Rochester, "Satyr on Charles II"

A Satyr on Charles II°	(reigned in England 1660–85)
In th’ isle of Britain, long since famous grown
For breeding the best cunts in Christendom,
There reigns, and oh! long may he reign and thrive,
The easiest° King and best-bred man alive.	most pleasant
Him no ambition moves° to get renown° [5]	inspires — reputation
Like the French fool,° that wanders up and down	Louis XIV
Starving his people, hazarding° his crown.	risking
Peace is his aim, his gentleness is such,
And love he loves, for he loves fucking much.

Nor are his high desires above his strength: [10]
His scepter and his prick are of a length;°	the same length
And she may sway° the one who plays with th’ other,	influence
And make him little wiser than his brother.
Poor Prince! thy prick, like thy buffoons at Court,
Will govern° thee because it makes thee sport. [15]	control
’Tis sure the sauciest prick that e’er did swive,°	fuck
The proudest, peremptoriest° prick alive.	most dictatorial
Though° safety, law, religion, life lay° on ’t,	even if — depended
’Twould break through all to make its way to cunt.
Restless he rolls about from whore to whore, [20]
A merry monarch, scandalous and poor.

To Carwell, the most dear of all his dears,
The best relief of his declining years,
Oft he bewails° his fortune, and her fate:	complains about
To love so well, and be beloved so late. [25]
For though in her he settles well his tarse,°	dick
Yet his dull, graceless bollocks° hang an arse.	balls
This you’d believe, had I but time to tell ye
The pains° it costs to poor, laborious Nelly,	effort
Whilst she employs hands, fingers, mouth, and thighs, [30]
Ere° she can raise the member she enjoys.	before

All monarchs I hate, and the thrones they sit on,
From the hector° of France to the cully° of Britain.	bully — cuckold

Notes

Peace is his aim: Charles II had just negotiated a peace after the Third Dutch War.
Brother: Charles II’s brother was James, the Duke of York, later King James II.
Carwell: Louise de Keroualle, the Duchess of Portsmouth. She was one of Charles’s favorite mistresses.
Hang an arse: “A vulgar phrase, signifying to be tardy, sluggish, or dilatory” (Johnson). Arse is still the common British spelling for ass in the sense of “buttocks”; it’s vulgar, and not a euphemism as it is in America.
Nelly: Nell Gwyn, Charles’s most famous mistress.

A Satyr on Charles II

By John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

Edited and annotated by Jack Lynch

A Satyr on Charles II°

Notes