This is a reading text, with no pretense to being a critical edition. The notes are my own.
| As some brave admiral, in former war, | ||
| Deprived of force, but pressed with courage still, | ||
| Two rival fleets appearing from afar, | ||
| Crawls to the top of an adjacent hill; | ||
| 5 | From whence (with thoughts full of concern) he views | |
| The wise and daring conduct of the fight, | ||
| And each bold action to his mind renews | ||
| His present glory, and his past delight; | ||
| From his fierce eyes, flashes of rage he throws, | ||
| 10 | As from black clouds when lightning breaks away, | |
| Transported,° thinks himself amidst his foes, | carried away | |
| And absent yet enjoys the bloody day; | ||
| So when my days of impotence approach, | ||
| And I’m by pox° and wine’s unlucky chance, | syphilis | |
| 15 | Driven from the pleasing billows of debauch,° | sexual excess |
| On the dull shore of lazy temperance,° | moderation | |
| My pains at last some respite° shall afford, | relief | |
| Whilst I behold the battles you maintain, | ||
| When fleets of glasses sail about the board, | ||
| 20 | From whose broadsides volleys of wit shall rain. | |
| Nor shall the sight of honourable scars, | ||
| Which my too-forward valour did procure,° | obtain | |
| Frighten new-listed° soldiers from the wars. | enrolled | |
| Past joys have more than paid what I endure. | ||
| 25 | Should hopeful youths (worth being drunk) prove nice,° | fussy |
| And from their fair inviters meanly shrink, | ||
| ’Twould please the ghost of my departed vice, | ||
| If at my counsel they repent and drink. | ||
| Or should some cold-complexioned sot° forbid, | drunkard | |
| 30 | With his dull morals, our night’s brisk alarms, | |
| I’ll fire his blood by telling what I did, | ||
| When I was strong and able to bear arms. | ||
| I’ll tell of whores attacked, their lords at home, | ||
| Bawds’° quarters beaten up, and fortress won, | pimps or madams | |
| 35 | Windows demolished, watches° overcome, | watchmen |
| And handsome ills by my contrivance° done. | plots | |
| Nor shall our love-fits, Cloris,° be forgot, | a typical lover’s name in poetry | |
| When each the well-looked link-boy° strove t’enjoy, | boy who lights the streets | |
| And the best kiss was the deciding lot:° | outcome of chance | |
| 40 | Whether the boy fucked you, or I the boy. | |
| With tales like these I will such heat inspire, | ||
| As to important mischief shall incline. | ||
| I’ll make them long° some ancient church to fire, | desire | |
| And fear no lewdness they’re called to by wine. | ||
| 45 | Thus statesman-like, I’ll saucily impose, | |
| And safe from danger valiantly advise, | ||
| Sheltered in impotence, urge you to blows, | ||
| And being good for nothing else, be wise. |