Rochester, "Signor Dildo"

	You Ladyes all of Merry England
	Who have been to kisse the Dutchesse’s hand,
	Pray did you lately observe in the Show
	A Noble Italian call’d Signior Dildo?
	The Signior was one of her Highness’s Train°	followers
	And helpt to Conduct° her over the Main,°	lead — ocean
	But now she Crys out to the Duke I will go,
	I have no more need for Seignior Dildo.
	At the Signe of the Crosse in Saint James’s Street,
	When next you go thither° to make your Selfes Sweet,	there
	By Buying of Powder, Gloves, Essence, or Soe°	something like that
	You may Chance get a Sight of Signior Dildo.
	You’l take him at first for no Person of Note
	Because he appears in a plain Leather Coat:
	But when you his virtuous° Abilities know	powerful
	You’ll fall down and Worship Signior Dildo.
	My Lady Southesk, Heav’ns prosper° her for ’t,	help
	First Cloath’d him in Satten,° then brought him to Court;	satin
	But his Head in the Circle, he Scarcely durst° Show,	dared to
	So modest a Youth was Signior Dildo.
	The good Lady Suffolk thinking no harm,
	Had got this poor Stranger hid under her Arm:
	Lady Betty by Chance came the Secret to know,
	And from her own Mother, Stole Signior Dildo:
	The Countesse of Falmouth, of whom People tell
	Her Footmen wear Shirts of a Guinea an Ell:
	Might Save the Expence, if she did but know
	How Lusty a Swinger° is Signior Dildo.	hower powerful a mover
	By the Help of this Gallant° the Countesse of Rafe	fashionable upper-class man
	Against the feirce Harris preserv’d her Self Safe:
	She Stifl’d him almost beneath her Pillow,
	So Closely she imbrac’d Signior Dildo.
	Our dainty fine Dutchesse’s have got a Trick
	To Doat° on a Fool, for the Sake of his Prick,	dote, fawn
	The Fopps° were undone, did their Graces° but know	dressy men — duchesses
	The Discretion and vigor of Signior Dildo.
	That Pattern° of Virtue, her Grace of Cleaveland,	model
	Has Swallow’d more Pricks, then the Ocean has Sand,
	But by Rubbing and Scrubbing, so large it do’s grow,
	It is fit for just nothing but Signior Dildo.
	The Dutchesse of Modena, tho’ she looks high,
	With such a Gallant° is contented to Lye:	lover
	And for fear the English her Secrets shou’d know,
	For a Gentleman Usher took Signior Dildo.
	The countess of the Cockpit (who knows not her Name)
	She’s famous in Story, for a Killing Dame:
	When all her old Lovers forsake her I Trow°	believe
	She’l then be contented with Signior Dildo.
	Red Howard, Red Sheldon, and Temple so tall
	Complain of his absence so long from Whitehall:
	Signior Barnard has promis’d a Journy to goe,
	And bring back his Countryman Signior Dildo.
	Doll Howard no longer with his Highness must Range,
	And therefore is profer’d° this Civill Exchange:	offered
	Her Teeth being rotten, she Smells best below,
	And needs must be fitted for Signior Dildo.
	St Albans with Wrinkles and Smiles in his Face
	Whose kindnesse to Strangers, becomes° his high Place,	suits
	In his Coach and Six Horses is gone to Pergo,
	To take the fresh Air with Signior Dildo.
	Were this Signior but known to the Citizen Fopps°	fashionable men
	He’d keep their fine Wives from the Foremen of Shops,
	But the Rascalls deserve their Horns° shou’d Still grow,	signs of being cuckolded
	For Burning the Pope, and his Nephew Dildo.
	Tom Killigrews wife, North Hollands fine Flower,
	At the Sight of this Signior, did fart, and Belch Sow’r,
	And her Dutch Breeding farther to Show,
	Says welcome to England, myn Heer Van Dildo.
	He civilly came to the Cockpitt one night,
	And profer’d his Service to fair Madam Knight,
	Quoth she, I intrigue with Captain Cazzo
	Your Nose in myne Arse° good Seignior Dildo.	ass
	This Signior is sound, safe, ready, and Dumb,
	As ever was Candle, Carret,° or Thumb:	carrot
	Then away with these nasty devices, and Show
	How you rate° the just merits of Signior Dildo.	value
	Count Cazzo who carryes his Nose very high,
	In Passion he Swore, his Rivall shou’d Dye,
	Then Shutt up himself, to let the world know,
	Flesh and Blood cou’d not bear° it from Signior Dildo.	win
	A Rabble° of Pricks, who were welcome before,	crowd
	Now finding the Porter° deny’d ’em the Door,	doorman
	Maliciously waited his coming below,
	And inhumanely fell on Signior Dildo.
	Nigh° weary’d out, the poor Stranger did fly	almost
	And along the Pallmall, they follow’d full Cry,
	The Women concern’d from every Window,
	Cry’d, Oh! for Heavn’s sake save Signior Dildo.
	The good Lady Sandys, burst into a Laughter
	To see how the Ballocks° came wobbling after,	balls
	And had not their weight retarded° the Fo	slowed down
	Indeed ’t had gone hard with Signior Dildo.	slowed down

Signior Dildo

John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

Edited by Jack Lynch

Notes