| You Ladyes all of Merry England | |
| Who have been to kisse the Dutchesse’s hand, | |
| Pray did you lately observe in the Show | |
| A Noble Italian call’d Signior Dildo? | |
| The Signior was one of her Highness’s Train° [5] | followers |
| And helpt to Conduct° her over the Main,° | lead — ocean |
| But now she Crys out to the Duke I will go, | |
| I have no more need for Seignior Dildo. | |
| At the Signe of the Crosse in Saint James’s Street, | |
| When next you go thither° to make your Selfes Sweet, [10] | there |
| By Buying of Powder, Gloves, Essence, or Soe° | something like that |
| You may Chance get a Sight of Signior Dildo. | |
| You’l take him at first for no Person of Note | |
| Because he appears in a plain Leather Coat: | |
| But when you his virtuous° Abilities know [15] | powerful |
| You’ll fall down and Worship Signior Dildo. | |
| My Lady Southesk, Heav’ns prosper° her for ’t, | help |
| First Cloath’d him in Satten,° then brought him to Court; | satin |
| But his Head in the Circle, he Scarcely durst° Show, | dared to |
| So modest a Youth was Signior Dildo. [20] | |
| The good Lady Suffolk thinking no harm, | |
| Had got this poor Stranger hid under her Arm: | |
| Lady Betty by Chance came the Secret to know, | |
| And from her own Mother, Stole Signior Dildo: | |
| The Countesse of Falmouth, of whom People tell [25] | |
| Her Footmen wear Shirts of a Guinea an Ell: | |
| Might Save the Expence, if she did but know | |
| How Lusty a Swinger° is Signior Dildo. | hower powerful a mover |
| By the Help of this Gallant° the Countesse of Rafe | fashionable upper-class man |
| Against the feirce Harris preserv’d her Self Safe: [30] | |
| She Stifl’d him almost beneath her Pillow, | |
| So Closely she imbrac’d Signior Dildo. | |
| Our dainty fine Dutchesse’s have got a Trick | |
| To Doat° on a Fool, for the Sake of his Prick, | dote, fawn |
| The Fopps° were undone, did their Graces° but know [35] | dressy men — duchesses |
| The Discretion and vigor of Signior Dildo. | |
| That Pattern° of Virtue, her Grace of Cleaveland, | model |
| Has Swallow’d more Pricks, then the Ocean has Sand, | |
| But by Rubbing and Scrubbing, so large it do’s grow, | |
| It is fit for just nothing but Signior Dildo. [40] | |
| The Dutchesse of Modena, tho’ she looks high, | |
| With such a Gallant° is contented to Lye: | lover |
| And for fear the English her Secrets shou’d know, | |
| For a Gentleman Usher took Signior Dildo. | |
| The countess of the Cockpit (who knows not her Name) [45] | |
| She’s famous in Story, for a Killing Dame: | |
| When all her old Lovers forsake her I Trow° | believe |
| She’l then be contented with Signior Dildo. | |
| Red Howard, Red Sheldon, and Temple so tall | |
| Complain of his absence so long from Whitehall: [50] | |
| Signior Barnard has promis’d a Journy to goe, | |
| And bring back his Countryman Signior Dildo. | |
| Doll Howard no longer with his Highness must Range, | |
| And therefore is profer’d° this Civill Exchange: | offered |
| Her Teeth being rotten, she Smells best below, [55] | |
| And needs must be fitted for Signior Dildo. | |
| St Albans with Wrinkles and Smiles in his Face | |
| Whose kindnesse to Strangers, becomes° his high Place, | suits |
| In his Coach and Six Horses is gone to Pergo, | |
| To take the fresh Air with Signior Dildo. [60] | |
| Were this Signior but known to the Citizen Fopps° | fashionable men |
| He’d keep their fine Wives from the Foremen of Shops, | |
| But the Rascalls deserve their Horns° shou’d Still grow, | signs of being cuckolded |
| For Burning the Pope, and his Nephew Dildo. | |
| Tom Killigrews wife, North Hollands fine Flower, [65] | |
| At the Sight of this Signior, did fart, and Belch Sow’r, | |
| And her Dutch Breeding farther to Show, | |
| Says welcome to England, myn Heer Van Dildo. | |
| He civilly came to the Cockpitt one night, | |
| And profer’d his Service to fair Madam Knight, [70] | |
| Quoth she, I intrigue with Captain Cazzo | |
| Your Nose in myne Arse° good Seignior Dildo. | ass |
| This Signior is sound, safe, ready, and Dumb, | |
| As ever was Candle, Carret,° or Thumb: | carrot |
| Then away with these nasty devices, and Show [75] | |
| How you rate° the just merits of Signior Dildo. | value |
| Count Cazzo who carryes his Nose very high, | |
| In Passion he Swore, his Rivall shou’d Dye, | |
| Then Shutt up himself, to let the world know, | |
| Flesh and Blood cou’d not bear° it from Signior Dildo. [80] | win |
| A Rabble° of Pricks, who were welcome before, | crowd |
| Now finding the Porter° deny’d ’em the Door, | doorman |
| Maliciously waited his coming below, | |
| And inhumanely fell on Signior Dildo. | |
| Nigh° weary’d out, the poor Stranger did fly [85] | almost |
| And along the Pallmall, they follow’d full Cry, | |
| The Women concern’d from every Window, | |
| Cry’d, Oh! for Heavn’s sake save Signior Dildo. | |
| The good Lady Sandys, burst into a Laughter | |
| To see how the Ballocks° came wobbling after, [90] | balls |
| And had not their weight retarded° the Fo | slowed down |
| Indeed ’t had gone hard with Signior Dildo. | slowed down |