have been made a Prisoner, and used as I have been between you and your House-keeper?

Why, Pamela, said he, a little serious, why this Behaviour, for my Goodness to you in the Garden? — This is not of a Piece with your Conduct and Softness there, that quite charm’d me in your Favour: And you must not give me Cause to think, that you will be the more insolent, as you find me kinder. Ah! Sir, said I, you know best your own Heart and Designs! But I fear I was too openhearted then; and that you still keep your Resolution to undo me, and have only changed the Form of your Proceedings.

When I tell you once again, said he, a little sternly, that you cannot oblige me more, than by placing some Confidence in me, I will let you know, that these foolish and perverse Doubts are the worst things you can be guilty of. But, said he, I shall possibly account for the Cause of them, in these Papers of yours; for I doubt not you have been sincere to your Father and Mother, tho’ you begin to make me suspect you: For I tell you, perverse Girl, that it is impossible you should be thus cold and insensible, after what last passed in the Garden, if you were not prepossessed in some other Person’s Favour. And let me add, that if I find it so, it shall be attended with such Effects, as will make every Vein in your Heart bleed.

He was going away in Wrath; and I said, One Word, good Sir, one Word, before you read them, since you will read them: Pray make Allowances for all the harsh Reflections that you will find in them, on your own Conduct to me: And remember only, that they were not written for your Sight; and were penn’d by a poor Creature hardly used, and who was in constant Apprehension of receiving from you the worst Treatment that you could inflict upon her.

hardly used = treated harshly
apprehension = anxiety

If that be all, said he, and there be nothing of another Nature, that I cannot forgive, you have no Cause for Uneasiness; for I had as many Instances of your sawcy Reflections upon me in your former Letters, as there were Lines; and yet, you see, I have never upbraided you on that Score; tho’, perhaps, I wished you had been more sparing of your Epithets, and your Freedoms of that Sort.

sawcy = disrespectful

Well, Sir, said I, since you will, you must read them; and I think I have no Reason to be afraid of being found insincere, or having, in any respect, told you a Falsehood; because, tho’ I don’t remember all I wrote, yet I know I wrote my Heart; and that is not deceitful. And remember, Sir, another thing, that I always declared I thought myself right to endeavour to make my Escape from this forced and illegal Restraint; and so you must not be angry that I would have done so, if I could.

I’ll judge you, never fear, said he, as favourably as you deserve; for you have too powerful a Pleader for you within me. And so went down Stairs.

About nine o’Clock he sent for me down in the Parlour. I went a little fearfully; and he held the Papers in his Hand, and said, Now, Pamela, you come upon your Trial. Said I, I hope I have a just Judge to hear my Cause. Ay, said he, and you may hope for a merciful one too, or else I know not what will become of you.

I expect, continu’d he, that you will answer me directly, and plainly, to every Question I shall ask you. — In the first Place, Here are several Love-letters between you and Williams. Love-letters! Sir, said I. — Well, call them what you will, said he, I don’t intirely like them, I’ll assure you, with all the Allowances you desired me to make for you. Do you find, Sir, said I, that I encouraged his Proposal, or do you not? Why, said he, you discourage his Address in Appearance; but no otherwise than all your cunning Sex do to ours, to make us more eager in pursuing you.

Well, Sir, said I, that is your Comment; but it does not appear so in the Text. Smartly said! says he; where a D—l, gottest thou, at these Years, all this Knowledge; and then thou hast a Memory, as I see by your Papers, that nothing escapes it. Alas! Sir, said I, what poor Abilities I have, serve only to make me more miserable! — I have no Pleasure in my Memory, which impresses things upon me, that I could be glad never were, or everlastingly to forget.

D—l = devil

Well, said he, so much for that; but where are the Accounts, (since you have kept so exact a Journal of all that has befallen you) previous to these here in my Hand? My Father has them, Sir, said I. — By whose Means, said he? — By Mr. Williams’s, said I. Well answered, said he. But cannot you contrive to get me a Sight of them? That would be pretty, said I. I wish I could have contrived to have kept those you have from your Sight. Said he, I must see them, Pamela, or I shall never be easy: For I must know how this Correspondence, between you and Williams, begun: And if I can see them, it shall be better for you, if they answer what these give me Hope they will.

contrive = plan

I can tell you, Sir, very faithfully, said I, what the Beginning was; for I was bold enough to be the Beginner. That won’t do, said he; for tho’ this may appear a Punctilio to you; to me it is of high Importance. Sir, said I, if you please to let me go to my Father, I will send them to you by any Messenger you shall send for them. Will you so? said he. But I dare say, if you will write for them, they will send them to you, without the Trouble of such a Journey to yourself. And I beg you will.

I think, Sir, said I, as you have seen all my former Letters, thro’ John’s Baseness, and now these, thro’ your faithful Housekeeper’s officious Watchfulness, you might see all the rest. But I hope you will not desire it, till I can see how much my pleasing you in this Particular, will be of Use to myself.

You must trust to my Honour for that. But tell me, Pamela, said the sly Gentleman, since I have seen these, Would you have voluntarily shewn me those, had they been in your Possession?

I was not aware of his Inference, and said, Yes, truly, Sir, I think I should, if you commanded it. Well, then, Pamela, said he, as I am sure you have found means to continue your Journal, I desire, while the former Part can come, that you will shew me the succeeding? — O, Sir, Sir, said I, have you caught me so! — But indeed you must excuse me there.

Why, said he, tell me truly, Have you not continued your Account till now? Don’t ask me, Sir, said I. But I insist upon your Answer, reply’d he. Why then, Sir, said I, I will not tell an Untruth; I have. — That’s my good Girl! said he. I love Sincerity at my Heart. — In another, Sir, said I, I presume, you mean! — Well, said he, I’ll allow you to be a little witty upon me; because it is in you, and you cannot help it. But you will greatly oblige me, to shew me, voluntarily, what you have written. I long to see the Particulars of your Plot, and your Disappointment, where your Papers leave off. For you have so beautiful a manner, that it is partly that, and partly my Love for you, that has made me desirous of reading all you write; tho’ a great deal of it is against myself; for which you must expect to suffer a little. And as I have furnished you with the Subject, I have a Title to see the Fruits of your Pen. — Besides, said he, there is such a pretty Air of Romance, as you relate them, in your Plots, and my Plots, that I shall be better directed in what manner to wind up the Catastrophe of the pretty Novel.

If I was your Equal, Sir, said I, I should say this is a very provoking way of jeering at the Misfortunes you have brought upon me.

O, said he, the Liberties you have taken with my Character, in your Letters, set us upon a Par, at least, in that respect. Sir, reply’d I, I could not have taken these Liberties, if you had not given me the Cause: And the Cause, Sir, you know, is before the Effect.

, Pamela, said he; you chop Logick very prettily. What the Duce do we Men go to School for? If our Wits were equal to Womens, we might spare much Time and Pains in our Education. For Nature learns your Sex, what, in a long Course of Labour and Study, ours can hardly attain to. — But indeed, every Lady is not a Pamela.

You delight to banter your poor Servant, said I.

Nay, continued he, I believe I must assume to myself half the Merit of your Wit, too; for the innocent Exercises you have had for it from me, have certainly sharpen’d your Invention.

Sir, said I, could I have been without those innocent Exercises, as you are pleased to call them, I should have been glad to have been as dull as a Beetle. But then, Pamela, said he, I should not have lov’d you so well. But then, Sir, reply’d I, I should have been safe, easy, and happy — Ay, may-be so, and may-be not; and the Wife too of some clouterly Plough-boy.

But then, Sir, I should have been content and innocent; and that’s better than being a Princess, and not so. And may-be not, said he; for if you had had that pretty Face, some of us keen Foxhunters should have found you out; and, spite of your romantick Notions, (which then too, perhaps, would not have had such strong Place in your Mind) would have been more happy with the Ploughman’s Wife, than I have been with my Mother’s Pamela. I hope, Sir, said I, God would have given me more Grace.

Well, but, resum’d he, as to these Writings of yours, that follow your fine Plot, I must see them. Indeed, Sir, you must not, if I can help it. Nothing, said he, pleases me better, than that, in all your Arts, Shifts and Stratagems, you have had a great Regard to Truth; and have, in all your little Pieces of Deceit, told very few wilful Fibs. Now I expect you’ll continue this laudable Rule in your Conversation with me. — Let me know then, where you have found Supplies of Pen, Ink, and Paper; when Mrs. Jewkes was so vigilant, and gave you but two Sheets at a Time? — Tell me Truth.

Why, Sir, little did I think I should have such Occasion for them; but, when I went away from your House, I begg’d some of each of good Mr. Longman, who gave me Plenty. Yes, yes, said he, It must be good Mr. Longman! All your Confederates are good, every one of them: But such of my Servants as have done their Duty, and obey’d my Orders, are painted out, by you, as black as Devils; nay, so am I too, for that matter.

Sir, said I, I hope you won’t be angry; but, saving yourself, do you think they are painted worse than they deserve? or worse than the Parts they acted require?

You say, saving myself, Pamela; but is not that Saving a mere Compliment to me, because I am present, and you are in my Hands? Tell me truly. — Good Sir, excuse me; but I fansy I may ask you, Why you should think so, if there was not a little bit of Conscience that told you, there was but too much Reason for it?

fansy = imagine

He kissed me, and said, I must either do thus, or be angry with you; for you are very sawcy, Pamela. — But, with your bewitching Chit-chat, and pretty Impertinence, I will not lose my Question. Where did you hide your Paper, Pens and Ink?

sawcy = disrespectful

Some, Sir, in one Place, some in another; that I might have some left, if others should be found. — That’s a good Girl! said he. I love you for your sweet Veracity. Now tell me where it is you hide your Written-papers, your sawcy Journal? — I must beg your Excuse for that, Sir, said I. But indeed, answer’d he, you will not have it; for I will know, and I will see them! — This is very hard, Sir, said I; but I must say, you shall not, if I can help it.

veracity = truth

We were standing most of this Time; but he then sat down, and took me by both my Hands, and said, Well said, my pretty Pamela, if you can help it: But I will not let you help it. Tell me, Are they in your Pocket? No, Sir, said I, my Heart up at my Mouth. Said he, I know you won’t tell a downright Fib for the World; but for Equivocation! no Jesuit ever went beyond you. Answer me then, Are they in neither of your Pockets? No, Sir, said I. Are they not, said he, about your Stays? No, Sir, reply’d I; but pray, no more Questions: For ask me ever so much, I will not tell you.

O, said he, I have a way for that. I can do as they do abroad, when the Criminals won’t confess; torture them till they do. — But pray, Sir, said I, Is this fair, just or honest? I am no Criminal; and I won’t confess.

abroad = around

O, my Girl. said he, many an innocent Person has been put to the Torture, I’ll assure you. But let me know where they are, and you shall escape the Question, as they call it abroad.

the Question = judicial torture

Sir, said I, the Torture is not used in England; and I hope you won’t bring it up. Admirably said! said the naughty Gentleman. — But I can tell you of as good a Punishment. If a Criminal won’t plead with us here in England, we press him to Death, or till he does plead. And so now, Pamela, that is a Punishment shall certainly be yours, if you won’t tell without.

Tears stood in my Eyes, and I said, This, Sir, is very cruel and barbarous. — No matter, said he, it is but like your Lucifer, you know, in my Shape! And after I have done so many heinous things by you, as you think, you have no great Reason to judge so hardly of this; or, at least, it is but of a Piece with the rest.

But, Sir, said I, (dreadfully afraid he had some Notion they were about me) if you will be obey’d in this unreasonable Matter; tho’ it is sad Tyranny to be sure! — let me go up to them, and read them over again; and you shall see so far as to the End of the sad Story that follows those you have.

I’ll see them all, said he, down to this Time, if you have written so far! — Or at least, till within this Week. — Then let me go up to them, said I, and see what I have written, and to what Day to shew them to you; for you won’t desire to see every thing. But I will, reply’d he. — But say, Pamela, tell me Truth; Are they above? I was more affrighted. He saw my Confusion. Tell me Truth, said he. Why, Sir, answer’d I, I have sometimes hid them under the dry Mould in the Garden; sometimes in one Place, sometimes in another; and those you have in your Hand, were several Days under a Rose-bush, in the Garden. Artful Slut! said he; What’s this to my Question? Are they not about you? — If, said I, I must pluck them out of my Hiding-place, behind the Wainscot, won’t you see me? Still more and more artful! said he. — Is this an Answer to my Question? — I have searched every Place above, and in your Closet, for them, and cannot find them; so I will know where they are. Now, said he, it is my Opinion they are about you; and I never undrest a Girl in my Life; but I will now begin to strip my pretty Pamela; and hope I shall not go far, before I find them.

artful = conniving, deceitful

I fell a crying, and said, I will not be used in this manner. Pray, Sir, said I, (for he began to unpin my Handkerchief) consider! Pray, Sir, do! — And pray, said he, do you consider. For I will see these Papers. But may-be, said he, they are ty’d about your Knees with your Garters, and stooped. Was ever any thing so vile, and so wicked! — I fell on my Knees, and said, What can I do? what can I do? If you’ll let me go up, I’ll fetch them you. Will you, said he, on your Honour, let me see them uncurtail’d, and not offer to make them away; no, not a single Paper? — I will, Sir. — On your Honour? Yes, Sir. And so he let me go up-stairs, crying sadly for Vexation to be so used. Sure nobody was ever so serv’d as I am!

I went to my Closet, and there I sat me down, and could not bear the Thoughts of giving up my Papers. Besides, I must all undress me in a manner to untack them. So I writ thus:

Sir, To expostulate with such an arbitrary Gentleman, I know will signify nothing. And most hardly do you use the Power you so wickedly have got over me. I have Heart enough, Sir, to do a Deed that would make you regret using me thus; and I can hardly bear it, and what I am further to undergo. But a superior Consideration with-holds me; thank God, it does! — I will, however, keep my Word, if you insist upon it when you have read this; but, Sir, let me beg you to give me time till to-morrow Morning, that I may just run them over, and see what I put into your Hands against me. And I will then give my Papers to you, without the least Alteration, or adding or diminishing. But I should beg still to be excused, if you please. But if not, spare them to me, but till to-morrow Morning. And this, so hardly am I used, shall be thought a Favour, which I shall be very thankful for.’

expostulate = argue, complain
using = treating

I guessed it would not be long before I heard from him. And he accordingly sent up Mrs. Jewkes for what I had promised. So I gave her this Note to carry to him. And he sent word, that I must keep my Promise, and he would give me till Morning; but that I must bring them to him without his asking again.

So I took off my Under-coat, and, with great Trouble of Mind, unsew’d them from it. And there is a vast Quantity of it. I will just slightly touch upon the Subject; because I may not, perhaps, get them again for you to see.

They begin with an Account of my attempting to get away, out of the Window, first, and then throwing my Petticoat and Handkerchief into the Pond. How sadly I was disappointed; the Lock of the Back-door being changed. How, in trying to climb over the Door, I tumbled down, and was piteously bruised; the Bricks giving way, and tumbling upon me. How, finding I could not get off, and dreading the hard Usage I should receive, I was so wicked to be tempted to throw myself into the Water. My sad Reflections upon this Matter. How Mrs. Jewkes used me on this Occasion, when she found me. How my Master had like to have been drown’d in Hunting; and my Concern for his Danger, notwithstanding his Usage of me. Mrs. Jewkes’s wicked Reports to frighten me, that I was to be marry’d to an ugly Swiss; who was to sell me on the Wedding-day to my Master. Her vile way of talking to me, like a London Prostitute. My Apprehensions on seeing Preparations made for my Master’s coming. Their causless Fears, that I was trying to get away again, when I had no Thought of it; and my bad Usage upon it. My Master’s dreadful Arrival; and his hard, very hard Treatment of me; and Mrs. Jewkes’s insulting of me. His Jealousy of Mr. Williams and me. How Mrs. Jewkes vilely instigated him to Wickedness. And down to here, I put into one Parcel, hoping that would content him. But for fear it should not, I put into another Parcel the following, viz.

apprehensions = anxieties

A Copy of his Proposals to me, of a great Parcel of Gold, and fine Cloaths and Rings, and an Estate of I can’t tell what a Year; and 50l. a Year for the Life of both of you, my dear Parents, to be his Mistress; with an Insinuation, that, may-be, he would marry me at a Year’s End. All sadly vile; with Threatnings, if I did not comply, that he would ruin me, without allowing me any thing. A Copy of my Answer, refusing all with just Abhorrence. But begging at last his Goodness to me, and Mercy on me, in the most moving manner I could think of. An Account of his angry Behaviour, and Mrs. Jewkes’s wicked Advice hereupon. His trying to get me to his Chamber; and my Refusal to go. A deal of Stuff and Chit-chat between me and the odious Mrs. Jewkes; in which she was very wicked, and very insulting. Two Notes I wrote, as if to be carry’d to Church, to pray for his reclaiming, and my Safety; which Mrs. Jewkes seiz’d, and officiously shew’d him. A Confession of mine, that notwithstanding his bad Usage, I could not hate him. My Concern for Mr. Williams. A horrid Contrivance of my Master’s to ruin me; being in my Room, disguised in Cloaths of the Maid’s, who lay with me and Mrs. Jewkes. How narrowly I escaped, (it makes my Heart ake to think of it still!) by falling into Fits. Mrs. Jewkes’s detestable Part in this sad Affair. How he seem’d mov’d at my Danger, and forbore his abominable Designs; and assur’d me he had offer’d no Indecency. How ill I was for a Day or two after; and how kind he seem’d. How he made me forgive Mrs. Jewkes. How, after this, and great Kindness pretended, he made rude Offers to me in the Garden, which I escaped. How I resented them. Then I had written how kind and how good he behav’d himself to me; and how he pralsed me, and gave me great Hopes of his being good at last. Of the too tender Impression this made upon me; and how I began to be afraid of my own Weakness and Consideration for him, tho’ he had used me so ill. How sadly jealous he was of Mr. Williams; and how I, as I justly could, clear’d myself as to his Doubts on that Score. How, just when he had raised me up to the highest Hope of his Goodness, he dash’d me sadly again, and went off more coldly. My free Reflections upon this trying Occasion.

shew’d = showed
forbore = gave up
contrivance = plan

This brought Matters down from Thursday the 20th Day of my Imprisonment, to Wednesday the 41st.

And there I was resolv’d to end, let what would come; for there is only Thursday, Friday and Saturday, to give an Account of; and Thursday he set out to a Ball at Stamford; and Friday was the Gypsey Story, and this is Saturday, his Return from Stamford. And, truly, I shall have but little Heart to write, if he is to see all.

So these two Parcels of Papers I have got ready for him against to-morrow Morning. To be sure I have always used him very freely in my Writings, and shew’d him no Mercy; but yet he must thank himself for it; for I have only writ Truth; and I wish he had deserv’d a better Character at my hands, as well for his own sake as mine. — So, tho’ I don’t know whether ever you’ll see what I write, I must say, that I will go to-bed, with remembring you in my Prayers, as I always do, and as I know you do me: And so God bless you. Good Night.

shew’d = shown

Sunday Morning

I Remember what he said, of not being obliged to ask again for my Papers; and what I was forced to do, and could not help it, I thought I might as well do, in such a manner as might shew I would not disoblige on purpose. Tho’ I stomach’d this matter very heavily too. I had therefore got in Readiness my two Parcels; and he not going to Church in the Morning, bid Mrs. Jewkes tell me, he was gone into the Garden.

I knew that was for me to go to him; and so I went. For how can I help being at his Beck? which grieves me not a little, tho’ he is my Master, as I may say; for I am so wholly in his Power, that it would do me no good to incense him; and if I refused to obey him in little Matters, my Refusal in greater would have the less Weight. So I went down to the Garden; but as he walked in one Walk, I took another; that I might not seem too forward neither.

He soon ’spy’d me, and said, Do you expect to be courted to come to me? Sir, said I, and cross’d the Walk to attend him, I did not know but I should interrupt you in your Meditations this good Day.

Was that the Case, said he, truly, and from your Heart? Why, Sir, said I, I don’t doubt but you have very good Thoughts sometimes: Tho’ not towards me! — I wish, said he, I could avoid thinking so well of you, as I do. But where are the Papers? — I dare say, you had them about you yesterday; for you say in those I have, that you will bury your Writings in the Garden, for fear you should be search’d, if you did not escape. This, added he, gave me a glorious Pretence to search you; and I have been vexing myself all Night, that I did not strip you, Garment by Garment, till I had found them. O fie, Sir, said I; let me not be scar’d, with hearing that you had such a Thought in earnest.

Well, said he, I hope you have not now the Papers to give me; for I had rather find them myself, I’ll assure you.

I did not like this way of Talk at all; and, thinking it best, not to dwell upon it, I said, Well, but, Sir, you will excuse me, I hope, giving up my Papers.

Don’t trifle with me, said he; Where are they? — I think I was very good to you last Night, to humour you as I did. If you have either added or diminish’d, and have not strictly kept your Promise, woe be to you! Indeed, Sir, said I, I have neither added nor diminish’d. But here is the Parcel, that goes on with my sad Attempt to escape, and the terrible Consequences it had like to have been follow’d with. And it goes down to the naughty Articles you sent me. And, as you know all that has happen’d since, I hope these will satisfy you.

He was going to speak; but I said, to drive him from thinking of any more; And I must beg you, Sir, to read the Matter favourably, if I have exceeded in any Liberties of my Pen.

I think, said he, half-smiling, you may wonder at my Patience, that I can be so easy to read myself abus’d as I am by such a saucy Slut. — Sir, said I, I have wonder’d you should be so desirous to see my bold Stuff; and for that very Reason, I have thought it a very good or a very bad Sign. What, said he, is your good Sign? — That it may not have an unkind Effect upon your Temper, at last, in my Favour, when you see me so sincere. Your bad Sign? Why, that if you can read my Reflections and Observations upon your Treatment of me, with Tranquillity, and not be mov’d, it is a Sign of a very cruel and determin’d Heart. Now, pray Sir, don’t be angry at my Boldness, in telling you so freely my Thoughts. You may, perhaps, said he, be least mistaken when you think of your bad Sign: God forbid! said I.

saucy = disrespectful

So I took out my Papers; and said, Here, Sir, they are. But, if you please to return them, without breaking the Seal, it will be very generous: And I will take it for a great Favour, and a good Omen.

He broke the Seal instantly, and open’d them. So much for your Omen, said he. I am sorry for it, said I; and was walking away. Whither now, said he? Sir, I was going in, that you might have Time to read them, if you thought fit. He put them into his Pocket, and said, You have more than these. Yes, Sir; but all that they contain you know, as well as I. — But I don’t know, said he, the Light you put Things in; and so give them me, if you have not a Mind to be search’d.

whither = to where

Sir, said I, I can’t stay, if you won’t forbear that ugly Word. — Give me then no Reason for it. Where are the other Papers? Why then, unkind Sir, if it must be so, here they are. And so I gave him out of my Pocket the second Parcel, seal’d up, as the former, with this Superscription; From the naughty Articles, down, thro’ sad Attempts, to Thursday the 42d Day of my Imprisonment. This is last Thursday, is it? — Yes, Sir; but now you will see what I write, I will find some other way to employ my Time: For I can neither write so free, nor with any Face, what must be for your Perusal, and not for those I intended to divert with my melancholy Stories.

forbear = stop using
divert = entertain

Yes, said he, I would have you continue your Penmanship by all means; and I assure you, in the Mind I am in, I will not ask you for any after these; except any thing very extraordinary occurs. And I have, added he, another thing to tell you, That if you send for those from your Father, and let me read them, I may very probably give them all back again to you. And so I desire you will do it.

This a little encourages me to continue my Scribbling; but for fear of the worst, I will, when they come to any Bulk, contrive some way to hide them, if I can, that I may protest I have them not about me, which before I could not say of a Truth; and that made him so resolutely bent to try to find them upon me; for which I might have suffer’d frightful Indecencies.

contrive = plan

He led me then to the Side of the Pond; and sitting down on the Slope, made me sit by him. Come, said he, this being the Scene of Part of your Project, and where you so artfully threw in some of your Cloaths, I will just look upon that Part of your Relation. Sir, said I, let me then walk about, at a little Distance, for I cannot bear the Thought of it. Don’t go far, said he.

artfully = in a calculated manner

When he came, as I suppose, to the Place where I mention’d the Bricks falling upon me, he got up, and walk’d to the Door, and look’d upon the broken Part of the Wall; for it had not been mended; and came back, reading on to himself, towards me; and took my Hand, and put it under his Arm.

Why this, said he, my Girl, is a very moving Tale. It was a very desperate Attempt, and had you got out, you might have been in great Danger; for you had a very bad and lonely Way; and I had taken such Measures, that let you have been where you would, I would have had you.

You may see, Sir, said I, what I ventur’d rather than be ruin’d; and you will be so good as hence to judge of the Sincerity of my Professions, that my Honesty is dearer to me than my Life. Romantick Girl! said he, and read on.

He was very serious at my Reflections, on what God enabled me to escape. And when he came to my Reasonings, about throwing myself into the Water, he said, Walk gently before; and seem’d so mov’d, that he turn’d away his Face from me; and I bless’d this good Sign, and began not so much to repent at his seeing this mournful Part of my Story.

He put the Papers in his Pocket, when he had read my Reflections, and Thanks for escaping from myself; and he said, taking me about the Waist, O my dear Girl! you have touch’d me sensibly with your mournful Relation, and your sweet Reflections upon it. I should truly have been very miserable, had it taken Effect. I see you have been us’d too roughly; and it is a Mercy you stood Proof in that fatal Moment.

us’d = treated

Then he most kindly folded me in his Arms; Let us, say I too, my Pamela, walk from this accursed Piece of Water; for I shall not, with Pleasure, look upon it again, to think how near it was to have been fatal to my Fair-one. I thought, said he, of terrifying you to my Will, since I could not move you by Love; and Mrs. Jewkes too well obey’d me, when the Terrors of your Return, after your Disappointment, were so great, that you had hardly Courage to stand them; but had like to have made so fatal a Choice, to escape the Treatment you apprehended.

apprehended = feared

O Sir, said I, I have Reason, I am sure, to bless my dear Parents, and my good Lady, your Mother, for giving me something of a religious Education; for, but for that, and God’s Grace, I should more than upon one Occasion, have attempted, at least, a desperate Act: And I the less wonder how poor Creatures, who have not the Fear of God before their Eyes, and give way to Despondency, cast themselves into Perdition.

Come, kiss me, said he, and tell me you forgive me for rushing you into so much Danger and Distress. If my Mind hold, and I can see those former Papers of yours, and that these in my Pocket give me no Cause to alter my Opinion, J will endeavour to defy the World, and the World’s Censures, and make my Pamela Amends, if it be in the Power of my whole Life, for all the Hardships I have inflicted upon her.

All this look’d well; but you shall see how strangely it was all turn’d. For this Sham-marriage then came into my Mind again; and I said, Your poor Servant is far unworthy of this great Honour; for what will it be, but to create Envy to herself, and Discredit to you? Therefore, Sir, permit me to return to my poor Parents, and that is all I have to ask.

He was in a fearful Passion then. And is it thus, said he, in my fond conceding Moments, that I am to be despis’d, and thus answer’d? — Precise, perverse, unseasonable Pamela, begone from my Sight, and know as well how to behave in a hopeful Prospect, as in a distressful State; and then, and not till then, shalt thou attract the Shadow of my Notice.

I was startled, and going to speak: But he stampt with his Foot, and said, Begone, I tell you. I cannot bear this stupid romantick Folly.

One Word, said I; but one Word, I beseech you, Sir.

He turn’d from me in great Wrath, and took down another Alley, and so I went in with a very heavy Heart; and fear I was too unseasonable, just at a Time, when he was so condescending: But if it was a Piece of Art of his Side, as I apprehended, to introduce the Sham-wedding, (and to be sure he is very full of Stratagem and Art) I think I was not so much to blame.

condescending = well behaved to social inferiors
apprehended = understood

So I went up to my Closet; and wrote thus far, while he walk’d about till Dinner was ready; and he is now sat down to it, as I hear by Mrs. Jewkes, very sullen, thoughtful, and out of Humour; and she asks what I have done to him? — Now again, I dread to see him! — When will my Fears be over? —

Three o’ Clock

Well, he continues exceeding wroth. He has order’d his travelling Chariot to be got ready, with all Speed. What is to come next, I wonder! —

Sure I did not say so much! But see the Lordliness of a high Condition! — A poor Body must not put in a Word when they take it into their Heads to be angry! What a fine Time a Person of unequal Condition would have of it, if even they were to marry such an one! — His poor dear Mother spoil’d him at first. Nobody must speak to him or contradict him, as I have heard, when he was a Child, and so he has not been us’d to be controul’d, and cannot bear the least Thing that crosses his violent Will. This is one of the Blessings of a high Condition! Much good may do them with their Pride of Birth, and Pride of Fortune, say I! — All that it serves for, as far as I can see, is to multiply their Disquiets, and every body’s else that has to do with them.

condition = social rank

So, so! where will this end! — Mrs. Jewkes has been with me from him, and she says, I must get me out of the House this Moment! Well, said I, but where am I to be carry’d next? Why, home, said she, to your Father and Mother. And, can it be, said I! — No, no, I doubt I shall not be so happy as that! — To be sure, some bad Design is on foot again! To be sure it is! — Sure, sure, said I, Mrs. Jewkes, he has not found out some other Housekeeper worse than you! She was very angry, you may well think. But I know she can’t be made worse than she is.

She came up again. Are you ready? said she. Bless me, said I, you are very hasty: I have heard of this not a Quarter of an Hour ago. But I shall be soon ready; for I have but little to take with me and no kind Friends in this House to take Leave of to delay me. Yet, like a Fool, I can’t help crying Pray, said I, just step down, and ask, if I may not have my Papers?

So, I am quite ready now, against she comes up with an Answer; and so I will put up these few Writings in my Bosom, that I have left.

I don’t know what to think — nor how to judge; but I shall ne’er believe I am with you till I am on my Knees before you, begging both your Blessings. Yet I am sorry he is so angry with me! I thought I did not say so much.

There is, I see, the Chariot drawn out, the Horses to, the grim Colbrand going to get a Horse-back. What will be the End of all this!

Monday

Well, where this will end I cannot say. But here I am, at a little poor Village, almost such an one as yours; I shall learn the Name of it by-and-by. And Robin assures me he has Orders to carry me to you, my dear Father and Mother. God send he may say Truth, and not deceive me again. But having nothing else to do, and I am sure I shall not sleep a Wink to-night, if I was to go to bed, I will write my Time away, and take up my Story where I left off, on Sunday Afternoon.

Mrs. Jewkes, came up to me, with this Answer about my Papers. My Master says, he will not read them yet, lest he should be mov’d by any thing in them to alter his Resolution. But, if he shall think it worth while to read them, he will send them to you afterwards to your Father’s. But, said she, here are your Guineas that I borrow’d: For all is over now, I find, with you.

guineas = gold coins

She saw me cry; and said, Do you repent? — Of what, said I? — Nay, I can’t tell, said she; but to he sure he has had a Taste of your satirical Flings, or he would not be so angry. Oh! said she, and held up her Hand, Thou hast a Spirit! — but I hope it will now be brought down. — I hope so too, said I. —

Well, added I, I am ready. She lifted up the Window, and said, I’ll call Robin to take your Portmanteau: Bag and Baggage, said she, I’m glad you’re going! I have no Words, said I, to throw away upon you, Mrs. Jewkes; but, making her a very low Curchee, I most heartily thank you for all your virtuous Civilities to me. And so, adieu; for I’ll have no Portmanteau, I’ll assure you, nor any thing but these few Things that I brought with me in my Handkerchief, besides what I have on. For I had all this Time worn my own bought Cloaths, tho’ my Master would have had it otherwise often; but I had put up Paper, Ink and Pens, however.

portmanteau = luggage for carrying clothing
curchee = curtsy

So down I went, and as I went by the Parlour, she stept in, and said, Sir, you have nothing to say to the Girl before she goes? I heard him say, tho’ I did not see him, Who bid you say the Girl, Mrs. Jewkes, in that Manner? She has offended only me!

I beg your Honour’s Pardon, said the Wretch; but if I was your Honour, she should not, for all the Trouble she has cost you, go away scot-free. No more of this, as I told you before, said he: What! when I have such Proof, that her Virtue is all her Pride, shall I rob her of that? — No, said he, let her go, perverse and foolish as she is; but she deserves to go honest, and she shall go so!

I was so transported with this unexpected Goodness, that I open’d the Door before I knew what I did; and I said, falling on my Knees at the Door, with my Hands folded and lifted up. O thank you, thank your Honour a Million of Times! — May God bless you for this Instance of your Goodness to me! I will pray for you as long as I live, and so shall my dear Father and Mother. And, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, I will pray for you too, poor wicked Wretch that you are!

He turn’d from me, and went into hi; Closet, and shut the Door. He need not have done so; for I would not have gone nearer to him!

Surely I did not say so much to incur all this Displeasure!

I think I was loth to leave the House. Can you believe it? — What could be the Matter with me, I wonder! — I felt something so strange, and my Heart was so lumpish! — I wonder what ail’d me! — But this was so unexpected! — I believe that was all! — Yet I am very strange still. Surely, surely, I cannot be like the old murmuring Israelites, to long after the Onions and Garlick of Egypt, when they had suffer’d there such heavy Bondage? — I’ll take thee, O lumpish, contradictory, ungovernable Heart, to severe Task for this thy strange Impulse, when I get to my dear Father’s and Mother’s; and if I find any thing in thee that should not be, depend upon it, thou shalt be humbled, if strict Abstinence, Prayer and Mortification will do it!

loth = unwilling

But yet, after all, this last Goodness of his has touched me too sensibly. I wish I had not heard it, almost; and yet methinks I am glad I did; for I should rejoice to think the best of him, for his own sake.

Well, and so I went to the Chariot, the same that brought me down. So, Mr. Robert, said I, here I am again! a pure Sporting-piece for the Great! a mere Tennis-ball of Fortune! You have your Orders, I hope! Yes, Madam, said he. Pray now, said I, don’t Madam me, nor stand with your Hat off to such a one as I. Had not my Master, said he, order’d me not to be wanting in Respects to you, I would have shewn you all I could. Well, said I, with my Heart full, That’s very kind, Mr. Robert.

Mr. Colbrand, mounted on Horseback, with Pistols before him, came up to me, as soon as I got in, with his Hat off too. What, Monsieur, said I, are you to go with me? — Part of the Way, he said, to see you safe! I hope that’s kind too in you, Mr. Colbrand, said I.

I had nobody to wave my Handerchief to now, nor to take Leave of; and so I resign’d myself to my Contemplations, with this strange wayward Heart of mine, that I never found so ungovernable and awkward before.

So away drove the Chariot! And when I had got out of the Elm-walk, and into the great Road, I could hardly think but I was in a Dream all the Time. A few Hours before in my Master’s Arms almost, with twenty kind Things said to me, and a generous Concern for the Misfortunes he had brought upon me; and only by one rash half Word exasperated against me, and turn’d out of Doors, at an Hour’s Warning; and all his Kindness changed to Hate! And I now, from Three o’Clock to Five, several Miles off. — But if I am going to you, all will be well again, I hope!

Lack-a-day, what strange Creatures are Men! Gentlemen, I should say rather! For, my dear deserving good Mother, tho’ Poverty be both your Lots, has had a better Hap; and you are, and have always been, blest in one another! — Yet this pleases me too, he was so good, he would not let Mrs. Jewkes speak ill of me; and scorn’d to take her odious unwomanly Advice. O what a black Heart has this poor Wretch! So I need not rail against Men so much; for my Master, bad as I have thought him, is not half so bad as this Woman! — To be sure she must be an Atheist! Do you think she is not? —

rail = ridicule

We could not reach further than this little poor Place, and sad Alehouse, rather than Inn; for it began to be dark, and Robin did not make so much Haste as he might have done: And he was forc’d to make hard Shift for his Horses. Mr. Colbrand and Robert too are very civil. I see he has got my Portmanteau lash’d behind the Coach. I did not desire it; but I shall not come quite empty. A thorough Riddance of me, I see! — Bag and Bag-gage! as Mrs. Jewkes says. Well, my Story surely would furnish out a surprizing kind of Novel, if it was to be well told.

portmanteau = luggage for carrying clothing

Mr. Robert came up to me, just now, and begg’d me to eat something. I thank’d him; but said I could not eat. I bid him ask Mr. Colbrand to walk up; and he came; but neither of them would sit, nor put their Hats on. What Mockado is this to such a poor Soul as I! I ask’d them, if they were at Liberty to tell me the Truth of what they were to do with me? if not, I would not desire it. — They both said, Robin was order’d to carry me to my Father’s. And Mr. Colbrand was to leave me within ten Miles, and then strike off for the other House, and wait till my Master arriv’d there. They both spoke so solemnly, that I cannot but believe them.

But when Robin went down, the other said, he had a Letter to give me next Day, at Noon, when we baited, as we were to do, at Mrs. Jewkes’s Relations, — May I not, said I, beg the Favour to see it to-night? He seem’d so loth to deny me; that I have Hopes, I shall prevail on him by-and-by.

loth = unwilling

Well, my dear Father and Mother, I have, on great Promises of Secrecy, and making no Use of it, got the Letter. I will try if I can open it, without breaking the Seal, and will take a Copy of it, by-and-by: For Robin is in and out; there being hardly any Room in this little House for one to be long alone. Well, this is the Letter.

‘When these Lines are deliver’d to you, you will be far on your Way to your Father and Mother, where you have so long desired to be. And, I hope, I shall forbear thinking of you with the least Shadow of that Fondness my foolish Heart had entertain’d for you. I bear you, however, no Ill-will; but the End of my detaining you being over, I would not that you should tarry with me an Hour more than needed, after the ungenerous Preference you gave against me, at a Time that I was inclined to pass over all other Considerations, for an honourable Address to you; for well I found the Tables intirely turn’d upon me, and that I was in far more Danger from you than you was from me; for I was just upon resolving to defy all the Censures of the World, and to make you my Wife.

forbear = resist

‘I will acknowledge another Truth; That had I not parted with you as I did, but permitted you to stay till I had read your Journal reflecting, as I doubt not I shall find it, and till I had heard your bewitching Pleas in your Behalf, I fear’d I could not trust myself with my own Resolution. And this is the Reason, I frankly own, that I have determin’d not to see you, nor hear you speak; for, well I know my Weakness in your Favour.

‘But I will get the better of this fond Folly. Nay, I hope I have already done it, since it was likely to cost me so dear. And I write this to tell you, that I wish you well with all my Heart, tho’ you have spread such Mischiefs thro’ my Family. — And yet, I cannot but say, that I could wish you would not think of marrying in haste; and particularly that you would not have this cursed Williams. — But what is all this to me now? — Only, my Weakness makes me say, That as I had already look’d upon you as mine; and you have so soon got rid of your first Husband, so you will not refuse, to my Memory, the Decency that every common Person observes, to pay a Twelve-month’s Compliment, tho’ but a mere Compliment, to my Ashes.

‘Your Papers shall be faithfully return’d you, and I have paid so dear for my Curiosity in the Affection they have rivetted upon me for you, that you would look upon yourself amply reveng’d, if you knew what they have cost me.

‘I thought of writing but a few Lines; but I have run into Length. I will now try to recollect my scatter’d Thoughts, and resume my Reason, and shall find Trouble enough to replace my Affairs, and my own Family; and to supply the Chasms you have made in it: For, let me tell you, tho’ I can forgive you, I never can my Sister, nor my Domestics; for my Vengeance must be wreak’d somewhere.

‘I doubt not your Prudence in forbearing to expose me any more than is necessary for your own Justification; and for that, I will suffer myself to be accused by you, and will also accuse myself, if it be needful. For I am, and will ever be,

Your affectionate Well-wisher.’

forbearing = stopping
suffer = allow

This Letter, when I expected some new Plot, has affected me more than any thing of that Sort could have done. For here is plainly his great Value for me confess’d, and his rigorous Behaviour accounted for in such a Manner, as tortures me much. And all this wicked Gypsey Story is, as it seems, a Forgery upon us both, and has quite ruin’d me! For, Oh! my dear Parents, forgive me! but I found to my Grief before, that my Heart was too partial in his Favour; but now, with so much Openness, so much Affection, nay, so much Honour too, (which was all I had before doubted, and kept me on the Reserve)I am quite overcome. This was a Happiness, however, I had no Reason to expect. But to be sure, I must own to you; that I shall never be able to think of any body in the World but him! — Presumption, you will say; and so it is: But Love is not a voluntier Thing: — Love, did I say! — But, come, I hope not! — At least it is not, I hope, gone so far, as to make me very uneasy; for I know not how it came, nor when it begun; but creep, creep it has, like a Thief upon me; and before I knew what was the Matter, it look’d like Love.

I wish, since it is too late, and my Lot determin’d, that I had not had this Letter; nor heard him take my Part to that vile Woman; for then I should have bless’d myself, in having escap’d so happily his designing Arts upon my Virtue; but now, my poor Mind is all topsy-turvy’d, and I have made an Escape, to be more a Prisoner!

lot = fate

But, I hope, since thus it is, that all will be for the best; and I shall, with your prudent Advice, and pious Prayers, be able to overcome this Weakness. — But, to sure, my dear Sir, I will keep a longer Time than a Twelve-month, as a Widow, for a Compliment, and more than a Compliment, to your Ashes! — O the dear Word! — How kind, how moving, how affectionate is that Word! O why was I not a Duchess, to shew my Gratitude for it? but must labour under the Weight of an Obligation, even had this Happiness befallen me, that would have press’d me to Death, and which I never could return by a whole Life of faithful Love, and chearful Obedience.

O forgive your poor Daughter! — I am sorry to find this Trial so sore upon me; and that all the Weakness of my weak Sex, and tender Years, who never before knew what it was to be so touch’d, is rais’d against me, and too mighty to be withstood by me. — But Time, Prayer, and Resignation to God’s Will, and the Benefits of your good Lessons and Examples, I hope, will enable me to get over this so heavy a Trial. — O my treacherous, treacherous Heart! to serve me thus! And give no Notice to me of the Mischiefs thou wast about to bring upon me! But thus foolishly to give thyself up to the proud Invader, without ever consulting thy poor Mistress in the least! But thy Punishment will be the first and the greatest; and well deservest thou to smart, O perfidious Traitor, for giving up so weakly, thy whole Self, before a Summons came, and to one too, who had us’d me so hardly! And when, likewise, thou hadst so well maintain’d thy Post against the most violent and avowed, and therefore, as I thought, more dangerous Attacks.

us’d = treated

After all, I must either not shew you this my Weakness, or tear it out of my Writing — Memorandum, to consider of this, when I get home.

Monday Morning Eleven o’Clock

We are just come in here, to the Relations of Mrs. Jewkes. The first Compliment I had, was, in a very impudent manner, How I liked the ’Squire? — I could not help saying, Bold, forward Woman! Is it for you, who keep an Inn, to treat Passengers at this Rate? She was but in jest, she said, and begg’d Pardon: And she came, and begg’d Excuse again, very submissively, after Robin and Mr. Colbrand had talk’d to her a little.

The latter here, in great Form, gave me, before Robin, the Letter, which I had given him back for that purpose. And I retir’d, as if to read it; and so I did; for I think I can’t read it too often; tho’, for my Peace of Mind sake, I might better try to forget it. I am sorry, methinks, I cannot bring you back a sound Heart; but indeed it is an honest one, as to any body but me; for it has deceived nobody else: Wicked thing as it is!

More and more surprizing Things still! —

Just as I had sat down, to try to eat a bit of Victuals, to get ready to pursue my Journey, came in Mr. Colbrand, in a mighty Hurry. O Madam! Madam! said he, Here be de Groom from de ’Squire B. all over in a Lather, Man and Horse! O how my Heart went pit-a-pat! — What now, thought I, is to come next! He went out, and presently return’d with a Letter for me, and another, inclosed, for Mr. Colbrand. This seem’d odd, and put me all in a Trembling. So I shut the Door; and, never, sure, was the like known! found the following agreeable Contents.

‘In vain, my Pamela, do I find it to struggle against my Affection for you. I must needs, after you were gone, venture to entertain myself with your Journal. When I found Mrs. Jewkes’s bad Usage of you, after your dreadful Temptations and Hurts; and particularly your generous Concern for me, on hearing how narrowly I escaped drowning (tho’ my Death would have been your Freedom, and I had made it your Interest to wish it); and your most agreeable Confession in another Place, that notwithstanding all my hard Usage of you, you could not hate me; and that expressed in so sweet, so soft, and so innocent a manner, that I flatter myself you may be brought to love me, (together with the other Parts of your admirable Journal) I began to repent my parting with you. But, God is my Witness, for no unlawful End, as you would call it; but the very contrary. And the rather, as all this was improv’d in your Favour, by your Behaviour at leaving my House: For, Oh! that melodious Voice praying for me at your Departure, and thanking me for my Rebuke to Mrs. Jewkes, still hangs upon my Ears, and quavers upon my Memory. And tho’ I went to-bed, I could not rest; but about Two got up, and made Thomas get one of the best Horses ready, in order to set out to overtake you, while I sat down to write this to you.

‘Now, my dear Pamela, let me beg of you, on the Receipt of this, to order Robin to drive you back again to my House I would have set out myself, for the Pleasure of bearing you Company back in the Chariot; but am really indisposed: I believe, with Vexation that I should part thus with my Soul’s Delight, as I now find you are, and must be, in spight of the Pride of my own Heart.

‘You cannot imagine the Obligation your Return will lay me under to your Goodness; and yet, if you will not so far favour me, you shall be under no Restraint, as you will see by my Letter inclosed to Colbrand; which I have not sealed, that you may read it. But spare me, my dearest Girl, the Confusion of following you to your Father’s; which I must do, if you persist to go on; for I find I cannot live a Day without you.

‘If you are the generous Pamela I imagine you to be, (for hitherto you have been all Goodness, where it has not been merited) let me see, by this new Instance, the further Excellency of your Disposition; let me see you can forgive the Man who loves you more than himself; let me see by it, that you are not prepossess’d in any other Person’s Favour: And one Instance more I would beg, and then I am all Gratitude; and that is, That you would dispatch Monsieur Colbrand with a Letter to your Father, assuring him, that all will end happily; and that he will send to you, at my House, the Letters you found means, by Williams’s Conveyance, to send him: And when I have all my proud, and, perhaps, punctilious Doubts answer’d, I shall have nothing to do, but to make you happy, and be so my self. For I must be

Yours, and only Yours.

Monday Morn. near three o’Clock’

O my exulting Heart! how it throbs in my Bosom, as if it would reproach me for so lately upbraiding it for giving way to the Love of so dear a Gentleman! — But, take care thou art not too credulous neither, O fond Believer! Things that we wish, are apt to gain a too ready Credence with us. This sham Marriage is not yet clear’d up; Mrs. Jewkes, the vile Mrs. Jewkes! may yet the Mind of this Master: His Pride of Heart, and Pride of Condition, may again take place; and a Man that could, in so little a Space, first love me, then hate me, then banish me his House, and send me away disgracefully; and now send for me again, in such affectionate Terms; may still waver, may still deceive thee. Therefore will I not acquit thee yet, O credulous, fluttering, throbbing Mischief! that art so ready to believe what thou wishest: And I charge thee to keep better Guard than thou hast lately done, and lead me not to follow too implicitly thy flattering and desirable Impulses. Thus foolishly dialogu’d I with my Heart; and yet all the time this Heart is Pamela.

condition = social rank

I open’d the Letter to Monsieur Colbrand; which was in these Words:

Monsieur, I am sure you’ll excuse the Trouble I give you. I have, for good Reasons, changed my Mind; and I have besought it as a Favour, that Mrs. Andrews will return to me the Moment Tom reaches you. I hope, for the Reasons I have given her, she will have the Goodness to oblige me. But if not, you are to order Robin to pursue his Directions, and set her down at her Father’s Door. If the will oblige me in her Return, perhaps she’ll give you a Letter to her Father, for some Papers to be deliver’d to you for her. Which you’ll be so good, in that Case, to bring to her here. But if she will not give you such a Letter, you’ll return with her to me, if she pleases to favour me so far; and that with all Expedition, that her Health and Safety will permit; for I am pretty much indisposed; but hope it will be but slight, and soon go off. I am

Yours, &c.

‘On second Thoughts, let Tom go forward with Mrs. Andrews’s Letter, if she pleases to give one, and you return with her, for her Safety.’

Now this is a dear generous Manner of treating me. O how I love to be generously used! — Now, my dear Parents, I wish I could consult you for your Opinions, how I should act. Should I go back, or should I not? — I doubt he has got too great Hold in my Heart, for me to be easy presently, if I should refuse: And yet this Gypsey Information makes me fearful.

Well, I will, I think, trust in his Generosity! Yet is it not too great a Trust? — especially considering how I have been used! — But then that was while he vow’d his bad Designs; and now he gives great Hope of his good ones. And I may be the means of making many happy, as well as myself, by placing a generous Confidence in him.

And then, I think, he might have sent to Colbrand, and to Robin, to carry me back, whether I would or not. And how different is this Behaviour to that? And would it not look as if I am prepossess’d, as he calls it, if I don’t oblige him; and as if it was a silly female Piece of Pride to make him follow me to my Father’s; and as if I would use him hardly in my Turn, for his having used me ill in his? Upon the whole, I resolved to obey him; and if he uses me ill afterwards, double will be his ungenerous Guilt! — Tho’ hard will be my Lot, to have my Credulity so justly blameable as it will then seem. For, to be sure, the World, the wife World, that never is wrong itself, judges always by Events. And if he should use me ill, then I shall be blamed for trusting him: If well, O then I did right, to be sure! — But how would my Censurers act in my Case, before the Event justifies or condemns the Action, is the Question?

use = treat
lot = fate

Then, I have no Notion of obliging by Halves; but of doing things with a Grace, as one may say, where they are to be done; and so I wrote the desir’d Letter to you, assuring you, that I had before me happier Prospects than ever I yet had; and hoped all would end well. And that I begg’d you would send me, by Mr. Thomas, my Master’s Groom, the Bearer of it, those Papers, which I had sent you by Mr. Williams’s Conveyance: For that they imported me much, for clearing up a Point in my Conduct, that my Master was desirous to know, before he resolved to favour me, as he had intended. — But you will have that Letter, before you can have this; for I would not send you this without the preceding; which now is in my Master’s Hands.

And so, having given the Letter to Mr. Thomas, for him to carry to you, when he had baited and rested, after his great Fatigue, I sent for Monsieur Colbrand and Robin; and gave to the former his Letter; and when he had read it, I said, You see how things stand. I am resolved to return to our Master; and as he is not so well as were to be wished, the more Haste you make, the better: And don’t mind my Fatigue; but consider only yourselves, and the Horses. Robin, who guess’d the matter, by his Conversation with Thomas, (as I suppose) said, God bless you, Madam, and reward you, as your Obligingness to my good Master deserves; and may we all live to see you triumph over Mrs. Jewkes.

I wonder’d to hear him say so; for I was always careful of exposing my Master, or even that naughty Woman, before the common Servants. But yet I question whether Robin would have said this, if he had not guessed, by Thomas’s Message, and my resolving to return, that I might stand well with his Master. So selfish are the Hearts of poor Mortals, that they are ready to change as Favour goes!

So they were not long getting ready; and I am just setting out, back again; and I hope in God, shall have no Reason to repent it.

Robin put on very vehemently; and when we came to the little Town, where we lay on Sunday Night, he gave his Horses a Bait; and said, he would push for his Master’s that Night, as it would be Moon-light, if I should not: be too much fatigu’d; because there was no Place between that and the Town adjacent to his Master’s, fit to put up for the Night. But Monsieur Colbrand’s Horse beginning to give way, made a Doubt between them: Wherefore I said (hating to lie on the Road) If it could be done, I should bear it well enough, I hoped; and that Monsieur Colbrand might leave his Horse, when it fail’d, at some House, and come into the Chariot. This pleased them both; and about twelve Miles short, he left the Horse, and took off his Spurs and Holsters, &c. and, with Abundance of ceremonial Exculses, came into the Chariot; and I sat the easier for it; for my Bones ached sadly with the Jolting, and so many Miles travelling in so few Hours, as I had done, from Sunday Night, Five o’Clock. But, for all this, it was Eleven o’Clock at Night when we came to the Village adjacent to my Master’s; and the Horses began to be very much tired, and Robin too; but I said, It would be pity to put up only three Miles short of the House.

So about One we reach’d the Gate; but every body was a-bed. But one of the Helpers got the Keys from Mrs. Jewkes, and open’d the Gates; and the Horses could hardly crawl into the Stables. And I, when I went to get out of the Chariot, fell down, and thought I had lost the Use of my Limbs.

Mrs. Jewkes came down, with her Cloaths huddled on, and lifted up her Hands and Eyes, at my Return. But shew’d more Care of the Horses than of me. By that time the two Maids came; and I made shift to creep in as well as I could.

shew’d = showed

It seems my poor Master was very ill indeed, and had been upon the Bed most part of the Day; and Abraham (who succeeded Fohn) fat up with him. And he was got into a fine Sleep, and heard not the Coach come in, nor the Noise we made; for his Chamber lay towards the Garden, on the other Side the House. Mrs. Jewkes said, He had a feverish Complaint, and had been blooded; and, very prudently, order’d Abraham, when he awaked, not to tell him I was come, for fear of surprizing him, and augmenting his Fever; nor, indeed, to say any thing of me, till she herself broke it to him in the Morning, as she should see how he was.

So I went to-bed with Mrs. Jewkes, after she had caused me to drink almost half a Pint of burnt Wine, made very rich and cordial, with Spices; which I found very refreshing, and set me into a Sleep I little hoped for.

Tuesday Morning

Getting up pretty early, I have written thus far, while Mrs. Jewkes lies snoring in bed, fetchup her last Night’s Disturbance. I long for her Rising, to know how my poor Master does. ’Tis well for her she can sleep so purely. No Love, but for herself, will never break her Rest, I am sure. I am deadly sore all over, as if I had been soundly beaten. Yet I did not think I could have liv’d under such Fatigue.

Mrs. Jewkes, as soon as she got up, went to know how my Master did, and he had had a good Night; and having drank plentifully of Sack-whey, had sweated much; so that his Fever had abated considerably. She said to him, that he must not be surprized, and she would tell him News. He asked, What? and she said, I was come. He raised himself up in his Bed; Can it be? said he: — What, already! — She told him, I came last Night. Monsieur Colbrand coming to inquire of his Health, he order’d him to draw near him, and was infinitely pleased with the Account he gave him of the Journey; my Readiness to come back, and my Willingness to reach home that Night. And he said, Why, these render Fair-ones, I think, bear Fatigue better than us Men. But she is very good, to give me such an Jnstance of her Readiness to oblige me. Pray, Mrs. Jewkes, said he, take great Care of her Health; and let her lie a-bed all Day. She told him, I had been up these two Hours. Ask her, said he, if she will be so good as to pay me a Visit; if she won’t, I’ll rise, and go to her. Indeed, Sir, said she, you must lie still; and I’ll go to her. But don’t urge her too much, said he, if she be unwilling.

She came to me, and told me all the above; and I said, I would most willingly wait upon him. For indeed I longed to see him, and was much grieved he was so ill. — So I went down with her. Will she come? said he, as I enter’d the Room. Yes, Sir, said she; and she said, at the first Word, Most willingly. Sweet Excellence! said he.

As soon as he saw me, he said, O my beloved Pamela! you have made me quite well. I’m concern’d to return my Acknowledgments to you in so unfit a Place and Manner; but will you give me your Hand? I did, and he kissed it with great Eagerness. Sir, said I, you do me too much Honour! — I am sorry you are ill. — I can’t be ill, said he, while you are with me. I am well already.

Well, said he, and kissed my Hand again, you shall not repent this Goodness. My Heart is too full of it, to express myself as I ought. But I am sorry you have had such a fatiguing Time of it. — Life is no Life without you! If you had refused me, and yet I had hardly Hopes you would oblige me, I should have had a severe Fit of it, I believe; for I was taken very oddly, and knew not what to make of myself: But now I shall be well instantly. You need not, Mrs. Jewkes, added he, send for the Doctor from Stamford, as we talked yesterday; for this lovely Creature is my Doctor, as her Absence was my Diseale.

He begg’d me to sit down by his Bed-side, and asked me, If I had obliged him with sending for my former Pacquet? I said, I had, and hoped it would be brought. He said, It was doubly kind.

I would not stay long, because of disturbing him. And he got up in the Afternoon, and desir’d ray Company; and seem’d quite pleas’d, easy, and much better. He said, Mrs. Jewkes, after this Instance of my good Pamela’s Obligingness in her Return, I am sure we ought to leave her intirely at her own Liberty; and pray, if she pleases to take a Turn in the Chariot, or in the Garden, or to the Town, or where-ever she will, she must be lest at Liberty, and asked no Questions; and do you do all in your Power to oblige her. She said, she would, to be sure.

He took my Hand, and said, One thing I will tell you, Pamela, because I know you will be glad to hear it, and yet not care to ask me, I have taken William’s Bond for the Money; for how the poor Man had behaved, I can’t tell; but he could get no Bail; and if I have no fresh Reason given me, perhaps I shall not exact the Payment; and he has been some time at Liberty; and now follows his School; but, methinks, I could wish you would not see him at present.

Sir, said I, I will not do any thing to disoblige you wilfully; and I am glad he is at Liberty, because I was the Occasion of his Misfortunes. I durst say no more, tho’I wanted to plead for the poor Gentleman; which, in Gratitude, I thought I ought, when I could do him Service. I said, I am sorry, Sir, Lady Davers, who loves you so well, should have incurr’d your Displeasure, and there should be any Variance between your Honour and her. I hope it was not on my Account. He took out of his Waistcoat Pocket, as he fat in his Gown, his Letter-case, and said, Here, Pamela, read that when you go up Stairs, and let me have your Thoughts upon it; and that will let you into the Affair. He said, he was very heavy of a sudden, and would lie down, and indulge for that Day; and if he was better in the Morning, would take an Airing in the Chariot. And so I took my Leave for the present, and went up to my Closet, and read the Letter he was pleased to put into my Hands; and which is as follows:

durst = dared

Brother, I am very uneasy at what I hear of you; and must write, whether it please you or not, my full Mind. I have had some People with me, desiring me to interpose with you; and they have a greater Regard for your Honour, than, I am sorry to say it, you have yourself. Could I think that a Brother of mine would so meanly run away with my late dear Mother’s Waiting-maid, and keep her a Prisoner from all her Friends, and to the Disgrace of your own. But I thought, when you would not let the Wench come to me on my Mother’s Death, that you meant no good. — I blush for you, I’ll assure you. The Girl was an innocent, good Girl; but I suppose that’s over with her now, or soon will. What can you mean by this let me ask you? Either you will have her for a kept Mistress, or for a Wise. If the former; there are enough to be had, without ruining a poor Wench that my Mother lov’d, and who really was a very good Girl; and of this you may be asham’d. As to the other, I dare say, you don’t think of it; but if you should, you would be utterly inexcusable. Consider, Brother, that ours is no up-start Family; but is as ancient as the best in the Kingdom; and, for several Hundreds of Years, it has never been known that the Heirs of it have disgraced themselves by unequal Matches: And you know you have been sought to by some of the first Families in the Nation, for, your Alliance. It might be well enough, if you were descended of a Family of Yesterday, or but a Remove or two from the Dirt you seen so fond, of. But, let me tell you, that I, and all mine, will renounce you for ever, if you can descend so meanly; and I shall be ashamed to be called your Sister. A handsome Gentleman as you are in your Person; so happy in the Gifts of your Mind, that every body courts your Company; and possess’d of such a noble and clear Estate; and very rich in Money besides, left you by the best of Fathers and Mothers, with such ancient Blood in your Veins, untainted! for you to throw away yourself thus, is intolerable; and it would be very wicked in you to ruin the Wench too. So that I beg you will restore her to her Parents, and give her 100 l. or so, to make her happy in some honest Fellow of her own Degree; and that will be doing something, and will also oblige and pacify

‘Your much grieved Sister.

‘If I have written too sharply, consider it is my Love to you, and the Shame you are bringing upon yourself; and I wish this may have the Effect upon you intended by your very loving Sister.’

This is a sad Letter, my dear Father and Mother; and one may see how poor People are despised by the Proud and the Rich; and yet we were all on a foot originally: And many of these Gentlefolks, that brag of their ancient Blood, would be glad to have it as wholsome, and as really untainted, as ours! — Surely these proud People never think what a short Stage Life is; and that, with all their Vanity, a Time is coming, when they shall be obliged to submit to be on a Level with us; and said the Philosopher, when he looked upon the Skull of a King, and that of a poor Man, that he saw no Difference between them. Besides, do they not know, that the richest of Princes, and the poorest of Beggars, are to have one great and tremendous Judge, at the last Day; who will not distinguish between them, according to their Qualities in Life? — But, on the contrary, may make their Condemnations the greater, as their neglected Opportunities were the greater? Poor Souls! how I pity their Pride! — O keep me, gracious God! from their high Condition, if my Mind shall ever be tainted with their Vice! or polluted with so cruel and inconsiderate a Contempt of the humble Estate which they behold with so much Scorn!

condition = social rank
estate = status, rank

But besides, how do these Gentry know, that supposing they could trace back their Ancestry, for one, two, three, or even five hundred Years, that then the original Stems of these poor Families, tho’ they have not kept such elaborate Records of their Good- for-nothingness, as it often proves, were not still deeper rooted? — And how can they be assured, that one hundred Years hence or two, some of those now despised upstart Families, may not revel in their Estates, while their Descendants may be reduced to the other’s Dunghils? — And, perhaps, such is the Vanity, as well as Changeableness of human Estates, in their Turns set up for Pride of Family, and despise the others!

estates = statuses, ranks

These Reflections occurr’d to my Thoughts, made serious by my Master’s Indisposition, and this proud Letter, of the lowly Lady Davers, against the high-minded Pamela. Lowly, I say, because she could stoop to such vain Pride; and high-minded I, because I hope I am too proud ever to do the like! — But, after all, poor Wretches that we be! we scarce know what we are, much less what we shall be! — But, once more, pray I, to be kept from the sinful Pride of a high Estate!

On this Occasion I recall the following Lines, which I have read; where the Poet argues in a much better manner.

———— Wise Providence
Does various Parts for various Minds dispense;
The meanest Slaves, or those who hedge and ditch,
Are useful, by their Sweat, to feed the Rich.
The Rich, in due Return, impart their Store;
Which comfortably feeds the lab’ring Poor.
Nor let the Rich the lowest Slave disdain,
He’s equally a Link of Nature’s Chain;
Labours to the same End, joins in one View;
And both alike the Will divine pursue:
And, at the last, are levell’d, King and Slave,
Without Distinction, in the silent Grave.

Wednesday Morning

My Master sent me a Message just now, that he was so much better, that he would take a Turn after Breakfast, in the Chariot, and would have me give him my Company! I hope I shall know how to be humble, and comport myself as I should do under all these Favours.

Mrs. Jewkes is one of the most obliging Creatures in the World; and I have such Respects shewn my be every one, as if I was as great as Lady Davers. — But now, if this should all end in the Sham-marriage! — It cannot be, I hope. Yet the Pride of Greatness and Ancestry, and such-like, is so strongly set out in Lady Davers’s Letter, that I cannot flatter myself to be so happy as all these desirable Appearances make for me. Should I be now deceived, I should be worse off than ever. But I shall see what Light this new Honour will procure me! — So I’ll get ready. But I won’t, I think, change my Garb. Should I do it, it would look as if I would be nearer on a Level with him: And yet, should I not, it may be thought a Disgrace to him; but I will, I think, open the Portmanteau, and, for the first time, since I came hither, put on my best Silk Night-gown. But then that will be making myself a sort of Right to the Cloaths I had renounced; and I am not yet quite sure I shall have no other Crosses to encounter. So I will go as I am; for tho’ ordinary, I am as clean as a Penny, tho’ I say it. So I’ll e’en go as I am, except he orders otherwise. Yet Mrs. Jewkes says, I ought to dress as fine as I can! — But I say, I think not. As my Master is up, and a Breakfast, I will venture down to ask him how he will have me be. —

portmanteau = luggage for carrying clothing
hither = to here

Well, he is kinder and kinder, and thank God, purely recover’d! — How charmingly he looks, to what he did Yesterday! Blessed be God for it!

He arose and came to me, and took me by the Hand, and would set me down by him; and he said, My charming Girl seem’d going to speak. What would you say? — Sir, said I, (a little asham’d) I think it is too great an Honour to go into the Chariot with you! No, my dear Pamela, said he; the Pleasure of your Company will be greater than the Honour of mine; and so say no more on that Head.

But, Sir, said I, I shall disgrace you to go thus. You will grace a Prince, my Fair-one, said the good kind, kind Gentleman! in that Dress, or any you shall chuse. And you look so pretty, that if you shall not catch Cold, in that round-ear’d Cap, you shall go just as you are. But, Sir, said I, then you’ll be pleased to go a By-way, that it mayn’t be seen you do so much Honour to your Servant. O my good Girl, said he, I doubt you are afraid of yourself being talk’d of, more than me. For I hope, by degrees, to take off the World’s Wonder, and teach them to expect what is to follow, as a Due to my Pamela.

O the dear good Man! There’s for you, my dear Father and Mother! — Did I not do well now to come back! — O could I get rid of my Fears of this Sham-marriage, (for all this is not yet inconsistent with that frightful Scheme) I should be too happy!

So I came up, with great Pleasure, for my Gloves; and now wait his kind Commands. Dear, dear Sir! said I to myself, as if I was speaking to him, for God’s sake let me have no more Trials and Reverses; for I could not bear it now, I verily think!

At last the welcome Message came, that my Master was ready; and so I went down as fast as I could; and he, before all the Servants, handed me in, as if I was a Lady; and then came in himself. Mrs. Jewkes begg’d he would take care he did not catch Cold, as he had been ill. And I had the Pride to hear his new Coachman say, to one of his Fellow-servants, They are a charming Pair, I am sure! ’tis pity they should be parted! — O my dear Father and Mother! I fear your Girl will grow as proud as any thing! And especially you will think I have Reason to guard against it, when you read the kind Particulars I am going to relate.

He order’d Dinner to be ready by Two; and Abraham, who succeeds Fohn, went behind the Coach. He did Robin drive gently, and told me, he wanted to talk to me about his Sister Davers, and other Matters. Indeed, at first setting out, he kissed me a little too often, that he did; and I was afraid of Robin’s looking back, thro’ the Fore-glass, and People seeing us as they passed; but he was exceedingly kind to me, in his Words, as well. At last, he said,

You have, I doubt not, read, over and over, my Sister’s sawcy Letter; and find, as I told you, that you are no more obliged to her than I am. You see she intimates that some People had been with her; and who should they be but the officious Mrs. Jervis, and Mr. Longman, and Jonathan! And so that had made me take the Measures I did in dismissing them my Service. — I see, sald he, you are going to speak on their Behalfs; but your Time is not come to do that, if ever I shall permit it.

sawcy = disrespectful

My Sister, says he, I have been beforehand with; for I have renounced her. I am sure I have been a kind Brother to her; and gave her to the Value of 3000l. more than her Share came to by my Father’s Will, when I enter’d upon my Estate. And the Woman, surely, was beside herself with Passion and Insolence, when the wrote me such a Letter; for well she knew I would not bear it. But you must know, Pamela, that she is much incensed, that I will give no Ear to a Proposal of hers, of a Daughter of my Lord — who, said he, neither in Person or Mind, or Acquirements, even with all her Opportunities, is to be named in a Day with my Pamela. But yet you see the Plea, my Girl, which I made to you before, of this Pride of Condition, and the World’s Censure, which, I own, sticks a little too close with me still. For a Woman shines not forth to the Publick as a Man; and the World sees not your Excellencies and Perfections: If it did, I should intirely stand acquitted by the severest Censurers. But it will be taken in the Lump; that here is Mr. B——, with such and such an Estate, has married his Mother’s Waiting-maid; not considering there is not a Lady in the Kingdom that can outdo her, or better support the Condition to which she will be raised, if I should marry her. And, said he, putting his Arm round me, and again kissing me, I pity my dear Girl too, for her Part in this Censure; for, here will she have to combat the Pride and Slights of the neighbouring Gentry all around us. Sister Davers, you see, will never be reconciled to you. The other Ladies will not visit you; and you will, with a Merit transcending them all, be treated as if unworthy their Notice. Should I now marry my Pamela, how will my Girl relish all this? Won’t these be cutting things to my Fair-one? For, as to me, I shall have nothing to do, but, with a good Estate in Possession, to brazen out the Matter, of my former Jokes on this Subject, with my Companions of the Chace, the Green, and the Assemblee; stand their rude Jests for once or twice, and my Fortune will create me always Respect enough, I warrant you. But I say, what will my poor Girl do, as to her Part, with her own Sex? For some Company you must keep. My Station will not admit it to be with my common Servants; and the Ladies will fly your Acquaintance; and still, tho’ my Wife, will treat you as my Mother’s Waiting-maid. — What says my Girl to this?

station = social class

You may well guess, my dear Father and Mother, how transporting these kind, these generous and condescending Sentiments were to me! — I thought I had the Harmony of the Spheres all around me; and every Word that dropt from his Lips, was as sweet as the Honey of Hybla to me. — Oh! Sir, said I, how inexpressibly kind and good is all this! Your poor Servant has a much greater Struggle than this to go thro’, a more knotty Difficulty to overcome.

condescending = appropriate to social inferiors

What is that? said he, a little impatiently: I will not forgive your Doubts now! — No, Sir, said I, I cannot doubt; but it is, how I shall support, how I shall deserve, your Goodness to me! — Dear Girl! said he, and hugg’d me to his Breast, I was afraid you would have made me angry again; but that I would not be; because I see you have a grateful Heart; and this your kind and chearful Return, after such cruel Usage as you had experienced in my House, enough to make you detest the Place, has made me resolve to bear any thing in you, but Doubts of my Honour, at a Time when I am pouring out my Soul, with a and affectionate Ardour.

But, good Sir, Said I, my greatest Concern will be for the rude Jests you will have to encounter with yourself, for thus stooping beneath yourself. For as to me, considering my lowly Estate, and little Merit, even the Slights and Reflections of the Ladies will be an Honour to me: And I shall have the Pride to place more than half their Ill-will, to their Envy at my Happiness. And if I can, by the most chearful Duty, and resigned Obedience, have the Pleasure to be agreeable to you, I shall think myself but too happy, let the World say what it will.

estate = status, rank

He said, You are very good, my dearest Girl: But how will you bestow your Time, when you will have no Visits to receive or pay? No Parties of Pleasure to join in? No Card-tables to employ your Winter Evenings, and even, as the Taste is, half the Day, Summer and Winter? And you have often play’d with my Mother too, and so know how to perform a Part there, as well as in the other Diversions: And I’ll assure you, my Girl, I shall not desire you to live without such Amusements, as my Wife might expect, were I to marry a Lady of the first Quality.

quality = social rank

O, Sir, said I, you are all Goodness! How shall I bear it! — But do you think, Sir, in such a Family as yours, a Person, whom you shall honour with the Name of Mistress of it, will not find useful Employments for her Time, without looking abroad for any others?

abroad = around

In the first Place, Sir, if you will give me Leave, I will myself look into such Parts of the Family Oeconomy, as may not be beneath the Rank to which I shall have the Favour of being exalted, if any such there can be; and this, I hope, without incurring the Ill-will of any honest Servant.

family oeconomy = running the household

Then, Sir, I will ease you of as much of your Family Accounts, as I possibly can, when I have convinced you, that I am to be trusted with them; and, you know, Sir, my late good Lady made me her Treasurer, her Almoner, and every thing.

almoner = one who distributes charity

Then, Sir, if I must needs be visiting or visited, and the Ladies won’t honour me so much, or even if they would now-and-then, I will receive and pay Visits, if your Goodness will allow me so to do, to the sick Poor in the Neighbourhood around you; and administer to their Wants and Necessities, in such small Matters, as may not be hurtful to your Estate, but comfortable to them; and intail upon you their Blessings, and their Prayers for your dear Health and Welfare.

Then I will assist your Housekeeper, as I used to do, in the making Jellies, Comfits, Sweetmeats, Marmalades, Cordials; and to pot, and candy, and preserve, for the Uses of the Family. And to make myself all the fine Linen of it, for yourself and me.

Then, Sir, if you will sometimes indulge me with your Company, I will take an Airing in your Chariot now-and-then: And when you shall return home from your Diversions on the Green, or from the Chace, or where-ever you shall please to go, I shall have the Pleasure of receiving you with Duty, and a chearful Delight; and, in your Absence, count the Moments till you return; and you will, may-be, fill up the sweetest Part of my Time, with your agreeable Conversation, for an Hour or two now-and-then; and be indulgent to the impertinent Over-flowings of my grateful Heart, for all your Goodness to me.

The Breakfasting-time, the Preparation for Dinner, and sometimes to entertain your chosen Friends, and the Company you shall bring home with you, Gentlemen, if not Ladies, and the Supperings, will fill up a great Part of the Day, in a very necessary manner.

And, may-be, Sir, now and then a good-humour’d Lady will drop in; and, I hope, if they do, I shall so behave myself, as not to add to the Disgrace you will have brought upon yourself; for indeed, I will be very circumspect, and try to be as discreet as I can; and as humble too, as shall be consistent with your Honour.

Cards, ’tis true, I can play at, in all the usual Games, that our Sex indulge in; but this I am not fond of, and shall never desire to use them, but as it may encourage such Ladies, as you may wish to see, not to abandon your House for want of an Amusement they are used to.

want = lack

Musick, which my good Lady taught me, will fill up some Intervals, if I should have any.

And then, Sir, you know, I love Reading, and Scribbling; and tho’ all the latter will be employ’d in the Family Accounts, between the Servants and me, and me and your good Self; yet Reading is a Pleasure to me, that I shall be unwilling to give up, at proper times, for the best Company in the World, except yours. And, O Sir! that will help to polish my Mind, and make me worthier of your Company and Conversation; and, with the Explanations you will give me, of what I shall not understand, will be a sweet Employment, and Improvement too.

But one thing, Sir, I ought not to forget, because it is the chief; my Duty to God, will, I hope, always employ some good Portion of my Time, with Thanks for his superlative Goodness to me; and to pray for you and myself: For you, Sir, for a Blessing on you, for your great Goodness to such an unworthy Creature: For myself, that I may be enabled to discharge my Duty to you, and be found grateful for all the Blessings I shall receive at the Hands of Providence, by means of your Generosity and Condescension.

condescension = appropriate behavior to social inferiors

With all this, Sir, said I, can you think I shall be at a Loss to pass my Time? But, as I know, that every Slight to me, if I come to be so happy, will be, in some measure, a Slight to you, I will beg of you, Sir, not to let me go very fine in Dress; but appear only so, as that you may not be ashamed of it, after the Honour I shall have of being called by your worthy Name: For well I know, Sir, that nothing so much excites the Envy of my own Sex, as seeing a Person set above them in Appearance, and in Dress. And that would bring down upon me an hundred sawcy Things, and low-born Brats, and I can’t tell what!

sawcy = disrespectful

There I stopt; for I had prattled a great deal; and he said, clasping me to him, Why stops my dear Pamela? — ;Why does she not proceed? I could dwell upon your Words all the Day long; and you shall be the Directress of your own Pleasures, and your own Time, so sweetly do you chuse to employ it: And thus shall I find some of my own bad Actions aton’d for by your exemplary Goodness, and God will bless me for your sake!

prattled = spoken nonsense

O, said he, what Pleasure you give me in this sweet Foretaste of my Happiness! I will now defy the sawcy, busy Censurers of the World, and bid them know your Excellence, and my Happiness, before they, with unhallow’d Lips, presume to judge of my Actions, and your Merit! — And, let me tell you, my Pamela, that I can add my Hopes of a still more pleasing Amusement; and what your bashful Modesty would not permit you to hint; and which I will no otherwise touch upon, lest it should seem, to your Nicety, to detract from the present Purity of my good Intentions, than to say, I hope to have superadded to all these, such an Employment, as will give me a View of perpetuating my happy Prospects, and my Family at the same time; of which I am almost the only Male.

sawcy = disrespectful
censurer = blamer

I blushed, I believe, yet could not be displeased at the decent and charming manner with which he insinuated this distant Hope: And Oh! judge for me, how my Heart was affected with all these things!

He was pleased to add another charming Reflection, which shew’d me the noble Sincerity of his kind Professions. I do own to you, my Pamela, said he, that I love you with a purer Flame than ever I knew in my whole Life! A Flame, to which I was a Stranger, and which commenced for you in the Garden; tho’ you, unkindly, by your unseasonable Doubts, nipp’d the opening Bud, while it was too tender to bear the cold Blasts of Slight or Negligence. And I know more sincere Joy and Satisfaction in this sweet Hour’s Conversation with you, than all the guilty Tumults of my former Passion ever did, or (had even my Attempts succeeded) ever could have afforded me.

shew’d = showed

O, Sir, said I, expect not Words, from your poor Servant, equal to these most generous Professions. Both the Means, and the Will, I now see, are given to you, to lay me under an everlasting Obligation! How happy shall I be, if, tho’ I cannot be worthy of all this Goodness and Condescension, I can prove myself not intirely unworthy of it! But I can only answer for a grateful Heart; and if ever I give you Cause wilfully, (and you will generously allow for involuntary Imperfections) to be disgusted with me, may I be an Out-cast from your House and Favour, and as much repudiated, as if the Law had divorced me from you!

condescension = appropriate behavior to social inferiors

But, Sir, continued I, tho’ I was so unseasonable as I was in the Garden, you would, I flatter myself, had you then heard me, have pardon’d my Imprudence, and own’d I had some Cause to fear, and to wish to be with my poor Father and Mother; and this I the rather say, that you should not think me capable of returning Insolence for your Goodness; or appearing foolishly-ungrateful to you, when you was so kind to me.

own’d = admitted

Indeed, Pamela, said he, you gave me great Uneasiness; for I love you too well not to be jealous of the least Appearance of your Indifference to me, or Preference of any other Person, not excepting your Parents themselves. This made me resolve not to hear you; for I had not got over my Reluctance to Marriage; and a little Weight, you know, turns the Scale, when it hangs in an equal Balance. But yet, you see, that tho’ I could part with you, while my Anger held, yet the Regard I had then newly profess’d for your Virtue, made me resolve not to offer to violate it; and you have seen likewise, that the painful Struggle I underwent when I began to reflect, and to read your moving Journal, between my Desire to recal you, and my Doubt, that you would return, (tho’ yet I resolved not to force you to it) had like to have cost me a severe Illness: But your kind and chearful Return has dispelled all my Fears, and given me Hope, that I am not indifferent to you; and you see how your Presence has chas’d away my Illness.

I bless God for it, said I; but since you are so good as to encourage me, and will not despise my Weakness, I will acknowledge, that I suffer’d more than I could have imagined, till I experienced it, in being banish’d your Presence in so much Anger; and the more still was I affected, when you answer’d so generously, the wicked Mrs. Jewkes in my Favour, at my leaving your House: For this, Sir, awaken’d all my Reverence for you; and you saw I could not forbear, not knowing what I did, to break boldly in upon you, and acknowledge your Goodness on my Knees. ’Tis true, my dear Pamela, said he, we have sufficiently tortur’d one another; and the only Comfort that can result from it, will be, reflecting upon the Matter coolly and with Pleasure, when all these Storms are overblown, (as I hope they now are) and we sit together secur’d in each other’s good Opinion, recounting the uncommon Gradations, by which we have ascended to the Summit of that Felicity, which I hope we shall shortly arrive at.

forbear = resist

Mean-time, said the good Gentleman, let me hear what my dear Girl would have said in her Justification, could I have trusted myself with her, as to her Fears, and the Reason of her wishing herself from me, at a Time that I had begun to shew my Fondness for her, in a manner that I thought would have been agreeable to her and Virtue.

I pulled out of my Pocket the Gypsey Letter; but I said, before I shew’d it to him, I have this Letter, Sir, to shew you, as what, I believe you will allow, must have given me the greatest Disturbance: But first, as I know not who is the Writer, and it seems to be in a disguis’d Hand, I would beg it as a Favour, that if you guess who it is, which I cannot, it may not turn to their Prejudice, because it was written very probably with no other View than to serve me.

shew’d = showed

He took it, and read it. And it being signed Somebody, he said, Yes, this is indeed from Somebody; and, disguis’d as the Hand is, I know the Writer: Don’t you see by the Settness of some of these Letters, and a little Secretary Cut here and there, especially in that c, and that r, that it is the Hand of a Person bred in the Law-way? Why, Pamela, said he, ’tis old Longman’s Hand. An officious Rascal as he is! — But I have done with him! O Sir, said I, it would be too insolent in me to offer (so much am I myself overwhelm’d with your Goodness) to defend any body that you are angry with; yet, Sir, so far as they have incurr’d your Displeasure for my sake, and for no other Want of Duty or Respect, I could with — But I dare not say more. —

want = lack

But, said he, as to the Letter, and the Information it contains: — Let me know, Pamela, when you receiv’d this? On the Friday, Sir, said I, that you was gone to the Wedding at Stamford. — How could it be convey’d to you, said he, unknown to Mrs. Jewkes, when I gave her such a strict Charge to attend you, and you yourself promis’d me, you would not throw yourself in the Way of such Intelligence! For, said he, when I went to Stamford, I knew from a private Intimation given me, that there would be an Attempt made to see you, or give you a Letter, by somebody, if not to get you away; but was not certain from what Quarter, whether from my Sister Davers, Mrs. Jervis, Mr. Longman, or John Arnold, or your Father; and as I was then but struggling with myself, whether to give way to my honourable Inclinations, or to free you, and let you go to your Father, that I might avoid the Danger I found myself in of the former (for I had absolutely resolved never to wound again even your Ears with any Proposals of a contrary Nature); that was the Reason I desir’d you to permit Mrs. Jewkes, to be so much on her Guard till I came back, when I thought I should have decided this disputed Point within myself, between my Pride and my Inclinations.

This, good Sir, said I, accounts well to me, for your Conduct in that Case, and for what you said to me and Mrs. Jewkes on that Occasion; and I see more and more how much I may depend upon your Honour and Goodness to me. — But I will tell you all the Truth. And then I recounted to him the whole Affair of the Gypsey, and how the Letter was put among the loose Grass, &c. And he said, The Man who thinks a thousand Dragons sufficient to watch a Woman, when her Inclination takes a contrary Bent, will find all too little; and she will engage the Stones in the Street, or the Grass in the Field, to act for her, and help on her Correspondence. If the Mind, said he, be not engag’d, I see there is hardly any Confinement sufficient for the Body; and you have told me a very pretty Story; and, as you never gave me any Reason to question your Veracity, even in your severest Trials, I make no doubt of the Truth of what you have now mentioned. And I will in my Turn give you such a Proof of mine, that you shall find it carry Conviction with it.

veracity = truth

You must know then, my Pamela, that I had actually form’d such a Project, so well inform’d was this old rascally Somebody; and the Time was fix’d, for the very Person describ’d in this Letter, to be here; and I had thought he should have read some Part of the Ceremony (as little as was possible, to deceive you) in my Chamber; and so I hop’d to have you mine upon Terms that then would have been much more agreeable to me than real Matrimony. And I did not in Haste intend you the Mortification of being undeceiv’d; so that we might have liv’d for Years, perhaps, very lovingly together; and I had, at the same time been at Liberty to confirm or abrogate it, as I pleas’d.

O Sir, said I, I am out of Breath with the Thoughts of my Danger. But what good Angel prevented this deep-laid Design to be executed?

Why, your good Angel, Pamela, said he; for when I began to consider that it would have made you miserable, and me not happy; that if you should have a dear little one, it would be out of my own Power to legitimate it, if I should with it to inherit my Estate; and that, as I am almost the last of my Family, and most of what I possess must descend to a strange Line, and disagreeable and unworthy Persons; notwithstanding that I might, in this Case, have Issue of my own Body: When I further consider’d your untainted Virtue, what Dangers and Trials you had undergone, by my Means, and what a world of Troubles I had involv’d you in, only because you were beautiful and virtuous, which had excited all my Passion for you; and reflected also upon your try’d Prudence and Truth, I, tho’ I doubted not effecting this my last Plot, resolv’d to overcome myself; and however I might suffer in struggling with my Affection for you, to part with you, rather than to betray you under so black a Veil. Besides, said he, I remember’d how much I had exclaim’d against and censur’d an Action of this kind, that had been attributed to one of the first Men of the Law, and of the Kingdom, as he afterwards became; and that it was but treading in a Path that another had mark’d out for me; and, as I was assur’d, with no great Satisfaction to himself, when he came to reflect; my foolish Pride was a little piqu’d with this, because I lov’d to be, if I was out of the way, my own Original, as I may call it: On all these Considerations it was, that I rejected this Project, and sent Word to the Person, that I had better consider’d of the Matter, and would not have him come, till he heard farther from me: And, in this Suspense, I suppose, some of your Confederates, Pamela, (for we have been a Couple of Plotters, tho’ your Virtue and Merit have engag’d you faithful Friends and Partisans, which my Money and Promises could hardly do) one way or other got Knowledge of it, and gave you this Notice; but perhaps, it would have come too late, had not your white Angel got the better of my black one, and inspir’d me with Resolutions to abandon the Project just as it was to be put in Execution. But yet I own, that, from these Appearances, you was but too well justify’d in your Fears, on this odd way of coming at this Intelligence; and I have only one thing to blame you for, that tho’ I was resolv’d not to hear you in your own Defence, yet, as you have so ready a Talent at your Pen, you might have clear’d your Part of this Matter up to me by a Line or two; and when I had known what seeming good Grounds you had for pouring cold Water on a young Flame, that was just then rising to an honourable Expansion, I should not have imputed it, as I was apt to do, to unseasonable Insult for my Tenderness to you on one hand; to perverse Nicety on the other; or to, what I was most alarm’d by, and concern’d for, Prepossession for some other Person. And this would have sav’d us both much Fatigue, I of Mind, you of Body.

And indeed, Sir, said I, of Mind too; and I could not better manifest this, than by the Chearfulness with which I obey’d your Recalling me to your Presence.

Ay, that my dear Pamela, said he, and clasp’d me in his Arms, was the kind, the inexpressibly kind Action that has rivetted my Affections to you, and gives me to pour out, in this free and unreserv’d manner, my whole Soul in your Bosom.

I said, I had the less Merit in this my Return, because I was driven by an irresistible Impulse to it, and could not help it if I would.

This, said he, (and honour’d me, by kissing my Hand) is engaging indeed, if I may hope that my Pamela’s gentle Inclination for her Persecutor, was the strongest Motive to her Return; and I so much value a voluntier Love, in the Person I would wish for my Wife, that I would have even Prudence and Interest, hardly nam’d, in Comparison with it. And can you return me sincerely the honest Compliment I now make you, that as in the Act that I hope shall soon unite us together, it is impossible that I should have any View to my Interest; and, that Love, Love, is the only Motive by which I am directed; that, were I not what I am, you could give me the Preference to any other Person in the World that you know, notwithstanding all that has pass’d between us? Why, said I, should your so much obligated Pamela refuse to answer this kind Question? Cruel, as I have thought you, and dangerous your Views to my Honesty; You, Sir, are the only Person living that ever was more than indifferent to me; and before I knew this was what I blush now to call it, I could not hate you, or wish you ill, tho’ from my Soul, the Attempts you made, were shocking and most distasteful to me.

I am satisfy’d, my Pamela, said he; nor do I want to see those Papers that you have kindly written for to your Father; tho’ I still wish to see them too, for the sake of the sweet manner in which you write your Sentiments; and to have before me the whole Series of your Sufferings, that I may know whether all my future Kindness is able to recompense you for them.

In this manner, my dear Father and Mother, did your happy Daughter find herself bless’d by her generous Master! An ample Recompence for all her Sufferings, did I think this sweet Conversation only. A hundred tender Things he express’d besides, that tho’ they never can escape my Memory, yet would be too tedious to write down. Oh how I bless’d God, and, I hope, ever shall, for all his gracious Favours to his unworthy Handmaid! What a happy Change is this. And who knows but my kind, my generous Master may put it in my Power, when he shall see me not quite unworthy of it, to be a Means, without injuring him, to dispense around me, to many Persons, the happy Influences of the Condition to which I shall be, by his kind Favour, exalted? Doubly blest shall I be, in particular, if I can return the hundredth Part of the Obligations I owe to such honest good Parents, to whose pious Instructions and Examples, under God, I owe all my present Happiness and future Prospects. — O the Joy that fills my Mind on these proud Hopes! on these delightful Prospects! — It is too mighty for me; and I must sit down to ponder all these Things, and to admire and bless the Goodness of that Providence, which has, thro’ so many intricate Mazes, made me tread the Paths of Innocence, and so amply rewarded me, for what it has itself enabled me do! All Glory to God alone be ever given for it, by your poor enraptur’d Daughter! —

I will now continue my most pleasing Relation.

As the Chariot was returning home from this sweet Airing, he said, From all that has pass’d between us, in this pleasing Turn, my Pamela will see, and will believe, that the Trials to her Virtue are all over from me: But perhaps, there will be some few yet to come to her Patience and Humility. For I have, at the earnest Importunity of Lady Darnford, and her Daughters, promised them a Sight of my beloved Girl: And so I intend to have their whole Family, and Lady Jones, and Mrs. Peters’s Family, to dine with me once in a few Days. And as I believe you would hardly chuse at present to grace the Table on the Occasion, till you can do it in your own Right, I would be glad you will not refuse coming down to us, if I desire it; for I would preface our Nuptials, said the dear Gentleman! O what a sweet Word was that! — with the good Opinion of these Gentry of your Merits, and to see you, and your sweet Manner, will be enough for that Purpose; and so, by degrees, prepare my Neighbours for what is to follow: And they already have your Character from me, and are dispos’d to admire you.

Sir, said I, after all that has pass’d, I should be unworthy if I could not say, that I can have no Will but yours; and however awkwardly I shall behave in such Company, weigh’d down with the Sense of your Obligations, on one Side, and my own Unworthiness, with their Observations, on the other, I will not scruple to obey you.

scruple = hesitate

I am oblig’d to you, Pamela, said he; and pray be only dress’d as you are; for, as they know your Condition, and I have told them the Story of your present Dress, and how you came by it, one of the young Ladies begs it as a Favour, that they may see you just as you are: And I am the rather pleas’d it should be so, because they will perceive you owe nothing to Dress, and make a much better Figure with your own native Stock of Loveliness, than the greatest Ladies do in the most splendid Attire, and stuck out with the most glittering Jewels.

condition = social rank

O Sir, said I, your Goodness beholds your poor Servant in a Light greatly beyond her Merit! But it must not be expected that others, Ladies especially, will look at me with your favourable Eyes: But, nevertheless, I should be best pleas’d to wear always this humble Garb, till you, for your own sake, shall order it otherwise: For, oh! Sir, said I, I hope it will be always my Pride to glory most in your Goodness; and it will be a Pleasure to me to shew every one, that, with respect to my Happiness in this Life, I am intirely the Work of your Bounty; and to let the World see from what a lowly Original you have rais’d me to Honours, that the greatest Ladies would rejoice in.

Admirable Pamela, said he, excellent Girl! — Surely thy Sentiments are superior to those of all thy Sex! — I might have addressed a hundred fine Ladies; but never, surely, could have had Reason to admire one as I do you.

As, my dear Father and Mother, I repeat these generous Sayings, only as they are the Effect of my Master’s Goodness, and am far from presuming to think I deserve one of them; so I hope you will not attribute it to my Vanity; for, I do assure you, I think I ought rather to be more humble, as I am more oblig’d: For it must be always a Sign of a poor Condition to receive Obligations one cannot repay; as it is of a rich Mind, when it can confer them, without expecting or needing a Return. It is, on one side, the State of the human Creature compar’d, on the other, to the Creator; and so, with due Deference, may be said to be God-like, and that is the highest that can be said.

condition = social rank

The Chariot brought us home at near the Hour of Two, and, blessed be God, my Master is pure and well, and chearful; and that makes me hope he does not repent him of his Goodness. He handed me out of the Chariot, and to the Parlour, with the same Goodness, that he shew’d when he put me in it, before several of the Servants. Mrs. Jewkes came to inquire how he did. Quite well, Mrs. Jewkes, said he, quite well; I thank God, and this good Girl, for it! — I am glad of it, said she; but I hope you are not the worse for my Care, and my Doctoring you! — No, but the better Mrs. Jewkes, said he, you have much oblig’d me by both.

shew’d = showed

Then he said, Mrs. Jewkes, you and I have used this good Girl very hardly — I was afraid, Sir, said she, I should be the Subject of her Complaints. — I assure you, said he, she has not open’d her Lips about you. We have had quite a different Subject to talk of; and I hope she will forgive us both: you especially, she must; because you have done nothing but by my Orders. But I only mean, that the necessary Consequence of those Orders has been very grievous to my Pamela: And now comes our Part to make her Amends, if we can.

Sir, said she, I always said to Madam, (as she call’d me) that you was very good, and very forgiveing. No, said he, I have been stark naught, and it is she, I hope, will be very forgiving. But all this Preamble is to tell you, Mrs. Jewkes, that now I desire you’ll study to oblige her, as much as (to obey me) you was forc’d to disoblige her before. And you’ll remember, that in every thing she is to be her own Mistress.

Yes, said she, and mine too, I suppose, Sir? Ay, said the generous Gentleman, I believe it will be so in a little Time. — Then, said she, I know how it will go with me! And so put her Handkerchief to her Eyes. — Pamela, said my Master, comfort poor Mrs. Jewkes.

This was very generous, already to seem to put her in my Power; and I took her by the Hand, and said, I shall never take upon myself, Mrs. Jewkes, to make a bad Use of any Opportunities that may be put into my Hands, by my generous Master; nor shall I ever wish to do you Prejudice, if I might: For I shall consider, that what you have done, was in Obedience to a Will which it will become me also to submit to; and so, tho’ we shall be acted very differently as to the Effects, yet as these Effects proceed from one Cause, it shall be always reverenced by me.

See there, Mrs. Jewkes, said my Master, we are both in generous Hands; and indeed, if she did not pardon you, I should think she but half forgave me, because you acted by my Instructions. — Well, said she, God bless you both together, since it must be so; and I will double my Diligence to oblige my Lady, as I find she will soon be.

O my dear Father and Mother, now pray for me on another Score! for fear I should grow too proud, and be giddy and foolish with all these promising Things, so soothing to the Vanity of my Years and Sex. But even to this Hour can I pray, that God would remove from me all these delightful Prospects, if they should so corrupt my Mind, as to make me proud, and vain, and not acknowledge, with thankful Humility, the blessed Providence which has so visibly conducted me thro’ the dangerous Paths I have trod, to this happy Moment.

My Master was pleas’d to say, that he thought I might as well dine with him, as he was alone. But, I said, I begg’d he would excuse me, for fear so much Excess of Goodness and Condescension, all at once, should turn my Head; and that he would by slower Degrees bring on my Happiness, lest I should not know how to bear it.

condescension = appropriate behavior to social inferiors

Persons that doubt themselves, said he, seldom do amiss. And if there was any Fear of what you say, you could not have had it in your Thoughts: For none but the Presumptuous, the Conceited, and the Thoughtless, err capitally. But nevertheless, said he, I have such an Opinion of your Prudence, that I shall generally think what you do right, because it is you that do it.

Sir, said I, your kind Expressions shall not be thrown away upon me, if I can help it; for they will task me, with the Care of endeavouring to deserve your good Opinion, and your Approbation, as the best Rule of my Conduct.

Being then about to go up Stairs, Permit me, Sir, said I, (looking about me, with some Confusion, to see nobody was there) thus on my Knees to thank you, as I often wanted to do in the Chariot, for all your Goodness to me, which shall never, I hope, be cast away upon me. And so I had the Boldness to kiss his Hand.

I wonder, since how I came to be so forward; but what could I do? — My poor grateful Heart was like a too full River, which overflows its Banks; and it carry’d away my Fear and my Shame-facedness, as that does all before it, on the Surface of the Waters!

He clasp’d me in his Arms, with Transport, and condescendingly kneel’d by me, and kissing me, said, O my dear obliging good Girl, on my Knee, as you on yours, I vow to you everlasting Truth and Fidelity; and may God but bless us both with half the Pleasures that seem to lie before us, and we shall have no Reason to envy the Felicity of the greatest Princes! O Sir, said I, how shall I support so much Goodness! — I am poor, indeed, in every thing, compar’d to you! And how far, very far, do you, in every generous Way, leave me behind you!

condescendingly = appropriately

He rais’d me, and as I bent towards the Door, led me to the Stairs Foot, and saluting me there again, I went up to my Closet, and threw myself on my Knees in Raptures of Joy, and bless’d that gracious God, who had thus chang’d my Distress to Happiness, and so abundantly rewarded me for all the Sufferings I had pass’d thro’. — And Oh! how light, how very light, do all those Sufferings now appear, which then my repining Mind made so formidable to me! — Hence, in every State of Life, and in all the Changes and Chances of it, for the future, will I trust in Providence, who knows what is best for us, and frequently turns the very Evils we most dread, to be the Causes of our Happiness, and of our Deliverance from greater! — My Experiences, young as I am, as to this great Point of Reliance in God, are strong, tho’ my Judgment in general may be weak and unformed; but you’ll excuse these Reflections, because they are your beloved Daughter’s; and, so far as they are not amiss, derive themselves from the Benefit of yours and my late good Lady’s Examples and Instructions.

saluting = greeting

I have wrote a vast deal in a little Time. And shall only say, to conclude this delightful Wednesday, That in the Afternoon my good Master was so well, that he rode out on Horseback, and came home about Nine at Night; and then came up to me, and seeing me with Pen and Ink before me in my Closet, said, I come only to tell you I am very well, my Pamela, and, as I have a Letter or two to write, I will leave you to proceed in yours, as I suppose that was your Employment; (for I had put by my Paper at his coming up) and so he saluted me, bid me Good-night, and went down; and I finish’d down to this Place before I went to-bed. Mrs. Jewkes told me, if it was more agreeable to me, she would lie in another Room; but I said, No thank you, Mrs. Jewkes; pray let me have your Company. And she made me a fine Curchee, and thank’d me. — How Times are alter’d!

saluted = greeted
curchee = curtsy

Thursday

This Morning my Master came up to me, and talk’d with me on various Subjects for a good while together in the most kind manner. Among other Things, he ask’d me, if I chose to order any new Cloaths against my Marriage (O how my Heart flutters when he mentions this Subject so freely!) I said, I left every thing to his good Pleasure, only repeating my Request, for the Reasons afore-given, that I might not be too fine.

He said, I think, my Dear, it shall be very private: I hope you are not afraid of a Sham-marriage; and pray get the Service by Heart, that you may see nothing is omitted. I glow’d between Shame and Delight. O how I felt my Cheeks burn!

I said I fear’d nothing, I apprehended nothing, but my own Unworthiness. Said he, I think it shall be done within these Fourteen Days, from this Day, at this House. O how I trembled; but not with Grief, you may believe! — What says my Girl? Have you to object againstany Day of the next Fourteen? because my Affairs require me to go to my other House, and I think not to stir from this, till I am happy in you?

apprehend = worry about

I have no Will but yours, said I, (all glowing like the Fire, as I could feel:) But, Sir, did you say in the House? Ay, said he; for I care not how privately it be done; and it must be very publick if we go to Church. It is a Holy Rite, Sir, said I, and would be better, methinks, in a Holy Place,

I see, (said he, most kindly) my lovely Maid’s Confusion; and your trembling Tenderness shews, I ought to oblige you all I may. Therefore, I will order my own little Chapel, which has not been us’d for two Generations, for any thing but a Lumberroom, because our Family seldom resided here long together, to be clear’d and clean’d, and got ready for the Ceremony, if you dislike your own Chamber, or mine.

Sir, said I, that will be better than the Chamber; and I hope it will never be lumber’d again, but kept to the Use, for which, as I presume, it has been consecrated. O yes, said he, it has been consecrated, and that many Ages ago, in my Great Great-grandfather’s Time, who built that and the good old House together.

But now, my good Girl, if I do not too much add to your sweet Confusion, shall it be in the first Seven Days, or the second, of this Fortnight? I look’d down, quite out of Countenance. Tell me, said he?

out of countenance = upset, disturbed

In the Second, if you please, Sir, said I. — As you please, said he, most kindly; but I should thank you, Pamela, if you chuse the first. I’d rather, Sir, if you please, said I, have the second. Well, said he, be it so; but don’t defer it to the last Day of the Fourteen.

Pray, Sir, said I, since you embolden me to talk on this important Subject, may I not send my dear Father and Mother word of my Happiness? — Yes, you may, said he; but charge them to keep it secret, till you or I direct the contrary. And I told you I would see no more of your Papers; but I meant, I would not without your Consent: But if you will shew them to me, (and now I have no other Motive for my Curiosity, but the Pleasure I take in reading what you write) I shall acknowledge it as a Favour.

If, Sir, said I, you will be pleas’d to let me write over again one Sheet, I will, tho’ I had rely’d upon your Word, and not wrote them for your Perusal. What is that, said he? tho’ I cannot consent to it beforehand: For I more desire to see them, because they are your Sentiments at the Time, and because they were not written for my Perusal. Sir, said I, What I am loth you should see, are very severe Reflections on the Letter I receiv’d by the Gypsey, when I apprehended your Design of the Sham-marriage; tho’ there are other things I would not have you see; but that is the worst. It can’t be worse, said he, my dear Sauce-box, than I have seen already; and, I will allow your treating me in ever so black a Manner on that Occasion, because it must have a very black Appearance to you. — Well, Sir, said I, I think I will obey you, before Night. But don’t alter a Word, said he. I won’t, Sir, reply’d I, since you order it.

loth = unwilling
apprehended = understood

While we were talking, Mrs. Jewkes came up, and said Thomas was return’d. O, said my Master, let him bring up the Papers. For he hop’d, and so did I, that you had sent them by him. But it was a great Balk, when he came up and said, Sir, Mr. Andrews did not care to deliver them; and would have it, that his Daughter was forc’d to write that Letter to him: And indeed, Sir, said he, the old Gentleman took on sadly, and would have it that his Daughter was undone, or else, he said, she would not have turn’d back, when on her Way, (as I told him she did, said Thomas) instead of coming to them. I began to be afraid now that all would be bad for me again.

Well, Tom, said he, don’t mince the Matter. Tell me, before Mrs. Andrews, what they said. Why, Sir, both he and Goody Andrews, after they had conferr’d together upon your Letter, Madam, came out, weeping bitterly, that griev’d my very Heart; and they said, Now all was over with their poor Daughter; and either she had wrote that Letter by Compulsion, or had yielded to your Honour, so they said, and was, or would be ruin’d!

My Master seem’d vex’d, as I fear’d. And I said, Pray, Sir, be so good to excuse the Fears of my honest Parents! They cannot know your Goodness to me.

vex’d = disturbed

And so, (said he, without answering me,) they refus’d to deliver the Papers? Yes, and please your Honour, said Thomas, tho’ I told them, that you, Madam, of your own Accord, on a Letter I had brought you, very chearfully wrote what I carry’d. But the old Gentleman, said, Why, Wife, there are in these Papers twenty Things nobody should see but ourselves, and especially not the ’Squire. O the poor Girl has had so many Stratagems to contend with, that now, at last, she has met with one that has been too hard for her. And can it be possible for us to account for her setting out to come to us, in such Post-haste, and when she had got above Half-way, to send us this Letter, and to go back again of her own Accord, as you say; when we know that all her Delight would have been to come to us, and to escape from the Perils she has been so long contending with? And then, and please your Honour, he said, he could not bear this; for his Daughter was ruin’d, to be sure, before now. And so, said he, the good old Couple sat themselves down, and Hand-in-hand, leaning upon each other’s Shoulder, did nothing but lament. — I was, said he, piteously griev’d; but all I could say could not comfort them; nor would they give me the Papers; tho’ I told them I should deliver them only to Mrs. Andrews herself. And so, and please your Honour, I was forced to come away without them.

My good Master saw me all bath’d in Tears at this Description of your Distress and Fears for me, and he said, I would not have you take on so. I am not angry with your Father in the main; he is a good Man; and I would have you write out of Hand, and it shall be sent by the Post, to Mr. Atkins, who lives within two Miles of your Father, and I’ll inclose it in a Cover of mine, in which I’ll desire Mr. Atkins; the Moment it comes to his Hand, to convey it safely to your Father or Mother: And say nothing of their sending the Papers, that it may not make them uneasy; for I want not now to see them on any other Score than that of mere Curiosity; and that will do at any Time. And so saying, he saluted me, before Thomas, and with his own Handkerchief wip’d my Eyes; and said to Thomas, The good old Folks are not to be blam’d in the main. They don’t know my honourable Intentions by their dear Daughter: Who, Tom, will, in a little Time, be your Mistress; tho’ I shall keep the Matter private some Days, and would not have it spoken of by my Servants out of my House.

saluted = greeted

Thomas said, God bless your Honour. You know best. And I said, O Sir, you are all Goodness! — How kind is this, to forgive the Disappointment, instead of being angry, as I fear’d you would. Thomas then withdrew. And my Master said, I need not remind you of writing out of Hand, to make the good Folks easy: And I will leave you to yourself for that Purpose; only send me down such of your Papers, as you are willing I should see, with which I shall entertain myself for an Hour or two. But one Thing, added he, I forgot to tell you, the neighbouring Gentry I mentioned, will be here to-morrow to dine with me; and I have order’d Mrs. Jewkes to prepare for them. And must I, Sir, said I, be shewn to them? O yes, said he, that’s the chief Reason of their coming. And you’ll see no body equal to yourself; don’t be concern’d.

I open’d my Papers, as soon as my Master had left me, and laid out those beginning on the Thursday Morning he set out for Stamford, with the Morning Visit he made me before I was up, and the Injunctions of Watchfulness, &c. to Mrs. Jewkes; the next Day’s Gypsey Affair, and my Reflections, in which I call’d him truly diabolical, and was otherwise very severe, on the strong Appearances the Matter had then against him. His Return on Saturday, with the Dread he put me in, on the offering to search me for my Papers which followed those he had got by Mrs. Jewkes’s Means. My being forc’d to give them up. His Carriage to me after he had read them; and Questions to me. His great Kindness to me on seeing the Dangers I had escap’d, and the Troubles I had undergone. And how I unseasonably, in the midst of his Goodness; express’d my Desire of being sent to you, having the Intelligence of a Sham-marriage, from the Gypsey, in my Thoughts. How this inrag’d him, and made him turn me that very Sunday out of his House, and send me on my Way to you. The Particulars of my Journey, and my Grief at parting with him; and my free Acknowledgments to you, that I found, unknown to myself, I had begun to love him, and could not help it. His sending after me, to beg my Return; but yet generously leaving me at my Liberty, when he might have forc’d me to return whether I was willing or not. My Resolution to oblige him, and fatiguing Journey back. My Concern for his Illness on my Return. His kind Reception of me, and shewing me his Sister Davers’s angry Letter, against his Behaviour to me, desiring him to set me free, and threatening to renounce him as a Brother if he should degrade himself by marrying me. My serious Reflections on this Letter, &c. (all which, I hope, with the others, you will shortly see) and this carry’d Matters down to Tuesday Night last.

carriage = behavior, bearing
intelligence of = information about

All that follow’d was so kind of his Side, being our Chariot Conference, as above, on Wednesday Morning, and how good he has been ever since, that I thought I would go no farther; for I was a little asham’d to be so very open on that tender and most grateful Subject; tho’ his great Goodness to me deserves all the Acknowledgments I can possibly make.

And when I had look’d these out, I carried them down myself into the Parlour to him, and said, putting them into his Hands, Your Allowances, good Sir, as heretofore; and if I have been too open and free in my Reflections or Declarations; let my Fears on one Side, and my Sincerity on the other, be my Excuse. You are very obliging, my good Girl, said he. You have nothing to apprehend from my Thoughts, any more than from my Actions.

apprehend = worry about

So I went up, and wrote the Letter to you, briefly acquainting you with my present Happiness, and my Master’s Goodness, and expressing that Gratitude of Heart, which I owe to the kindest Gentleman in the World, and assuring you, that I should soon have the Pleasure of sending back to you, not only those Papers, but all that succeeded them to this Time, as I know you delight to amuse yourself in your Leisure Hours with my Scribble; and I said, carrying it down to my Master, before I seal’d it, Will you please, Sir, to take the Trouble of reading what I write to my dear Parents? Thank you Pamela, said he, and set me on his Knee, while he read it, and seem’d much pleas’d with it, and giving it me again, you are very happy, said he, my beloved Girl, in your Style and Expressions: And the affectionate Things you say of me, are inexpressibly obliging; and again, with this Kiss, said he, do I confirm for Truth all that you have promis’d for my Intentions in this Letter. — O what Halcyon Days are these? God continue them! — A Change now, would kill me quite.

He went out in his Chariot in the Afternoon; and in the Evening return’d, and sent me Word, he would be glad of my Company for a little Walk in the Garden; and down I went that very Moment.

He came to meet me. So, said he, how does my dear Girl do now? — Who do you think I have seen since I have been out? — I don’t know, Sir, said I. Why, said he, there is a Turning in the Road, about five Miles off, that goes round a Meadow, that has a pleasant Foot-way, by the Side of a little Brook, and a double Row of Limes on each Side, where now and then the Gentry in the Neighbourhood, walk, and angle, and divert themselves — I’ll shew it you next Opportunity — And I stept out of my Chariot, to walk cross this Meadow, and bid Robin meet me with it on the further Part of it. And who should I ’spy there, walking, with a Book in his Hand, reading, but your humble Servant Mr. Williams? — Don’t blush, Pamela, said he — As his Back was to me, I thought I would speak to the Man, and before he saw me, I said, How do you, old Acquaintance? (for, said he, you know we were of one College for a Twelvemonth). I thought the Man would have jump’d into the Brook, he gave such a Start at hearing my Voice, and seeing me.

divert = entertain

Poor Man! said I. Ay, said he, but not too much of your poor Man, in that soft Accent, neither, Pamela. — Said I, I am sorry my Voice is so startling to you, Mr. Williams. What are you reading? Sir, said he, and stammer’d with the Surprize, It is the French Telemachus; for I am about perfecting myself, if I can, in the French Tongue — Thought I, I had rather so, than perfecting my Pamela in it. — You do well, reply’d I. — Don’t you think that yonder Cloud may give us a small Shower? and it did a little begin to wet. — He said, he believ’d not much.

If, said I, you are for the Village, I’ll give you a Cast; for I shall call at Sir Simon’s, in my Return from the little Round I am taking. He ask’d me If it was not too great a Favour? — No, said I, don’t talk of that; let us walk to the further Opening there, and we shall meet my Chariot.

So, Pamela, continued my Master, we fell into Conversation, as we walk’d. He said, he was very sorry he had incurr’d my Displeasure; and the more, as he had been told, by Lady Jones, who had it from Sir Simon’s Family, that I had a more honourable View than at first was apprehended. I said, We Fellows of Fortune, Mr. Williams, take sometimes a little more Liberty with the World than we ought to do; wantoning, very probably, as you contemplative Folks would say, in the Sun-beams of a dangerous Affluence, and cannot think of confining ourselves to the common Paths, tho’ the safest and most eligible, after all. And you may believe I could not very well like to be supplanted in a View that lay next my Heart; and that by an old Acquaintance, whose Good, before this Affair, I was studious to promote.

apprehended = understood

I would only say, Sir, said he, that my first Motive was intirely such as became my Function: And, very politely, said my Master, he added, And I am very sure, that however inexcusable I might seem in the Progress of the Matter, yourself, Sir, would have been sorry to have it said, you had cast your Thoughts on a Person, that nobody could have wish’d for but yourself.

Well, Mr. Williams, said I, I see you are a Man of Gallantry as well as Religion: But what I took most amiss was, that, if you thought me doing a wrong Thing, you did not expostulate with me, as your Function might allow you, upon it; but immediately determin’d to counterplot me, and to turn as much an Intriguer for a Parson, as I was for a Laick, and attempt to secure to yourself a Prize, you would have robb’d me of, and that from my own House. But the Matter is at an End, and I retain not any Malice upon it, tho’ you did not know, but I should, at last, do honourably by her, as I actually intend.

gallantry = good character, bravery
expostulate = argue, complain

I am sorry for myself, Sir, said he, that I should so unhappily incur your Displeasure; but I rejoice for her sake in your honourable Intentions: Give me Leave only to say, That if you make Mrs. Andrews your Lady, she will do Credit to your Choice with every body that sees her, or comes to know her; and for Person and Mind both, you may challenge the County.

In this manner, said my Master, did the Parson and I confabulate; and I set him down at his Lodgings in the Village. But he kept your Secret, Pamela, and would not own, that you gave Encouragement to his Address as to Matrimony.

Indeed, Sir, said I, he could not say that I did; and I hope you believe me. I do, I do, said he; but ’tis still my Opinion, that if, when I saw Plots set up against my Plots, I had not, as I had, discover’d the Parson, it might have gone to a Length that would have put our present Situation out of both our Powers.

Sir, said I, when you consider that my utmost Presumption could not make me hope for the Honour you now seem to design me; that therefore, I had no Prospect before me but Dishonour; and was so hardly us’d into the Bargain, I should have seem’d very little in Earnest in my Professions of Honesty, if I had not endeavour’d to get away: But yet I resolv’d not to think of Marriage; for I never saw the Man I could love, till your Goodness embolden’d me to look up to you.

I should, my dear Pamela, said he, make a very ill Compliment to my Vanity, if I did not believe you; tho’ at the same time, Justice calls upon me to own, that it is, all Things consider’d, beyond my Merit.

There was a sweet noble Expression for your poor Daughter, my dear Father and Mother! — And from my Master too!

I was glad to hear this Account of the Interview between Mr. Williams and himself; but I dar’d not to say so. I hope in Time he will be re-instated in his good Graces.

He was so good as to tell me, he bad given Orders for the Chapel to be clear’d. O how I look forward with inward Joy, yet with Fear and Trembling!

Friday

About Twelve o’Clock came Sir Simon, and his Lady and two Daughters, and Lady Jones, and a Sister-in-law of hers, and Mr. Peters, and his Spouse and Niece. Mrs. Jewkes, who is more and more obliging, was much concern’d I was not dress’d in some of my best Cloaths, and made me many Compliments.

They all went into the Garden for a Walk, before Dinner, and, I understood, were so impatient to see me, that my Master took them into the largest Alcove, after they had walk’d two or three Turns, and stept himself to me. Come, my Pamela, said he, the Ladies can’t be satisfy’d without seeing you, and I desire you’ll come. I said, I was asham’d; but I would obey him. Said he, The two young Ladies are dress’d out in their best Attire; but they make not such an Appearance as my charming Girl in this ordinary Garb. — Sir, said I, shan’t I follow you there? for I can’t bear you should do me so much Honour. Well, said he, I’ll go before you. And he bid Mrs. Jewkes bring a Bottle or two of Sack, and some Cake. So he went down to them.

This Alcove fronts the longest Gravel Walk in the Garden, so that they saw me all the Way I came, for a good Way; and my Master told me afterwards, with Pleasure, all they said of me.

Will you forgive the little vain Slut your Daughter, if I tell you all, as he was pleas’d to tell me? He said, ’spying me first, Look there, Ladies, comes my pretty Rustick! — They all, I saw, which dash’d me, stood at the Windows and in the Door-way, looking full at me.

My Master told me, that Lady Jones said, She is a charming Creature, I see that, at this Distance. And Sir Simon, it seems, who has been a sad Rake in his younger Days, swore he never saw so easy an Air, so fine a Shape, and so graceful a Presence. — The Lady Darnford said, I was a sweet Girl. And Mrs. Peters said very handsome Things. Even the Parson said, I should be the Pride of the County. O dear Sirs! all this was owing to the Light my good Master’s Favour plac’d me in, which made me shine out in their Eyes beyond my Deserts. He said the young Ladies blush’d, and envy’d me.

When I came near, he saw me dash’d and confus’d, and was so good to meet me, Give me your Hand, said he, my good Girl, you walk too fast (for indeed I wanted to be out of their gazing). I did so, with a Curchee, and he led me up the Steps of the Alcove and in a most Gentleman-like Manner presented me to the Ladies, and they all saluted me, and said, They hop’d to be better acquainted with me: and Lady Darnford was pleas’d to say, I should be the Flower of their Neighbourhood. Sir Simon said, Good Neighbour, by your Leave, and saluting me, added, Now will I say, that I have kiss’d the loveliest Maiden in England. But for all this, methought I ow’d him a Grudge for a Tell-tale, tho’ all had turn’d out so happily. Mr. Peters very gravely follow’d his Example, and said, like a Bishop, God bless you, fair Excellence. Said Lady Jones, Pray, dear Madam, sit down by me. And they all sat down; but I said, I would stand, if they pleas’d. No, Pamela, said my Master, Pray sit down with these good Ladies, my Neighbours: — They will indulge it to you, for my sake, till they know you better; and for your own, when they are acquainted with you. Sir, said I, I shall be proud to deserve their Indulgence.

curchee = curtsy
saluted = greeted

They all so gaz’d at me, that I could not look up; for I think it is one of the Distinctions of Persons of Condition, and well-bred People, to put bashful Bodies out of Countenance. Well, Sir Simon, said my Master, what say you now to my pretty Rustick? — He swore a great Oath, that he should better know what to say to me if he was as young as himself. Lady Darnford said, You will never leave, Sir Simon.

of condition = of high social rank
put out of countenance = make upset, disturbed

Said my Master, You are a little confus’d, my good Girl, and out of Breath; but I have told all my kind Neighbours here a good deal of your Story, and your Excellence. Yes, said Lady Darnford, my dear Neighbour, as I will call you; we that are here present have all heard of your uncommon Story. Madam, said I, you have then heard what must make your kind Allowance for me very necessary. No, said Mrs. Peters, we have heard what will always make you valued as an Honour to our Sex, and as a worthy Pattern for all the young Ladies in the County. You are very good, Madam, said I, to make me able to look up, and be thankful for the Honour you are all pleas’d to do me.

Mrs. Jewkes came in with the Canary, brought by Nan, to the Alcove, and some Cake on a Silver Salver; and I said, Mrs. Jewkes, let me be your Assistant; I will serve the Ladies with the Cake. And so I took the Salver, and went round to the good Company with it, ending with my Master. The Lady Jones said, she never was serv’d with such a Grace, and it was giving me too much Trouble. O Madam, said I, I hope my good Master’s Favour will never make me forget that it is my Duty to wait upon his Friends. — Master, sweet one, said Sir Simon, I hope you won’t always call the ’Squire by that Name, for fear it should become a Fashion for all our Ladies to do the like thro’ the County. I, Sir, said I, shall have many Reasons to continue this Style, which cannot affect your good Ladies.

Sir Simon, said Lady Jones, you are very arch upon us; but I see very well, that it will be the Interest of all the Gentlemen, to bring their Ladies into an Intimacy with one that can give them such a good Example. I am sure then, Madam, said I, it must be after I have been polish’d and improv’d by the Honour of such an Example as yours.

They all were very good and affable, and the young Lady Darnford, who had wish’d to see me in this Dress, said, I beg your Pardon, dear Miss, as she call’d me; but I had heard how sweetly this Garb became you, and was told the History of it; and I begg’d it as a Favour that you might oblige us with your Appearance in it. I am much oblig’d to your Ladyship, said I, that your kind Prescription was so agreeable to my Choice. Why, said she, was it your Choice then? — I am glad of that: Tho’ I am sure your Person must give and not take Ornament from any Dress.

You are very kind, Madam, said I: But there will be the less Reason to fear I should forget the high Obligations I shall have to the kindest of Gentlemen, when I can delight to shew the humble Degree from which his Goodness has rais’d me. — My dear Pamela, said my Master, if you proceed at this Rate, I must insist upon your first Seven Days. You know what I mean. Sir, said I, you are all Good ness!

They drank a Glass of Sack each, and Sir Simon would make me do so; saying, It is a Reflection, Madam, upon all the Ladies, if you don’t do as they do. No, Sir Simon, said I, that can’t be, because the Ladies Journey hither makes a Glass of Canary a proper Cordial for them. But I won’t refuse; because I will do myself the Honour of drinking good Health to you, and all this worthy Company.

hither = to here

Said good Lady Darnford, to my Master, I hope, Sir, we shall have Mrs. Andrews’s Company at Table. He said, very obligingly, Madam, it is her Time now: and I will leave it to her Choice. If my good Ladies, then, will forgive me, Sir, said I, I had rather be excused. They all said, I must not be excused. I begg’d I might. Your Reason for it, my dear Pamela, said my Master? as the Ladies request it, I wish you would oblige them. Sir, reply’d I, your Goodness will make me, every Day, worthier of the Honour the Ladies do me; and when I can persuade myself that I am more worthy of it than at present, I shall with great Joy embrace all the Opportunities they will be pleased to give me.

Mrs. Peters whisper’d Lady Jones, as my Master told me afterwards; Did you ever see such Excellence, such Prudence, and Discretion? Never in my Life, said the other good Lady. She will adorn, she was pleas’d to say, her Distinction. Ay, said Mrs. Peters, she would adorn any Station in Life.

adorn = show to advantage
station = social class

My good Master was highly delighted, generous Gentleman as he is! with the favourable Opinion of the Ladies; and I took the more Pleasure in it, because their Favour seem’d to lessen the Disgrace of his stooping so much beneath him.

Lady Darnford said, We will not oppress you; tho’ we could almost blame your too punctilious Exactness; but if we excuse Mrs. Andrews at Dinner, we must insist upon her Company at the Card-table, and at a Dish of Tea: For we intend to pass the whole Day with you, Sir, as we told you. What say you to that, Pamela, said my Master? Sir, repl’yd I, whatever you and the Ladies please, I will chearfully do. They said I was very obliging. But Sir Simon rapt out an Oath, and said, that they might dine together if they would; but he would dine with me, and nobody else. For, said he, I say, ’Squire, as Parson Williams said, (by which I found my Master had told them the Story) you must not think you have chosen one that nobody can like but yourself.

The young Ladies said, If I pleas’d, they would take a Turn about the Garden with me. I answer’d I would very gladly attend them; and so we three, and Lady Jones’s Sister-in-law, and Mr. Peters’s Niece, walk’d together. They were very affable, kind and obliging; and we soon enter’d into a good deal of Familiarity; and I found Miss Darnford a very agreeable Person. Her Sister was a little more on the Reserve; and I afterwards heard, that, about a Year before, she should fain have had my Master make his Addresses to her; but tho’ Sir Simon is reckon’d rich, she was not thought a sufficient Fortune for him. And now, to have him look down so low as me, must be a sort of Mortification to a poor young Lady! — and I pity’d her — Indeed I did! — I wish all young Persons of my Sex could be as happy as I am likely to be.

My Master told me afterwards, that I left the other Ladies, and Sir Simon and Mr. Peters, full of my Praises; so that they could hardly talk of any thing else: one launching out upon my Complexion, another upon my Eyes, my Hand, and, in short, for you’ll think me sadly proud, upon my whole Person, and Behaviour; and they all magnify’d my Readiness and Obligingness in my Answers, and the like: And I was glad of it, as I said, for my good Master’s sake, who seem’d quite pleas’d and rejoic’d. God bless him, for his Goodness to me!

Dinner not being ready, the young Ladies propos’d a Tune upon the Spinnet. I said, I believ’d it was not in Tune. They said, they knew it was but a few Months ago. If it is, said I, I wish I had known it; tho’ indeed, Ladies, added I, since you know my Story, I must own, that my Mind has not been long in Tune, to make use of it. So they would make me play upon it, and sing to it; which I did, a Song my dear good Lady had learn’d me, and us’d to be pleas’d with, and which she brought with her from Bath. And the Ladies were much taken with the Song, and were so kind as to approve my Performance: And Miss Daruford was pleas’d to compliment me, that I had all the Accomplishments of my Sex. I said, I had had a good Lady, in my Master’s Mother, who had spar’d no Pains nor Cost to improve me. She said, she wish’d the ’Squire could be prevail’d upon to give a Ball on an approaching happy Occasion, that we might have a Dancing-match, &c. — But I can’t say I do; tho’ I did not say so; for these Occasions I think are too solemn for the Principals, at least of our Sex, to take Part in, especially if they have the same Thoughts of the Solemnity that I have: For indeed, tho’ I am in such an enviable Prospect of Happiness, I must own to you, my dear Parents, that I have something very awful upon my Mind, when I think of the Matter, and shall more and more, as it draws nearer and nearer. This is the Song.

spinnet = harpsichord

I

Go, happy Paper, gently steal,
And underneath her Pillow lie;
There, in soft Dreams, my Love reveal,
That Love which I must still conceal,
And, wrapt in awful Silence, die.

II

Should Flames be doom’d thy hapless Fate,
To Atoms Thou would’st quickly turn,
My Pains may bear a longer Date;
For should I live, and should she hate,
In endless Torments I should burn.

III

Tell fair Aurelia, she has Charms,
Might in a Hermit stir Desire.
T’ attain the Heav’n that’s in her Arms,
I’d quit the World’s alluring Harms,
And to a Cell, content, retire.

quit = leave

IV

Of all that pleas’d my ravish’d Eye
Her Beauty should supply the Place;
Bold Raphael’s Strokes, and Titian’s Dye,
Should but in vain presume to vye
With her inimitable Face.

Raphael and Titian, great painters

V

No more I’d wish for Phoebus’ Rays,
To gild the Object of my Sight;
Much less the Taper’s fainter Blaze;
Her Eyes should measure out my Days;
And when she slept, it should be Night.

Phoebus = the sun
gild = make golden
taper = candle

About four o’Clock. My Master just came unto me, and said, If you should see Mr. Williams below, do you think, Pamela, you should not be surpriz’d? — No, Sir, said I, I hope not. Why should I? Expect, said he, a Stranger then, when you come down to us in the Parlour; for the Ladies are preparing themselves for the Card-table, and they insist upon your Company — You have a mind, Sir, said I, I believe, to try all my Courage. Why, said he, does it want Courage to see him? No, Sir, said I, not at all. But I was grievously dash’d to see all those strange Ladies and Gentlemen; and now to see Mr. Williams before them, as some of them refus’d his Application for me, when I wanted to get away, it will a little shock me, to see them smile, in recollecting what has pass’d of that kind. Well, said he, guard your Heart against Surprizes, tho’ you shall see, when you come down, a Man that I can allow you to love dearly; tho’ hardly preferably to me.

try = test

This surprizes me much. I am afraid he begins to be jealous of me. What will become of me, (for he look’d very seriously) if any Turn should happen now! — My Heart akes! I know not what’s the Matter. But I will go down as brisk as I can, that nothing may be imputed to me. Yet I wish this Mr. Williams had not been there now when they are all there; because of their Fleers at him and me. Otherwise I should be glad to see the poor Gentleman; for indeed I think him a good Man, and he has suffer’d for my sake.

So, I am sent for down to Cards. I’ll go; but wish I may continue their good Opinions of me: For I shall be very awkward. My Master, by his serious Question, and bidding me guard my Heart against Surprizes, tho’ I should see, when I came down, a Man he can allow me to love dearly, tho’ hardly better than he, has quite alarm’d me, and made me sad! — I hope he loves me! — But whether he does or not, I am in for it now, over Head and Ears, I doubt, and can’t help loving him; ’tis a Folly to deny it. But to be sure I cannot love any Man preferably to him. I shall soon know what he means.

Now, my dear Mother, must I write to you. Well might my good Master say so mysteriously as he did, about guarding my Heart against Surprizes. I never was so surpriz’d in my Life; and never could see a Man I lov’d so dearly! — O my dear Mother, it was my dear, dear Father, and not Mr. Williams, that was below ready to receive and to bless your Daughter; and both my Master and he enjoin me to write how the whole Matter was, and what my Thoughts were on this joyful Occasion.

enjoin = require

I will take the Matter from the Beginning, that God directed his Feet to this House, to this Time, as I have had it from Mrs. Jewkes, from my Master, my Father, the Ladies, and my own Heart and Conduct, as far as I know of both; because they command it, and you will be pleased with my Relation; and so, as you know how I came by the Connection, will make one uniform Relation of it.

It seems then, that my dear Father and you were so uneasy to know the Truth of the Story that Thomas had told you, and fearing I was betrayed, and quite undone, that he got Leave of Absence, and set out the Day after Thomas was there; and so, on Friday Morning, he got to the neighbouring Town; and there he heard, that the Gentry in the Neighbourhood were at my Master’s, at a great Entertainment. He put on a clean Shirt and Neckcloth, that he brought in his Pocket, at an Alehouse there, and got shav’d; and so, after he had eat some Bread and Cheese, and drank a Can of Ale, he set out for my Master’s House, with a heavy Heart, dreading for me, and in much fear of being browbeaten. He had, it seems, asked, at the Alehouse, what Family the ’Squire had down here, in hopes to hear something of me; and they said, A Housekeeper, two Maids, and, at present, two Coachmen, and two Grooms, a Footman, and a Helper. Was that all? he said. They told him, There was a young Creature there, belike, who was, or was to be, his Mistress, or somewhat of that Nature; but had been his Mother’s Waiting-maid. This, he said, grieved his Heart, and made out what he fear’d.

So he went on, and, about Three o’Clock in the Afternoon, came to the Gate; and ringing there, Sir Simon’s Coachman went to the Iron-gate; and he ask’d for the Housekeeper; tho’ from what I had wrote, in his Heart, he could not abide her. She sent for him in, little thinking who he was, and ask’d him, in the little Hall, what his Business with her was? — Only, Madam, said he, whether I cannot speak one Word with the ’Squire? No, Friend, said she; he is engaged with several Gentlemen and Ladies. Said he, I have Business with his Honour, of greater Consequence to me than either Life or Death; and Tears stood in his Eyes.

At that she went into the great Parlour, where my Master was talking very pleasantly with the Ladies; and she said, Sir, here is a good tight old Man, that wants to see you on Business of Life and Death, he says, and is very earnest. Ay, said he, Who can that be! — Let him stay in the little Hall, and I’ll come to him presently. They all seem’d to stare; and Sir Simon said, No more nor less, I dare say, my good Friend, but a Bastard Child. If it is, said Lady Jones, bring it in to us. I will, said he.

Mrs. Jewkes tells me, my Master was much surpriz’d, when he saw who it was; and she much more, when my dear Father said, — Good God! give me Patience! but, as great as you are, Sir, I must ask for my Child! And burst out into Tears. O what Trouble have I given you both! My Master said, taking him by the Hand, Don’t be uneasy, Goodman Andrews, your Daughter is in the way to be happy!

This alarm’d my dear Father, and he said, What! then is she dying? And trembled he could scarce stand. My Master made him sit down, and sat down by him, and said, No, God be praised! she is very well; and pray be comforted; I cannot bear to see you thus apprehensive; but she has wrote you a Letter to assure you, that she has Reason to be well satisfied and happy.

apprehensive = anxious

Ah! Sir, said he, you told me once she was in London, waiting on a Bishop’s Lady, when all the time she was a severe Prisoner here. — Well, that’s all over now, Goodman Andrews, said my Master: but the Times are alter’d; for now the sweet Girl has taken me Prisoner; and, in a few Days, I shall put on the pleasantest Fetters that ever Man wore.

O, Sir, said he, you are too pleasant for my Griefs. My Heart’s almost broke. But may I not see my poor Child? You shall presently, said he; for she is coming down to us; and since you won’t believe me, I hope you will her.

I will ask you, good Sir, said he, but one Question till then, that I may know how to look upon her when I see her. Is she honest? Is she virtuous? — As the new-born Babe, Mr. Andrews, said my good Master; and, in twelve Days time, I hope, will be my Wife! —

O flatter me not, good your Honour, said he: It cannot be! it cannot be! — I fear you have deluded her with strange Hopes; and would make me believe Impossibilities! — Mrs. Jewkes, said he, do you tell my dear Pamela’s good Father, when I go out, all you know concerning me, and your Mistress that is to be. Mean time, make much of him, and set out what you have; and make him drink a Glass of Wine he likes best. If this be Wine, added he, fill me a Bumper.

She did so; and he took my Father by the Hand, and said, Believe me, good Man, and be easy; for I can’t bear to see you tortur’d in this cruel Suspense: Your dear Daughter is the beloved of my Soul. I am glad you are come! For you’ll see us all in the same Story. And here’s your Dame’s Health; and God bless you both, for being the happy Means of procuring for me so great a Blessing! And so he drank a Bumper to this most obliging Health.

What do I hear! it cannot surely be! said my Father. And your Honour is too good, I hope, to mock a poor old Man! — This ugly Story, Sir, of the Bishop, runs in my Head! — But you say, I shall see my dear Child! — And I shall see her honest! — If not, poor as I am, I would not own her!

My Master bid Mrs. Jewkes not let me know yet, that my Father was come, and went to the Company, and said, I have been agreeably surpriz’d. Here is honest old Goodman Andrews come full of Grief, to see his Daughter; for he fears she is seduced; and tells me, good honest Man, that, poor as he is, he will not own her, if she be not virtuous. O, said they all, with one Voice almost, dear Sir! shall we not see the good old Man you have so praised for his plain good Sense and honest Heart? If, said he, I thought Pamela would not be too much affected with the Surprize, I would make you all witness to their first Interview; for never did Daughter love a Father, or a Father a Daughter, as they two do one another. Miss Darnford, and all the Ladies, and the Gentlemen too, begg’d it might be so. But was not this very cruel, my dear Mother? For well might they think I should not support myself in such an agreeable Surprize.

He said, kindly, I have but one Fear, that the dear Girl may be too much affected. O, said Lady Darnford, we’ll all help to keep up her Spirits. Says he, I’ll go up and prepare her; but won’t tell her of it. So he came up to me, as I have said, and amus’d me about Mr. Williams, to half prepare me for some Surprize; tho’ that could not have been any thing to this. And he left me, as I said, in that Suspense, at his mystical Words, saying, he would send to me, when they were going to Cards.

My Master went from me to my Father, and asked if he had eaten any thing. No, said Mrs. Jewkes; the good Man’s Heart’s so full, he cannot eat, nor do any thing, till he has seen his dear Daughter. That shall soon be, said my Master. I will have you come in with me; for she is going to sit down with my Guests, to a Game at Quadrille; and I will send for her down. O, Sir, said my Father, don’t, don’t let me; I am not fit to appear before your Guests; let me see my Daughter by myself, I beseech you. Said he, They all know your honest Character, Goodman Andrews, and long to see you, for Pamela’s sake.

So he took my Father by the Hand, and led him in, against his Will, to the Company. They were all very good. My Master kindly said, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you one of the honestest Men in England; my good Pamela’s Father. Mr. Peters went to him, and took him by the Hand, and said, We are all glad to see you, Sir; you are the happiest Man in the World in a Daughter, that we never saw before to Day; but cannot enough admire her.

Said my Master, This Gentleman, Goodman Andrews, is the Minister of the Parish; but is not young enough for Mr. Williams. This cutting Joke, my poor Father said, made him fear, for a Moment, that all was a Jest. — Sir Simon also took him by the Hand, and said, Ay, you have a sweet Daughter, Honesty; we are all in Love with her. And the Ladies came, and said very fine things: Lady Darnford particularly, That he might think himself the happiest Man in England, in such a Daughter. If, and please you, Madam, said he, she be but vertuous, ’tis all in all: For all the rest is Accident. But, I doubt, his Honour has been too much upon the Joke with me. No, said Mrs. Peters, we are all Witness that he intends very honourably by her. — It is some Comfort, said he, and wiped his Eyes, that such good Ladies say so! — But I wish I could see her.

They would have had him sit down by them, but he would only sit behind the Door, in the Corner of the Room, so that one could not soon see him, as one came in; because the Door open’d against him, and hid him almost. The Ladies all sat down; and my Master said, Desire Mrs. Jewkes to step up; and tell Mrs. Andrews the Ladies wait for her. So down I came.

Miss Darnford rose, and met me at the Door, and said, Well, Miss, we long’d for your Company. I did not see my dear Father; and, it seems, his Heart was too full to speak; and he got up, and sat down three or four times successively, unable to come to me, or to say any thing. The Ladies looked that way; but I would not, supposing it was Mr. Williams. And they made me sit down between Lady Darnford and Lady Jones; and asked me, what we should play at? I said, At what your Ladyships please. I wonder’d to see them smile, and look upon me, and to that Corner of the Room; but I was afraid of looking that way, for fear of seeing Mr. Williams; tho’ my Face was that way too, and the Table before me.

Said my Master, Did you send your Letter away to the Post-house, my good Girl, for your Father? To be sure, Sir, said I, I did not forget that. I took the Liberty to desire Mr. Thomas to carry it. What, said he, I wonder, will the good old Couple say to it? O Sir, said I, your Goodness will be a Cordial to their dear honest Hearts! At that, my dear Father, not able to contain himself, nor yet to stir from the Place, gush’d out into a Flood of Tears, which he, good Soul! had been struggling with, it seems; and cry’d out, O my dear Child!

I knew the Voice, and lifting up my Eyes, and seeing my Father, gave a Spring, overturn’d the Table, without Regard to the Company, and threw myself at his Feet, O my Father! my Father! said I, can it be! — Is it you? Yes, it is! It is! O bless your happy — Daughter! I would have said, and down I sunk.

My Master, seem’d concern’d. — I fear’d, said he, that the Surprize would be too much for her Spirits; and all the Ladies run to me, and made me drink a Glass of Water; and I found myself incircled in the Arms of my dearest Father. — O tell me, said I, every thing! How long have you been here? When did you come? How does my honour’d Mother? and half a dozen Questions more, before he could answer one.

They permitted me to retire, with my Father; and then I pour’d forth all my Vows, and Thanksgivings to God for this additional Blessing; and confirm’d all my Master’s Goodness to his scarcebelieving Amazement. And we kneeled together, blessing God, and blessing one another, for several ecstatick Minutes; and my Master coming in soon after, my dear Father said, O Sir, what a Change is this! May God reward you! may God bless you in this World and the next!

retire = withdraw, leave

May God bless us all! said he. But how does my sweet Girl! I have been in Pain for you! — I am sorry I did not apprize you before hand.

O Sir, said I, it was You! and all you do must be good. — But this was a Blessing so unexpected!

Well, said he, you have given Pain to all the Company. They will be glad to see you, when you can; for you have spoiled all their Diversion: And yet painfully delighted them at the same time. Mr. Andrews, said he, you make this House your own; and the longer you stay, the more welcome you’ll be. After you have a little compos’d yourself, my dear Girl, step in to us again. I am glad to see you so well so soon. And so he left us.

See you, my dear Father, said I, what Goodness there is in this once naughty Master! O pray for him! and pray for me, that I may deserve it!

How long has this happy Change been wrought, said he, my dear Child! — O, said I, several happy Days! — I have wrote down every thing; and you’ll see, from the Depth of Misery, what God has done for your happy Daughter!

Blessed be his Name! said he. But do you say he will marry you! Can it be, that such a brave Gentleman will make a Lady of the Child of such a poor Man as I? O the Goodness of God! How will your poor dear Mother be able to support these happy Tidings? I will set out to-morrow, to acquaint her with it. For I am but half happy till the dear good Woman shares it with me! — To be sure, my dear Child, we ought to go into some far Country, to hide ourselves, that we may not disgrace you by our Poverty!

O my dear Father, said I, now you are unkind for the first Time. Your Poverty has been my Glory, and my Riches; and I have nothing to brag of, but that I ever thought it an Honour to me, rather than a Disgrace; because you were always so honest, that your Child might well boast of such a Parentage!

In this manner, my dear Mother, did we pass the happy Moments, till Miss Darnford came to me, and said, How do you do, dear Miss? I rejoice to see you well! Pray let us have your Company. And, said she, taking my Father’s Hand, and yours too, good Mr. Andrews.

This was very obliging, I told her; and we went to the great Parlour; and my Master took my Father by the Hand, and made him sit down by him, and drink a Glass of Wine with him. Mean time, I made my Excuses to the Ladies, as well as I could; which they readily granted me. But Sir Simon, after his comical manner, put his Hands on my Shoulders, Let me see, let me see, said he, where your Wings grow; for I never saw any body fly like you? — Why, said he, you have broke Lady Jones’s Shins with the Table. Shew her else, Madam.

His Pleasantry made them laugh. And I said, I was very sorry for my Extravagancy: And if it had not been my Master’s Doings, I should have said, it was a Fault to permit me to be so surprized, and put out of myself, before such good Company. They said, All was very excusable; and they were glad I suffer’d no more by it. They were so kind, as to excuse me at Cards, and play’d by themselves; and I went, by my Master’s Command, and sat on the other Side, in the happiest Place I ever was blest with, between two of the dearest Men in the World to me, and each holding one of my Hands; — my Father, every now-and-then, with Tears in his Eyes, blessing God, and saying, Could I ever have hoped this!

I asked him, if he had been so kind as to bring the Papers with him? He said he had, and looked at me, as who should say, Must I give them to you now? — I said, Be pleased to let me have them. He pulled them from his Pocket; and I stood up, and, with my best Duty, gave them into my Master’s Hands. He said, Thank you, Pamela. Your Father shall take all with him, to see what a sad Fellow I have been, as well as the present happier Alteration. But I must have them all again, for the Writer’s sake.

The Ladies and Gentlemen would make me govern the Tea-table, whatever I could do; and Abraham attended me, to serve the Company. My Master and my Father sat together, and drank a Glass or two of Wine instead of Tea; and Sir Simon jok’d with my Master, and said, I warrant you would not be such a Woman’s Man, as to drink Tea, for ever so much, with the Ladies. But your Time’s coming, and, I doubt not, you’ll be made as conformable as I.

My Master was very urgent with them to stay Supper; and, at last, they comply’d, on Condition that I would grace the Table, as they were pleased to call it. I begg’d to be excus’d. My Master said, Don’t be excus’d, Pamela, since the Ladies desire it. And besides, said he, we won’t part with your Father; and so you may as well stay with us.

I was in hope my Father and I might sup by ourselves, or only with Mrs. Jewkes. And Miss Darnford, who is a most obliging young Lady, said, We will not part with you; indeed we won’t.

When Supper was brought in, Lady Darnford took me by the Hand, and said to my Master, Sir, by your Leave; and would have plac’d me at the Upper-end of the Table. Pray, pray, Madam, said I, excuse me, I cannot do it, indeed I cannot. Pamela, said my Master, to the great Delight of my good Father, as I could see by his Looks, Oblige Lady Darnford, since she desires it. It is but a little before your Time, you know.

Dear, good Sir, said I, pray don’t command it! Let me sit by my Father, pray! Why, said Sir Simon, here’s ado indeed; Sit down at the Upper-end, as you should do! and your Father shall sit by you there. This put my dear Father upon Difficulties. And my Master said, Come, I’ll place you all: And so put Lady Darnford at the Upper-end, Lady Jones at her Right-hand, and Mrs. Peters on the other; and he placed me between the two young Ladies; but very genteely put Miss Darnford below her younger Sister; saying, Come, Miss, I put you here, because you shall hedge in this little Cuckow; for I take notice, with Pleasure, of your Goodness to her; and besides, all you very young Ladies should sit together. This seem’d to please both Sisters; for had the youngest Miss been put there, it might have piqu’d her, as matters had been formerly, to be placed below me; whereas Miss Darnford giving Place to her younger Sister, made it less odd she should to me; especially with that handsome Turn of the dear Man, as if I was a Cuckow, and to be hedg’d in.

My Master kindly said, Come, Mr. Andrews, you and I will sit together. And so took his Place at the Bottom of the Table, and set my Father on his Right-hand; and Sir Simon would sit on his Left. For, said he, Parson, I think the Petticoats should sit together; and so do you sit down by that Lady (his Sister). A boiled Turkey standing by me, my Master said, Cut up that Turkey, Pamela, if it be not too strong Work for you, that Lady Darnford may not have too much Trouble. So I carv’d it in a Trice, and helped the Ladies. Miss Darnford said, I would give something to be so dextrous a Carver. O Miss, said I, my late good Lady would always make me do these things, when she entertained her Female Friends; as she used to do on particular Days.

Ay, said my Master, I remember my poor Mother would often say, if I, or any body at Table, happen’d to be a little out in Carving, I’ll send up for my Pamela, to shew you how to carve. Said Lady Jones, Mrs. Andrews has every Accomplishment of her Sex. She is quite wonderful for her Years. Miss Darnford said, And I can tell you, Madam, that she plays sweetly upon the Spinnet, and sings as sweetly to it; for she has a fine Voice. Foolish, said Sir Simon, who, that hears her speak, knows not that? and who, that sees her Fingers, believes not that they were made to touch any Key? O, Parson! said he, ’tis well you’re by, or I should have had a Blush from the Ladies. I hope not, Sir Simon, said Lady Jones; for a Gentleman of your Politeness, would not say any thing that would make Ladies blush. — No, no, said he, for the World: But if I had, it would have been as the Poet says,

spinnet = harpsichord

They blush, because they understand.

When the Company went away, Lady Darnford, Lady Jones, and Mrs. Peters, severally invited my Master, and me with him, to their Houses; and begg’d he would permit me, at least, to come before we left these Parts. And they said, We hope, when the happy Knot is ty’d, you will induce the ’Squire to reside more among us. We were always glad, said Lady Darnford, when he was here; but now shall have double Reason. O what grateful things were these to the Ears of my good Father!

When the Company was gone, my Master ask’d my Father, if he smoak’d; he said, No. He made us both sit down by him; and he said, I have been telling this sweet Girl, that, in Fourteen Days, and two of them are gone, she must fix on one, to make me happy: And have left it to her to chuse either one of the first or the last Seven. My Father held up his Hands and Eyes; God bless your Honour, said he, is all I can say! Now, Pamela, said my Master, taking my Hand, don’t let a little wrong-timed Bashfulness take place, without any other Reason, because I should be glad to go to Bedfordshire as soon as I could; and I would not return till I carry my Servants there a Mistress, who should assist me to repair the Mischiefs she has made in it.

I could not look up for Confusion. And my Father said, My dear Child, I need not, I am sure, prompt your Obedience in whatever will most oblige so good a Master. What says my Pamela? said my Master. She does not use to be at a Loss for Expression. Sir, said I, were I too sudden, it would look as if I doubted whether you would hold in your Mind, and was not willing to give you Time for Reflection. But otherwise, to be sure, I ought to resign myself implicitly to your Will.

Said he, I want not Time for Reflection. For I have often told you, and that long ago, I could not live without you. And my Pride of Condition made me both tempt and terrify you to other Terms; but your Virtue was Proof against all Temptation, and was not to be aw’d by Terrors: Wherefore, as I could not conquer my Passion for you, I corrected myself, and resolved, since you would not be mine upon my Terms, you should upon your own: And now I desire you not on any other, I assure you. And, I think, the sooner it is done, the better. What say you, Mr. Andrews? Sir, said he, there is so much Goodness of your Side, and, blessed be God! so much Prudence of my Daughter’s, that I must be quite silent. But when it is done, I and my poor Wife, shall have nothing to do, but to pray for you both, and to look back with Wonder and Joy, on the Ways of Providence.

condition = social rank

This, said my Master, is Friday Night; and suppose, my Girl, it be next Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday Morning? — Say, my Pamela.

Will you, Sir, said I, excuse me till to-morrow for an Answer? — I will, said he. And he touch’d the Bell, and called for Mrs. Jewkes. Where, said he, does Mr. Andrews lie to-night? You’ll take care of him: He’s a very good Man; and will bring a Blessing upon every House he sets his Foot in.

My dear Father wept for Joy; and I could not refrain keeping him Company. And my Master saluting me, bid us Good-night, and retir’d. And I waited upon my dear Father, and was so full of Prattle, of my Master’s Goodness, and my future Prospects, that I believed afterwards I was turned all into Tongue. But he indulged me, and was transported with Joy; and went to bed, and dreamt of nothing but Jacob’s Ladder, and Angels ascending and descending, to bless him, and his Daughter.

saluting = greeting
prattle = trivial speech

Saturday

I Rose up early in the Morning; but found my Father was up before me, and was gone to walk in the Garden. I went to him: And with what Delight, with what Thankfulness, did we go over every Scene of it, that had before been so dreadful to me! The Fish-Pond, the Back-door, and every Place: O what Reason had we for Thankfulness and Gratitude!

About Seven o’Clock, my good Master join’d us, in his Morning-gown and Slippers; and looking a little heavy, I said, Sir, I fear you had not good Rest last Night. That is your Fault, Pamela, said he: After I went from you, I must needs look into your Papers, and could not leave them till I had read them thro’; and so ’twas Three o’Clock before I went to sleep. I wish, Sir, said I, you had had better Entertainment. The worst Part of it, said he, was what I had brought upon myself; and you have not spar’d me. Sir, said I — He interrupting me, said, Well, I forgive you. You had too much Reason for it. But I find, plain enough, that if you had got away, you would soon have been Williams’s Wife: And I can’t see how it could well have been otherwise. Indeed, Sir, said I, I had no Notion of it, or of being any body’s. I believe so, said he; but it must have come on as a Thing of Course; and I see your Father was for it. Sir, said he, I little thought of the Honour your Goodness would confer upon her; and I thought that would be a Match above what we could do for her, a great deal. But when I found she was not for it, I resolved not to urge her; but leave all to God’s Grace, and her own Prudence.

I see, said he, all was sincere, honest, and open; and I speak of it, if it had been done, as a thing that could hardly well be avoided; and I am quite satisfied. But, said he, I must observe, as I have an hundred times, with Admiration, what a prodigious Memory, and easy and happy Manner of Narration this excellent Girl has! And tho’ she is full of her pretty Tricks and Artifices, to escape the Snares I had laid for her, yet all is innocent, lovely, and uniformly beautiful. You are exceedingly happy in a Daughter; and, I hope, I shall be so in a Wife. — ;Or, said my Father, may she not have that Honour! — I fear it not, said he; and hope I shall deserve it of her.

snares = traps

But, Pamela, said my Master, I am sorry to find, in some Parts of your Journal, that Mrs. Jewkes carry’d her Orders a little too far. And I the more take Notice of it, because you have not complain’d to me of her Behaviour, as she might have expected for some Parts of it. Tho’ a good deal was occasion’d by my strict Orders. — But she had the Insolence to strike my Girl! I find. Sir, said I, I was a little provoking, I believe; but as we forgave one another, I was the less intitled to complain of her.

Well, said he, you are very good; but if you have any particular Resentment, I will indulge it so far, as that she shall hereafter have nothing to do where you are. Sir, said I, you are so kind, that I ought to forgive every body; and when I see that God has brought about my Happiness by the very Means that I thought then my great Grievance; I ought to bless those Means, and forgive all that was disagreeable to me at the time, for the great Good that has issued from it. — That, said he, and kissed me, is sweetly consider’d! and it shall be my Part to make you Amends for what you have suffer’d, that you may still think lighter of the one, and have Cause to rejoice in the other.

My dear Father’s Heart was full; and he said, with his Hands folded, and lifted up, Pray, Sir, let me go, — let me go, — to my dear Wife! and tell her all these blessed things, while my Heart holds! for it is ready to burst with Joy! Good Man! said my Master, — I love to hear this honest Heart of yours speaking at your Lips. I injoin you, Pamela, to continue your Relation, as you have Opportunity; and tho’ your Father be here, write to your Mother, that this wondrous Story be perfect, and we, your Friends, may read and admire you more and more. Ay, pray, pray do, my dear Child, said my Father. And this is the Reason that I write on, my dear Mother, when I thought not to do it, because my Father could tell you all that passed while he was here.

injoin = require

My Master took notice of my Psalm, and was pleas’d to commend it; and said, That I had very charitably turn’d the last Verses, which, in the Original, was full of heavy Curses, to a Wish, that shew’d I was not of an implacable Disposition; tho my then Usage might have excused it, if I had. But, said he, I think you shall sing it to me to-morrow.

shew’d = showed

After we have breakfasted, added he, if you have no Objection, Pamela, we’ll take an Airing together; and it shall be in the Coach, because we’ll have your Father’s Company. He would have excus’d himself; but my Master would have it so. But he was much ashamed, because he was not in a Dress for my Master’s Company.

My Master would make us both breakfast with him, on Chocolate; and he said, I would have you, Pamela, begin to dress as you used to do; for now, at least, you may call your two other Bundles your own; and if you want any thing against the approaching Occasion, private, as I design it, I’ll send to Lincoln for it, by a special Messenger. I said, My good Lady’s Bounty, and his own, had set me much above my Degree, and I had very good things of all Sorts; and I did not desire any other, because I would not excite the Censure of the Ladies. That would be a different thing, he was pleased to say, when he publickly own’d his Nuptials, after we came to the other House. But at present, if I was satisfied, he would not make Words with me.

own’d = admitted

I hope, Mr. Andrews, said he to my Father, you’ll not leave us till you see the Affair over, and then you’ll be sure I mean honourably; and besides, Pamela will be induced to set the Day sooner. O Sir, said he, I bless God, I have no Reason to doubt your meaning honourably; and I hope you’ll excuse me, if I set out on Monday Morning, very early, to my dear Wife, and make her as happy as I am.

Why, Pamela, said my good Master, may it not be perform’d on Tuesday, and then your Father, may-be, will stay? — I should have been glad to have had it to-morrow, added he; but I have sent Monsieur Colbrand for a Licence, that you may have no Scruple unanswer’d; and he can’t very well be back before to-morrow Night, or Monday Morning.

licence = permission
scruple = ethical concern

This was most agreeable News. I said, Sir, I know my dear Father will want to be at home. And as you was so good to give me a Fortnight from last Thursday, I should be glad you’ll be pleased to indulge me with some Day in the second Seven. Well, said he, I will not be too urgent; but the sooner you fix, the better. Mr. Andrews, we must leave something to these Jephtha’s Daughters, in these Cases, he was pleased to say: I suppose the little bashful Folly, which, in the happiest Circumstances, may give a kind of Regret to quit the Maiden State, and an Aukwardness at the Entrance of a new one, is a Reason with Pamela; and so she shall name her Day. Sir, said he, you are all Goodness.

I went up soon after, and new dress’d myself, taking Possession, in a happy Moment, I hope, of my two Bundles, as my good Master was pleased to call them, (alluding to my former Division of those good things my Lady and himself bestow’d upon me) and so put on fine Linen, silk Shoes, and fine white Cotton Stockens, a fine quilted Coat, a delicate green mantua silk Gown and Coat; a French Necklace, and a lac’d Head, and Handkerchief, and clean Gloves; and taking my Fan in my Hand, I, like a little proud Hussy, looked in the Glass, and thought myself a Gentlewoman once more; but I forgot not to thank God, for being able to put on this Dress with so much Comfort.

hussy = slut

Mrs. Jewkes would help to dress me, and complimented me highly, saying, among other things, that now I looked like her Lady indeed! And as, she said, the little Chapel was ready, and Divine Service would be read in it to-morrow, she wished the happy Knot might then be ty’d. Said she, Have you not seen the Chapel, Madam, since it has been cleaned out? — No, said I; but are we to have Service in it to-morrow, do you say? — I am glad of that; for I have been a sad Heathen lately, sore against my Will! — But who is to officiate? — Somebody, reply’d she, Mr. Peters will send. You tell me very good News, said I, Mrs. Jewkes. I hope it will never be a Lumber-room again. — Ay, said she, I can tell you more good News; for the two Miss Darnfords, and Lady Jones, are to be here at the Opening of it; and will stay and dine with you. My Master, said I, has not told me that. You must alter your Stile, Madam, said she. It must not be Master, now, sure! — O, return’d I, that is a Language I shall never forget. He shall always be my Master; and I shall think myself more and more his Servant.

My poor Father did not know I went up to dress myself; and he said, his Heart misgave him, when he saw me first, for fear I was made a Fool of, and that here was some fine Lady that was to be my Master’s Wife. And he stood in Admiration, and said, O, my dear Child, how well will you become your happy Condition! Why you look like a Lady already! — I hope, my dear Father, said I, and boldly kissed him, I shall always be your dutiful Daughter, whatever my Condition be.

condition = situation

My Master sent me word he was ready; and when he saw me, said, Dress as you will, Pamela, you’re a charming Girl; and so handed me to the Coach, and would make my Father and me sit both on the Fore-side; and sat backwards, over-against me; and bid the Coachman drive to the Meadow; that is, where he once met Mr. Williams.

The Conversation was most agreeable to me, and to my dear Father, as we went; and he more and more exceeded in Goodness and Generosity; and, while I was gone up to dress, he had presented my Father with twenty Guineas; desiring him to buy himself and my Mother such Apparel, as they should think proper; and lay it all out: But I knew not this till after that we came home; my Father having no Opportunity to tell me of it.

guineas = gold coins

He was pleased to tell me of the Chapel being got in tolerable Order; and said, it look’d very well; and against he came down next, it should be all new white-wash’d, and painted, and lin’d; and a new Pulpit-cloth, Cushion, Desk, &c. and that it should always be kept in order for the future. He told me, the two Miss Darnford’s, and Lady Jones, would dine with him on Sunday; And with their Servants and mine, said he, we shall make a tolerable little Congregation. And, added he, have I not well contriv’d, to shew you, that the Chapel is really a little House of God, and has been consecrated, before we solemnize our Nuptials in it? — O, Sir, reply’d I, your Goodness to me is inexpressible! Mr. Peters, said he, offer’d to come and officiate in it; but would not stay to dine with me, because he has Company at his own House; and so I intend that Divine Service shall be perform’d in it, by one to whom I shall make some yearly Allowance, as a sort of Chaplain. — You look serious, Pamela, added he; I know you think of your Friend Williams. Indeed, Sir, said I, if you won’t be angry, I did. Poor Man! I am sorry I have been the Cause of his disobliging you.

When we came to the Meadow, where the Gentry have their Walk sometimes, the Coach stopt, and my Master alighted, and led me to the Brookside; and it is a very pretty Summer Walk. He asked my Father, if he chose to walk out, or go on in the Coach, to the further End. He, poor Man, chose to go in the Coach, for fear, he said, any Gentry should be walking there; and he told me, he was most of the way upon his Knees, in the Coach, thanking God for his gracious Mercies and Goodness; and begging a Blessing upon my good Master and me.

I was quite astonish’d, when we came into the shady Walk, to see Mr. Williams there. See there, said my Master, there’s poor Williams, taking his solitary Walk again, with his Book. And it seems, it was so contriv’d; for Mr. Peters had been, as I since find, desir’d to tell him, to be in that Walk at such an Hour in the Morning.

So, old Acquaintance, said my Master, again have I met you in this Place? What Book are you now reading? He said, It was Boileau’s Lutrin. Said my Master, You see I have brought with me my little Fugitive, that would have been: While you are perfecting yourself in French, I am trying to learn English; and hope soon to be Master of it.

Mine, Sir, said he, is a very beautiful Piece of French: But your English has no Equal.

You are very polite, Mr. Williams, said my Master. And he that does not think as you do, deserves no Share in her. Why, Pamela, added he, very generously, why so strange, where you have once been so familiar? I do assure you both, that I mean not, by this Interview, to insult Mr. Williams, or confuse you. Then I said, Mr. Williams, I am very glad to see you well; and tho’ the generous Favour of my good Master has happily changed the Scene, since you and I last saw one another, I am nevertheless very glad of an Opportunity to acknowledge, with Gratitude, your good Intentions, not so much to serve me, as me, but as a Person that then had great Reason to believe herself in Distress. And, I hope, Sir, added I, to my Master, your Goodness will permit me to say this.

You, Pamela, said he, may make what Acknowledgments you please to Mr. Williams’s good Intentions; and I would have you speak as you think; but I do not apprehend myself to be quite so much oblig’d to those Intentions.

apprehend = understand

Sir, said Mr. Williams, I beg leave to say, I knew well, that, by Education, you was no Libertine; nor had I Reason to think you so by Inclination; and when you came to reflect, I hoped you would not be displeased with me. And this was no small Motive to me, at first, to do as I did.

leave = permission

Ay, but, Mr. Williams, said my Master, could you think, that I should have had Reason to thank you, if, above all her Sex, I loved one Person, and you had robbed me of her, and marry’d her yourself? — And then, said he, you are to consider, that she was of long Acquaintance with me, and a quite new one to you; that I had sent her down to my own House, for better securing her; and that you, who had Access to my House, could not effect your Purpose, without being guilty, in some sort, of a Breach of the Laws of Hospitality and Friendship. As to my Designs upon her, I own they had not the best Appearance; but still I was not answerable to Mr. Williams on that Score; much less could you be excus’d, to invade a Property so very dear to me, and to endeavour to gain an Interest in her Affections, tho’ you could not be certain, that Matters would not turn out as they have actually done.

own = admit

I own, said he, that some Parts of my Conduct seem exceptionable, as you state it. But, Sir, I am but a young Man. I meant no Harm. I had no Interest, I am sure, to incur your Displeasure; and when you think of every thing, and the inimitable Graces of Person, and Perfections of Mind, that adorn this excellent Lady, (so he called me) you will, perhaps, find your Generosity allow something as an Extenuation of a Fault, which your Anger would not permit as an Excuse.

I have done, said my Master; nor did I meet you here to be angry with you. Pamela knew not that she should see you; and now you are both present, I would ask you, Mr. Williams, If, now you know my honourable Designs towards this good Girl, you can really be almost, I will not say quite, as well pleased with the Friendship of my Wife, as you could be with the Favour of Mrs. Andrews?

Sir, said he, I will answer you truly. I think I could have preferr’d, with her, any Condition that could have befallen me, had I consider’d only myself. But, Sir, I was very far from having any Encouragement to expect her Favour; and I had much more Reason to believe, that if she could have hoped for your Goodness, her Heart was too much pre-engaged, to think of any body else. And give me Leave further to say, Sir, That tho’ I tell you sincerely my Thoughts, were I only to consider myself; yet when I consider her Good, and her Merit, I should be highly ungenerous, were it put to my Choice, if I could not wish her in a Condition so much superior to what I could do for her, and so very answerable to her Merit.

condition = situation

Pamela, said my Master, you are obliged to Mr. Williams, and ought to thank him: He has distinguished well. But as for me, who had like to have lost you by his means, I am glad the Matter was not left to his Choice. Mr. Williams, said he, I give you Pamela’s Hand, because I know it will be pleasing to her, in Token of her Friendship and Esteem for you; and I give you mine, that I will not be your Enemy. But yet I must say, that I think I owe this proper Manner of your Thinking more to your Disappointment, than to the Generosity you talk of.

Mr. Williams kissed my Hand, as my Master gave it him; and my Master said, Sir, you will go home and dine with me, and I’ll shew you my little Chapel; and do you, Pamela, look upon yourself at Liberty to number Mr. Williams in the List of your Friends.

How generous, how noble was this! Mr. Williams (and so had I) had Tears of Pleasure in his Eyes. I was silent; but Mr. Williams said, Sir, I shall be taught, by your Generosity, to think myself inexcusably wrong, in every Step I took, that could give you Offence; and my future Life shall shew my respectful Gratitude.

We walked on till we came to the Coach, where was my dear Father. Pamela, said my Master, tell Mr. Williams who that good Man is. O, Mr. Williams! said I, it is my dear Father; And, my Master was pleased to say, one of the honestest Men in England. Pamela owes every thing that she is to be, as well as her Being, to him; for, I think, she would not have brought me to this, nor made so great Resistance, but for the good Lessons, and religious Education she imbib’d from him.

Mr. Williams said, taking my Father’s Hand, You see, good Mr. Andrews, with inexpressible Pleasure, the Fruits of your pious Care; and now are in a way, with your beloved Daughter, to reap the happy Effects of it. — I am overcome, said my dear Father, with his Honour’s Goodness. But I can only say, I bless God, and bless him.

Mr. Williams and I being nearer the Coach than my Master; and he offering to draw back, to give way to him, he kindly said, Pray, Mr. Williams, oblige Pamela with your Hand; and step in yourself. He bow’d, and took my Hand, and my Master made him step in, and sit next me, all that ever he could do, and sat himself over-against him, next my Father, who sat against me.

And he said, Mr. Andrews, I told you Yesterday, that the Divine you saw, was not Mr. Williams; I now tell you, this Gentleman is: And tho’ I have been telling him, I think not myself obliged to his Intentions; yet I will own, that Pamela and you are; and tho’ I won’t promise to love him, I would have you.

Sir, said Mr. Williams, you have a way of overcoming, that hardly all my Reading affords an Instance of the like; and it is the more noble, as it is on this Side, as I presume, the happy Ceremony; which, great as your Fortune is, will lay you under an Obligation to so much Virtue and Beauty, when she becomes yours; for you will then have a Treasure that Princes might envy.

Said my generous Master, (God bless him!) Mr. Williams, it is impossible that you and I should long live at Variance, when our Sentiments agree so well together, on Subjects the most material.

I was quite confused; and my Master seeing it, took my Hand, and said, Look up, my good Girl! and collect yourself. — Don’t injure Mr. Williams and me so much, as to think we are capping Compliments, as we used to do Verses, at School. I dare answer for us both, that we say not a Syllable we don’t think.

O, Sir, said I, how unequal am I to all this Goodness! Every Moment that passes, adds to the Weight of the Obligations you oppress me with.

Think not too much of that, said he, most generously. Mr. Williams’s Compliments to you have great Advantage of mine: For, tho’ equally sincere, I have a great deal to say, and to do, to compensate the Sufferings I have made you undergo; and, at last, must sit down dissatisfied, because those will never be aton’d by all I can do for you.

He saw my dear Father quite unable to support these affecting Instances of his Goodness; and he let go my Hand, and took his, and said, seeing his Tears, I wonder not, my dear Pamela’s Father, that your honest Heart springs thus to your Eyes, to see all her Trials at an End. I will not pretend to say, that I had formerly either Power or Will to act thus. But since I began to resolve on the Change you see, I have reap’d so much Pleasure in it, that my own Interest will keep me steady. For, till within these few Days, I knew not what it was to be happy.

Poor Mr. Williams, with Tears of Joy in his Eyes, said; How happily, Sir, have you been touched by the Divine Grace, before you have been hurried into the Commission of Sins, that the deepest Penitence could hardly have aton’d for! — God has enabled you to stop short of the Evil; and you have nothing to do, but to rejoice in the Good, which now will be doubly so, because you can receive it without the least inward Reproach.

You do well, said he, to remind me, that I owe all this to the Grace of God. I bless Him for it; and I thank this good Man for his excellent Lessons. I thank his dear Daughter for following them: And, I hope, from her good Example, and your Friendship, Mr. Williams, in time, to be half as good as my Tutoress. And that, said he, I believe you’ll own, will make me, without Disparagement to any Gentleman, the best Fox-hunter in England. — Mr. Williams was going to speak: And he said, You put on so grave a Look, Mr. Williams, that, I believe, what I have said, with you practical good Folks, is liable to Exception: But I see we were become quite grave; and we must not be too serious neither.

What a happy Creature, my dear Mother, is your Pamela! — O may my thankful Heart, and the good Use I may be enabled to make of the Blessings before me, be a Means to continue this delightful Prospect to a long Date, for the sake of the dear good Gentleman, who thus becomes the happy Instrument, in the Hands of Providence, to bless all he smiles upon! To be sure, I shall never enough acknowledge the Value he is pleased to express for my Unworthiness, in that he has prevented my Wishes, and, unask’d, sought the Occasion of being reconciled to a good Man, who, for my sake, had incurred his Displeasure; and whose Name he could not, a few Days before, permit to pass thro’ my Lips: But see the wonderful Ways of Providence! The very things that I most dreaded his seeing or knowing, the Contents of my Papers, have, as I hope, satisfy’d all his Scruples, and been a Means to promote my Happiness.

scruples = concerns

Henceforth let not us poor short-sighted Mortals pretend to rely on our own Wisdom; or vainly think, that we are absolutely to direct for ourselves. I have abundant Reason, I am sure, to say, that when I was most disappointed, I was nearer my Happiness. For, had I made my Escape, which was so often my chief Point of View, and what I had placed my Heart upon, I had escaped the Blessings now before me, and fallen, perhaps headlong, into the Miseries I would have avoided! And yet, after all, it was necessary I should take the Steps I did, to bring on this wonderful Turn! O the unsearchable Wisdom of God! — And how much ought I to adore the Divine Goodness, and humble myself, who am made a poor Instrument, as, I hope, not only to magnify his Graciousness to this fine Gentleman and myself; but to dispense Benefits to others? Which God of his Mercy grant!

In the agreeable manner I have mentioned, did we pass the Time in our second happy Tour; and I thought Mrs. Jewkes would have sunk into the Ground, when she saw Mr. Williams brought in the Coach with us, and treated so kindly. We dined together in a most pleasant, and easy, and frank manner; and I found I needed not, from my Master’s Generosity, to be under any Restraint, as to my Conduct to this good Clergyman; for he, so often as he fansy’d I was reserv’d, mov’d me to be free with him, and to him; and several times called upon me to help my Father and Mr. Williams; and seem’d to take great Delight in seeing me carve and help round, as indeed he does in every thing I do.

After Dinner we went and looked into the Chapel; which is a very pretty one, and very decent; and when finish’d, as he designs it, against his next coming down, will be a very pretty Place.

My Heart, my dear Mother, when I first sat my Foot in it, throbb’d a good deal, with awful Joy, at the Thoughts of the Solemnity, which, I hope, will be, in a few Days, performed here. And when I came up towards the little pretty Altar-piece, while they were looking at a Communion-picture, and saying it was prettily done, I gently stept into a Corner, out of Sight, and poured out my Soul to God, on my Knees, in Thankfulness and Supplication, that, after having been so long absent from Divine Service, the first time that I enter’d into a House dedicated to His Honour, should be with such blessed Prospects before me; and begging of God to continue me humble, and to make me not unworthy of his Mercies; and that he would be pleased to bless the next Author of it, my good Master.

awful = awe-inspiring

I heard my Master say, Where’s Pamela? And so I broke off sooner than I would, and went up to him.

He said, Mr. Williams, I hope I have not so offended you, by my Conduct past, (for really it is what I ought to be ashamed of) as that you will refuse to officiate, and to give us your Instructions here to-morrow. Mr. Peters was so kind, for the first time, to offer it; but I know it would be inconvenient for him; and besides, I was willing to make this Request to you an Introduction to our Reconciliation.

Sir, said he, most willingly, and most gratefully will I obey you. Tho’, if you expect a Discourse, I am wholly unprepar’d for the Occasion. I would not have it, reply’d he, pointed to any particular Occasion; but if you have one upon the Text, — There is more Joy in Heaven over one Sinner that repenteth, than over Ninety-nine just Persons that need not Repentance; and if it makes me not such a sad Fellow as to be pointed at by mine and the Ladies Servants we shall have here, I shall be well content. ’Tis a general Subject, added he, makes me speak of that; but any one you please will do; for you cannot make a bad Choice, I am sure.

Sir, said he, I have one upon that Text; but I am ready to think, that a Thanksgiving one, which I made on a great Mercy to myself, if I may be permitted to make my own Acknowledgments of your Favour the Subject of a Discourse, will be suitable to my grateful Sentiments. It is on the Text, — Now lettest thou thy Servant depart in Peace; for my Eyes have seen thy Salvation.

That Text, said I, will be a very suitable one for me. Not so, Pamela, said my Master; because I don’t let you depart in Peace; but I hope you will stay here with Content.

O but, Sir, said I, I have seen God’s Salvation! — I am sure, added I, if any body ever had Reason, I have, to say, with the blessed Virgin, My Soul doth magnify the Lord; for he hath regarded the low Estate of his Handmaiden, — and exalted one of low Degree.

estate = status, rank

Said my good Father, I am sure, if there were Time for it, the Book of Ruth would afford a fine Subject for the Honour done my dear Child.

Why, good Mr. Andrews, said my Master, should you say so? — I know that Story, and Mr. Williams will confirm what I say, that my good Girl here will confer at least as much Honour as she will receive.

Sir, said I, you are inexpressibly generous; but I shall never think so. Why, my Pamela, said he, that’s another thing: It will be best for me to think you will; and it will be kind in you to think you shan’t; and then we shall have always an excellent Rule to regulate our Conduct by to one another.

Was not this finely, nobly, wisely said, my dear Mother? —— O what a blessed thing it is to be match’d to a Man of Sense and Generosity! — How edifying! — How! — But what shall I say! — I am at a Loss for Words.

Mr. Williams said, When we came out of the little Chapel, he would go home, and look over his Discourses, for one for the next Day. My Master said, I have one thing to say, before you go. — When my Jealousy, on Account of this good Girl, put me upon such a vindictive Conduct to you, you know I took a Bond for the Money I had caused you to be troubled for: I really am ashamed of the Matter; because I never intended, when I presented it to you, to have it again, you may be sure: But I knew not what might happen between you and her, nor how far Matters might have gone between you; and so I was willing to have that in Awe over you. And, I think, it is no extraordinary Present, therefore, to give you up your Bond again, cancell’d. And so he took it from his Pocket, and gave it him. I think, added he, all the Charges attending it, and the Trouble you had, were defray’d by my Attorney: I order’d that they should. They were, Sir, said he; and Ten thousand Thanks to you for this Goodness, and the kind manner in which you do it! — If you will go, Mr. Williams, said he, shall my Chariot carry you home? No, Sir, answer’d he, I thank you. My Time will be so well employ’d all the way in thinking of your Favours, that I chuse to meditate upon them, as I walk home.

My dear Father was very uneasy about his Habit, for appearing at Chapel next Day, because of Miss Darnfords, and the Servants, for fear, poor Man, he should disgrace my Master; and he told me, when he was mentioning this, my Master’s kind Present of Twenty Guineas for Cloaths, for you both; which made my Heart truly joyful. But Oh! to be sure, I never can deserve the hundredth Part of his Goodness! — It is almost a hard thing to lie under the Weight of such deep Obligations on one side; and such a Sense of one’s own Unworthiness of the other! — O! what a Godlike Power is that of doing Good! — I envy the Rich and the Great for nothing else!

guineas = gold coins

My Master coming to us just then, I said, Oh! Sir, will your Bounty know no Limits! My dear Father has told me what you have given him! — A Trifle, Pamela, said he; a little Earnest only of my Kindness. — Say no more of it. But did I not hear the good Man expressing some sort of Concern for somewhat? Hide nothing from me, Pamela. Only, Sir, said I, he knew not how to absent himself from Divine Service, and yet is afraid of disgracing you by appearing.

Fie, Mr. Andrews, said he, I thought you knew that the outward Appearance was nothing. I wish I had as good a Habit inwardly, as you have. But I’ll tell you, Pamela, your Father is not much thinner than I am, nor much shorter; he and I will walk up together to my Wardrobe; tho’ it is not so well stor’d here, as in Bedfordshire.

And so, said he, pleasantly, Don’t you pretend to come near us, till I call you; for you must not yet see how Men dress and undress themselves. O, Sir, said my Father, I beg to be excused. I am sorry you are told. So am not I, said my Master: Pray come along with me.

He carry’d him up Stairs, and shew’d him several Suits; and would have had him take his Choice. My poor Father was quite confounded: For my Master saw not any he thought too good, and my Father none that he thought bad enough. And my good Master, at last, (he fixing his Eye upon a fine Drab, which he thought looked the plinest) would help him to try the Coat and Waistcoat on himself; and indeed, one would not have thought it, because my Master is taller, and rather plumper, as I thought; but, as I saw afterwards, they fitted him very well: And being plain, and lined with the same Colour, and made for travelling in a Coach, pleased my poor Father much. He gave him the whole Suit, and calling up Mrs. Jewkes, said, Let these Cloaths be well aired against to-morrow Morning. Mr. Andrews brought only with him his common Apparel, not thinking to stay Sunday with us. And pray see for some of my Stockens; and whether none of my Shoes will fit him; and see also for some of my Linen; for we have put the good Man quite out of his Course, by keeping him Sunday over. He was then pleased to give him the silver Buckles out of his own Shoes. So, my good Mother, you must expect to see my dear Father a great Beau. Wig, said my Master, he wants none; for his own venerable white Locks are better than all the Perukes in England. — But I am sure I have Hars enow somewhere. I’ll take care of every thing, Sir, said Mrs. Jewkes. — And my poor Father, when he came to me, could not refrain Tears. I know not how, said he, to comfort myself under these great Favours O my Child, it is all owing to God’s Goodness, and your Virtue.

shew’d = showed

Sunday

This blessed Day all the Family seem’d to take Delight to equip themselves for the Celebration of the Sabbath, in the little Chapel; and Lady Jones and Mr. Williams came in her Chariot, and the two Miss Darnfords, in their own; with each a Footman, besides the Coachman. And we breakfasted together, in a most agreeable manner. My dear Father appeared quite spruce and neat, and was greatly caressed by the three Ladies. As we were at Breakfast, my Master told Mr. Williams, we must let the Psalms alone, he doubted, for want of a Clerk; but Mr. Williams said, No, nothing should be wanting that he could supply. My Father said, If it might be permitted him, he would, as well as he was able, perform that Office; for it was always what he had taken Delight in. And as I know he had learnt Psalmody formerly, in his Youth, and had constantly practised it in private, at home, of Sunday Evenings, (as well as endeavour’d to teach it in the little School he so unsuccessfully set up, at the Beginning of his Misfortunes, before he took to hard Labour) I was in no Pain for his undertaking it in this little Congregation. They seemed much pleased with this; and so we went to Chapel, and made a pretty tolerable Appearance; Mrs. Jewkes, and all the Servants attending, but the Cook; and I never saw Divine Service perform’d with more Solemnity, nor assisted at with greater Devotion and Decency; my Master, Lady Jones, and the two Misses, setting a lovely Example.

want = lack

My good Father perform’d his Part with great Applause, making the Responses as if he had been a practised Parish Clerk; and giving the Psalm, which consisting of but three Staves, we had it all; and he read the Line, and began the Tune with a Heart so intirely affected with the Duty, that he went thro’ it distinctly, calmly, and fervently at the same time; so that Lady Jones whisper’d me, That good Men were fit for all Companies, and present to every laudable Occasion: And Miss Darnford said, God bless the dear good Man! — You must think how I rejoiced in my Mind!

I know, my dear Mother, you can say most of the shorter Psalms by Heart; so I need not transcribe it, especially as your chief Treasure is a Bible; and a worthy Treasure it is. I know nobody makes more or better Use of it.

Mr. Williams gave us an excellent Discourse on Liberality and Generosity, and the Blessing attending the right Use of Riches, from the xith Chapter of Proverbs, ver. 24, 25. There is that scattereth, and yet increaseth; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet; but it tendeth to Poverty. The liberal Soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth, shall be watered also himself. And he treated the Subject in so handsome a manner, that my Master’s Delicacy, who, at first, was afraid of some personal Compliments, was not offended, he judiciously keeping to Generals; and it was an elegant and sensible Discourse, as my Master said.

My Father was, as in the Clerk’s Place, just under the Desk; and Lady Jones beckon’d her Footman, and whisper’d him to beg him to favour us with another Psalm, when the Sermon was ended, he, thinking as he said afterwards, that the former was rather of the longest, chose the shortest in the Book; which, you know, is the cxviith.

My Master thanked Mr. Williams for his excellent Discourse, and so did the Ladies; as also I did, most heartily; and he was pleased to take my dear Father by the Hand, as Mr. Williams also did, and thanked him. The Ladies also made him their kind Compliments; and the Servants all looked upon him with Countenances of Respect and Pleasure.

At Dinner, do what I could, I was forced to take the Upper-end of the Table; and my Master sat at the Lower-end, between Mr. Williams and my Father. And he said, Pamela, you are so dextrous, that I think you may help the Ladies yourself; and I will help my two good Friends. I should have told you tho’, that I dressed myself in a flower’d Satten, that was my Lady’s, and look’d quite fresh and good, and which was given me at first by my Master; and the Ladies, who had not seen me out of my Homespun before, made me abundance of fine Compliments, as soon as they saw me first.

Talking of the Psalms, just after Dinner, my Master was very naughty, if I may so say: For he said to my Father, Mr. Andrews, I think, in the Afternoon, as we shall have only Prayers, we may have one longer Psalm; and what think you of the cxxxviith? — O good Sir! said I, pray, pray, not a Word more! — Say what you will, Pamela, said he, you shall sing it to us, according to your own Version, before these good Ladies go away. My Father smil’d, but was half concern’d for me; and said, Will it bear, and please your Honour? — O ay, said he, never fear it; so long as Mrs. Jewkes is not in the Hearing.

This excited all the Ladies Curiosity; and Lady Jones said, She should be loth to desire to hear any thing that would concern me; but should be glad I would give Leave for it. Indeed, Madam, said I, I must beg you won’t insist upon it. I cannot bear it. — You shall see it indeed, Ladies, said my Master; and pray, Pamela, not always as you please, neither. — Then, pray, Sir, said I, not in my hearing, I hope. — Sure, Pamela, return’d he, you would not write what is not fit to be heard! — But, Sir, said I, there are particular Cases, Times, and Occasions, that may make a thing passable at one time, that would not be tolerable at another. O, said he, let me judge of that, as well as you, Pamela. These Ladies know a good Part of your Story; and, let me tell you, what they know is more to your Credit than mine; so that if I have no Averseness to reviving the Occasion, you may very well bear it. Said he, I will put you out of your Pain, Pamela; I believe I put it in my Pocket on purpose.

loth = unwilling

I stood up, and said, Indeed, Sir, I can’t bear it! I hope you’ll allow me to leave the Room a Minute, if you will read it. Indeed, but I won’t, answer’d he. Lady Jones said, Pray, good Sir, don’t let us hear it, if Mrs. Andrews be so unwilling. Well, Pamela, said my Master, I will put it to your Choice, whether I shall read it now, or you will sing it by-and-by. That’s very hard, Sir, said I. It must be one, I assure you, said he. Why then, Sir, reply’d I, you must do as you please; for I cannot sing it.

Well, then, said my Master, I find I must read it; and yet, added he, after all, I had as well let it alone; for it is no great Reputation to myself. O then, said Miss Darnford, pray let us hear it to chuse.

Why then, proceeded he, the Case was this: Pamela, I find, when she was in the Time of her Confinement, (that is, added he, when she was taken Prisoner, in order to make me one; for that is the Upshot of the Matter) in the Journal she kept, which was intended for nobody’s Perusal but her Parents, tells them, That she was importuned, one Sunday, by Mrs. Jewkes, to sing a Psalm; but her Spirits not permitting, she declin’d it: But after Mrs. Jewkes was gone down, she says, she recollected, that the cxxxviith Psalm was applicable to her own Case; Mrs. Jewkes having often, on other Days, in vain, besought her to sing a Song. That thereupon she turn’d it more to her own supposed Case; and believing Mrs. Jewkes had a Design against her Honour, and looking upon her as her Gaoler, she thus gives her Version of this Psalm. But pray, Mr. Williams, do you read one Verse of the common Translation, and I will read one of Pamela’s. Then Mr. Williams pulling out his little Pocket Common-prayer Book, read the first two Stanzas.

I

When we did sit in Babylon,
   The Rivers round about:
Then in Remembrance of Sion,
   The Tears for Grief burst out.

II

We hang’d our Harps and Instruments
   The Willow-trees upon:
For in that Place Men, for that Use,
   Had planted many a one.

My Master then read:

I

When sad, I sat in B——n-hall,
   All watched round about;
And thought of every absent Friend,
   The Tears for Grief burst out.

II

My Joys, and Hopes, all overthrown,
   My Heart-strings almost broke:
Unfit my Mind for Melody,
   Much more to bear a Joke.

The Ladies said, It was very pretty; and Miss Darnford, That somebody else had well observ’d, that I had need to be less concerned than themselves.

I knew, said my Master, I should get no Credit by shewing this. But let us read on, Mr. Williams. So Mr. Williams read;

III

Then they, to whom we Pris’ners were,
   Said to us tauntingly;
Now let us hear your Hebrew Songs,
   And pleasant Melody.

Now this, said my Master, is very near: And read;

III

Then she, to whom I Pris’ner was,
   Said to me tauntingly;
Now chear your Heart, and sing a Song,
   And tune your Mind to Joy.

Mighty sweet, said Mr. Williams. But let us see how the next Verse is turn’d. It is this:

IV

Alas! said we, who can once frame
   His heavy Heart to sing
The Praises of our loving God,
   Thus under a strange King?

Why, said my Master, it is turn’d with beautiful Simplicity, thus:

IV

Alas! said I, how can I frame
   My heavy Heart to sing,
Or tune my Mind, while thus inthrall’d
   By such a wicked Thing!

Very pretty, said Mr. Williams. Lady Jones said, O dear, Madam, can you wish that we should be depriv’d of this new Instance of your Genius and Accomplishments?

O! said my dear Father, you will make my good Child proud. No, said my Master, very generously, Pamela can’t be proud. For no one is proud to hear themselves prais’d, but those who are not us’d to it. — But proceed, Mr. Williams. He read;

V

But yet, if I Jerusalem
   Out of my Heart let slide;
Then let my Fingers quite forget
   The warbling Harp to guide.

Well, now, said my Master, for Pamela’s Version!

V

But yet, if from my Innocence
   I, ev’n in Thought, should slide,
Then let my Fingers quite forget
   The sweet Spinnet to guide.

spinnet = harpsichord

Mr. Williams read;

VI

And let my Tongue within my Mouth,
   Be ty’d for ever fast,
If I rejoice before I see
   Thy full Deliv’rance past.

This also, said my Master, is very near.

VI

And let my Tongue, within my Mouth,
   Be lock’d for ever fast,
If I rejoice before I see
   My full Deliv’rance past.

Now, good Sir, said I, oblige me; don’t read any further: Pray don’t! O pray, Madam, said Mr. Williams, let me beg to have the rest read; for I long to know who you make the Sons of Edom, and how you turn the Psalmist’s Execrations against the insulting Babylonians.

Psalmist = writer of psalms, here King David

Well, Mr. Williams, reply’d I, you should not have said so. O, said my Master, that is one of the best things of all. Poor Mrs. Jewkes stands for Edom’s Sons; and we must not lose this, because I think it one of my Pamela’s Excellencies, that tho’ thus oppress’d, she prays for no Harm upon the Oppressor. Read, Mr. Williams, the next Stanza. So he read;

VII

Therefore, O Lord, remember now
   The cursed Noise and Cry,
That Edom’s Sons against us made,
   When they rais’d our City.

VIII

Remember, Lord, their cruel Words,
   When, with a mighty Sound,
They cried, Down, yea, down with it,
   Unto the very Ground.

Well, said my Master, here seems, in what I am going to read, a little bit of a Curse indeed; but I think it makes no ill Figure in the Comparison.

VII

And thou, Almighty! recompense
   The Evils I endure,
From those who seek my sad Disgrace,
   So causeless! to procure.

And now, said he, for Edom’s Sons! Tho’ a little severe in the Imputation.

VIII

Remember, Lord, this Mrs. Jewkes,
   When with a mighty Sound,
She cries, Down with her Chastity,
   Down to the very Ground!

Sure, Sir, said I, this might have been spar’d! But the Ladies and Mr. Williams said, No, by no means! And I see the poor wicked Woman has no Favourers among them.

Now, said my Master, read the Psalmist’s heavy Curses: And Mr. Williams read;

IX

Ev’n so shalt thou, O Babylon!
   At length to Dust be brought:
And happy shall that Man be call’d,
   That our Revenge hath wrought.

X

Yea, blessed shall that Man be call’d,
   That takes thy little ones,
And dasheth them in pieces small
   Against the very Stones.

Thus, said he, very kindly, has my Pamela turn’d these Lines.

IX

Ev’n so shalt thou, O wicked one,
   At length to Shame be brought:
And happy shall all those be call’d,
   That my Deliv’rance wrought.

X

Yea, blessed shall the Man be call’d,
   That shames thee of thy Evil,
And saves me from thy vile Attempts,
   And thee, too, from the D—l.

D—l = devil

I fansy this blessed Man, said my Master, smiling, was, at that time, hoped to be you, Mr. Williams, if the Truth was known. Sir, said he, whoever it was intended for then, it can be nobody but your good Self now.

fansy = imagine

I could hardly hold up my Head for the Praises the kind Ladies were pleased to heap upon me. I am sure, by this, they are very partial in my Favour; all because my Master is so good to me, and loves to hear me praised; for I see no such Excellence in these Lines, as they would make me believe, besides what is borrow’d from the Psalmist.

We all, as before, and the Cook-maid too, attended the Prayers of the Church in the Afternoon; and my dear Father concluded with the following Stanzas of the cxlyth Psalm; suitably magnifying the holy Name of God for all his Mercies; but did not observe altogether the Method in which they stand; which was the less necessary, he thought, as he gave out the Lines.

The Lord is just in all his ways;
   His Works are holy all:
And he is near all those that do
   In Truth upon him call.

He the Desires of all of them
   That fear him, will fulfil,
And he will hear them when they cry,
   And save them all he will.

The Eyes of all do wait on thee;
   Thou dost them all relieve:
And thou to each sufficing Food,
   In Season due, dost give.

Thou openest thy plenteous Hand,
   And bounteously dost fill
All things whatever that do live,
With Gifts of thy Good-will.

My thankful Mouth shall gladly speak
   The Praises of the Lord:
All Flesh to praise his holy Name,
   For ever shall accord.

We walked in the Garden till Tea was ready; and as we went by the Back-door, my Master said to me, Of all the Flowers in the Garden, the Sun-flower is the fairest! — O, Sir, said I, let that be now forgot! Mr. Williams heard him say so, and seem’d a little out of Countenance: Whereupon my Master said, I mean not to make you serious, Mr. Williams; but we see how strangely things are brought about. I see other Scenes hereabouts, that, in my Pamela’s Dangers, give me more Cause of Concern, than any thing you ever did, should give you. Sir, said he, you are very generous.

out of countenance = upset, disturbed

My Master and Mr. Williams afterwards walked together, for a Quarter of an Hour, and talked about general things, and some scholastick Subjects, and joined us, very well pleased with one another’s Conversation.

Lady Jones said, putting herself on one side of me, as my Master was of the other, But pray, Sir, when is the happy Time to be? We want it over, that we may have you with us, as long afterwards as you can. Said my Master, I would have it to morrow or next Day, at farthest, if Pamela will: For I have sent for a Licence, and the Messenger will be here to-night, or early in the Morning, I hope. But, added he, pray, Pamela, do not take beyond Thursday. She was pleased to say, Sure it will not be delay’d by you, Madam, more than needs! — Well, said he, now you are on my Side, I will leave you with her, to settle it: And, I hope, she will not let little bashful Niceties be important with her; and so he joined the two Misses.

niceties = excessive concerns

Lady Jones told me, I was to blame, she would take upon her to say, if I delay’d it a Moment; because she understood Lady Davers was very uneasy at the Prospect that it would be so; and if any thing should happen, it would be a sad thing! —— Madam, said I, when he was pleased to mention it to me first, he said it should be in fourteen Days; and afterwards, ask’d me if I would have it in the first or the second Seven. I answer’d, — for how could I do otherwise? In the second: He desir’d it might not be the last Day of the second Seven. Now, Madam, said I, as he was then pleased to speak his Mind, no doubt, I would not for any thing seem too forward.

Well, but, said she, as he now urges you in so genteel and gentlemanly a manner for a shorter Day, I think, if I was in your place, I would agree to it. She saw me hesitate and blush, and said, Well, you know best; but I say only what I would do. I said, I would consider of it; and if I saw he was very earnest, to be sure I should think I ought to oblige him.

Miss Darnfords were begging to be at the Wedding, and to have a Ball: And they said, Pray, Mrs. Andrews, second our Requests, and we shall be greatly obliged to you. Indeed, Ladies, said I, I cannot promise that, if I might. Why so? said they. — Because, answer’d I, — I know not what! But, I think, one may, with Pleasure, celebrate an Anniversary of one’s Nuptials; but the Day itself — Indeed, Ladies, I think it is too solemn a Business, for the Parties of our Sex, to be very gay upon! It is a quite serious and awful Affair: And I am sure, in your own Cases, you would be of my Mind. Why then, said Miss Darnford, the more need one has to be as light-hearted and merry as one can.

parties of our sex = groups of women

I told you, said my Master, what sort of an Answer you’d have from Pamela. The younger Miss said, She never heard of such grave Folks in her Life, on such an Occasion! Why, Sir, said she, I hope you’ll sing Psalms all Day, and Miss will fast and pray! Such Sackcloth and Ashes Doings, for a Wedding, did I never hear of! — She spoke a little spitefully, I thought; and I return’d no Answer. I shall have enough to do, I reckon, in a-while, if I am to answer every one that will envy me!

sackcloth and ashes, symbols of penitence

We went in to Tea, and all the Ladies could prevail upon my Master for, was a Dancing-match before he left this Country; but Miss Darnford said, It should then be at their House; for, truly, if she might not be at the Wedding, she would be affronted, and come no more hither, till we had been there.

hither = to here

When they were gone, my Master would have had my Father stay till the Affair was over; but he begg’d he might set out as soon as it was light in the Morning; for, he said, my Mother would be doubly uneasy at his Stay; and he burned with Impatience, to let her know all the happy things that had befallen her Daughter. When my Master found him so desirous to go, he called Mr. Thomas, and order’d him to get a particular Bay-horse ready betimes in the Morning, for my Father, and a Portmanteau, to put his Things in; and to attend him a Day’s Journey; And if, said he, Mr. Andrews chuses it, see him safe to his own Home. And, added he, as that Horse will serve you, Mr. Andrews, to ride backwards and forwards, to see us when we go to Bedfordshire, I make you a Present of it, with the Accoutrements. And seeing my Father going to speak, he added, I won’t be said Nay. O how good was this!

bay-horse = reddish brown horse
betimes = early
portmanteau = luggage for carrying clothing
accoutrements = clothing that accompanies something else

He also said a great many kind things at Suppertime, and gave him all the Papers he had of mine; but desir’d, when he and my Mother had read them, that he would return them to him again. And then he said, So affectionate a Father and Daughter may, perhaps, be glad to be alone together; therefore, remember me to your good Wife, and tell her, it will not be long, I hope, before I see you together, on a Visit to your Daughter, at my other House; and so I wish you Good-night, and a good Journey, if you go before I see you; and then he shook Hands, and left my dear Father almost unable to speak, thro’ the Sense of his Favours and Goodness.

You may believe, my dear Mother, how loth I was to part with my good Father; and he was also unwilling to part with me; but he was so impatient to see you, and tell you the blessed Tidings, with which his Heart overflow’d, that I could hardly wish to detain him.

loth = unwilling

Mrs. Jewkes brought two Bottles of Cherry-brandy, and two Bottles of Cinamon-water, and some Cake; and they were put up in the Portmanteau, with my Father’s newly presented Cloaths; for he said, he would not, for any thing, be seen in them in his Neighbourhood, till I was actually known, by every body, to be marry’d; nor would he lay out any part of the twenty Guineas till then neither, for fear of Reflections; and then he would consult me as to what he should buy. Well, said I, as you please, my dear Father; and I hope now we shall often have the Pleasure of hearing from one another, without needing any Art or Contrivances.

portmanteau = luggage for carrying clothing
guineas = gold coins
contrivances = tricks

He said, he would go to-bed betimes, that he might be up as soon as it was light; and so he took Leave of me, and said he would not love me, if I got up in the Morning to see him go; which would but make us more loth to part, and grieve us both all Day.

betimes = early
loth = unwilling

Mr. Thomas brought him a Pair of Boots, and told him, he would call him up at peep of Day, and put up every thing over Night; and so I received his Blessing and his Prayers, and his kind Promises of procuring the same from you, my dear Mother, and went up to my Closet with a heavy Heart, and yet a half pleased one, if I may so say; for that, as he must go, he was going to the best of Wives, and with the best of Tidings. But I begg’d he would not work so hard as he had done; for I was sure my Master would not have given him twenty Guineas for Cloaths, if he had not designed to do something else for him; and that he should be the less concern’d at receiving Benefits from my good Master, because he, who had so many Persons to employ in his large Possessions, could make him serviceable, to an equivalent Degree, without hurting any body else.

guineas = gold coins

He promised me fair; and pray, dear Mother, see he performs. I hope my Master will not see this. For I will not send it you, at present, till I can send you the best of News; and the rather, as my dear Father can supply the greatest Part of what I have written, since the Papers he carries you, by his own Observation. So, God bless you both! Good-night! And send my Father a safe Journey, and a happy Meeting to you both!

Monday

M. Colbrand being return’d, my Master came up to me to my Closet, and brought me the Licence. O how my Heart flutter’d at the Sight of it! Now, Pamela, said he, tell me, If you can oblige me with the Day. Your Word is all that’s wanting! I made bold to kiss his dear Hand; and tho’ unable to look up, said, — I know not what to say, Sir, to all your Goodness! I would not, for any Consideration, that you should believe me capable of receiving negligently an Honour, that all the Duty of a long Life, were it to be lent me, will not be sufficient to enable me to be grateful for. I ought to resign myself, in every thing I may or can, implicitly to your Will. But — But what? said he, with a kind Impatience! — Why, Sir, said I, when from last Thursday you mention’d Fourteen Days, I had Reason to think that Term your Choice; and my Heart is so wholly yours, that I am afraid of nothing, but that I may be forwarder than you wish. Impossible, my dear Creature, said he, and folded me in his Arms; impossible! If this be all, it shall be set about this Moment, and this happy Day shall make you mine! — I’ll send away instantly, said the dear Gentleman, and was going.

wanting = missing

I said, No, pray, Sir, pray, Sir, hear me! — Indeed it cannot be to-day! — Cannot! said he. — No, indeed, Sir! said I. — And was ready to sink to see his generous Impatience! Why flatter’d you then, my fond Heart, said he, with the Hope that it might! — Sir, said I, I will tell you what I had thought, if you’ll vouchsafe me your Attention. Do then, said he!

I have, Sir, proceeded I, a great Desire, that whenever the Day is, it may be of a Thursday: Of a Thursday my dear Father and Mother were marry’d, and tho’ poor, they are a very happy Pair. — Of a Thursday your poor Pamela was born: Of a Thursday my dear good Lady took me from my Parents into her Protection: Of a Thursday, Sir, you caus’d me to be carry’d away to this Place, to which I now, by God’s Goodness and your Favour, owe so amazingly all my present Prospects; and of a Thursday it was, you nam’d to me that Fourteen Days from that, you would confirm my Happiness. Now, Sir, if you please to indulge my superstitious Folly, you will greatly oblige me: I was sorry, Sir, for this Reason, when you bid me not defer till the last Day of the Fourteen, that Thursday in next Week was that last Day.

This, Pamela, is a little superstitious, I must needs say; and I think you should begin now to make another Day in the Week a happy one; as for Example, On a Monday, may you say, my Father and Mother concluded to be marry’d on the Thursday following. Of a Monday, so many Years ago, my Mother was preparing all her Matters, to be brought to-bed on the Thursday following. Of a Monday, several Weeks ago, it was that you had but two Days more to stay, till you was carry’d away on Thursday. On a Monday, I myself, said he, well remember, it was, that I wrote you the Letter, that prevail’d on you so kindly to return to me; and, on the same Day, you did return to my House here; which I hope, my Girl, will be as propitious an Æra as any you have nam’d: And now, lastly, will you say, which will crown the Work; And, on a Monday I was marry’d. — Come, come, my Dear, added he, Thursday has reign’d long enough o’ Conscience; let us now set Monday in its Place, or at least on an Equality with it, since you see it has a very good Title, and as we now stand in the Week before us, claims Priority; and then, I hope, we shall make Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, as happy Days, as Monday and Thursday; and so, by God’s Blessing, move round as the Days move, in a delightful Circle, till we are at a Loss what Day to prefer to the rest.

propitious = promising good things

O how charmingly was this said! — And how sweetly kind!

Indeed, Sir, said I, you rally my Folly very agreeably; but don’t let a little Matter stand in the way, when you are so generously obliging in greater! Indeed I like Thursday best, if I may chuse.

rally = make fun of

Well then, said he, if you can say, you have a better Reason than this, I will oblige you; else I’ll send away for the Parson this Moment!

And so, I protest, he was going! — Dear Sirs, how I trembled! — Stay, stay, Sir, said I: We have a great deal to say first; I have a deal of silly Prate to trouble you with! — Well, say then, in a Minute, reply’d he, the most material; for all we have to say may be talk’d of while the Parson is coming! — O but indeed, and indeed, said I, it cannot be today! — Well then, shall it be to-morrow? said he. — Why, Sir, if it must not be of a Thursday, you have given so many pleasant Distinctions for a Monday, that let it then be next Monday! — What! a Week still? said he. Sir, answer’d I, if you please; for that will be, as you injoin’d, within the second Seven Days. Why, Girl, said he, ’twill be Seven Months till next Monday. Let it, said he, if not tomorrow, be on Wednesday; I protest I will stay no longer.

prate = nonsense
injoin’d = demanded

Then, Sir, return’d I, please to defer it, however, for one Day more, and it will be my beloved Thursday! If I consent to defer it till then, may I hope, my Pamela, said he, that next Thursday shall certainly be the happy Day? — Yes, Sir, said I; and I am sure I look’d very foolishly!

And yet, my dear Father and Mother, why should I, with such a fine Gentleman! And whom I so dearly love! And so much to my Honour too? But there is something greatly awful upon my Mind, in the solemn Circumstance, and a Change of Condition never to be recall’d, tho’ all the Prospects are so desirable. And I can but wonder, at the thoughtless Precipitancy with which most young Folks run into this important Change of Life!

condition = social rank
precipitancy = haste, rashness

So now, my dear Parents, have I been brought to fix so near a Day as next Thursday; and this is Monday. O dear, it makes one out of Breath almost to think of it. This, tho’, was a great Cut-off; a whole Week out of ten Days. I hope I am not too forward! I’m sure, if it obliges my dear Master, I am justify’d; for he deserves all things of me, in my poor Power.

After this, he rode out on Horse-back, attended by Abraham, and did not return till Night. How by degrees, Things steal upon one! I thought even this small Absence tedious, and the more as we expected him home to Dinner. — I wish I may not be too fond, and make him indifferent: But yet, my dear Father and Mother, you were always fond of one another, and never indifferent, let the World run as it would. —

When he returned, he said, he had had a pleasant Ride, and was led out to a greater Distance than he intended. At Supper he told me, that he had a great mind Mr. Williams should marry us; because, he said, it should shew a thorough Reconcilation of his Part: But, said he, most generously, I am apprehensive on what passed between you, that the poor Man will take it hardly, and as a sort of Insult, which I am not capable of. What says my Girl? — Do you think he would? I hope not, Sir, said I: For, as to what he may think, I can’t answer; but as to any Reason for his Thoughts, I could. But indeed, Sir, said I, you have been already so generous, that he cannot, I think, mistake your Goodness.

apprehensive = worried

He then spoke with some Resentment of Lady Davers’s Behaviour, and I ask’d, If any thing new had occurr’d? Yes, said he; I have had a Letter deliver’d me from her impertinent Husband, professedly at her Instigation, that amounted to little less than a Piece of insolent Bravery, on supposing I was about to marry you. I was so provok’d, added he, that after I had read it, I tore it into a hundred Pieces, and scatter’d them in the Air, and bid the Man who brought it, let his Master know what I had done with his Letter; and so would not permit him to speak to me, as he would fain have done. — I think the Fellow talk’d somewhat of his Lady coming hither; but she shall not set her Foot within my Doors; and I suppose this Treatment will hinder her.

hither = to here

I was much concern’d at this: And he said, Had I an hundred Sisters, Pamela, their Opposition should have no Weight with me; and I did not intend you should know it; but you can’t but expect a little Difficulty from the Pride of my Sister, who have suffer’d so much from that of her Brother; and we are too nearly ally’d in Mind as well as Blood, I find. — But this is not her Business. And if she would have made it so, she should have done it with more Decency. Little Occasion had she to boast of her Birth, that knows not what belongs to good Manners.

I said, I am very sorry, Sir, to be the unhappy Occasion of a Misunderstanding between so good a Brother, and so worthy a Sister. Don’t say so, Pamela, because this is an indispensable Consequence of the happy Prospect before us. Only, bear it well yourself, because she is my Sister, and leave it to me to make her sensible of her own Rashness.

If, Sir, said I, the most lowly Behaviour, and humble Deportment, and in every thing shewing a dutiful Regard to good Lady Davers, will have any Weight with her Ladyship, assure yourself of all in my Power to mollify her. No, Pamela, return’d he, don’t imagine, when you are my Wife, I will suffer you to do any thing unworthy of that Character. I know the Duty of a Husband, and will protect your Gentleness to the utmost, as if you were a Princess by Descent.

mollify = appease, calm
deportment = bearing, way of behaving
suffer = allow

You are inexpressibly good, Sir, said I; but I am far from taking a gentle Disposition, to shew a Meanness of Spirit: And this is a Trial I ought to expect; and well I may bear it, that have so many Benefits to set against it, which all spring from the same Cause.

Well, said he, all the Matter shall be this: We will talk of our Marriage as a Thing to be done next Week. I find I have Spies upon me where-ever I go, and whatever I do. But now, I am on so laudable a Pursuit, that I value them not, nor their Employers. I have already order’d my Servants to communicate with nobody for ten or twelve Days to come. And Mrs. Jewkes tells me, every one names Thursday come Sev’nnight for our Nuptials. So I will get Mr. Peters, who wants to see my little Chapel, to assist Mr. Williams, under the Notion of breakfasting with me, next Thursday Morning, since you won’t have it sooner; and there will want nobody else; and I will beg of Mr. Peters to keep it private, even from his own Family, for a few Days. Has my Girl any Objection?

sev’nnight = in one week
there will want nobody else = no one else will be missing

O Sir, answer’d I, you are so generous in all your Ways, I can have no Objections! — But I hope Lady Davers and you will not proceed to irreconcileable Lengths; and when her Ladyship comes to see you, and to tarry with you, two or three Weeks, as she us’d to do, I will keep close up, so as not to disgust her with my Sight. Well, Pamela, said he, we will talk of that afterwards. You must do then as I shall think fit: And I shall be able to judge what both you and I ought to do. But what still aggravates the Matter is, that she should instigate the titled Ape her Husband to write to me, after she had so little succeeded herself. I wish I had kept his Letter, that I might shew you how a Man that acts generally like a Fool, can take upon him to write like a Lord. But, I suppose it is of my Sister’s Penning, and he, poor Man, is the humble Copier.

Tuesday

Mr. Thomas is return’d from you, my dear Father, with the good News of your Health, and continuing your Journey to my dear Mother, where I hope to hear soon you are arriv’d. My Master has just now been making me play upon the Spinnet, and singing to it; and was pleas’d to commend me for both. But he does so for every thing I do, so partial does his Goodness make him to me.

spinnet = harpsichord

One o’Clock

We are just return’d from an Airing in the Chariot; and I have been delighted with his Conversation upon English Authors, Poets particularly. He entertain’d me also with a Description of some of the Curiosities he had seen in Italy and France, when he made what the polite World call the grand Tour. He said, he wanted to be at his other Seat; for he knew not well how to employ himself here, having not purpos’d to stay half the Time: And when I get there, Pamela, said he, you will hardly be troubled with so much of my Company, after we are settled; for I have a great many things to adjust; and I must go to London: For I have Accounts that have run longer than ordinary with my Banker there. And I don’t know, added he, but the ensuing Winter, I may give you a little Taste of the Diversions of the Town for a Month or so. I said, his Will and Pleasure should determine mine; and I never would, as near as I could, have a Desire after those, or any other Things that were not in his own Choice.

seat = country house

He was pleas’d to say, I make no doubt I shall be very happy in you; and hope you will be so in me: For, said he, I have no very enormous Vices to gratify; tho’ I pretend not to the greatest Purity neither, my Girl. Sir, said I, if you can account to your own Mind, I shall always be easy in whatever you do. But our greatest Happiness here, Sir, continued I, is of very short Duration; and this Life, where longest, is a poor transitory Stage; and I hope we shall be so happy as to be enabled to look forward, with Comfort, to one other, where our Pleasures will be everlasting.

You say well, Pamela, and I shall, by degrees, be more habituated to this way of thinking, as I more and more converse with you; but at present, you must not be over serious with me, all at once. Tho’ I charge you, never forbear to mingle your sweet Divinity in our Conversation, whenever it can be brought in à-propos, and with such a Chearfulness of Temper, as shall not throw a gloomy Cloud over our innocent Enjoyments.

habituated = accustomed
forbear = resist

I was abash’d at this, and silent, fearing I had offended; but he said, If you attend rightly to what I said, I need not tell you again, Pamela, not to be discourag’d from suggesting to me, on every proper Occasion, the pious Impulses of your own amiable Mind. Sir, said I, you will be always indulgent, I make no doubt, to my Imperfections, so long as I mean well.

My Master made me dine with him, and would eat nothing but what I help’d him to; and my Heart is, every Hour, more and more inlarg’d with his Goodness and Condescension. But still, what ails me, I wonder! a strange sort of Weight hangs upon my Mind, as Thursday draws on, which makes me often sigh involuntarily, and damps, at times, the Pleasures of my delightful Prospects! — I hope this is not ominous; but only the foolish Weakness of an over-thoughtful Mind, on an Occasion the most solemn and important of one’s Life, next to the last Scene, which shuts up all.

condescension = appropriate behavior to social inferiors

I could be very serious! But I will commit all my Ways to that blessed Providence, which hitherto has so wonderfully conducted me, thro’ real Evils, to this hopeful Situation.

hitherto = before

I only fear, and, sure, I have great Reason, that I shall be too unworthy, to hold the Affections of so dear a Gentleman! — God teach me Humility, and to know my own Demerit! And this will be, next to his Grace, my surest Guard, in the State of Life to which I am most unworthily going to be exalted. And don’t cease your Prayers for me, my dear Parents; for, perhaps, this new Condition may be subject to still worse Hazards than those I have escap’d; as would be the Case, were Conceitedness, Vanity, and Pride, to take hold of my frail Heart! and if I was, for my Sins, to beleft to my own Conduct, a frail Ship in a tempestuous Ocean, without Ballast, or other Pilot than my own inconsiderate Will. But my Master said, on another Occasion, that those who doubted most, always erred least; and, I hope, I shall always doubt my own Strength, my own Worthiness!

condition = situation

I will not trouble you with twenty sweet agreeable things, that pass’d in Conversation with my excellent Benefactor; nor with the Civilities of Mr. Colbrand, Mrs. Jewkes, and all the Servants, who seem to be highly pleas’d with me, and with my Conduct to them: And, as my Master, hitherto, finds no Fault that I go too low, nor they that I carry it too high, I hope I shall continue to have every body’s Good-will. But yet, will I not seek to gain any one’s by little Meannesses or Debasements; but aim at an uniform and regular Conduct, willing to conceal involuntary Errors, as I would have my own forgiven, and not too industrious to discover real ones, or to hide such, if any such should appear, as might encourage bad Hearts, or unclean Hands, in material Cases, where my Master should receive Damage, or where the Morals of the Transgressors should appear wilfully and habitually corrupt. In short, I will endeavour, as much as I can, that a good Servant shall in me find a kind Encourager; an indifferent one be made better, by inspiring them with a laudable Emulation; and a bad one, if not too bad in Nature, and quite irreclaimable, reform’d by Kindness, Expostulation, and even proper Menaces, if necessary, but most by a good Example. All this, if God pleases.

discover = reveal
hitherto = before

Wednesday

Now, my dear Parents, I have but this one Day, between me and the most solemn Rite that can be perform’d. My Heart cannot yet shake off this heavy Weight. Sure I am ingrateful to God’s Goodness, and the Favour of the best of Benefactors! — Yet I hope I am not! — For at times, my Mind is all Exultation, with the Prospect of what Good to-morrow’s happy Solemnity may possibly, by Leave of my generous Master, put it in my Power to do. O how shall I find Words to express, as I ought, my Thankfulness, for all the Mercies before me! —

Wednesday Evening

My dear Master is all Love and Tenderness! He sees’ my Weakness, and he generously pities and comforts me! I begg’d to be excus’d Supper; but he brought me down himself from my Closet; and plac’d me by him, bidding Abraham not wait. I could not eat, and yet I try’d, for fear he should be angry. He kindly forbore to hint any thing of the dreadful, yet delightful to-morrow! and put, now-and-then, a little Bit on my Plate, and guided it to my Mouth. I was concern’d to receive his Goodness with so ill a Grace. Well, said he, if you won’t eat with me, drink at least, with me: I drank two Glasses by his Over-persuasions, and said, I am really asham’d of myself. Why, indeed, said he, my dear Girl, I am not a very dreadful Enemy, I hope! I cannot bear any thing that is the least concerning to you. Oh! Sir, said I, all is owing to the Sense I have of my own Unworthiness! — To be sure, it cannot be any thing else.

forbore = resisted

He rung for the Things to be taken away! And then reach’d a Chair, and sat down by me, and put his kind Arms about me, and said the most generous and affecting Things that ever dropt from the Honey-flowing Mouth of Love! All I have not time to repeat. Some I will; and oh! indulge your foolish Daughter, who troubles you with her weak Nonsense; because what she has to say, is so affecting to her; and because, if she went to-bed, instead of scribbling, she cannot sleep.

This sweet Confusion and Thoughtfulness in my beloved Pamela, said the kind Man, on the near Prospect of our happy Union, when I hope all Doubts are clear’d up, and nothing of Dishonour is apprehended, shew me most abundantly, what a Wretch I was to attempt such Purity with a worse Intention! — No wonder, that one so virtuous, should find herself deserted of Life itself, on a Violence so dreadful to her Honour, and refuge herself in the Shadow of Death. — But now, my dearest Pamela, that you have seen a Purity on my Side, as nearly imitating your own, as our Sex can shew to yours; and that I have, all the Day long, suppress’d even the least Intimation of the coming Day, that I might not alarm your tender Mind; why all this Concern, why all this affecting, yet sweet Confusion! You have a generous Friend, my dear Girl, in me! a Protector now, not a Violator of your Innocence! Why then, once more I ask, this strange Perplexity, this sweet Confusion?

apprehended = feared

O Sir, said I, and hid my Face in his Arms! expect not Reason from a foolish Creature! You should have still indulg’d me in my Closet! — I am ready to beat myself for this ungrateful Return to your Goodness. But I know not what! — I am, to be sure, a silly Creature. O had you but suffer’d me to stay by myself above, I should have made myself asham’d of so culpable a Behaviour! — But Goodness added to Goodness every Moment, and the Sense of my own Unworthiness, quite confound me!

suffer’d = allowed

Now, said the generous Man, will I, tho’ reluctantly, make a Proposal to my sweet Girl. — If I have been too pressing for the Day: If another Day will still be more obliging: If you have Fears that will not then be, you shall say but the Word, and I’ll submit. Yes, tho’ I have, my Pamela, for these three Days past, thought every tedious Hour a Day, till Thursday comes, if you earnestly desire it, I will postpone it. Say, my dear Girl, freely say; but accept not my Proposal, without great Reason; which yet I will not ask for.

Sir, said I, I can expect nothing but superlative Goodness, I have now been so long us’d to it from you. This is a most generous Instance of it; but, I fear — yes, I fear, it will be but too much the same thing, some Days hence, when the happy, yet, Fool that I am! dreaded Time, shall be equally near! —

Kind, lovely Charmer, said he, now do I see you are to be trusted with Power, from the generous Use you make of it! — Not one offensive Word, or Look from me, shall wound your nicest Thoughts; but pray try to subdue this Over-scrupulousness, and unseasonable Timidity. I persuade myself you will if you can!

nicest = most particular

Indeed, Sir, I will, said I; for I am quite asham’d of myself, with all these lovely Prospects before me! — The Honours you do me, the Kindness you shew me! I cannot forgive myself! For oh! if I know the least of this idle foolish Heart of mine, it has not a misgiving Thought of your Goodness, and I should abhor it, if it were capable of the least Affectation. — But, dear good Sir, leave me a little to myself, and I will take myself to severer Task than your Goodness will let you do! And I will present my Heart before you, a worthier Offering to you, than at present its wayward Follies will let it seem to be. — But one thing is, one has no kind Friend of one’s own Sex, to communicate one’s foolish Thoughts to, and to be strengthen’d by their Comfortings! — But I am left to myself, and oh! what a weak silly Thing I am! —

He kindly withdrew, to give me Time to recollect myself, and in about half an Hour return’d. And then, that he might not begin at once upon the Subject, and say at the same time something agreeable to me, said, Your Father and Mother have had a great deal of Talk by this Time, about you, Pamela. O, Sir, return’d I, your Goodness has made them quite happy. But I can’t help being concern’d about Lady Davers.

He said, I am vex’d I did not hear the Footman out; because it runs in my Head, he talk’d somewhat about her coming hither. She will meet with but an indifferent Reception from me, without she comes resolv’d to behave better than she writes.

vex’d = disturbed
hither = to here

Pray, Sir, said I, be pleas’d to bear with my good Lady, for two Reasons. What are they, said he? Why first, Sir, answer’d I, Because she is your Sister, and, to be sure, may very well think, what all the World will, that you have much demean’d yourself in making me happy. And next, Because, if her Ladyship finds you out of Temper with her, it will still aggravate her more against me; and every time that any warm Words you may use between you, come into her Mind, she will disdain me more.

Don’t concern yourself about it, said he; for we have more proud Ladies than she in our t’other Neighbourhood, who perhaps, have still less Reason to be punctilious about their Descent, and yet will form themselves upon her Example, and say, Why, his own Sister will not forgive him, nor visit him! And so, if I can subdue her Spirit, which is more than her Husband ever could, or indeed any body else, it is a great Point gain’d: And, if she gives me Reason, I’ll try for it, I assure you.

Well, but my dear Girl, continu’d he, since the Subject is so important, may I not say one Word about to-morrow? — Sir, said I, I hope I shall be less a Fool: I have talk’d as harshly to my Heart, as Lady Davers can do, and the naughty Thing suggests to me a better and more grateful Behaviour.

He smil’d, and kissing me, said, I took Notice, Pamela, of what you observ’d, that you have none of your own Sex with you: I think it is a little hard upon you; and I should have lik’d you should have had Miss Darnford; but then her Sister must have been ask’d; and I might as well make a publick Wedding; which, you know, would have requir’d Cloaths, and other Preparations. Besides, added he, a foolish Proposal was once made me of that second Sister, who has two or three thousand Pounds more than the other, left her by a Godmother, and she can’t help being a little piqu’d; tho’, said he, it was a Proposal they could not expect should succeed; for there is nothing in her Person nor Mind; and her Fortune, as that must have been the only Inducement, would not do by any means; and so I discourag’d it at once.

I am thinking, Sir, said I, of another mortifying Thing too; That were you to marry a Lady of Birth and Fortune, answerable to your own, all the Eve to the Day, would be taken up in reading, signing and sealing of Settlements, and Portion, and such-like. But now the poor Pamela brings you nothing at all! And the very Cloaths she wears, so very low is she, are intirely the Effects of your Bounty, and that of your good Mother! This makes me a little sad! — For, alas! Sir, I am so much oppressed by your Favours, and the Sense of the Obligations I owe you, that I cannot look up with the Confidence that I otherwise should, on this awful Occasion.

portion = legal inheritance

There is, my dear Pamela, said he, where the Power is wanting, as much Generosity in the Will as in the Action. To all that know your Story and your Merit, it will appear, that I cannot recompense you for what I have made you suffer. You have had too many hard Struggles and Exercises; and have nobly overcome; and who shall grudge you the Reward of the hard-bought Victory? — This Affair is so much the Act of my own Will, that I glory in being capable of distinguishing so much Excellence; and my Fortune is the more pleasureable to me, as it gives me Hope that I may make you some Part of Satisfaction for what you have undergone.

wanting = missing

This, Sir, said I, is all Goodness, unmerited on my Side; and makes my Obligations the greater! I can only wish for more Worthiness! — But how poor is it to offer nothing but Words for such generous Deeds! — And to say, I wish! — For what is a Wish, but the acknowledg’d want of Power to oblige! And a Demonstration of one’s Poverty, in every thing but Will?

want = lack

And that, my dear Girl, said he, is every thing! ’Tis All I want! ’Tis All that God himself requires of us; for where there is a Will, the Actions must be govern’d by it, or it cannot be called a Will: But no more of these little Doubts, tho’ they are the natural Impulses of a generous and grateful Heart. I want not to be employ’d in Settlements: That is for those to regard, who make Convenience and Fortune the prime Considerations. I have Possessions ample enough for us both; and you deserve to share them with me; and you shall do it, with as little Reserve, as if you had brought me what the World reckons an Equivalent: For, as to my own Opinion, you bring me what is infinitely more valuable, an experienc’d Truth, a well-try’d Virtue, and a Wit and Behaviour more than equal to the Station you will be placed in: To say nothing of this sweet Person, that itself might captivate a Monarch; and of the Meekness of a Temper, and Sweetness of Disposition, which make you superior to all the Women I ever saw.

station = social class

Thus kind and soothing, and honourably affectionate was the dear Gentleman, to the unworthy, doubting, yet assured Pamela; and thus patiently did he indulge, and generously pardon, my impertinent Weakness. He offer’d to go himself to Lady Jones, in the Morning, and reveal the Matter to her, and desine her Secrecy and Presence; but I said, That would disoblige the young Lady Darnfords. No, Sir, said I, I will cast myself upon your generous Kindness; for why should I fear the kind Protector of my Weakness, and the Guide and Director of my future Steps?

impertinent = disrespectful

You cannot, said he, forgive Mrs. Jewkes; for she must know it; and suffer her to be with you? Yes, Sir, said I, I can: She is very civil to me now: And her former Wickedness I will forgive, for the sake of the happy Fruits that have attended it; and because you mention her.

suffer = allow

Well, said he, I will call her in, if you please! — As you please, Sir, said I. And he rung for her; and when she came in, he said, Mrs. Jewkes, I am going to intrust you with a Secret. Sir, answer’d she, I will be sure to keep it as such. Why, said he, we intend to-morrow, privately as possible, for our Wedding-day; and Mr. Peters and Mr. Williams are to be here, as to Breakfast with me, and to shew Mr. Peters my little Chapel. As soon as the Ceremony is over, we will take a little Airing in the Chariot, as we have done at other times; and so it will not be wonder’d that we are dress’d. And the two Parsons have promis’d Secrecy, and will go home. I believe you can’t well avoid letting one of the Maids into the Secret; but that I leave to you.

Sir, reply’d she, we all concluded it would be in a few Days; and I doubt it won’t be long a Secret. No, said he, I don’t desire it should; but you know we are not provided for a publick Wedding, and I shall declare it when we go to Bedfordshire, which won’t be long. But the Men, who lie in the Outhouses, need not know it; for, by some means or other, my Sister Davers knows all that passes.

outhouse = small building near the main house

Do you know, Sir, said she, that her Ladyship intends to be down here with you, in a few Days? Her Servant told me so, who brought you the Letter you was angry at. I hope, said he, we shall be set out for t’other House first; and shall be pleased she loses her Labour. Sir, continu’d she, her Ladyship proposes to be here time enough to hinder your Nuptials; which she, as well as we did, takes will be the Latter-end of next Week. Well, said he, let her come; but yet I desire not to see her.

Mrs. Jewkes said to me, Give me Leave, Madam, to wish you all manner of Happiness. But I am afraid I have too well obey’d his Honour, to be forgiven by you. Indeed, Mrs. Jewkes, return’d I, you will be more your own Enemy than I will be. I will look all forward: And shall not presume, so much as by a Whisper, to set my good Master against any one he pleases to approve of. And, as to his old Servants, I shall always value them, and never offer to dictate to his Choice, or influence it by my own Caprices.

Mrs. Jewkes, said my Master, you find you have no Cause to apprehend any thing. My Pamela is very placable; and as we have both been Sinners together, we must be both included in one Act of Grace.

apprehend = fear

Such an Example of Condescension, as I have before me, Mrs. Jewkes, said I, may make you very easy; for I must be highly unworthy, if I did not forego all my little Resentments, if I had any, for the sake of so much Goodness to myself.

condescension = appropriate behavior to social inferiors
forego = do without

You are very kind, Madam, said she; and you may depend upon it, I will atone for all my Faults, by my future Duty and Respect to you, as well as to my Master.

That’s well said on both sides, said he; but, Mrs. Jewkes, to assure you that my good Girl here has no Malice, she chuses you to attend her in the Morning, at the Ceremony, and you must keep up her Spirits. — I shall, reply’d she, be very proud of the Honour: But I cannot, Madam, but wonder to see you so very low-spirited, as you have been these two or three Days past, with so much Happiness before you.

Why, Mrs. Jewkes, answer’d I, there can be but one Reason given; and that is, that I am a sad Fool! — But, indeed, I am not ingrateful neither; nor would I put on a foolish Affectation: But my Heart, at times, sinks within me; I know not why, except at my own Unworthiness, and because the Honour done me is too high for me to support myself under, as I should do. It is an Honour, Mrs. Jewkes, added I, I was not born to; and no wonder then, I behave so aukwardly. She made me a fine Compliment upon it, and withdrew, repeating her Promises of Care, Secrecy, &c.

He parted with me, with infinite Tenderness; and I came up, and set to writing, to amuse my Thoughts, and wrote thus far. And Mrs. Jewkes being come up, and it being past Twelve, I will go to-bed; but not one Wink, I fear, shall I get this Night. — I could beat myself for Anger. Sure there is nothing ominous in this strange Folly! — But I suppose all young Maidens are the same, so near so great a Change of Condition, tho’ they carry it off more discreetly than I.

condition = social rank

Thursday, Six o’Clock in the Morning

I Might as well have not gone to-bed last Night, for what Sleep I had. Mrs. Jewkes often was talking to me, and said several things that would have been well enough from any body else of our Sex; but the poor Woman has so little Purity of Heart, that it is all Say from her, and goes no further than my Ears.

I fancy my Master has not slept much neither; for I heard him up, and walking about his Chamber, ever since Break of Day. To be sure, poor Gentleman, he must have some Concern, as well as I; for here he is going to marry a poor foolish unworthy Girl, brought up on the Charity, as one may say, (at least, Bounty) of his worthy Family! And this foolish Girl must be, to all Intents and Purposes, after Twelve o’Clock this Day, as much his Wife, as if he were to marry a Dutchess! — And here he must stand the Shocks of common Reflection; The great ’Squire B. has done finely! he has marry’d his poor Servant Wench! will some say. The Ridicule and rude Jests of his Equals, and Companions too, he must stand: And the Disdain of his Relations, and Indignation of Lady Davers, his lofty Sister! — Dear good Gentleman! he will have enough to do, to be sure! — O how shall I merit all these things at his Hands! I can only do the best I can; and pray to God to reward him, and to resolve to love him with a pure Heart, and serve him with a sincere Obedience. I hope the dear Gentleman will continue to love me for this; for, alas! I have nothing else to offer! But, as I can hardly expect so great a Blessing, if I can be secure from his Contempt, I shall not be unfortunate; and must bear his Indifference, if his rich Friends should inspire him with it, and proceed with doing my Duty with Chearfulness.

Half an Hour past Eight o’Clock

My good dear Master, my kind Friend, my generous Benefactor, my worthy Protector, and, Oh! all the good Words in one, my affectionate Husband, that is so soon to be, (be curbed in, my proud Heart, know thyself, and be conscious of thy Unworthiness!—) has just left me, with the kindest, tenderest Expressions, and gentlest Behaviour that ever blest a happy Maiden. He approached me with a sort of reined-in Rapture. My Pamela! said he, May I just ask after your Employment! Don’t let me chide my dear Girl this Day, however. The two Parsons will be here to Breakfast with us at Nine; and yet you are not a bit dress’d! Why this Absence of Mind, and sweet Irresolution!

Why, indeed, Sir, said I! I will set about a Reformation this Instant! He saw the Common-prayer Book lying in the Window. I hope, said he, my lovely Maiden has been conning the Lesson she is by-and-by to repeat. Have you not, Pamela? and clasped his Arms about me, and kissed me. Indeed, Sir, said I, I have been reading over the solemn Service? — And what thinks my Fairest, for so he called me, of it? — O Sir, ’tis very awful, and makes one shudder to reflect upon it! — No wonder, said he, it should affect my sweet Pamela: I have been looking into it this Morning, and I can’t say, but I think it a solemn, but very suitable Service. But this I tell my dear Love, continu’d he, and again clasped me to him, There is not a Tittle in it, that I cannot joyfully subscribe to: And that, my dear Pamela, should make you easy, and join chearfully in it with me. I kissed his dear Hand; O my generous, kind Protector, said I, how gracious is it to confirm thus the doubting Mind of your poor Servant! which apprehends nothing so much as her own Unworthiness of the Honour and Blessing that await her! — He was pleased to say, I know well, my dearest Creature, that, according to the Liberties we People of Fortune generally give ourselves, I have promised a great deal, when I say so. But I would not have said it, if, deliberately, I could not with all my Heart. So, banish from your Mind all Doubts and Difficulties; let a generous Confidence in me take place; and let me see it does, by your Chearfulness, in this Day’s solemn Business; and then I will love you for ever!

conning = learning
apprehends = worries about

May God Almighty, Sir, said I, reward all your Goodness to me! — That is all I can say. But, Oh! how kind it is in you, to supply the want of the Presence and Comfortings of a dear Mother; of a loving Sister, or of the kind Companions of my own Sex, which most Maidens have, to sooth their Anxieties on the so near Approach of so awful a Solemnity! — You, Sir, are All these tender Relations in One to me! Your Condescensions and Kindness shall, if possible, embolden me to look up to you without that sweet Terror, that must confuse poor bashful Maidens, on such an Occasion, when they are surrender’d up to a more doubtful Happiness, and to half strange Men; whose good Faith, and good Usage of them, must be less experienced, and is all involv’d in the dark Bosom of Futurity, and only to be proved by the Event.

supply the want = make up for the lack

This, my dear Pamela, said he, is most kindly said! — It shews me, that you enter gratefully into my Intention. For I would, by my Conduct, supply all these dear Relations to you; and I voluntarily promise, from my Heart, to you, what I think I could not with such assured Resolutions of Performance, to the highest-born Lady in the Kingdom. For, let me tell my sweet Girl, that, after having been long tost by the boisterous Winds of a more culpable Passion, I have now conquer’d it, and am not so much the Victim of your Love, all charming as you are, as of your Virtue; and therefore I may more boldly promise for myself, having so stable a Foundation for my Affection; which, should this outward Beauty fail, will increase with your Virtue, and shine forth the brighter, as that is more illustriously display’d, by the augmented Opportunities which the Condition you are now entering into, will afford you. — O the dear charming Man! how nobly, and encouragingly kind was all this!

condition = social rank

I could not suitably express myself, and he said, I see my Girl is at a Loss for Words! I doubt not your kind Acceptance of my Declarations. And when I have acted too much the Part of a Libertine formerly, for you to look back without some Anxiety, I ought not, being now happily convicted, to say less. — But why loses my dear Girl her Time? I will now only add, that I hope for many happy Years to make good, by my Conduct, what so willingly flows from my Lips.

He kissed me again, and said, But, whatever you do, Pamela, be chearful; for else, may-be, of the small Company we shall have, some one, not knowing how to account for your too nice Modesty, may think there is some other Person in the World, whose Addresses would be still more agreeable to you.

nice = picky

This he said with an Air of Sweetness and Pleasantry; but it alarm’d me exceedingly, and made me resolve to appear as calm and chearful as possible. For this was indeed a most affecting Expression, and enough to make me, if any thing can, behave as I ought, and to force my idle Fears to give way to Hopes, so much better grounded. — And I began almost, on this Occasion, to wish Mr. Williams were not to marry me, lest I should behave like a Fool; and so be liable to an Imputation, which I should be most unworthy if I deserved.

So I set about dressing me instantly; and he sent Mrs. Jewkes to assist me. But I am never long a Dressing, when I set about it; and my Master has now given me a Hint, that will, for half an Hour more, at least, keep my Spirits in a brisk Circulation. Yet it concerns me a little too, lest he should have any, the least Shadow of a Doubt, that I am not, Mind and Person, intirely his. And so being now ready, and not called to Breakfast, I sat down and writ thus far. I might have mention’d, that I dress’d myself in a rich white Sattin Night-gown, that had been my good Lady’s, and my best Head-cloths, &c. I have got such a Knack of writing, that, when I am by myself, I cannot sit without a Pen in my Hand. — But I am now called to Breakfast. I suppose the Gentlemen are come! — Now, Courage, Pamela; Remember thou art upon thy good Behaviour: — Fie upon it! my Heart begins to flutter again! — Foolish Heart! lie still! Never, sure, was any Maiden’s perverse Heart under so little Command as mine! — It gave itself away, at first, without my Leave; it has been, for Weeks, pressing me with its Wishes; and yet now, when it should be happy itself, and make me so, it is throb, throb, throb, like a little Fool; and filling me with such unseasonable Misgivings, as abate the rising Comforts of all my better Prospects!

Thursday, near Three o-Clock

I Thought I should have found no Time nor Heart to write again this Day. But here are three Gentlemen come, unexpectedly, to dine with my Master; and so I shall not appear. He has done all he could, civilly, to send them away; but they will stay, tho’, I believe, he had rather they would not. And so I have nothing to do but to write till I go to Dinner myself with Mrs. Jewkes: For my Master was not prepared for this company; and it will be a little latish to day. So I will begin with my happy Story where I left off.

When I came down to Breakfast, Mr. Peters and Mr. Williams were both there. And as soon as my Master heard me coming down, he met me at the Door, and led me in with great Tenderness. He had kindly spoke to them, as he told me afterwards, to mention no more of the Matter to me, than needs must. I paid my Respects to them, I believe, a little aukwardly, and was almost out of Breath; but said, I had come down a little too fast.

When Abraham came in to wait, my Master said, (that the Servants should not mistrust) ’Tis well, Gentlemen, you came as you did: For my good Girl and I were going to take an Airing till Dinnertime. I hope you’ll stay and dine with me. Sir, said Mr. Peters, we won’t hinder you; I only came, having a little Time upon my Hands, to see your Chapel; but must be at home at Dinner; and Mr. Williams will dine with me. Well then, said my Master, we will pursue our Intention, and ride out for an Hour or two, as soon as I have shewed Mr. Peters my little Chapel. Will you, Pamela, after Breakfast, walk with us to it? If —— if, said I, and had like to have stammer’d, foolish that I was! if you please, Sir. I could look none of them in the Face! Abraham looking at me; Why, Child, said my Master, you have hardly recover’d your Fright yet: How came your Foot to slip? ’Tis well you did not hurt yourself. Said Mr. Peters, improving the Hint, You han’t sprain’d your Ankle, Madam, I hope? No, Sir, said I, I believe not! But ’tis a little painful to me. And so it was; for I meant my Foolishness! — Abraham, said my Master, bid Robin put the Horses to the Coach, instead of the Chariot; and if these Gentlemen will go, we can set them down. No matter, Sir, said Mr. Peters, I had as lieve walk, if Mr. Williams chuses it. Well then, said my Master, let it be the Chariot, as I told him.

shewed = showed

I could eat nothing, tho’ I attempted it; and my Hand shook so, I spilled some of my Chocolate, and so put it down again; and they were all very good, and looked another way. My Master said, when Abraham was out, I have a quite plain Ring here, Mr. Peters. And I hope the Ceremony will dignify the Ring; and that I shall give my Girl Reason to think it, for that Cause, the most valuable one that can be presented her. Mr. Peters said, he was sure I should set more by it, than the richest Diamond in the World.

I had bid Mrs. Jewkes not to dress herself, lest she should give Cause of Mistrust; and she took my Advice.

When Breakfast was over, my Master said, before Abraham, Well, Gentlemen, we will step into the Chapel; and you must give me your Advice, as to the Alterations I design. I am in the more Haste, because the Survey you are going to take of it, for the Alterations, will take up a little time; and we shall have but a small Space between that and Dinner, for the Tour I design to make. — Pamela, you’ll give us your Opinion, won’t you? Yes, Sir, said I; I’ll come after you.

So they went out, and I sat down in the Chair again, and fanned myself; I am sick at Heart, said I, I think, Mrs. Jewkes. Said she, Shall I fetch you a little Cordial? — No, said I, I am a sad Fool! I want Spirits, that’s all. She took her Smelling-bottle, and would have given it me; but I said, Keep it in your Hand; may-be, I may want it; but I hope not.

She gave me very good Words; and begg’d me to go: And I got up, but my Knees beat so against one another, I was forced to sit down again. But, at last, I held by her Arm; and passing by Abraham, I said, This ugly Slip, coming down Stairs, has made me limp, tho’; so I must hold by you. Do you know, said I, what Alterations there are to be in the Chapel, that we must all give our Opinions of them?

Nan, she told me, was let into the Secret; and she had order’d her to stay at the Chapel Door, to see that nobody came in. My dear Master came to me, at entering the Chapel, and took my Hand, and led me up to the Altar. Remember, my dear Girl, whisper’d he, and be chearful. I am, I will, sir, said I; but I hardly knew what I said; and so you may believe, when I said to Mrs. Jewkes, Don’t leave me; pray, Mrs. Jewkes, don’t leave me; as if I had all Confidence in her, and none where it was most due. So she kept close to me. God forgive me! but I never was so absent in my Life, as at first: Even till Mr. Williams had gone on in the Service, so far as to the awful Words about requiring us, as we should answer at the dreadful Day of Judgment; and then the solemn Words, and my Master’s whispering, Mind this, my Dear, made me start. Said he, still whispering, Know you any Impediment? I blush’d, and said, softly, None, Sir, but my great Unworthiness.

Then follow’d the sweet Words, Wilt thou have this Woman to thy wedded Wife, &c. and I began to take Heart a little, when my dearest Master answer’d, audibly, to this Question, I will. But I could only make a Curchee, when they asked me; tho’, I am sure, my Heart was readier than my Speech, and answer’d to every Article of obey, serve, love and honour.

Mr. Peters gave me away, and I said after Mr. Williams, as well as I could, as my dear Master did, with a much better Grace, the Words of Betrothment; and the Ceremony of the Ring passing next, I received the dear Favour at his worthy Hands, with a most grateful Heart; and he was pleased to say afterwards, in the Chariot, that when he had done saying, With this Ring I thee wed, &c. I made a Curchee, and said, Thank you, Sir. May-be, I did; for, I am sure, it was a most grateful Part of the Service; and my Heart was overwhelm’d with his Goodness, and the tender Grace wherewith he perform’d it. I was very glad, that the next Part was the Prayer, and Kneeling; for I trembled so, I could hardly stand, betwixt Fear and Delight.

curchee = curtsy

The joining of our Hands afterwards, the Declaration of our being marry’d to the few Witnesses present; for, reckoning Nan, whose Curiosity would not let her stay at the Door, they were but Mr. Peters, Mrs. Jewkes, and she; the Blessing, the Psalm, and the subsequent Prayers, and the concluding Exhortation, were so many beautiful, welcome and lovely Parts of this divine Office, that my Heart began to be delighted with them, and my Spirits to be a little freer.

And thus, my dearest, dear Parents, is your happy, happy, thrice happy Pamela, at last, marry’d; and to who? — Why, to her beloved, gracious Master! the Lord of her Wishes! — And thus the dear, once naughty Assailer of her Innocence, by a blessed Turn of Providence, is become the kind, the generous Protector and Rewarder of it. God be evermore blessed and praised! and make me not wholly unworthy of such a transcendent Honour!-- And bless and reward the dear, dear good Gentleman, who has thus exalted his unworthy Servant, and given her a Place, which the greatest Ladies would think themselves happy in!

My Master saluted me most ardently, and said, God give you, my dear Love, as much Joy on this Occasion, as I have. And he presented me to Mr. Peters, who saluted me; and said, You may excuse me, dear Madam; for I gave you away, and you are my Daughter. And Mr. Williams modestly withdrawing a little way; Mr. Williams, said my Master, pray accept my Thanks, and wish your Sister Joy. So he saluted me too; and said, Most heartily, Madam, I do. And I will say, that to see so much Innocence and Virtue, so eminently rewarded, is one of the greatest Pleasures I have ever known. This my Master took very kindly.

saluted = greeted

Mrs. Jewkes would have kissed my Hand at the Chapel Door; but I put my Arms about her Neck, for I had got a new Recruit of Spirits just then, and kissed her; and said, Thank you, Mrs. Jewkes, for accompanying me. I have behav’d sadly. No, Madam, said she, pretty well, pretty well! While the Gentlemen were talking, I dropt down on my Knees in a Corner, and once more blessed God for this so signal a Mercy; and Mr. Peters afterwards walked out with me; and Mr. Williams and my Master talked together, and came out after us.

Mr. Peters, when we came into the Parlour, said, I once more, Madam, must wish you Joy of this happy Occasion. I wish every Day may add to your Comsorts; and may you very long rejoice in one another; for you are the loveliest Couple I ever saw join’d. I told him, I was infinitely oblig’d to his kind Opinion, and good Wishes; and hoped my future Conduct would not make me unworthy of them.

My good Benefactor came in with Mr. Williams: So, my dear Life, said he, How do you do? A little more compos’d, I hope! — Well, you see this is not so dreadful an Affair as you apprehended. Sir, said Mr. Peters, very kindly, ’tis a very solemn Circumstance, and I love to see it so reverently and awfully enter’d upon. It is a most excellent Sign; for the most thoughtful Beginnings make the most prudent Proceedings. Mrs. Jewkes, of her own accord, came in with a large silver Tumbler, filled with Sack, and a Toast, and Nutmeg, and Sugar; and my Master said, That’s well thought of, Mrs. Jewkes; for we have made but sorry Breakfastings. And he would make me take some of the Toast; as they all did, and drank pretty heartily: And I drank a little, and it chear’d my Heart, I thought, for an Hour after.

apprehended = suspected

My Master took a fine Diamond Ring from his Finger, and presented it to Mr. Peters; who receiv’d it very kindly. And to Mr. Williams he said, My old Acquaintance, I have reserv’d for you, against a Variety of Sollicitations, the Living I always design’d for you; and I beg you’ll prepare to take Possession of it; and as the doing it may be attended with some Expence, pray accept of this towards it; and so he gave him (as he told me afterwards it was) a Bank Note of 50l.

So did this generous good Gentleman bless us all, and me in particular; for whose sake he was as bounteous as if he had marry’d one of the noblest Fortunes.

So he took his Leave of the Gentlemen, recommending Secrecy again, for a few Days, and they left him; and none of the Servants suspected any thing, as Mrs. Jewkes believes. And then I threw myself at his Feet, blessing God, and blessing him for his Goodness, and he overwhelm’d me with Kindness; calling me his sweet Bride, and twenty lovely Epithets, that swell my grateful Heart beyond the Power of Utterance.

He afterwards led me to the Chariot; and we took a delightful Tour round the neighbouring Villages; and he did all he could, to dissipate those still perverse Anxieties that dwell upon my Mind, and, do what I can, spread too thoughtful an Air, as he tells me, over my Countenance.

We came home again by half an Hour after One; and he was pleasing himself with thinking, not to be an Hour out of my Company this blessed Day, that (as he was so good as to say) he might inspire me with a Familiarity that should improve my Confidence in him, when he was told, that a Footman of Sir Charles Hargrave had been here, to let him know, that his Master, and two other Gentlemen, were on the Road to take a Dinner with him, in their Way to Nottingham.

He was heartily vex’d at this, and said to me, He should have been glad of their Companies at any other Time; but that it was a barbarous Intrusion now; and he wish’d they had been told he would not be at home at Dinner: And besides, said he, they are horrid Drinkers, and I shan’t be able to get them away to Night, perhaps; for they have nothing to do, but travel round the Country, and beat up their Friends Quarters all the Way; and ’tis all one to them, whether they stay a Night, or a Month, at a Place. But, added he, I’ll find some way, if I can, to turn them off, after Dinner. — Confound them, said he, in a violent Pet, that they should come this Day, of all the Days in the Year!

vex’d = disturbed

We had hardly alighted, and got in, before they came; three mad Rakes they seem’d to be, as I looked out of the Window, setting up a Hunting-note, as soon as they came to the Gate, that made the Court-yard echo again, and smacking their Whips in Concert.

So I went up to my Chamber, and saw (what made my Heart throb) Mrs. Jewkes’s officious Pains to put the Room in Order for a Guest, that however welcome, as now my Duty teaches me to say, is yet dreadful to me to think of. So I refuged myself in my Closet, and had recourse to Pen and Ink, for my Amusement, and to divert my Anxiety of Mind. — If one’s Heart is so sad, and one’s Apprehensions so great, where one so extremely loves, and is so extremely obliged; What must be the Case of those poor Maidens, who are forced, for sordid Views, by their tyrannical Parents, or Guardians, to marry the Man they almost hate, and, perhaps, to the Loss of the Man they most love? O that is a sad thing indeed! — And what have not such cruel Parents to answer for? and what do not such poor innocent Victims suffer? — But, blessed be God, this Lot is far from being mine!

apprehensions = anxieties
lot = fate

My good Master, for I cannot yet have the Presumption to call him by a more tender Epithet, came up to me; and said, Well, I just came to ask my dear Bride! (O the charming, charming Word!) how she does? I see you are writing, my Dear, said he: These consounded Rakes are half mad, I think, and will make me so! However, said he, I have order’d my Chariot to be got ready, as if I was under an Engagement five Miles off, and will set them out of the House, if possible; and then ride round, and come back, as soon as I can get rid of them. I find, said he, Lady Davers is full of our Affairs. She has taken great Freedoms with me before Sir Charles; and they have all been at me, without Mercy; and I was forced to be very serious with them, or else they would have come up to have seen you, as I would not call you down. — He kissed me, and said, I shall quarrel with them, if I can’t get them away; for I have lost two or three precious Hours with my Soul’s Delight; and so he went down.

Mrs. Jewkes ask’d me to walk down to Dinner in the little Parlour. I went down, and she was so complaisant as to offer to wait upon me at Table; and would not be persuaded, without Difficulty, to sit down with me. But I insisted she should; For, said I, it would be very extraordinary if one should so soon go into such Distance, Mrs. Jewkes! — Whatever the Station of our good Master may require of me, added I, I hope I shall always conduct myself in such a manner, that Pride and Insolence shall bear no Part in my Character. You are very good, Madam, said she; but I will always know my Duty to my Master’s Lady. — Why then, reply’d I, if I must take State upon me so early, Mrs. Jewkes, let me exact from you what you call your Duty; and sit down with me when I desire you. This prevailed upon her; and I made shift to eat a bit of Apple-pie, and a little Custard; but I had no Appetite to any thing else.

complaisant = polite, courteous
station = social class

My good Master came in again, and said, Well, thank my Stars! these Rakes are going now; but I must set out with them; and I chuse my Chariot; for if I took Horse, I should have Difficulty to part with them; for they are like a Snow-ball, and intend to gather Company as they go, to make a merry Tour of it for some Days together. We both got up, when he came in; Fie, Pamela, said he! why this Ceremony now? — Sit still, Mrs. Jewkes! — Nay, Sir, said she, I was loth to sit down, but my Lady would have me! — She is very right, Mrs. Jewkes, said my Master, and tapp’d me on the Cheek; for we are not yet half marry’d; and so she is not above half your Lady yet! — Don’t look so down, don’t be so silent, my Dearest, said he; why, you hardly spoke twenty Words to me all the time we were out together. Something I will allow for your bashful Sweetness; but not too much. — Mrs. Jewkes, have you no pleasant Tales to tell my Pamela, to make her smile, till I return? — Yes, Sir, said she, I could tell twenty pleasant Stories; but my Lady is too nice to hear them; and yet, I hope, I should not be shocking neither. Ah! poor Woman! thought I; thy chastest Stories will make a modest Person blush, if I know thee; and I desire to hear none of them. My Master said, Tell her one of the shortest you have, in my Hearing. Why, Sir, said she, I knew a bashful young Lady, as Madam may be, marry’d to —— Dear Mrs. Jewkes, interrupted I, no more of your Story, I beseech you! I don’t like the Beginning of it. Go on, Mrs. Jewkes, said my Master. No, pray, Sir, don’t require it, said I; pray don’t. Well, said he, then we’ll have it another time, Mrs. Jewkes.

loth = unwilling
nice = finicky

And so Abraham coming to tell him, the Gentlemen were going, and his Chariot was ready; Thank God, said he; and went to them, and sat out with them. I took a Turn in the Garden, with Mrs. Jewkes, after they were gone: And having walked a-while, I said, I should be glad of her Company down the Elm-walk, to meet the Chariot: For, Oh! I know not how to look up at him, when he is with me; nor how to bear his Absence, when I have Reason to expect him! What a strange Contradiction there is in this unaccountable Passion!

What a different Aspect every thing in and about this House bears now, to my thinking, to what it once had! The Garden, the Pond, the Alcove, the Elm-walk. But, Oh! my Prison is become my Palace; and no wonder every thing wears another Face! We sat down upon the broad Style, leading towards the Road, and Mrs. Jewkes was quite another Person to me, to what she was the last time I sat there!

At last by best Beloved return’d, and alighted there. What, my Pamela! (said he, and kissed me) brings you this way? I hope, to meet me? — Yes, Sir, said I. That’s kind, indeed, said he; but why that averted Eye? — that down-cast Countenance, as if you was afraid of me? You must not think so, Sir, said I. Revive my Heart then, said he, with a more chearful Aspect; and let that over-anxious Sollicitude which appears in the charmingest Face in the World, be chased from it. — Have you, my dear Girl, any Fears that I can dissipate; any Doubts that I can obviate; any Hopes that I can encourage; any Request that I can gratify? Speak, my dear Pamela; and if I have Power, but speak, and to purchase one Smile, it shall be done!

I cannot, Sir, said I, have any Fears, any Doubts, but that I shall never be able to deserve all your Goodness. I have no Hopes, but that my future Conduct may be agreeable to you, and my determined Duty well accepted. Nor have I any Request to make, but that you will forgive all my Imperfections; and, among the rest, this foolish Weakness, that makes me seem to you, after all the generous Things that have passed, to want this further Condescension, and these kind Assurances. But, indeed, Sir, I am oppress’d by your Bounty; my Spirits sink under the Weight of it; and the Oppression is still the greater, as I see not how, possibly, in my whole future Life, by all I can do, to merit the least of your Favours.

condescension = appropriate behavior to social inferiors

I know your grateful Heart, said he, but remember, my Dear, what the Lawyers tell us, That Marriage is the highest Consideration which the Law knows. And this, my sweet Bride, has made you mine, and me yours; and you have the best Claim in the World to share my Fortune with me. But, set that Consideration aside, what is the Obligation you have to me? Your Mind is pure as that of an Angel, and as much transcends mine. Your Wit and your Judgment, to make you no Compliment, are more than equal to mine: You have all the Graces that Education can give a Woman; improv’d by a Genius which makes those Graces natural to you. You have a Sweetness of Temper, and a noble Sincerity, beyond all Compare; and in the Beauty of your Person, you excel all the Ladies I ever saw. Where then, my Dearest, is the Obligation, if not on my side to you? — But to avoid these Comparisons, let us talk of nothing henceforth but Equality; for if you will set the Riches of your Mind, and your unblemished Virtue, against my Fortune, (which is but an accidental Good, as I may call it, and all I have to boast of) the Condescension will be yours; and I shall not think I can possibly deserve you, till, after your sweet Example, my future Life shall become nearly as blameless as yours.

condescension = appropriate behavior to social inferiors

O Sir, said I, what Comfort do you give me, that, instead of my being in Danger of being insnared by the high Condition to which your Goodness has exalted me, you make me hope, that I shall be confirm’d and improv’d by you; and that we may have a Prospect of perpetuating each other’s Happiness, till Time shall be no more! — But, Sir, I will not, as you once caution’d me, be too serious. I will resolve, with these sweet Encouragements, to be, in every thing, what you would have me be! And I hope I shall, more and more, shew you that I have no Will but yours. He kissed me very tenderly, and thanked me for this kind Assurance, as he called it. And so we enter’d the House, Mrs. Jewkes having left us as soon as my Master alighted.

insnared = trapped
condition = social rank

Eight o’Clock at Night

Now these sweet Assurances, my dear Father and Mother, you will say, must be very Consolatory to me, and voluntierly on his Side, all that could be wish’d for on mine; and I was resolved, if possible, to subdue my idle Fears and Apprehensions.

apprehensions = anxieties

Ten o’Clock at Night

As we sat at Supper, he was generously kind to me, as well in his Actions as Expressions. He took notice, in the most delicate manner, of my Endeavour to conquer my Foibles, and said, I see, with Pleasure, my dear Girl strives to comport herself in a manner suitable to my Wishes: I see even thro’ the sweet tender Struggles of your over-nice Modesty, how much I owe to your Desire of obligeing me. As I have once told you, that I am the Conquest more of your Virtue than your Beauty; so, not one alarming Word or Look shall my beloved Pamela hear or see, to give her Reason to suspect the Truth of what I aver. You may the rather believe me, continued he, as you may see the Pain I have to behold any thing that concerns you, even tho’ your Concern be causeless. And yet I will indulge my dear Girl’s bashful Weakness so far, as to own that so pure a Mind may suffer from Apprehension, on so important a Change as this; and I can therefore be only displeased with such Part of your Conduct, as may make your Sufferings greater than my own; when I am resolved, thro’ every Stage of my future Life, in all Events, to study to make them less.

own = admit
apprehension = anxiety
stage = leg of a journey in a stagecoach

After Supper, of which, with all his sweet Persuasions, I could hardly taste, he made me drink two Glasses of Champaign, and afterwards a Glass of Sack; which he kindly forced upon me, by naming your Healths: And as the Time of retiring drew on, he took notice, but in a very delicate manner, how my Colour went and came; and how foolishly I trembled. Nobody, surely, in such delightful Circumstances, ever behav’d so silly! — And he said, My dearest Girl, I fear you have had too much of my Company for so many Hours together; and would better recollect yourself, if you retir’d for half an Hour to your Closet.

sack = a white wine

I wished for this, but durst not say so much, lest he should be angry; for, as the Hours grew on, I found my Apprehensions increase, and my silly Heart was the unquieter, every time I could lift up my Eyes to his dear Face; so sweetly terrible did he appear to my Apprehensions. I said, You are all Goodness, dear Sir; and I boldly kissed his dear Hand, and pressed it to my Lips, with both mine. And he saluting me very fervently, gave me his Hand, seeing me hardly able to stand, and led me to my Chamber-door, and then most generously withdrew.

durst = dared
apprehensions = anxieties
saluting = greeting

I went to my Closet; and the first thing I did, on my Knees, again thanked God for the Blessing of the Day; and besought his Divine Goodness to conduct my future Life in such a manner, as should make me a happy Instrument of his Glory. After this, being now left to my own Recollection, I grew a little more assured and lightsome; and the Pen and my Paper being before me, I amused myself with writing thus far.

Eleven o’Clock Thursday Night

Mrs. Jewkes being come up with a Message, desiring to know, whether her Master may attend upon me in my Closet; and hinting to me, that, however, she believed, he did not expect to find me there, I have sent Word, that I beg he would indulge me one Quarter of an Hour. — So, committing myself to the Mercies of the Almighty, who has led me thro’ so many strange Scenes of Terror and Affrightment, to this happy, yet awful Moment, I will wish you, my dear Parents, a good Night; and tho’ you will not see this in time, yet I know I have your hourly Prayers; and therefore cannot fail of them now. So, Good-night, Good-night! God bless you, and God bless me. Amen, Amen, if it be his blessed Will, subscribes

Your ever dutiful Daughter!

Friday Evening

O How this dear, excellent Man indulges me in every thing! Every Hour he makes me happier, by his sweet Condescension, than the former. He pities my Weakness of Mind, allows for all my little Foibles, endeavours to dissipate my Fears; his Words are so pure, his Ideas so chaste, and his whole Behaviour so sweetly decent, that never, surely, was so happy a Creature as your Pamela! I never could have hoped such a Husband could have fallen to my Lot! And much less, that a Gentleman, who had allow’d himself in Attempts, that now I will endeavour to forget for ever, should have behav’d with so very delicate and unexceptionable a Demeanour. No light, frothy Jests drop from his Lips; no alarming Railleries; no offensive Expressions, nor insulting Airs, reproach or wound the Ears of your happy, thrice happy Daughter. In short, he says every thing that may embolden me to look up, with Pleasure, upon the generous Author of my Happiness.

condescension = appropriate behavior to social inferiors
lot = fate
railleries = jokes

At Breakfast, when I knew not how to see him, he embolden’d me by talking of you, my dear Parents; a Subject, he generously knew, I could talk of: And gave me Assurances, that he would make you both happy. He said, he would have me send you a Letter, to acquaint you with my Nuptials; and, as he could make Business that way, Thomas should carry it purposely, as to-morrow. Nor will I, said he, my dear Pamela, desire to see your Writings, because I told you I would not; for now will I, in every thing, religiously keep my Word with my dear Spouse (O the dear delightful Word!); and you may send all your Papers to them, from those they have, down to this happy Moment; only let me beg they will preserve them, and let me have them when they have read them, as also those I have not seen; which, however, I desire not to see till then; but then shall take it for a Favour, if you will grant it.

It will be my Pleasure, as well as my Duty, Sir, said I, to obey you in every thing. And I will write up to the Conclusion of this Day, that they may see how happy you have made me.

I know you will both join with me to bless God for his wonderful Mercies and Goodness to you, as well as to me: For he was pleased to ask me particularly after your Circumstances, and said, he had taken notice that I had hinted, in some of my first Letters, that you ow’d Money in the World; and he gave me Fifty Guineas, and bid me send them to you in my Pacquet, to pay your Debts, as far as they would go; and that you would quit your present Business, and put youself, and my dear Mother, into a creditable Appearance; and he would find a better Place of Abode for you than that you had, when he returned to Bedfordshire. O how shall I bear all these exceeding great and generous Favours! — I send them, wrapt up, Five Guineas in a Parcel, in double Papers.

guineas = gold coins

To me he gave no less than One hundred Guineas more; and said, I would have you, my Dear, give Mrs. Jewkes, when you go away from hence, what you think fit, out of these, as from yourself! — Nay, good dear Sir, said I, let that be what you please. Give her then, said he, Twenty Gineas, as a Compliment on your Nuptials. Give Colbrand Ten Guineas: Give the two Coachmen, Five Guineas each; to the two Maids at this House, Five Guineas each: Give Abraham Five Guineas: Give Thomas Five Guineas; and give the Gardeners, Grooms and Helpers, Twenty Guineas among them. And when, said he, I return with you to the other House, I will make you a suitable Present, to buy you such Ornaments as are fit for my beloved Wife to appear in. For now, my Pamela, continu’d he, you are not to mind, as you once proposed, what other Ladies will say; but to appear as my Wife ought to do. Else it will look as if what you thought of, as a Means to avoid the Envy of others of your Sex, was a wilful Slight in me, which, I hope, I never shall be guilty of; and I will shew the World, that I value you as I ought, and as if I had marry’d the first Fortune in the Kingdom: And why should it not be so? When I know none of the first Quality that matches you in Excellence?

guineas = gold coins

He saw I was at a Loss for Words, and said, I see, my dearest Bride! my Spouse! my Wife! my Pamela! your grateful Confusion And kissing me, as I was going to speak, I will stop your dear Mouth, said he: You shall not so much as thank me; for when I have done ten times more than this, I shall but poorly express my Love for so much Beauty of Mind, and Loveliness of Person; which thus, said he, and clasped me to his generous Bosom, I can proudly now call my own! — O how can I think of any thing, but returned Love, Joy and Gratitude!

And thus generously did he banish from my Mind those painful Reflections, and bashful Apprehensions, that made me dread to see him, for the first time this Day, when I was called to attend him at Breakfast, and made me all Ease, Composure and Tranquillity.

apprehensions = anxieties

He then, thinking I seem’d somewhat thoughtful, proposed a little Turn in the Chariot, till Dinnertime; and this was another sweet Relief to me; and he diverted me with twenty agreeable Relations, of what Observations he had made in his Travels; and gave me the Characters of the Ladies and Gentlemen in his other Neighbourhood; telling me whose Acquaintance he would have me most cultivate; and when I mention’d Lady Davers, with Apprehension, he said, To be sure I love my Sister dearly, notwithstanding her violent Spirit; and I know she loves me; and I can allow a little for her Pride, because I know what once my own was; and because she knows not my Pamela, and her Excellencies, as I do. But you must not, my Dear, forget what belongs to your Character, as my Wife, nor meanly stoop to her; tho’ I know you will chuse, by Softness, to try to move her to a proper Behaviour. But it shall be my Part to see that you do not yield too much.

However, continued he, as I would not publickly declare my Marriage here, I hope she won’t come near us till we are in Bedfordshire; and then, when she knows we are marry’d, she will keep away, if she is not willing to be reconcil’d; for she dare not, surely, come to quarrel with me, when she knows it is done; for that would have an hateful and wicked Appearance, as if she would try to make Differences between Man and Wife. — But we will have no more of this Subject, nor talk of any thing, added he, that shall give Concern to my Dearest. And so he changed the Talk to a more pleasing Subject, and said the kindest and most soothing things in the World.

When we came home, which was about Dinnertime, he was the same obliging, sweet Gentleman; And, in short, is studious to shew, on every Occasion, his generous Affection to me. And, after Dinner, he told me, he had already wrote to his Draper, in Town, to provide him new Liveries; and to his late Mother’s Mercer, to send him down Patterns of the most fashionable Silks, for my Choice. I told him, I was unable to express my Gratitude for his Favours and Generosity; and as he knew best what befitted his own Rank and Condition, I would wholly remit myself to his good Pleasure; but, by all his repeated Bounties to me, of so extraordinary a Nature, I could not but look forward with Awe, upon the Condition to which he had exalted me; and now I feared I should hardly be able to act up to it in such a manner as should justify the Choice he had condescended to make. But that, I hoped, I should have not only his generous Allowance for my Imperfections, which I could only assure him should not be wilful ones, but his kind Instructions; and that as often as he observ’d any Part of my Conduct such as he would have alter’d, and could not intirely approve, that he would let me know it; and I would think his Reproofs of beginning Faults the kindest and most affectionate things in the World; because they would keep me from committing greater; and be a Means to continue to me the Blessing of his good Opinion.

condition = social rank

He answer’d me in the kindest manner; and assured me, That nothing should ever lie upon his Mind which he would not reveal, and give me an Opportunity either of convincing him, or being convinced myself.

He then asked me, When I should be willing to go to the Bedfordshire House? I said, Whenever he pleased. Said he, We will come down hither again before the Winter, if you please, in order to cultivate the Acquaintance you have begun with Lady Jones, and Sir Simon’s Family; and, if it please God to spare us to one another, in the Winter I will give you, as I promised, for two or three Months, my Company in London. And, I think, added he, if my Dear pleases, we will set out next Week, about Tuesday, for t’other House. I can have no Objection, Sir, said I, to any thing you propose; but how will you avoid Miss Darnford’s Sollicitation for an Evening, to dance? Why, said he, we can make Monday Evening do for that Purpose, if they won’t excuse us. But, if you please, said he, I will invite Lady Jones, Mr. Peters and his Family, and Sir Simon and his Family, to my little Chapel, on Sunday Morning, and to stay Dinner with me; and then I will declare my Marriage to them, because my dear Life shall not leave this Country, with the least Reason for a Possibility of any body’s doubting that it is so. Oh! how good this was! — But, indeed, his Conduct is all of a Piece, noble, kind, and considerate! What a happy Creature, by God’s Goodness, am I! — And then, may-be, said he, they will excuse us till we return into this County again, as to the Ball. Is there any thing, added he, that my beloved Pamela has still to wish? if you have, freely speak.

hither = to here

Hitherto, my dearest Sir, reply’d I, you have not only prevented my Wishes, but my Hopes, and even my Thoughts. And yet I must own, si